Summer Of My Secret Angel

by Anna Katmore

  It was new that someone awoke this kind of feeling in me. My protective walls threatened to tumble. I could do nothing to stop the once solid defense from crumbling before Julian.

  The idea to stay a bit longer played in my head.

  I closed my eyes and rubbed my face. These thoughts were too weird and dangerous. However long I remained in this place, eventually the moment of parting would come. And I couldn’t allow anyone, be it Aunt Marie, or Julian, to break through my circle of defense.

  But just like this house and the vineyards, Julian had grown on me.

  My attention fell on his gray hoodie hanging over the backrest of my swivel chair, and I swung my legs out of bed. My bare feet made no sound on the cold parquet as I ambled over to get it. The smell of warm, wild wind still clung to the fabric and wrapped me in a cloud of ocean breeze. Just how could any man smell this good?

  No detergent or shower gel could bring on that irresistible scent. It seemed strangely natural, rolling off his very body and tinting everything in his vicinity with this sweet fragrance.

  I slid my arms through the sleeves. Nearly three sizes too big, the hem of the hoodie hugged my thighs. The cuffs clasped in my palms, I brought my hands to my nose to get an extra shot of Julian.

  At the same instant, footfalls on the balcony boards drifted into my room. Panic struck fast at the thought of getting caught reveling in his smell. I quickly locked my hands behind my back, presenting my most innocent grin, as a knock sounded on the glass of the open door and Julian shoved his head in through the curtains.

  “Hi,” I blurted, feeling my face turn red like a strawberry.

  “Good morning.” He swept the curtains aside and stepped into my room. On a small tray in his left hand, he balanced two steaming cups and a plate of toast with jam.

  “You missed breakfast again. Since we skipped dinner last night, I thought you might be hungry. I saved this for you.” He whisked the tray in front of my face.

  The smell of hot chocolate drifting to my nose set my stomach to rumbling. But Julian withdrew the small breakfast and retreated to the balcony before I could make a grab for the cup. “I thought we could eat out here today.”

  Oh, you snake. Apparently, he hadn’t grown tired of helping me get past my fear of heights.

  “We?” I stopped by the door, watching him with hunger for both the man and the food, as he set the plate down on the railing. “I thought you normally don’t eat breakfast.”

  “For you I’ll make an exception.” He picked up the hot chocolate and held it out to me, but from too far away for me to grab it.

  “Know what?” I murmured. “I’m not hungry. I’ll just wait until lunch. Yeah, that’s what I’ll do. It can’t be too long until noon.”

  Twisting his wrist, Julian glanced at his watch. “It’s nine thirty. Quite a while to go,” he mocked. “Wouldn’t a cup of sweet chocolate be nice now? And just look, I’ve brought you toast.”

  Yeah. And as if taking sides with Julian, my stomach chimed another annoying rumble. My frown ought to have told him he could shove the toast up his arse. Just because we spent this beautiful evening together, it didn’t make him my personal instructor in overcoming vertigo. I pivoted and headed for the bathroom.

  “Jona?”

  I turned around.

  Julian’s arched eyebrow weakened my stance. “You still have my hoodie.”

  Don’t even think about getting it back, buddy. This is mine. I might not have told you so yet, but that’s a fact.

  I crossed my arms over my chest and smirked. “So?”

  “So?” he repeated with a disbelieving laugh. His sweet tone matched his look. “I’d say if you want to keep it you owe me.”

  He was willing to trade? That could be an interesting deal. “What do you want?”

  Cup raised, he waggled his brows. “I want you to have breakfast with me.”

  “Okay, bring the food in and we can eat on my bed.” My victorious grin said it all.

  “Outside.” This time it was as though his eyes spoke the word, and with a lustful growl. How could a girl ever resist him?

  “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Arms raised, I stomped forward. “So gimme the bloody cup.” All my strength was necessary to control the rising fear as I stepped out into the warm daylight. Panic gripped me harder with each stride. For a millisecond, an equally shocked expression flashed across Julian’s face. There was barely time for him to shift the cup out of the way before I collided with him. His strong arm wrapped securely around my waist. A whine escaped me as I shut my eyes and buried my face in his shoulder where I hoped my deep breaths would steady my shaking nerves.

  Julian’s abs flexed against my body when he chuckled low. “Easy there, love.”

  In the next instant, he stiffened. We both did as his words sank in.

  Aware of every inch of his body pressing against mine, a joyful song started to play in my mind and I tilted my head to meet his gaze. The tips of our noses almost touched when he dipped his head. I expected my heart to speed up. Instead it stopped beating all together.

  His firm hold around me loosened. His hand came up slowly to shape against the side of my neck and face. His thumb brushed my cheekbone. Between his slow blinks, I stared into the deep blue of his warm eyes.

  The balcony, the house, the entire world around me melted away. At this moment, I could have stood on top of the Eifel tower and would have felt utterly protected by Julian’s embrace.

  Heat seared me from the inside. My fingers trembled as they clenched the collar of his orange shirt. I forced my hands to uncurl and lay flat against his chest so as not to tear off his top button. When his face inched closer, I licked my lips. My breaths erupted like the puffs of a steam train.

  I wanted to taste him. Feel the sensual curve of his lips. Trace it with my tongue. But the very instant they brushed against my bottom lip, he tensed and pulled away. A cold spot remained on my cheek when his hand dropped.

  A dry cough made his throat twitch. He handed me the cup. “You better drink your hot chocolate while it’s still warm.”

  The stern note in his voice dragged me back to reality. I double blinked. Grief caught me in a stranglehold when I saw the regret in his eyes.

  Kiss. Fantastic idea.

  What had gotten into me that caused me to let my control slip so badly? I took the cup from him, retreated to the wall, and sank to the floor. Sips of the hot drink warmed my stomach. But they could do nothing about the cold in my heart.

  Julian stood rooted to the spot and studied me. Cursing the moment I bounced into his arms? I would’ve sworn he’d felt the same sparkle between us when he’d leaned down to kiss me.

  Warming my fingers on the hot chocolate, I balanced the cup on my knees. The black smiley on the green mug presented a friendlier face than Julian.

  “What changed your mind?” I croaked. “Didn’t you say you were going to make an exception for me?”

  “What?” In an awfully sweet manner his brows knitted together, and he stared at me, lost like a child in first grade who had no idea what the teacher wanted from him. Probably the very same look I gave him so often.

  “Breakfast.” Forcing a grin, I raised my cup. “You’re supposed to sit down with me and eat.”

  Whatever had been on his mind before rushed from his face as he blinked slowly. Placing the plate with the delicious smelling toast between us, he lowered, too, and took a sip from his cup. Two of the slices covered with raspberry jam helped swallow my disappointment. Julian had none.

  Neither of us spoke, and when I finished my drink, he grabbed the cup together with the plate and carried the tray to his room.

  He didn’t return.

  Letting out the sigh that had tightened my chest during the previous ten minutes, I crawled into my room and jumped into the shower. It was time to wash off the confusion and drown my longing for this guy in the spray of water. After all, I should be happy we hadn’t finished the kiss. It would have complicated my
situation enormously.

  The progressing Sunday made it clear that Julian was evading my presence. While I helped Marie prepare a pasta meal for lunch, he accompanied my uncle to the vinery. And when I joined them in the early afternoon simply because I was bored and would have loved to use Albert’s dirt scanner some more, Julian excused himself and returned to the house.

  Small needles of regret jabbed me in the chest and with every hour that separated us, the empty pit in my stomach grew. The needles had turned to lances by the time I went to bed, because this was also the first evening he didn’t say goodnight.

  On the plus side, my mother kept out of my way, too. She didn’t stalk me, nor even talk to me during the remainder of the weekend.

  The next couple of days, I gave my best in the vinery. But without Julian’s company, the work wasn’t even half as much fun. Chats with Valentine were the highlights.

  They started on Tuesday afternoon. Together with Marie we knelt in the dirt and pulled weeds. Valentine rattled on in French for hours while my aunt replied with a few words every now and then. Apparently, the teapot-shaped chatterbox missed it when Marie rose from the ground and patted the dirt off her trousers then went back to the house to make us all a snack.

  Helplessly, I stared after my aunt while Valentine continued her French monologue. It took her almost five minutes to realize no one answered her. Confused, she glanced to all sides. Her gaze focused on me. The grin of a happy farmer curved her mouth.

  Very much to my surprise, she returned to her task and continued rambling. Just to make her happy, and maybe because I had no one else to talk to, I filled her brief gaps with ahs and ohs. Sometimes I would even ask, “Is that so?” or “Really?” But she understood me as little as I understood her.

  The silence when she finally stopped talking actually felt weird. So in a funny mood, I told her about London in my language. I explained the location of the orphanage and detailed how Miss Mulligan had let us attend the celebrations in the street when Prince William and Kate married last April. Valentine’s ahs and ohs filled my gaps now and made me chuckle, propelling me to continue my babbling.

  Straightening once to ease the pain in my back, I caught a glimpse of Julian only a few feet away. A pair of sheers still clutched in his hand, he stood as if frozen in time and stared at us with narrowed eyes. Easy to imagine how our conversation must have intrigued him. City lass and countrywoman finding a way to communicate.

  A weak smile pulled at the corners of my mouth. The first twitch of his lips after three days kick-started my heart into pounding with joy. His attention was little, though. With a sigh, he twisted and trudged off.

  Wednesday, I sought his nearness purposefully, hoping he would say something at last if only I stood close enough for a while. Again, he wouldn’t speak to me. But his returning glances didn’t escape me.

  Sometimes, he looked away quickly when I caught his gaze on me. Other times he would just fix me with his stare.

  Needless to mention that his awkward behavior freaked me out. I decided to confront him later and set things straight between us once and for all.

  In the late afternoon, a heavy downpour washed away our plans to work in the field and sent us inside sooner than usual. I showered and dressed in blue jeans and a dark blue tee from Marie’s selection then peeked out on the balcony.

  Tock-tock, fat drops tapped a romantic rhythm on the wood. Thick gray clouds hovered low. Not even seven o’clock, it was dark like bedtime. Light burned in Julian’s room and illuminated the balcony through his opened door, but there was no sign of him outside.

  “Julian?” I said, but he didn’t hear me through the rain. If he did, however, he refused to appear on the balcony.

  Crap. We really needed to get this straight. Now.

  Back shoving against the doorframe, I slowly made a step outside. Fear slammed into me like a baseball bat from the shadows. The wood creaked under my weight and I sent a silent Ave Maria to heaven. My teeth crunched as I inhaled three times deeply through my nose. My eyes fluttered shut. Then I shoved my left leg in the direction of Julian’s room. Dragging the right behind, I flattened my back and hands against the solid wall.

  It would have been easier to take a walk down the corridor and knock on his door. But somehow it seemed important to approach him this way. Like I’d prove myself worthy by facing the danger on my conquest of his castle.

  As I inched forward, the rough surface of the wall yanked hair from my scalp. Thin slits between the footboards allowed a glimpse of the pebbled ground underneath. If this weak illusion of a porch broke underneath my weight, I’d make a breakneck dive into death.

  Just freaking wonderful.

  “Julian,” I whined. But when I angled my head to the left his empty doorway mocked me from miles away. “Lord, please let me survive this.” I swallowed hard at the panic in my chest then shoved my foot another step to the left. And another.

  Through the thick curtains of rain, I glimpsed a dark ball, growing as it shot toward me. I froze. As a big raven flapped its wings excitedly and landed on the railing of the balcony, my shriek ripped through the air.

  “Argh! Gosh!” It took me several breaths to calm down enough to lower my arms from protecting my head. “You bloody…filthy…beast!”

  The damn bird only cocked its wet head and fluffed up its dripping feathers. To my hoarse shooing sounds, the raven finally took off into the rain again, giving me another start as the wings fluttered like those of a bat.

  I closed my eyes for a second. The image of Julian safely sprawled on his bed surfaced in my mind. “Oh, I so hope you know what risk I’m taking for you.” Walking through my personal hell. Still, the thought of him filled me with encouragement.

  I turned my head to the left to focus on my goal again.

  And there he stood, like a dark knight in a circle of light.

  Clad in a dark gray sweater and even darker trousers, he leaned against the frame of his balcony door, arms crossed over his chest and eyes wide with wonder.

  “Hi.” Excitement replaced my initial panic, thudding my heart to a faster beat. He’d come and get me and everything would be okay.

  But Julian remained motionless, watching my every move—which wasn’t a darn lot at this moment. Damn you to hell, wretch! I almost breathed a hysteric laugh.

  “What in the world are you doing out here?” he drawled eventually.

  “Coming. Talk.” There wasn’t enough air in my lungs for a longer answer.

  “There’s an easier way to my room.”

  “I know.” I did sound desperate, all right.

  His blond brow arched. “Why didn’t you take that way?”

  Questions, questions. Didn’t I look tense enough? “I don’t know.”

  “Would you like to come in?” He gestured a hand toward the room’s interior.

  “I guess.” Oh please, do I have to drop to my knees and plead for your help? He could have that. My wobbly legs threatened to give way underneath me in a second.

  He made a step toward me and reached out with one hand. It cost me quite an effort to let go of the wall behind me and lay my trembling fingers in his palm instead.

  Instantly, his warm touch infused me with a strength I couldn’t find only a minute ago. He pulled me into his protective arms and stared at me from an inch away. A second later, he ushered me through the door into his realm.

  JULIAN’S ROOM

  “SECRETS” DRIFTED FROM the iPod with the voices of OneRepublic. My boots sat lonely on the stone tiled floor while I hugged my knees to my chest, lounging on the center of Julian’s queen-size bed. The lamp on his nightstand tinted the plain walls a soft yellow.

  Pressing my chin to my bent knees, I eyed Julian half sitting on the corner of his maple desk, his hands gripping the edge. Raindrops slid down the window behind him in rhythm to the drumming on the roof.

  “I’m impressed. You must have taken a ride through hell to see me here. So what did you want to talk abou
t?” His eyes were warm, friendly, though his tone revealed a certain hint of impatience.

  About why the bloody hell you’re shoving me away.

  I shrugged. My gaze wandered around, taking in the partly open door to the bathroom and the high wardrobe with sliding panes. “You’ve got a nice room.”

  “I guess it looks pretty similar to yours.” He cast a glance over the room then at me. “But you certainly didn’t take this terrifying walk to compliment my room, did you?”

  I studied his face, which he kept expressionless. Okay, it was time to stop playing games and show my hand. “What happened last weekend that you now can’t stand to have me near you anymore?” Incomprehension narrowed my eyes. “I mean, nothing really happened between us, did it?”

  Lips compressed to a line, he puffed a sigh. “No, nothing really happened.” His glance dropped briefly, a muscle in his jaw ticked.

  “Then why are you staying away from me?”

  Julian blinked slowly while he shook his head once. “It’s complicated.”

  “Complicated?” Wait one second; let me eat a bowl of alphabet soup and poop a better argument than that. Loosening the hug of my knees, I crossed my legs and braced my elbows on my thighs, lacing my fingers.

  He nodded, pushed away from the desk and paced the room, hands tucked into his pockets.

  “Julian, I was shoved into an orphanage when I was five because my mother didn’t want me. In the winter, I slept wearing all four pairs of socks I owned just to stop my teeth from rattling.” My voice rose a few notches with every word. “Last week, I was caught stealing a bloody jacket, and a kid-loathing judge shipped me off to France where I now have to stay with people I hardly know and a mother I no longer care about. And you talk about complicated?”