So Anna loved Garrick, and Kathleen confessed her love for Garrick, too. Unless he was mistaken, Garrick loved Kathleen. Poor Anna. Maybe sending her away to school was the best thing her father could do for her. Maybe then Garrick and Kathleen would tell each other their true feelings.
Jeremiah watched dark shapes of the night take form and color as dawn crept into the sky. He sat up and buried his face in his hands. Lord, I’ve made a mess of things. You are sufficient to meet our every need. I pray for Your will to be done. Seems the only two who might find happiness here are Kathleen and Garrick. They’re good people and need Your blessing. Jesus, help them find each other and happiness in serving You together. Amen.
At breakfast, everyone seemed to be ignoring everyone else. When Jeremiah went through the line, he recognized Kathleen’s red-rimmed eyes for what they were. She was grieving over Garrick. All Jeremiah had done was open an old wound for her.
Anna didn’t meet Jeremiah’s gaze. Garrick followed him into the mess hall, but sat across the room from him. The only time their eyes met, hostility glared from Garrick’s. Jeremiah ate eggs, sausage, biscuits, and gravy, but scarcely noticed the taste. If he wasn’t the villain here, he didn’t know the meaning of the word. Someone needed a happy ending and since it wouldn’t be him, he’d better see what he could do to help Kathleen and Garrick.
When Garrick got up to leave, Jeremiah stuffed the last bite of biscuit into his mouth and followed.
“Garrick.” Jeremiah ran to catch the departing form of a man he still considered a friend. “Wait. I’ve got something to tell you. Something you’ll want to hear.”
Garrick looked over his shoulder but didn’t slow his pace. “Not interested, Tucker. Keep your news if it makes you happy.” He stopped then and turned around. “Oh, speaking of news. I’ve got some, too. Yesterday, Anna Wilkin and I decided to get married as soon as we get her father’s blessing.”
Jeremiah stopped as if he’d taken a hit to his gut. Garrick laughed and strode away.
“Tucker, come on.” One of the guys from his crew called, and Jeremiah turned toward the sound. Pain twisted his heart. Anna couldn’t marry a man who loved her sister. Her life would be miserable. A rock settled into the cavity where his heart should be. He needed to talk to Garrick, but he probably wouldn’t see him until evening.
Jeremiah joined the other men heading to the work site. While he manned one end of the bucksaw to cut slices from a log, Garrick’s face stood before him. Garrick hadn’t understood Jeremiah’s news. He thought he was going to announce his engagement to Kathleen.
Had Garrick been serious about marrying Anna? No, he’d only been trying to get even. What a mess. Jeremiah’s grip on the saw slipped, jerking him back to his job.
“Hey, watch it!” Henry, his partner on the saw, yelled. “This is the second time you’ve done that.”
“Sorry. My hand slipped. I’ll pay better attention.” If he didn’t, he could get himself or someone else hurt. He’d seen injuries happen when men were careless. He’d have to deal with Garrick later.
The sound of something crashing through the forest brought the men’s work to a halt. Jeremiah turned to watch a horse and cart hurry past. In the back of the cart, calking boots below a blanket-covered form told the story. A man had been hurt. How bad was hard to tell. Who it was remained a mystery. Jeremiah sent a prayer for the man toward heaven as he went back to work until the lunch whistle blew.
On the short walk back to camp, Jeremiah listened to the buzz of speculation about the injury. He followed the others into the mess hall and met Anna’s gaze. She stood behind the serving table, her eyes luminescent and red rimmed.
When he stood in front of her, he searched her face. She’d been crying. “Anna, what’s wrong?”
“Oh Tuck, it’s Garrick.” Two big tears hovered on the edges of her eyelids before rolling down. “He’s hurt. His leg—” She sucked in a breath.
Her tears tore at his heart. He ached for her, but he also ached for himself. She loved Garrick, not him. “Little Bit, don’t cry. He’ll be okay. How bad was it?”
“I don’t know. Papa and Kathleen went with him to the hospital. Oh Tuck, they said he wasn’t paying attention and a limb hit him. He fell, and his ax cut his leg. What if he dies?”
“We’ll pray and he’ll be fine. They’ll take good care of him.” Jeremiah longed to take Anna in his arms and wipe the tears from her eyes. He wanted to make her forget Garrick and love him instead. Each silent tear trailing down her face burned his heart, but he was powerless to stop them. She belonged to Garrick now. He let her fill his plate then moved to a far corner to eat.
Jeremiah ignored the conversation around him and dug into food that held no appeal. Anna finished serving and moved into the kitchen. Her mother covered the bowls and pots on the table. Where was Kathleen? When he didn’t see her, Anna’s words came to the surface of his mind. Kathleen went with Garrick to the hospital. Kathleen? Why not Anna? Just this morning Garrick said he and Anna were getting married. Something didn’t add up.
Still puzzling over his discovery, Jeremiah left his unfinished plate and walked into the woods to be alone. He wanted to pray for Garrick, but soon the cleansing power of repentance poured from his soul. He’d been out of God’s will in pursuing Kathleen. While he admired her, he didn’t love her. She might like him, but she didn’t love him, and was smart enough to realize it. But that wasn’t where he’d failed God. No, he was like Abraham, who’d moved ahead of God’s will for his life when he took Hagar as his concubine. Jeremiah’s reason was different, but the lack of trust was the same. His fear of losing another loved one seemed foolish under the ray of God’s loving conviction. Why hadn’t he trusted God to take care of Anna? To take care of his hurt. Now he’d lost her without her ever being his.
He fell to his knees. “Lord, I’m sorry for not trusting You. I ask Your forgiveness. Maybe someday I’d have lost Anna, but at least she’d have been mine for a while. Now I’ve lost her anyway. I’m sorry.”
Jeremiah lifted his head and rose. The hurt was still there, but God forgave him, and he’d do his best to trust Him from now on, even if he never married.
Garrick might die. Hot tears ran from Anna’s eyes and dripped into the dishwater. She turned her face first one way and then the other to blot them on her shoulders. Her heart ached for Garrick. And for Kathleen. She’d never seen her sister so worked up over anyone as she was Garrick. Mama was shocked but adjusted well when Kathleen confessed her love for Garrick. She said it was better to find out now than later. Anna agreed.
Lord, please spare Garrick’s life. Let him know how much Kathleen really cares. He loves her, and she loves him. If she doesn’t know her own heart, help her see it now. And please, Lord, forgive Garrick and me for talking about marrying each other. I see now we were wrong. My love for him is of a good friend, not a wife. Please don’t let him die. Touch him and give him healing. Amen.
Anna pushed her worries aside and worked hard throughout the afternoon. She knew that praying then continuing to worry showed a lack of faith, but she was afraid that even if he lived, Garrick might lose his leg. She dropped the broom.
“Anna, are you all right?” Mama looked up, her hands stilled on the bread dough she’d been kneading.
“What if they cut off Garrick’s leg?” Anna fought more tears.
A crease formed between Mama’s eyes. “I don’t think that will happen. Garrick will be fine. Your worrying will do him no good.”
“I know.” Anna picked up the broom. “But Kathleen is in love with him. He loves her, too. He told me so yesterday. I’ve always thought of Garrick as a sort of brother. Now he could be, and this had to happen.”
Mama smiled. “Yes, but don’t worry, I believe Garrick will be fine. Kathleen isn’t one to let a missing limb stand in the way of her love. I thought from the start Jeremiah was wrong for her. They’ll come through this.”
Anna turned back to sweeping. Maybe Kathleen and Gar
rick would be all right, but would she? She loved Jeremiah. He’d be hurt that Kathleen loved someone else. Why couldn’t he love her? Mama was glad Kathleen loved Garrick. She wanted her daughters to be wives and mothers in their own homes. Anna wanted the same thing. But she wanted to be true to the way God made her, too.
She should have stood up for herself long ago. Now, just before Christmas, might be the best time to talk to Papa and tell him she didn’t want to go away. Maybe tonight she’d get a chance.
She kept watch for Papa and Kathleen while she worked, but Papa’s wagon wheels didn’t crunch against the ground outside. It seemed they were taking an awfully long time. After supper, she and Mama closed the mess hall and went to their cabin.
“It isn’t a good sign for them to be so late, is it, Mama?” Anna hugged her arms close to ward off a chill more from unease than from the cool December air.
“I wouldn’t worry, Anna.” Mama’s smile looked tired. “Kathleen may have wanted to stay with Garrick as long as she could. You’ll understand someday when you fall in love with a young man.”
Her mother’s words cut deep into Anna’s heart. She’d already fallen in love, and she did understand, but there was no point in saying anything. Jeremiah didn’t love her. She followed her mother into the cabin. “I’m tired. If you don’t mind, I think I’ll go to my room.”
She climbed the ladder to the loft room she shared with Kathleen and lay across the bed. Her eyes drifted shut while exhaustion lulled her to sleep. A sound in the quiet darkness of night woke her, and she sat up.
With only moonlight filtering into the room, Kathleen sat on the edge of the double bed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.”
“Is Garrick—”
“He’s going to be okay.” Tears mingled with relief in Kathleen’s voice. “He plans to be at the Whitworth’s Christmas party.”
Anna’s breath rushed out. “I’m so glad.”
“Papa let me stay until he woke.” Kathleen turned to face Anna. “I thought I’d lost him. Did you know he was afraid of me?”
“No, why would he be?”
“I don’t know, but he said I was too good for him. Too pretty. Too perfect.” Kathleen caught Anna’s hand. “He’s loved me for years, and I thought he didn’t care.”
Anna laughed. “Poor Garrick. Did he propose?”
Kathleen’s head bowed. “Not yet. I think he will though, when he’s better.”
Anna changed into her nightgown and crawled into bed beside her sister. She’d talk to Papa later. As soon as possible. She lay in the dark, no longer sleepy as Tuck filled her thoughts. Kathleen hadn’t mentioned him. His heart would be broken when he found out Kathleen didn’t love him.
Long into the night she lay awake imagining how life as Jeremiah’s bride might be until sleep and dreams took over, renewing her determination to win his love if it took the rest of her life.
Thursday after Anna finished her work, she found Papa in the tool shed where he often spent his evenings. He turned with file in hand when she stepped in and closed the door. “Anna. What are you doing out here?”
She grinned. “Tagging along after you like always.”
He chuckled. “That’s my tagalong Tootsie.”
Even as she laughed with him, a lump caught in her throat. He hadn’t called her that in years. Now she felt seven years old, and like a child, she blurted out her complaints. “Papa, I don’t want to go away.”
His eyebrows shot up. “To school?”
“Yes.” Tears threatened her eyes. “I love our life here. I want to stay home. God made me just the way I am, and I don’t see why everyone wants me to change. Why do you want me to go away?”
“Anna.” Papa’s voice was calm in the midst of her storm. “You know I love when you help me. I’d like to keep you with me, but if you don’t go to school, you’ll miss a chance to better yourself. It’s a good opportunity, don’t you think?”
An invisible cord tightened around her insides as she looked into the pleading in his eyes. He really did want her to go. She blinked against the burning tears that threatened. “All right. If you really want me to, I will. I’ll go for you, Papa, not me.”
Papa’s chuckle returned. He held his arms out, and Anna stepped into his warm embrace. His chest rumbled when he spoke. “It won’t be for me, Anna. Your mama came up with this idea and convinced me it’s for the best. If you’re sure you don’t want to go, I’ll talk to Mama and set things straight. I’d rather you stay here. I’m happy with the girl you are. I’m pretty sure God is, too.”
The tears Anna had tried so hard to keep under control rolled down her cheeks. She didn’t have to go away, but what had she gained? Jeremiah didn’t love her, and now she’d be here to watch him find someone to take Kathleen’s place.
Chapter 11
Anna studied her reflection in the mirror. Where had the sparkle in her eyes gone? Her family was staying in town through Tuesday for Christmas, so she hadn’t seen Jeremiah all weekend, and she missed him. Today she should be looking forward to the Whitworth’s Christmas Eve soiree, but all she could think about was Jeremiah.
“Aren’t you ready yet?” Kathleen stepped around the edge of the doorway. As usual, she looked beautiful.
Anna sighed. “Yes, I’m ready.”
What difference did her appearance make? Jeremiah might not even be there. Just because he had an invitation didn’t mean he would come. Anna listened to Kathleen chatter with Mama on the short buggy ride across town and shook her head. At least her sister had found love with Garrick.
At the gaily decorated Whitworth mansion, Anna followed Kathleen in and stepped aside to allow her parents room. The house buzzed with activity as townspeople spilled from the formal parlor through wide double doors into the entrance hall.
Anna looked for Larkin, but Kathleen grabbed her arm and pulled her toward the parlor. “There’s Garrick.”
“Let go, Kathleen. I’m coming.” Anna jerked her arm free and hurried after her sister. They stopped beside Garrick’s chair. His leg stretched out, resting on a footstool. “What’s your rush? It isn’t as if he’s going to run away.”
“Anna, what a horrible thing to say.” Kathleen scowled.
Garrick laughed. “She’s right. I won’t be dancing tonight either.” He looked up at Kathleen. “If I could, I’d fill your card.”
Pink tinged Kathleen’s cheeks, and Anna turned away. She didn’t hear her sister’s response because there by the front door stood Jeremiah. The waltz, played by the small orchestra in the music room, faded to background music for the dance steps of her heart. Hers and Jeremiah’s, only his heart wouldn’t be dancing with hers now that it was broken by Kathleen’s rejection.
Her breath caught in her throat as his eyes held hers, and he stepped forward. A shadow moved between them, blocking him from her view.
“Anna, you’re here.” Larkin clasped her hand and stepped back. “You look so much older with your hair fixed that way.”
Jeremiah stepped past Larkin. After giving Anna a quick glance, he shook hands with Garrick. “Glad to see you’re able to be here. I want you to know I wish you the best.”
Anna didn’t hear more as she allowed Larkin to lead her away. Jeremiah lost Kathleen and was stepping graciously aside. She turned for one last look and saw the sadness in his eyes. Why couldn’t he have loved her instead?
She smiled for Larkin’s benefit. “Your family always has the best parties.”
“Thank you. Mama and Papa both enjoy entertaining.”
As Anna went with Larkin from one person to another, visiting for a few minutes before moving on, she kept her smile in place. She danced with one of the Bollen brothers and then forgot which one when she saw Jeremiah scowling at her. He looked so unhappy. Tears burned her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. Why did Jeremiah keep watching her? She slipped out of the parlor into the hall. If she could get away from him, maybe she could catch her breath. She stood against the wall, s
miling at no one in particular. If only she could forget Jeremiah. She leaned her head against the flocked wallpaper and closed her eyes. Still Jeremiah took form in her memory. So near, yet so out of reach.
“Anna.”
His deep voice sounded in her head, and she smiled.
“Little Bit, are you all right?” He sounded concerned.
She jerked, her eyes popping open. “Tuck.”
He stood before her, a frown darkening his eyes. He touched her wrist. His fingers burned through her gloves as his hand surrounded hers. “Come with me, Anna. Away, where we can talk.”
She tugged against his hold, but he didn’t let go.
“Please?” His brows drew together. “It’s important.”
As if a magnet drew her to him, she nodded and stepped forward. How could she resist? Even if he wanted to talk about Kathleen, she would listen. She loved him.
Jeremiah nodded toward a closed door. “Where does that go?”
“The library, but we can’t go in there.”
“Why not? We’ll leave the door open.” He guided Anna inside. A soft light glowed in the corner near a desk, but he didn’t move away from the door. No need to risk Anna’s reputation.
He kept her hand in his and looked into her questioning eyes. “I love you, Anna.”
Only the slight widening of her eyes gave indication she heard.
He took a deep breath. “I didn’t intend to fall in love. You’re too young. Then there’s school. I was afraid of you, so I courted your sister.”
“Afraid?” Anna shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“When you love someone and lose them, it hurts—more than you can imagine. That’s what happened with my family. I didn’t know if I could go through that again. What if I lost you? Then I realized my error when I saw you with Garrick. I’d already lost you. I tried to tell Garrick Kathleen loved him, but he wouldn’t listen. Then he got hurt.”
Anna rubbed her forehead. “Aren’t you in love with Kathleen?”
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