by T. K. Chapin
Signing the last document, I set the pen down with a feeling of absolution.
Pamela had cheated on me and ripped my heart out by becoming pregnant with my best friend’s child. Along with my heart, she took my house, my car, and my money.
While I looked forward to the future and what God had in store for me, it wasn’t without a bit of apprehensiveness. When I shared with Pamela that I couldn’t ever give her children, she went out and found someone who could.
Chapter 21-Hannah
SATURDAY AFTERNOON, I WAS A hot mess while I awaited the highly anticipated arrival of Luke on the ranch. I spent far too long in front of the mirror trying to get my hair into the perfect look and ended up making it look ridiculous. Mac was also on my mind. Our conversation the other evening about God and the pain of his losing his wife weighed heavily on my heart and was in my prayers since I’d heard it. We hadn’t spoken about the matter since that night, but I kept thinking about how I could share my own faith. Then it came to me early that morning during my devotional time with God. I was reading in the book of James in the Bible.
Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
James 4:8
The verse brought me a sense of clarity over the matter with Mac and God, and with myself and Jonathan. While I drew closer to God when the unexpected happened, Mac withdrew. As I came closer to God, God came closer to me. Now, if only I could figure out a way to share that with Mac. There was the option of going right up to him and showing him the Scripture, but I wasn’t sure that would work well.
The doorbell rang, and I exited the bathroom to go answer it.
Upon opening the door, I was surprised at how he was dressed but pleased with the look. While I’d spent way too much time on my hair and outfit, Luke looked like he had just rolled out of bed and put a pair of jeans and a white V-neck on. His hair was messy, and he didn’t appear to have shaved either. But he pulled it off marvelously, like it was all on purpose.
“Luke.”
He took his shades off.
“Hannah.” He opened the screen door and I let him inside. Stepping in, he looked me in the eyes. “You think you’re ready for this?”
Laughing as I thought he was talking about himself, I said, “What?”
He reached over to the gun and picked it up. “To shoot?”
“Oh. Yeah. For sure.”
“Good. Let’s go out the back. There’s a target over in the woods not far from here.”
He led the way and I followed. As we walked outside and I shut the door behind me, I thought of Mac again. What better person to ask than his own son? “Do you think if I showed your dad a Bible passage, he’d get upset?”
He stopped and turned around.
“Why would you do that?” He took a defensive tone and stance as his eyebrows furrowed.
“Well, we were talking about God the other night.”
“Honestly, I’d save your breath talking about God with Mac. He’s not the type of guy who takes too kindly to advice. Especially when it comes to God. As much as I would love my dad to love God again, I really need y’all to work out in this caretaker position. With that being said, it’s best not to rock the boat.”
Luke continued toward the woods, and I followed.
Stepping over a rotted log, I continued. “But he was talking to Kayla about God and giving her hope.”
He stopped again. He lifted an eyebrow as he turned to me. “Really?”
“Yes. That’s why I feel like he might really like what I figured out this morning. It’s Scripture, and he believes in God.”
“You can try to share it with him, but chances aren’t good he’ll hear you. Everybody can hear the words of the Bible, but only a few can and will ‘do’ what it says.”
“Noted. Thanks.” Inquiring with Luke about his father was about as effective as asking one of these rocks out on the forest’s floor—not helpful. I did learn something about Mac from Luke though. I learned that he was surprised to hear of his father speaking in a positive way about God. I suspected God was up to something in Mac, and it not only involved my coming out here, but it very well could involve Kayla too.
Chapter 22-Luke
FINALLY FINDING THE OLD CUSHION in the woods my brother and I used for a target years ago, I bent at the knees and brushed off the leaves and other debris. Lifting the cushion up, I set it against a nearby tree and took a step back as I surveyed its condition. It was well-aged and a memento from my past growing up out here on the ranch with Victor. We’d always come out into the woods and shoot our guns every weekend. It didn’t matter if there was sunshine or two feet of snow on the ground. We always shot, and we always did it together.
Backpedaling my steps to where Hannah was standing yards away from the target, I handed her the gun.
She held it up, the stock under her arm, not pressed against her shoulder.
“Whoa. Wait.” Stepping up to her, I lifted the gun in her hands and positioned the stock against the front part of her shoulder. “You want it here.”
Being that close to Hannah gave me a whiff of her perfume. Some sort of melon, fruity smell invaded my nostrils. The perfume mingled with her scent and created an intoxicating smell that made it hard to concentrate.
I stepped back.
“Like this?” she asked, glancing over at me as she appeared nervous holding the gun.
“Yes. Now aim down the sight and take the safety off. Then, place your finger on the trigger.”
She did.
“Okay. Now shoot.”
A long minute passed, then she fired.
“Safety back on.”
She put the safety back on, then pointed the gun to the ground. I traveled the forest floor to the target. To my surprise, she had not only hit the target but came fairly close to the center ring. Turning back to her, I flashed her a thumbs-up. “Great first shot! You came pretty close to the bull’s-eye.”
She shrugged and smiled, trying to play it off like it was no big deal. “I guess I’m just a natural shot, Luke.”
“Beginner’s luck!” I said with a smile.
After we practiced shooting for a while, we were about to head back to the guest house when I noticed a familiar trail in the woods. “You want to go for a walk? There’s an old trail over here my brother and I always went on.”
“I’d like that.”
As we walked in the shade of the towering trees, I stole glances of Hannah as she took in her surroundings.
“This place is beautiful, isn’t it?” My question came as we journeyed down a slope. She didn’t know it, but we were coming up quick on the creek that ran through the property. I wanted to show her my ‘thinking rock’.
“It really is,” she replied as she stepped over a downed tree.
We pushed through a thick patch of shrubs and forestry overgrowth and finally arrived at the water. The soft sound of the water gliding over rocks cultivated a familiar easygoing feeling within me that reminded me of my visits to this same spot as a child.
Pointing out a large boulder that was lodged in the creek about a foot in, I glanced at her. “That’s the spot I used to come to as a child. I’d sit there for hours and just listen to the creek as I read.”
Smiling, she passed by me and jumped out to the rock. Laughing as she landed in a crouched position, she sat down. Peering at me, she scooted over to one side and raised an eyebrow. “You coming?”
I smiled and made my way out to the boulder.
Sitting down beside her, I took in the beauty of the forest and the beauty of the woman sitting beside me. I never thought in a million years that I’d be sitting on this rock with a girl some twenty years later.
Kicking off her shoes, she dipped her toes in. “I bet it was amazing to grow up out here.”
“It had good parts and bad parts. The bus ride to school was forever long.”
Letting out a surprised bark of laughter, she gri
nned at me. “Ahh . . . yeah. I bet that part was annoying.” Her eyes lifted and surveyed the trees and their leaves blocking out part of the sky above our heads. “But there is so much of God’s beauty out here. The mountains, the trees, the creek.”
“I like the way you see the world.”
My words brought a smile to her face.
Later that afternoon, we walked back to the guest house. I felt a certain bond with her now that we had spent time together most of the afternoon. I didn’t want our time to end and I had a feeling she didn’t either. Stopping just short of the door, I asked, “Want to go into town and grab some dinner?”
“I can’t.”
Immediately, I regretted asking. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked. You already said ‘no’ to me the other day. I thought—”
She grabbed my arm. “No, it’s not that I don’t want to. I have to cook for Mac or I would.”
“I’ll cook for him!” Kayla said from the kitchen window of the guest house. We had no idea she was standing there listening to our conversation, but I was glad to hear her offer up the help.
Raising an eyebrow as I peered over at Hannah, I waited for her response. I didn’t want to push anymore. It was up to her.
“Great! Let me change and grab my purse and we can go.”
Hannah and I headed into the house. She headed to her bedroom to change and Kayla came into the living room.
“Please don’t hurt my mom.”
Caught off guard, I shook my head. “I wouldn’t dream of it. You don’t have to worry about that. I can assure you.”
Her gaze fell to her mother’s door, then back to me. “She’s done a lot for me and I love her so much. I want her to be happy, and I really think she could be with you.”
Not if she wants more kids, I thought to myself. Trying to shove my insecurities away, I shrugged. “That’s sweet of you, but you don’t even know me.”
“That is true.” She nodded. “But I have to believe that God brought my mom and me out here for a reason. I have to have hope not only for me, but for my mom to be able to find happiness.”
“Not everything in God’s plan results in sunshine and rainbows. Paul, who wrote most of the New Testament, was brutally killed.”
Her eyes widened.
Raising a hand, I said, “Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I know your father.”
The bedroom door opened a moment later, and Hannah came out. She had ditched her jeans for a black skirt and a blue cardigan and white blouse.
“Wow. You did all of this in a couple of minutes?”
She blushed. “I wanted to be cute on our date and I knew you were waiting.”
Warmth radiated through my heart as I heard her say the word date. I immediately prayed and asked God to direct me moving forward and to help me reveal to Hannah the truth about Pamela, the truth about never being able to have kids.
Chapter 23-Hannah
AS WE FINISHED OUR MEALS, LUKE WIPED his mouth with his napkin. Then, he took a drink from his glass of ice water. “I have a meeting with a potential client next week in Colorado.”
My heart slammed on the brakes, refusing to continue the tumble into liking him more. Suddenly, I was back to my first marriage with Jonathan, him sitting across from me back in Phoenix and explaining how he’d be traveling to Florida for business. I tried my best to fight the temptation to equate Luke to my ex-husband, but my strength failed. My pulse began to race and I became increasingly troubled.
“Oh, yeah?” It was a futile attempt to keep the dialog going, but I was more focused on trying to calm my insecurities inside that were surfacing with a vengeance. I thought I had been healed from the pains of my past, but they had come to the forefront of my mind. Why would God put a man in my life who would only remind me of the painful past? My insides twisted with uneasiness. Reaching for my glass of water, I took a drink.
“She’s running this awesome tech company that is just now starting to expand and grow. I think I can really help her.”
I choked on my water and set the glass down quickly, grabbing the napkin to wipe my lips. Not only was he traveling out of town, but his client was a woman. My chest tightened as my insecurities only seemed to flare with each new piece of information. Already outside the restaurant and hailing a cab, my heart had left the table.
“Something wrong?” He placed a hand on the table, leaning across it slightly as he stared at me.
“No. Sorry,” I lied. Then I went ahead and lied again to save face. “Um. I just was thinking about Kayla. She’s been having heartburn a lot lately, and I need to get her some Zantac on the way home.”
“Oh. Okay. We’ll grab some for her on the way back to the ranch. You know what works surprisingly well? Apple cider vinegar. Two teaspoons in a glass of water cures it every time for me. I used to suffer from it a lot years ago.”
“I’ll have to try that.”
He must’ve sensed I didn’t like our conversation pertaining to his job and client, because the next thing out of his mouth had nothing to do with it. “You mentioned earlier in the car about Kayla’s boyfriend coming to town. When’s that happening?”
“Oh, yeah. Matt’s coming to town in a couple of weeks.”
“How do you feel about that?”
My lips tightened. My mind was still on his business trip coming up.
“That bad, eh?” He said, bringing his ice water to his lips. After taking a sip, he set it back down. “I bet teenagers are difficult to raise.”
“Yeah. They can be a handful at times. Today’s world doesn’t help.”
“Right? I couldn’t be a teenager these days.” He shook his head. “They’ve got to deal with constant bombardment from every direction. Social media, friends, schools, teachers, parents, the internet. When I was growing up, there was Mom and Dad and maybe the library, if you lived close to one or were able to find a ride.”
My mind let loose of the business meeting and engaged him in the conversation. “I know! Now they have all this information at their fingertips and think they know everything.” I thought of Kayla.
“I will say, though, that Kayla isn’t too bad since we moved here. I think moving and only having me around have really been helpful for her.”
“That’s got to be a relief. I’m happy you decided to take me up on the offer.”
My stomach twisted thinking about his trip to Colorado coming up again. I wanted to be happy about the date we were on, about our chemistry we’d had all throughout the day, but it was difficult to hold firmly to the good. I feared he’d break my heart just like Jonathan did. The worst part of it all was that I had actually convinced myself I had been fully healed from Jonathan—I hadn’t. The worry overwhelmed me to the point of a stomachache.
“I don’t feel so good. Can we wrap up here and you take me home?”
He looked bewildered. “Sure. Let me grab the check and we’ll go.”
Chapter 24-Hannah
LUKE GOT OUT OF HIS car and walked me to my door.
“It was nice getting to know you more. I think what you’re doing for yourself and your daughter by moving out here is great.”
“Thanks.” I felt thankful he didn’t mention the awkwardness I most likely exhibited at the restaurant. “I had a good time too, Luke.”
He stuck out a hand.
Odd, I thought to myself as I shook his hand.
“Have a good night.”
He turned and went out to his car and I went inside.
Setting the Zantac down on the kitchen counter, I peered over at Kayla’s bedroom door and saw the light was off. She had already gone to sleep.
Going over to the stove, I pulled the tea kettle off the back burner and filled it half-way with water. As I set it back on the burner and turned the heat to high, I recalled how I’d felt when Luke had helped me hold the gun out in the woods that afternoon. His arms around mine, his hands touching mine. I hadn’t been that close to a man in years, and I liked it.
Continuing into the living room, I lay down on that old red stitched couch and let my mind dwell more on the day’s events with him. We were waiting for a table at the restaurant earlier on a bench when he leaned over to me to say something. When his breath tickled my neck, it sent a shiver down the length of my spine.
The tea kettle whistled.
Arising from the couch, I went back into the kitchen and pulled it off the burner, then fetched a mug and tea packet from the cupboard. Pulling down the blue mug that was Jonathan’s, all the insecurities I had felt earlier in the evening flared. Why’d I keep this stupid thing? I wondered as I broke down.
Tears started to flow as I became increasingly worried about becoming attached to Luke. I liked him already, and that worried me.
With tears still in my eyes, I finished making my cup of tea and took it with me into my bedroom.
Setting the cup down on my nightstand, I went into the bathroom to remove my makeup.
As I used a makeup remover pad and peered into the mirror, I felt a tug-of-war raging inside me. One side was pulling toward wanting to pursue a relationship with Luke, and the other side didn’t want anything to do with the guy. Praying, I asked, “How am I supposed to know what You want me to do? I can’t see Your will clearly, Lord. Help me, please. Amen.”
I shut the light off and went to my bed. Getting beneath the covers, I reached over to my nightstand, flipping on the lamp, and grabbed my tea. Snuggling up with my back against the backboard, I pulled my Bible from the pillow beside me and began to read in John.
Chapter 25-Hannah
AFTER MAKING MAC BREAKFAST THE next day, I picked up the dirty laundry in his room as he ate.
“How was my son?”
Resting the laundry basket on my hip, I paused and nodded. “He seems like a nice guy.”