The After/Life (The After/Life Odyssey)

by Vardan Partamyan

  …It happened during my usual swimming session. I had been swimming for about an hour already when I heard a strange gurgling noise from the opposite side of the pool. At first, I paid no attention and just kept on swimming with all my thoughts about her - naturally. The noise recurred and this time it was much closer. Most probably, one of the water filters had malfunctioned. It was too dark to see so I swam closer. Reaching the opposite wall, I checked all the filters one by one - they seemed to be in place and working properly. Puzzled, I tried to convince myself that it was just my imagination playing little tricks on my love dazed head. Just then, something slippery brushed on my leg beneath the water. Then it was gone. Terrified, I decided to get out. I was almost at the edge of the pool when something wrapped itself around my foot and pulled me down. I tried to scream and could not and I tried to free my foot but whatever had caught me held on with its repulsively soft but firm grip and it kept pulling me down and down. Managing to take in one last deep breath I was forced underwater. And there, in the dim and deceptive light of the underwater lamps I saw it – its huge green phosphorescing eyes, its deformed body with short degenerated limbs and its single tentacle wrapped around my foot and dragging me ever down towards a gaping black hole at the center of its head. So this is how it was going to end? I tried to struggle free but the creature just kept on pulling and pulling. Its eyes were fixed on mine – so alive and at the same time peculiarly lifeless. I was almost out of air and my foot was getting dragged closer and closer to the creature’s disfigured mouth. It had now settled at the bottom of the pool, spreading its limbs out in a full circle. And as my strength and will to struggle started to abandon me, her face suddenly invaded my mind and her calm voice said: “If you stop – you die”. And I gathered all my remaining powers and there was a moment of absolute clarity and I relaxed. The creature took it as a sign of surrender - I could almost see a carnivorous triumph in its dead eyes. As my right foot disappeared in its mouth I struck out with my left one aiming and hitting the creature in the eyes. A dark cloud immediately appeared and started to spread in the water but the monster held on. I then reached down and grabbed its eye sockets with my hands and started to tear them apart. The grip on my foot relaxed and I was able to break free. Instead of swimming out, I continued to rupture the animal’s head. I could hardly see anything as the water was now polluted with its black blood. The creature was trying to wrap its tentacle around my neck, its limbs were hitting the bottom of the pool in an uncontrollable rage, its gaping mouth was opening and closing. I placed my feet on the ground and, holding the creature by the now empty sockets of its murderous eyes started smashing it against the bottom of the pool in a dark frenzy. I went on until I felt how the skull of the creature gave in and there was a fountain of thick blood that engulfed me. I don’t remember how I swam out. I briefly regained consciousness lying at the side of the pool, covered in blood – both mine and the creature’s. The monster itself was floating lifelessly on the surface with only its tentacle beating weakly in agony. Then I faded again and there was darkness and the dark whisperer was back singing a sinister lullaby… (hope you guessed my name).

  I spent three weeks in the medical unit. The creature had left a deep wound around my right foot – poisoning me and injecting me with a massive dose of radiation. The scientists could not identify my attacker. It was not a representative of any known species but an ugly offspring of the radioactive apocalypse. I was not doing well at all and at one point, Dr. Jain was even considering taking my foot away so as to stop the poison from spreading. I vividly remember the tears in her beautiful greenish brown eyes. I had a strong fever and had lost every sense of reality, all the time drifting in and out of a delirium. Throughout this ordeal, Suzannah was by my side and it was her voice that finally pulled me out. During the lengthy period of my recovery she would come and sit by my side. She would not talk much – instead, she would smile and hold my hand and somehow I knew that it was going to be alright. To the general amazement, I made a full recovery and the only testament to my deadly encounter was the wide scar around my foot, which I eventually grew to be quite proud of…

  The second event that stood out in that period took place just when I was out of the medical unit and was on my way to the quarters. It seemed like nothing much at the time but would eventually make sense in the grim context of the events that followed. I was passing by the communication room and noticed unusual commotion inside. Teacher Amros was working frantically at the terminal with the Principal by his side. One of the Students – Frank, a quiet kid of about nine (a child of the New Era), was standing in the corner – extremely pale, with his mouth slightly agape. I decided to go in and check out what was happening. Just as I was stepping in the Principal turned around. He looked positively scared and confused.

  -Trainee Raven, leave this facility immediately and go to your quarters.

  -Yes, Principal.

  As I was turning around to leave I caught a glimpse of the terminal Amros was working on. I thought I could see a sound wave being played there… abruptly I was out in the corridor with the steel door sliding shut behind me. This incident had left me puzzled but I was sure that there was a simple and logical explanation to the whole thing and I would have written it off as something entirely insubstantial if it wasn’t for poor Frank. The next morning I found out that he was taken to the medical unit unconscious. His condition was critical and he soon slipped into a coma. After two days, the intercom brought us the news that Frank had passed away. No reason was announced for the sudden death and many members of the School wrote him off as another casualty of the dark whisperer. Somehow, I knew better…

  Chapter IX

  I didn’t want to tell Suzannah about the communication lab incident. After all, it was most probably a non consequential event and poor Frank’s death was just a badly timed accident (what is just another death on the global canvas of total annihilation? Certainly does not add much to the picture…). The Teachers usually liked to make a big deal of their scholarly work and would sometimes overreact when a Student dared to make an unannounced intrusion. It was probably just that…except it wasn’t. And Suzannah would also think it wasn’t… I wish I hadn’t told her. Maybe everything would have happened differently then. Maybe we could have had a normal life. Maybe…

  …For about a week, I was successful at keeping my mouth shut, which was quite an outstanding personal achievement. The child prodigy storyteller had grown into an aspiring teenage orator and felt the necessity of sharing his damn opinion on every single topic. I probably sound angry with myself and I am. What is done is done and whatever happened would, most probably, have happened anyway… I will never know though and my share of guilt will be my faithful companion for as long as I am alive (that may not be a very long time anyway – not in the present circumstances). And while my excessive talkativeness played a role, it wasn’t just that. It was her eyes. I could not lie to them. I could not say “no” to them. They put a spell on me and held me firmly in their grip. Eventually, all she had to do was simply ask - I told her the whole story along with my ever helpful and abundant theories. After I finished, she was silent for a while. When she spoke her voice was uneven. That familiar look in the eyes was back. Immediately, I knew I had made a mistake.

  ”Nad?”

  ”Yes, love.”

  ”Do you know what this means?”

  ”This most probably means nothing at all. I think I am just going crazy. It’s a bonus aftereffect of that radioactive bastard’s bite.”

  She paid no attention. The storm in the depths of her eyes was gathering force.

  ”All this time they have been lying to us. All this time, they were receiving signals from outside. All this time they knew we were not the only ones alive…”

  ”But Suzannah…”

  Her voice was growing louder; I looked around to make sure we were still alone…

  ”All this time they have been keeping us in a blindfold. All this time we w
ere playing their game…”

  ”Baby, let’s not…”

  She was almost screaming now. Her voice was filled with anger and something else I did not like at all – hatred.

  ”These fucking bastards. People outside could have been begging us for help and they just kept on pretending that everything was fucking A-OK!”

  ”Suzannah – stop!”

  ”Don’t you understand, Nad? It could have been our parents out there begging to be let in. It could have been our parents, Nad. It could have been my Dad!”

  She was crying now. Big tears started to fall in huge drops from her majestic grey eyes. I tried to hug her but she pushed me away.

  ”They will pay for what they have done.”

  ”Suzannah, I think for now we should just calm down and not jump into conclusions. Whatever you say may be true but how can we be sure?”

  ”Do you want them to write it on the fucking wall? “Dear all, we have been fucking with your brains for the last ten years. Thank you for your ignorance. It is truly our bliss.” Is that what you fucking want?!”

  I felt that I was slowly but surely losing the grip on my temper.

  ”Suzannah, now listen to me – we should not over-dramatize…”

  ”I am not over-dramatizing, Nad, you are just too cowardly to accept the truth…”

  ”I think you should just shut the fuck up.”

  Her face was very still for a moment. She then stood up and, without saying another word, walked away.

  I did not sleep that night. If I were living outside, I am sure it would have been raining. I was furious at her and every thought of a possible conspiracy had taken a back seat to my feeling of dismay. And the whole night, I carried on an unspoken debate with her, telling her just what I thought of her pitiful theories (which, ironically, I shared) and of her wonderful daddy, who was probably one of those who cooked up our homemade Armageddon in the first place.

  I saw her again the next day - she just walked by me and my “hello” froze in my throat – unuttered. I was in love and my defiance was gone all too quickly and I wished I could just undo the whole conversation and I wished that everything would be back to how it was before. Apparently, that is not how things work and what followed instead was a period of silence in which we were back to our parallel lives. I was attending the classes, going to the pool, getting drunk with my friend Bars and telling him over and over just how unfair the whole situation was. Naturally, I would not tell the real reason behind our break up. Bars (a Student of my age, who was studying to be a mathematician) would listen and then propose for the n-th time to just forget her and move on. And I would agree and say that next day I would do just that and move on and start a new life and, depending on the amount of School made rum I drank, would or wouldn’t really mean it. But then the next day would come and a single glimpse of her would bring the whole thing back. I learned the hard way that the breakup in a confined space is very problematic. Whatever you do – you can’t evade seeing her: in the auditorium, in the corridor, in the cafeteria, in the church – everywhere I went I would see her. And every time I saw her I wanted to talk to her and every time she saw me she simply ignored me. Sometimes, I felt like she was looking at me, trying to say something but then the moment would pass and I would write it off as a feat of the old good wishful thinking. Those were very tough six months… probably the longest six months of my life. In the overall emotional chaos I was in, I had almost forgotten the incident that started it all. The Principal had regained his cool and talked to me as if nothing had ever happened. Somehow, this made me feel even more miserable. The door of the lab was always closed now with a special access terminal placed beside it but it didn’t mean much to me at the time. At the time, all my thoughts were about her.

  On the sixth month after our breakup, she started dating Teacher Miko. She seemed very happy and very much in love with the tall fellow in huge glasses, who looked like he had just received a fucking lifetime achievement award by dating her. She seemed very happy and the happier she seemed, the heavier I drank. At one point, I was close to becoming an underage alcoholic (first of the now extinct kind). Then one night, after a particularly abundant drinking session, I just told myself: “enough!” and I moved on…

  Living in a nuclear shelter with a population of just over 170, I did my absolute best to date every girl I could date and, eventually, I was mostly happy again. Sometimes, a wave of misery would sweep over me and I would rush to find consolation in the arms of my current girlfriend. It probably sounds selfish and it was. I would play with people’s feelings with little remorse, feeling myself entitled to behave that way. Little by little, I learned not to notice her presence and life was almost back to normal again but for that occasional feeling of her eyes on me – a hidden message in her stare.

  Years went by - there was the graduation day and I received me new uniform – black with a single red stripe on the shoulder - I became a Teacher…

  I loved teaching. I was good at it. I would tell my Students stories that great men of the Era Gone had made up and they would listen and I would see their imagination come to life in their innocent eyes and it made me happy. My happiness did not waver even when I found out that Suzannah (herself a Teacher of arts and crafts now) was getting married. We hadn’t spoken to each other for years now and it was just the way it should have been.

  The memory about the incident in the communication lab was stored on a remote shelf in the back of my brain and I wasn’t planning to take it out anytime soon. I was with Dr. Jain now and Principal Higgins had named me the Young Teacher of the year. My life was very much back on track. Then it all fell apart…

  Chapter X

  It all started on a quiet evening (there was seldom any other kind in our underground kingdom). I was walking back to my quarters in the northern wing of the School. As a Teacher, I had finally become eligible to a separate room. Thanks to a bizarre engineering mistake or an outright sick construction joke, my room actually had a window. This was the only window in the entire School and probably the only window ever installed in any underground shelter. This surrealistic opening in the wall actually came out into the elevator shaft and every time the elevator went up or down, a thin ray of light would invade my room and trace its way up to the ceiling. Then it would be gone - till the next time. At first, this ever repeating light show annoyed me immensely but little by little I got used to it and even started liking it. Sometimes, I would sit by the window at night with a glass of rum and a School made cigar (our ex-pastor, truly a holy man, insisted on cultivating tobacco in a section of the garden) and my imagination would carry me away and sometimes I no longer felt like a survivor of the apocalypse. Sometimes, I felt like I was up there, living a life in the world before it was so brutally assassinated. I would look out into the darkness of the elevator shaft and imagine that there was an actual pre-apocalyptic living and breathing city in that darkness. And when the light invaded my room, I imagined it wasn’t from the elevator - it was from a car speeding by my house. Where was it heading? Probably home; everyone strives to get back home…

  …As I turned the last corner towards my quarters, I stopped abruptly and gave out an involuntary sigh. Standing there, right next to my door was Suzannah. Her hair was down and her eyes were burning with the same kind of flame I knew, and, in spite of everything, loved. We looked at each other for a very long time. She then came up to me and our lips locked in a kiss I had craved for ever since our last conversation. I don’t know how long we stood there, kissing. Finally, I was able to draw away from her and looked into her eyes.

  ”What the hell are you doing Suzannah?”

  ”Do you still love me Nad?”

  ”Don’t ask me that question. Not after all this time. Not after all the silence. Not after you got married.”

  ”So do you?”

  ”No, I don’t,” it was the biggest lie I could ever tell and she could see it all too well, unfortunately.

  �
�Things are going to change, Nad. Bad things are going to happen here. We need to stop them.”

  ”What are you talking about?”

  ”Do you believe me?”

  I looked at her for some time. I noticed, with some surprise, that we were holding hands.

  ”Do you believe me?” she repeated, her burning eyes holding mine in her mesmerizing grasp.

  I wanted to say yes… And then I remembered. I remembered all the times she passed me by with not so much as a glance. I remembered how she simply moved on after our unfinished conversation so long ago. I remembered how she laughed and joked around while I was making an inspired run for the title of the youngest alcohol addict of the School. I remembered her on her wedding day…

  ”No, Suzannah, I don’t. I think it is better you leave now. Your husband must be worried,” my voice sounded very cold and detached to my own ears.

  I saw pain reflected in her eyes and somehow it made me feel good. Does that make me a bad person? Perhaps so, but I felt good nevertheless. We stood facing each other for a moment longer. She then turned around and left. I never saw her again...

  The next morning, the School awoke to the news that Principal Higgins was dead and that Teacher Suzannah Ulkaner was gone. There was a search party looking for her throughout the School. They even went down to the reactor facility but no trace of her could be found anywhere. No one had ever disappeared from the School (after all, it was a hermetically sealed steel structure). The only exit from the shelter was the massive steel door we came through. That door had not been opened for over two decades now. The code to the terminal unlocking the door was known to the Principal and to the Principal alone. People were scared - they did not know what to make of the situation. I think that was one of the reasons Teacher Viler was elected the new Principal. Stephen Viler was about four years older than me. I never liked him. There was no particular reason for this. He was an excellent Student, generally admired by both the Teachers and the Students. He always said the right things and was very active in all the School activities. But as I watched him throughout all these years, I always had this peculiar feeling… like there was something rotten about him, like he was acting a part – acting effortlessly and naturally but acting nevertheless. I had the same gnawing feeling of unease when he was addressing the School in the aftermath of Principal Higgins’s death and Suzannah’s mysterious disappearance. His speech was, for lack of a better word, perfect. He was saying exactly what people wanted to hear. He promised leadership and stability, although, he said, certain measures needed to be taken to ensure the safety of the School. He did not say what measures he was talking about and what dangers he wanted to protect us against. He did not have to. Suzannah’s disappearance scared people and their mind did an excellent job of erecting imaginary monsters. In a general vote organized shortly afterwards, Viler received the absolute majority of the votes. I voted against him. One of the only ones to do so, I watched how the new Principal took charge amidst a general jubilation. And as the he gave the oath to serve and protect the School, I could hear her voice in my head, repeating over and over again: “bad things are going to happen…”. I tried to push it away – the voice persisted. As it turned out, she was all too right…