by T. K. Chapin
“Just a minute, dear. I’ll be right there!”
“I don’t mean to hold you up. I have to get going over to the diner anyway.”
We stood up.
“Thank you, and it was truly a blessing to meet you, Serenah.”
Parting ways, I couldn’t help but feel like God had brought her into my life at that very moment to nudge me in a different direction with Kayla and Matt. I knew now that if I made Kayla angry and tried to break them up, she’d be even more obsessed with making it work. There had to be a point in which I let loose of the control and let God be God. If it was God’s will for them to break up, it’d happen.
Chapter 17-Luke
DISPLEASED TO SEE HANNAH’S CAR missing from the driveway, I had half a notion to leave, but I did need to drop off my dad’s prescription. Parking outside the main house, I glanced over at the guest house on my way up the porch. Giving a light knock, I let myself in.
Walking in, I ventured down the hallway and to his bedroom. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed hold of the doorknob and went in.
He was asleep. I was thankful for this fact.
I moved with carefulness not to wake him and made my way to his closet. I grabbed one of my dress shirts I had left there a while ago. Then I moved to the side of the bed and set the bag of medicine down on the night stand. Turning around, I started for the door when he said, “Thanks, sonny boy.”
Turning around, I said, “I thought you were sleeping.”
He propped himself up on the bed and shook his head, but he looked to be dwelling on something. “I wasn’t asleep. Just resting my eyes.”
“What’s up? You seem distracted.”
“Betsy’s back.”
Raising my eyebrow as I thought about the black bear that had caused so much trouble for him several years ago, I came over to the bed and sat down. He’d named the bear Betsy after his older sister, and it was just as mean and cruel as the real person it had been named after. Betsy and Dad were placed in a foster home at the ages of six and eight. She’d always told him he had to be tough if he wanted to make it in the real world and thought that constantly beating him up would do just that. Before she died a few years back, she found my father passed out drunk in the front yard after he lost my mom and thought it’d be a good idea to pour maple syrup all over his back and coat him in tuna fish. He woke up to a black bear swiping his flesh from his back like a fork shredding chicken. He was left with scars on his back, but he never touched the bottle again after that. My dad never called the police, even though I recommended he should.
“What are you going to do?”
“I’ll tell you what I’m going to do, sonny boy. I’m going to kill her.”
“It’s just a bear, Dad. Do you really need to kill the thing?”
He nodded confidently as he stared blankly toward the window. “I need my revenge.”
“Okay. Hey, where’s Hannah?”
“She said she was running into town for some stuff. Did you know she is working on your mother’s garden?”
“I didn’t notice.”
“She seems to be getting cozy quickly around here.”
“Are you actually liking her around?” Shock coursed through me. I had expected a battle to have her stay.
“She’s all right. I’m more worried about the kid. She doesn’t have a dad and she’s pregnant. No man in her life.”
“What about you? You’re a man.”
He paused and looked surprised.
“What? I thought you resented me for the way I raised you.”
Shaking my head, I walked over to the window as I saw Hannah pulling into the driveway. “I don’t resent you, Dad. I just didn’t have a good example of how to be a man when I grew up. This is a second chance for you to do it right. I’m not telling you what to do. Just think about it.”
“That’s an interesting notion.”
“I’m going to go see if Hannah needs help with anything.”
Leaving my dad’s bedroom, I headed outside to greet Hannah and Kayla.
Chapter 18-Hannah
PULLING OUT THE CRIB IN pieces, I set them against the back of my car and shut the trunk. As Kayla and I picked up sides of the crib, Luke came out of Mac’s house and jogged over to us in the driveway. He had a white dress shirt on, a few buttons undone on top, and a pair of blue jeans on. He carried the scent of oil mixed with cologne and reminded me of a different time in my life. Growing up, my parents were poor, and my father was always outside working on something to do with our car. He’d come in for dinner and always carry the smell of oil.
“Need a hand?” Luke offered.
I shook my head, but Kayla wasn’t shy.
“Yes, we do! The guy at the thrift store had to break it down into pieces, and last summer, we couldn’t even build a simple book case! Your being here is a divine appointment. Right, Mom?”
“Right.”
Smiling, he glanced over at me. “I can help. If you’ll have me.”
I shrugged. “Sure.”
He grabbed all the rest of the pieces at the back of the car, and we all ventured toward the guest house. His eyes caught sight of my garden. “What are you planting?”
“Peas, maybe some carrots. Nothing much.”
“Cool. Back in the day, my mother had a strawberry patch there. I helped her with canning the best jam in the world.”
“That’s really cool. I don’t believe I’ve ever had homemade jam before,” Kayla chimed in.
Getting inside the guest house, I was relieved to feel the coolness of the ceiling fan in the living room. We set all the pieces down in the living room for Luke to assemble. Kayla went to her room to organize it and make a spot for where the crib could go.
“It’s a bit early for a crib, but for only ten bucks, we couldn’t pass it up.”
“That’s a great deal.”
Half an hour later, Luke had worked up a good sweat building the crib, so I brought him a glass of water. Pausing, he stood up and took a long drink. Setting the cup down on the coffee table, he looked over at me. “Sorry about the other day. I shouldn’t have been so forward.”
“Don’t be sorry. I’m just wary of guys since my divorce.”
“I bet, and I understand.”
He paused, glancing at the floor for a second. Then he shook his head, his eyes lifting to mine. “I’m really sorry that happened to you.”
“It’s okay.”
“No. It absolutely is not okay.”
He pieced together most of the crib, moved the pieces into Kayla’s room, and then finished putting it together. Once done, he cleaned up his tools. On his way to the front door to leave, he saw Mac’s rifle sitting against the wall. He pointed to the gun. “You have my dad’s gun?”
“Yeah. He wants me to protect myself, but I don’t know where to begin.”
“Not leaving a gun lying around would be a good start.” Grabbing the gun, he checked to see if the safety was on. He handed the gun to me. “I can teach you to shoot.”
I nodded. “I’d like that.”
“I’ll come by this weekend. On Saturday around one? If that works for you?”
“All right. Thanks again for putting the crib together. We would’ve struggled to get it together before the baby comes in seven months.”
He laughed. “You’re welcome. Take care.”
Luke left out the front door, and I watched as he went out to his car. Kayla came up beside me and rested her head against my shoulder.
“He seems like a really good guy, Mom.”
“I know.”
Turning to me, she said, “I just got off the phone with Matt. He bought his bus ticket for next month. I told him about staying in a hotel while he is here, and he was upset, but he understood. You sure you’re not going to freak out that he’s in Newport?”
Of course I was upset he was going to be in Newport, but I didn’t want to add fuel to the growing and ever-burning desire she had to be with Matt. I knew, after speaking
with Serenah, that I needed to take a step backward. Yes, he had gotten my sixteen-year-old pregnant, and yes, I did move away from Flagstaff to create a new start for us. But God was ultimately the One in control, and I had to place my trust in Him.
“I have no problem with that. I have to go make Mac and us dinner. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Walking over to Mac’s house, I saw the taillights of Luke’s car vanish up into the thicket of trees surrounding the driveway, and my heart rate picked up its pace. I realized just then that I looked forward to seeing him in two days.
Chapter 19-Hannah
THAT EVENING, DINNER WAS DELIGHTFUL for Mac, myself, and Kayla. Mac hadn’t said one ill word through the entirety of the meal at the kitchen table. I was thankful he had put his brash way of speaking on the back burner while Kayla was around. It was one thing to be rough in the way he spoke to me, another adult, but to my daughter, who was already on edge from moment to moment, was an entirely different thing.
Clearing her plate from the table while I started on dishes, Kayla came closer to my side. “I’m going to go sit at the picnic table out back and watch the sunset.”
“Okay.”
“Mind if I join you?” Mac asked, catching the both of us off guard.
Kayla and I looked at each other for a second. I shrugged.
“Sure,” she said respectfully.
I continued washing dishes and started praising God in my heart.
Mac grabbed his crutches and they went out the back door together. Mac might have been a little rough around the edges, but I was suspecting there was some good buried in there after all. After rinsing the dishes and setting them in the dish drain, I ventured over to the open window and leaned against the wall out of sight. I wanted to listen in on the two of them.
“I agree, but you can’t let your mistakes define you, kid.” Mac’s words carried a weight of absolution to them. Glancing out the window, I saw that Kayla’s chin dipped. She looked sad. I began to wonder what he was telling my daughter.
“But I made my mom so upset. I know she hates Matt for it, and that’s why we moved out here. She wants us to break up, but I won’t allow it.”
“Maybe she does, but she is your mom. She cares about you.”
“Yeah.” Kayla’s response was with an air of sarcasm.
“Hey, now. She does. You know she does.”
“I know . . .” Kayla said, her tone respectful, reserved. For a second, I felt overwhelmed with jealousy at how calm she was remaining with Mac. Part of me wanted to run out there and ask her why she couldn’t ever listen to me the way she was listening to him, but I didn’t. I stayed quiet and listened on.
“You might have a little one on the way, kid, but that doesn’t mean your life is over. It just means you have to grow up quicker than by design.”
“Design? Like by God?”
Mac went quiet. I suspected the ‘design’ comment had slipped out without his meaning to. Then, he turned to her. “Yeah. God’s design. But he’s a good God, and while you make plans, He will help you take the steps. Everything will work out in the end, and if it doesn’t, it’s not over yet.”
Confusion swirled my thoughts as I recalled his harsh words against God the other day to me. When I heard them getting up from the picnic table, I hurried my steps away from the window in the kitchen and grabbed a plate from the dish drain.
They came back inside, and I set the plate into the dish drain as I turned to them.
Mac headed down the hallway to his bedroom while Kayla came over to me.
“You have a good talk with Mac?”
“Yeah, he’s cool.”
We began walking out of the kitchen to go through the living room and out the front door. I stopped and turned to Kayla as we reached the door. “You go ahead. I need to talk to Mac for a second.”
“What? Why? He was nice, Mom. I promise.”
“I understand. It’s not about him talking to you.”
“Okay.”
Kayla left out the door, and I went down the hallway in pursuit of Mac. I wanted to confront him about the comments he made about God. It was more out of curiosity than anything else.
Knocking lightly on his bedroom door, I walked in without waiting for a reply.
His shirt was off and his back was to me.
My insides tensed as my gaze fell upon his scarred back.
Large and painful grooves were carved into his skin like filleted pieces of meat.
“Sorry!” I offered quickly and stepped back, shutting the door as my heart sank.
“It’s fine, come in.”
Opening the door again, I was apprehensive but relieved to see he had a shirt on now.
I didn’t say anything as I walked in.
“What is it you need, Hannah?”
“Sorry. I just wanted to ask you something, but I feel stupid now.”
“Well, it’d be dumb if you left without asking it now. Speak your peace.”
“Well . . .” I took a few more steps over to the bed. “I overheard part of your conversation with Kayla.”
Raising a hand, he said, “I’m sorry if I overstepped my bounds, but that girl needed to hear it.”
“No, I wasn’t upset about anything you said. Just curious. Why’d you mention God?”
He went quiet, his gaze turning to the window in his room for a few moments. Then he looked back at me. “I never said I don’t believe in God. In fact, I did mention that I do believe in Him, if I recall.” Folding his hands on his lap, he looked down at his thumbs as he twirled them over top of one another. “My late wife made me a better person, and when I was talking to your daughter, I thought about her. Thought about what she’d want me to say. The thought that came to my mind was ‘give the girl hope.’ You see, I might be angry about God taking my sweet wife away from me, but I know the importance of hope for someone. Hope for the future.”
“Do you have hope?” I asked without thinking. When he didn’t respond right away, I apologized. “Sorry.”
“No, don’t be. It’s a good question. I have hope to see my wife again someday in heaven. I also have hope to see Jesus, even if I didn’t like how things in my life turned out.”
All this talk of Jesus and God made me wonder why he was the way that he was.
“I know what you’re thinking. You want to know why I’m bitter. You know why? Because I lost a part of me when God took her. He took her away and I wasn’t ready! The day I lost Rita, I lost a part of myself I’ll never back. All that’s left is this grumpy shell of a man I used to be.”
“I couldn’t imagine . . .”
Glancing at his watch, he said, “Yeah, well, anyway. Gunsmoke is about to be on.”
“All right. Thank you for talking to her. Have a good night.”
“Don’t mention it. You two have a good night as well.”
Leaving Mac’s shortly thereafter, I knew God brought me to his ranch for a reason and it had to do with Mac. My love for God, even after all the pain I had been through with Jonathan, hadn’t changed. Though I didn’t lose Jonathan through a sudden death, I felt our pains were similar. My world, too, had crumbled all around me, just as it had for Mac. Prompted in my heart, I knew that God wanted me to share my faith with Mac. I just wasn’t sure how I could do that yet.
Chapter 20-Luke
MEETING WITH THE MEDIATOR ON Friday morning, I hoped to end this matter once and for all with Pamela. I hadn’t called her back but instead elected to act on my own for what I knew she wanted from me. I phoned the mediator yesterday and set up the appointment myself. Wearing the nicest suit in my closet, I walked in Benson’s Law Office and met with Herbert Ashenburger, the one who had been facilitating our divorce.
Pouring myself a glass of ice water from the pitcher in the board room, I took a large drink from my glass and set it on the table. I didn’t like waiting. Rubbing the corner of the glass with my thumb, I thought over the last year and a half and the ongoing battle between my lawyers and Pa
mela’s. It was ugly, it was brutal, and it was ruthless. For a marriage that only lasted a couple of years, it had been dragged out far too long and it needed to end.
“Sorry about the wait.” Herbert came into the board room and shut the door behind him. He sat down in the leather swivel chair in front of me and set the file down on the table. That manila folder held more than just some papers. It held the demands my soon to be ex-wife was insisting on in order to grant me the final divorce, the unreasonable request to give up the house I bought, the Lexus she couldn’t live without, and a generous alimony to keep up with her lavish lifestyle.
“I’m ready to negotiate.”
“What? She has to be here if you came in to negotiate, Luke.”
“I mean, I’m ready to sign it all away.”
Taking off his glasses, he set them down on the table and leaned back in his chair. Lifting a leg up, he crossed it over his other one as he relaxed. “Really? After all this time, you’re just going to give it up?”
“I’m done with it. I’m done seeing her, hearing from her. I just want it over, once and for all.”
“Even the alimony and the house?”
“She already lives there. She can have it. The alimony is fine as long as it is removed in the event she gets married.”
“Great.” Sitting up in his chair, he opened the file and started handing over the papers to sign. With each paper I signed, I felt one step closer to freedom from Pamela’s phone calls and pestering. With the freedom came a certain deep abiding sorrow in my soul. The end of a marriage ordained by God was nothing to be happy about, even when the presence of sin was found to be true. There was no changing Pamela’s mind about the divorce. God knows how long I tried.
Meeting Hannah and feeling an attraction toward her might have spurred me to action on the matter, but it was my heart’s way of telling me to move on. It wasn’t she who brought me in to see Herbert. It was God, and I knew it. God had shown me that it was time to put the past to rest and let go of the material items I was trying to cling to. God didn’t care about the Lexus or any of the money I had in the bank. He cared about my heart. I hoped Hannah was in that plan He had for my life, but I knew that could never be even a remote possibility as long as I was married.