An Amish Paradox

by Charles E. Hurst

  Table 3.1. Rates of retention by major affiliation, Holmes County Settlement

  Common Threads in the Rumspringa Experience

  In spite of variations in rumspringa by affiliation and by family, several constants shape the rumspringa experience across the settlement. One is that the process of coming of age is significantly different for boys than for girls. Boys are typically given more freedom in dress and behavior, including cars for some Old Order males. Boys usually receive a horse and buggy on their sixteenth birthday, whereas girls are more likely to receive furniture or other gifts related to their future roles as wives and mothers. In addition, with the exception of mixed teams in volleyball and the pairing of courting couples after singings or a wedding meal, young people tend to interact in same-sex groups at most social gatherings. For Amish boys, interaction revolves around shared physical activities such as softball, hunting, and fishing, while girls’ interactions stress “female intimacy.”35 Among the Old Order Amish, boys are also more likely to play in organized sports leagues with the girls as spectators. A recent trend has given girls more active options, in the shape of competitive girls’ softball teams formed in Kidron and elsewhere in the settlement.

  A second thread running through the rumspringa years is the fear of getting “caught out.” In a distinctive mental twist on the physical hardship that customarily accompanies rites of passage around the world, most Amish view this period of relative freedom as putting young people’s souls at risk. If they should die while living in a state of sin, parents and church leaders fear that their souls are “lost” and that they will go to hell. Denise Reiling even argues that the resulting state of angst among young Amish people may be related to high rates of depression and other mental illnesses later in life. She argues that this period of “culturally prescribed deviance” creates an extraordinary dilemma for Amish youth because they are “damned if they do and damned if they don’t.”36

  The Amish we interviewed differed in the amount of angst they felt during rumspringa. Unquestionably, the fear of divine retribution is palpable among some Amish youth and their parents. “I was always afraid I would die before I got rid of my record player,” recalled one Old Order woman. A New Order woman noted that parents who believe that you have to get your wild oats out “just pray that their boy won’t be one that’s killed before he settles down.” We found some individuals, though, for whom the fear of getting “caught out” was more “background noise” than anything else. One ex-Swartzentruber stated, “The thing that was on my mind was, ‘Am I honoring my parents?’” Another confessed, “I was more worried about getting caught by the preacher than by God.”

  A third constant is that the period of exploration after age sixteen typically occurs in the company of other Amish teens, not as lone individuals or in mixed groups with non-Amish. One’s closest friends during the rumspringa period are likely to be Amish friends from school, work, or church. “They’re stuck in their own little thing of drinking and cussing and stuff,” reflected an ex-Swartzentruber female. “They don’t truly understand the outside world.” Meyers and Nolt concur: “Even those Amish teens who wish to get a ‘taste of the world’ do so, paradoxically, in a particularly Amish way.”37 Moreover, Amish parents do not condone the dating of non-Amish youth, because the church makes no exceptions to the policy of marrying only Amish church members.

  An often overlooked fact, however, is that marriages are typically endogamous with respect to church affiliation as well. That is, parents not only want their children to remain Amish but to stay Amish in their own affiliation. One Old Order man observed, “The main reason we don’t intermarry much is because we don’t court in the same circles.” Pushed as to why courting is restricted, an Andy Weaver elder replied: “It’s not that we dislike Amish in other affiliations … But if you make one step, you’re so likely to take a second and a third step.” Such a “slippery slope mentality” pervades the Holmes County Amish. Parents thus erect boundaries between affiliations to try to ward off the temptation to move up or “jump the fence.” As a result, dating someone from a more progressive group will usually raise more objections than dating someone from a more conservative affiliation.

  To be sure, there have been successful interaffiliation marriages. Most of these occur in the years immediately following a church schism, when the young people have already been courting each other. Among the Holmes County Amish, there are Andy Weaver–Old Order and Old Order–New Order marriages that stem from the shared circles of courtship preceding the schisms of 1952 and 1967.38 But the fact that most Amish parents actively discourage dating between youth from nonaffiliated groups is a striking testimony to the perceived threat to group integrity. In a large settlement like Holmes County, where numerous opportunities for interaction with Amish from other affiliations exist, the extent to which each religious affiliation monopolizes potential marriage partners is extraordinary.

  Excommunication and Shunning: Cracks in the Foundation?

  Another issue that marks Amish identity is the Bann und Meidung, excommunication and shunning. Kraybill describes this rite of exclusion both as a “potent tool of social control” and as a “ritual of shaming that is used in public occasions and in face-to-face interaction to remind the ostracized that they are outside the moral order.”39 Typically, there is no prohibition on talking with those who are in the ban, but church members may not sell goods to or accept anything directly from the offender. Moreover, if an excommunicated individual visits the home for a funeral or other occasion, that person’s meals must be taken at a separate table. Church members see the excommunicated individual as disobedient, and thus they circumscribe all associations with him or her. Upon closer inspection, however, shunning turns out to be a very controversial practice among the Amish. It is therefore an ideal window for evaluating the role of church affiliations in the settlement and for assessing the gap between cultural ideals and actual behavior that can arise when the interests of church and family collide.

  The Amish have been surprisingly successful at retaining their young people, but even a 10–20 percent defection rate means that most Amish have experienced the pain of having a child, sibling, or close relative “taken by the world.” To date, most of what we know about shunning comes from autobiographical accounts of individuals who have been excommunicated. Addressed to a popular audience, their stories usually follow an “escape to freedom” narrative in which the Amish are depicted as abusive and cultlike, a people who are smothered by tradition, doctrine, and bias.40 Lost in these sensationalized accounts of resistance are the views both of the silent majority who have faced excommunication and of church members themselves. Although anger and heartbreak are usually inherent in the initial breakup, listening to these voices on both sides of the fence provides a clearer picture of the conditions under which excommunication is applied and how strictly shunning is enforced across Holmes County Amish affiliations.

  It is important at the outset to acknowledge two broad structural principles that govern excommunication and shunning. The first is that all Amish make a sharp distinction between those who choose not to join the church and those who leave after they have been baptized. Leaving the Amish without ever taking one’s vows is never a cause of excommunication. Most who decide not to join the Amish report that they maintain fairly regular communication with their families. Joining the church and then breaking one’s vows, however, is a different story. Such persons will be placed in the ban and subjected to various degrees of shunning from both family and church members.

  In addition, there is a standard process for excommunication. Most individuals who are excommunicated have already gone through a series of confessions and punishments. For minor infractions, “free will confessions” or “requested confessions” to church leaders in the privacy of one’s home or barn will suffice. More serious infractions usually lead to public confessions in front of church members in which the offender sits or kneels and may receive a six-
week ban, depending on the severity of the case. If the offender is contrite, confessing in front of the entire congregation or being temporarily excommunicated, or both, can serve as a powerful mechanism for restoration and healing. Those who refuse to confess generally receive a six-to-twelve-month grace period by the bishop. During this time, church members try to persuade the wayward to have a change of heart or behavior before the final congregational vote, which must be unanimous. Church leaders will then visit the expelled individual to deliver the message and a verse from 1 Corinthians 5:5: “To deliver such an one unto Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that the spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.”41 Even after all this, the door of reunification remains open for any wayward member to repent, kneel, and confess his or her error.42

  In theory, the system of excommunication and shunning illustrates that the authority of the church supersedes family ties. Family members are to shun their wayward relatives just as any other church member would; the baptismal water is expected to be thicker than blood. In practice, however, the system diverges from this ideal in at least two ways. First, the formal stance on shunning, encoded in church Ordnung, varies sharply across affiliations within the settlement; and second, there is often a considerable gap between the professed ideal of shunning and actual practice. Based on a survey we conducted of about fifty ex-Amish individuals, we will examine each of these two in turn, but let us begin with a more basic question: Why do some individuals part ways with their church after they have taken their vows?43

  Motivations for Leaving

  Our survey uncovered two dominant motivations that have led Holmes County Amish to turn their backs on the security of the Amish way of life: the desire for fewer lifestyle restrictions and the desire for a more intense religious experience. One New Order businessman described the former motivation—for more freedom and material conveniences—as the “traditional route” for leaving the Amish, in contrast to what he called the “fantastic emotionalism” underlying the “born again” path of leaving the Amish.

  The ex-Amish who leave to gain freedom in lifestyle choices speak of wanting automobiles, further education, and the ability to choose their own style of dress.44 An ex–New Order woman wrote, “During that time in my life I was planning on going to college … also, I was tired of wearing the same clothes all the time.” Many Amish with such a predilection come to view the rules governing Amish life as hypocritical, inconsistent, and ambiguous. An ex–Old Order survey respondent’s reason for leaving was “all the rules and regulations that did not make sense.” An ex–Andy Weaver woman, who left in her midthirties, told this story: “The day I decided to leave was when my father came over to cut my countertop in two. The countertop was nine or ten feet long, and the church rule was eight feet. So my dad actually came and was measuring it to see where he could cut it. I could have the whole thing, but it had to be in two pieces. So then, in my mind, I was just like, ‘Well, if this little piece of counter-top is going to take me to Hell, I’m going to leave the Amish and drive a car and have some fun and go to Hell.’ That was my decision.” Another ex-Amish survey respondent wrote, “I remember asking Dad why can we use X’s phone but we can’t have one; why can we ride in his car but we can’t have our own … what is the difference? Those kinds of things are really why I left.” Amish church members view such complaints about use versus ownership as reflecting a superficial understanding of church doctrine, but such sentiments are not uncommon among the ex-Amish.

  A second factor that leads some Amish to leave the faith is the desire for a more intense religious experience.45 In our survey, the majority of those who had been excommunicated after taking their vows said that they were “saved” or “born again.” For these individuals, differences over the interpretation of the Bible led to their departure. One of our ex–Old Order survey respondents noted, “There were too many rules that didn’t line up with the Bible.” Another ex–Old Order respondent wrote, “I could not pray and listen to God without first sifting it through the Amish do’s and don’ts.” An ex–Andy Weaver man commented, “There developed a serious conflict and disagreements between me and my relatives as to what was ‘TRUTH’!” Like some non-Amish converts to evangelical Christianity, these ex-Amish “learn to have out-of-the-ordinary experiences and to use them to develop a remarkably intimate, personal God.”46

  From the point of view of most Amish groups, however, the very idea that individuals should read and interpret the Bible for themselves is a “strange belief.” They intuitively understand that such an individualistic approach to religion could undermine the very foundation of the Amish lifestyle. An effort to distribute Bibles that had been translated into Pennsylvania Dutch encountered resistance from conservative Amish church leaders precisely for this reason.47 Many ex-Amish have experienced this resistance firsthand. “We witnessed to Amish until they drove us out,” lamented an ex–New Order man.

  It is possible, however, that those who claim they left because of biblical convictions simply desire more of the luxuries and conveniences of a materialistic society. Church leaders often suspect that the real reasons for leaving involve worldly desires, and they will usually observe the lifestyle choices (especially car ownership and dress) of those who have recently left to try to confirm such motivations. Yet when asked which most influenced the decision to leave, the attractiveness of English culture or dissatisfaction with Amish culture, 67 percent of our survey respondents chose dissatisfaction with Amish culture, 12 percent chose the attractiveness of English culture, and 21 percent said both were equally influential. When directly asked, 66 percent said that attraction to English culture and people played no role in their decision to leave the Amish community. Differences in age, gender, membership status, or education did not significantly correlate with their responses. Nevertheless, most ex-Amish do embrace more “modern” lifestyles, which suggests that worldly desires—whether to escape Amish restrictions or gain attractive freedoms—might very well play an important role in the decision to leave.

  Holmes County Amish who begin to express doubts about their church leaders’ interpretations of the Bible can find a powerful local ally in Joe Keim and his organization, Mission to Amish People (MAP), whose goal is to “take the message of hope and eternal life to the Amish people.” Keim, an ex-Amish himself who is based in nearby Savannah, Ohio, offers temporary shelter and advice on adjustment to the outside world, as well as “spiritual counseling” to those who are “coming out” of Amish society. MAP’s publications include not only practical advice on manners, money management, dating, personal cleanliness, employment, and education for the ex-Amish, but scathing critiques of the “legalism” that underlies Amish society. One publication, for example, asks, “But what about those vows [to the Amish church]? … Was I sealing my own condemnation by breaking those vows? The bishops and ministers certainly wanted me to think so … Little did I know that you cannot place part of your trust in Jesus, and part of your trust in your good Amish life.”48 Keim’s open invitation to Bible study and his certainty that the Amish are misguided in relying on works strikes a powerful chord with some Amish individuals. However, Keim’s activities are quite controversial in the Holmes County Settlement.49 One New Order man told us that he felt Keim “does not understand the basic Amish concepts of discipleship and brotherhood.”

  Individuals who leave the Amish church can also participate in the Former Amish Reunion (FAR), a support group coordinated by Ada Lendon, herself an ex-Amish. The group has a mailing list of more than two hundred individuals and meets twice a year for a picnic and fellowship, usually alternating between sites in Ohio and Indiana. FAR tends to attract ex-Amish who are sympathetic to the theology of born-again Christians. At one picnic we attended in Shreve, Ohio, nearly two hours of quiet but animated informal conversations among a diverse group of ex-Amish attendees was followed by music provided by a local evangelical church.

  The Mission to Amish People (MAP) assists ind
ividuals who want to leave the Amish in making a lifestyle transition to mainstream American society. The MAP building is attached to the Bethel Baptist Church in Savannah, Ohio. Photograph courtesy of Joe Keim.

  From Strict Shunning to Opposing the Bann

  Regardless of the motivation behind the parting of ways between an individual and his or her congregation, one’s church affiliation carries enormous implications for how the separation ultimately unfolds. For serious offenses such as adultery or divorce, agreement about excommunication will be widespread across all affiliations. Most cases, however, are more complicated and may even involve an attempt by those who leave to use the system in order to avoid being placed in the ban. Their approach rests on the knowledge that, first, there is a grace period before the final congregational vote and, second, most church Ordnung do not require excommunication if a member joins a slightly “higher” church. To avoid being placed in the ban, then, individuals who want to leave the Amish can simply join a higher Amish church or a Mennonite church for a year or so before deciding whether to move on to the next step. Responding to a question about whether she was currently excommunicated, one ex–New Order woman drew a smiley face on her survey and wrote, “No, because we went out in stages.” This practice has become less common in recent years, and many now go directly to their “final destination.”