Through the Shadows

by Barnett, Karen;

  Her friend dug through one of the canvas bags and drew out some wrinkled trousers and a long blouse. “I think these will fit. Good thing you’re small.”

  “Where can I change?” The beach offered little hope for privacy.

  “We’ll hold up the blankets.” Ruby lifted the one Elizabeth had been sitting on moments before.

  Elizabeth groaned, but the cool air left little room for argument. Ducking between the blankets, she unfastened her skirt and shirtwaist with stiff fingers and slithered out of her stockings. “I’ve got sand in my corset lacing.”

  “Take it off.” Kum Yong shrugged. “No one will notice. You can keep a blanket around you.”

  Ocean air swept in between the blankets. Elizabeth shuddered as she stripped out of the sodden layers, dropping the corset and petticoats to the ground with the rest. Leaving her damp chemise and drawers, Elizabeth tugged the long top over her head. She stepped into the loose trousers, stifling a giggle. “It’s like wearing nightclothes. I could get used to this.”

  Her sister pursed her lips. “Don’t you dare. You’re unconventional enough, little sister. Let’s not set tongues wagging.”

  Elizabeth ran her hands down the embroidered material, softened by countless washes. “Why don’t we all dress like this?”

  Kum Yong smiled. “I can’t see you giving up your fine shirtwaists.”

  Ruby frowned. “You can’t parade around the beach like that. It’s okay for the little girls, but people will stare.”

  “It’s not so different from the bathing costumes.” Elizabeth gathered her unmentionables from the sand, wrapping them in her damp gown.

  “Here comes Charles.” Her sister started to lower the blanket.

  “Give me that!” Elizabeth grabbed the covering.

  Ruby laughed. “I knew you were bluffing.” She turned to welcome the man.

  Elizabeth sank down onto the sand. She should have taken Ruby’s initial offer of a ride home. Sitting here wrapped in a blanket all afternoon bordered on ridiculous.

  Charles sat beside her. “Are you going to be all right?”

  She nodded, pushing aside any vestiges of pride. “I think I’ll stay away from the water, though.” Her teeth chattered, whether from cold or nerves.

  “Is there anything I can do?”

  Ruby’s lips curved upward. “You can stay and keep Elizabeth company while I take her wet things to the automobile. Kum Yong and some of the older girls will get the food ready.”

  “Should I take them?” Charles held his hands out.

  “No!” Elizabeth drew the bundle close to her midsection. The idea of this man handling her undergarments sent prickles racing across her skin.

  Ruby laughed and reached for the dripping pile. “I’ll do it.”

  As everyone else drifted away, Charles sat back and stretched his legs across the sand. “I’m sorry I startled you.”

  She laid her cheek against her knees and gazed at him. The tiny lines forming around the corners of his mouth plucked at her conscience. Was he really so troubled?

  “I saw the panic on your face when I reached for your hand . . .” He lowered his eyes. “I won’t touch you again, if you don’t wish it. I promise.”

  A tendril curled around her heart. Is it what she wanted? “You caught me off guard.”

  Charles bent his knees and dug his feet into the sand. “I must confess, Elizabeth—you fascinate me. I’m completely mesmerized.” He met her gaze, unwavering this time. “But if you’re not comfortable with my attention, I won’t pursue you further.”

  A shiver coursed through her at his frank words. “I’ve never done anything to encourage you.”

  “All my life, I’ve met women who are obsessed with little more than parasols and parties. You threw yourself into the mission work with no concern for yourself. You face down men like my uncle without flinching.” He grinned. “You talk politics like a man.”

  “Is that supposed to be a compliment? Can’t a woman speak politics?”

  “Certainly, but I’ve met few who do. And fewer still who have the courage to disagree and argue their stance.” He took a deep breath. “All of that, and you’re beautiful, too.” A light danced in his eyes. “Especially right now.”

  A hot flush crept up her face. “Don’t make fun.”

  “I’m not. You’re like a mermaid, washed up on the beach.” He gestured to her head. “With seaweed in your hair.”

  “What?” Elizabeth dug her fingers through her locks, grasping the slimy strand and yanking it free. She flung the green offender to the sand. “I can’t believe this.”

  “Still lovely.” He grinned.

  Elizabeth blinked back tears and turned away. The man’s assertions were ludicrous. Sweet, but ludicrous.

  Children sat in groups around the beach, lounging on blankets, some of the littlest curled up for naps. Two of the older girls helped Kum Yong distribute picnic food. Down by the water’s edge, a small group gathered. Donaldina and George had joined in, everyone holding hands in a long chain, jumping the waves in unison.

  As much as she’d like to know the handsome attorney better, she couldn’t take the risk of her secret being revealed. “It won’t work, Charles. I’d only disappoint you in the end. You have a bright future ahead of you.” She lifted her head. “You’ll be mayor, or maybe even a congressman—you’ll change the world. I won’t stand in the way.”

  His brows drew down. “You wouldn’t.”

  “Each point you offered confirms we’re not a good match. I’m contrary, argumentative. I like to have my own way. Can you picture me at state dinners or political rallies? I’d be a disaster.” She ran her fingers through her hair, twisting it into a loose knot at the nape of her neck. “You need someone who can love and support you. Someone with a spotless reputation and delicate manners. I spend my time with former prostitutes and opium addicts whose sins pale in comparison to my own.”

  Charles shook his head. “I’ve no desire for a simpering wife who’ll agree with every word I say. I’m searching for someone who will challenge me and help me remember why I went into law in the first place.” A smile crept to his face. “I’m searching for you.”

  “Look at me.” Elizabeth dropped her hold on the blanket and gestured to herself, odd garb and all. “I’m no one’s idea of a perfect woman.”

  Charles’s gaze never wavered. “Elizabeth, you don’t get to decide my opinion of you. If you don’t return my feelings, I understand. I wish I could somehow separate myself from your distrust of my uncle, and my connections with your family’s financial state, but I cannot. We each bring complications and stumbling blocks to our path, but I believe we can overcome these obstacles—together.”

  She cupped a handful of sand, letting it slip through her fingers. “It’s not your uncle or your job, Charles.”

  “This’ll be my closing argument, then.” He laid a hand on his heart. “If you want me to walk away and not bother you again, tell me. But, I’m praying you’ll give me an opportunity to prove myself worthy.”

  She could set him free with one statement, but the words died in her throat. She couldn’t lie to him—not about this. Elizabeth studied the firm line of his chin, tracing it up to his earnest eyes. Her chest ached, as if she’d spent the entire conversation holding her breath. If she confessed her feelings now, would she be able to hide the other truths? The ugly ones? “I do care for you.” Her voice quavered. “But it frightens me. I don’t think it’ll be enough.”

  “It’s enough for now.” A smile spread across his face.

  Prickles raced across her arms. Why did her heart leap every time he smiled? Father, help me.

  “Will you accompany me to the Japanese Gardens, then? Say, Friday afternoon?” He glanced around the beach. “Perhaps without the few dozen chaperones?”

  A weak laugh bubbled its way up her throat. She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I will.”

  19

  Elizabeth stood in front of her small
bedroom mirror, fussing with the lace cravat covering the neckline of her blue shirtwaist. Why hadn’t she telephoned Charles to cancel this outing? The rice and vegetables from lunch sat in her stomach like a rock. Perhaps she hadn’t canceled because she’d spent the week dreaming about walking flowered paths with the attractive man by her side.

  Now the day had arrived foggy and cold, as if the truth hung suspended in the air. She couldn’t pretend she was like any other young woman out to snare a fellow. She had no business being seen with a respectable man like Charles McKinley.

  A gentle rapping on her door broke Elizabeth from her worries. Kum Yong peeked into the room. “I came to—ooh!” Her mouth curled around the vowel and drew out the sound. “You look so pretty!” She tiptoed inside and closed the door. “Is this the big day?” Kum Yong clasped her hands in front of her chest, bouncing on her toes.

  “You look like a little girl when you do that.” Elizabeth couldn’t help but smile. Her friend’s joy was contagious. “I think you’re more excited than I am.”

  “How could you not be excited?” Kum Yong sat on the edge of Elizabeth’s bed.

  Elizabeth picked up a pair of earbobs from the box on her dresser. “It’s just nerves, I expect.” She sat next to her friend, rolling the jewelry in her palm. “If George asked to court you, would you accept him?”

  Kum Yong fiddled with the cuff of her sleeve. “I never should have told you.”

  “I’m glad you did. Now I can speak to Donaldina.”

  “No!” Kum Yong jumped from the bed. “You mustn’t. It’s unseemly for me to express interest. It must come from him.” Her shoulders fell. “And that’s not likely.”

  “Kum Yong, it’s a new century. A woman can have opinions of her own.” Elizabeth clipped the baubles to her earlobes. “And unlikely? Why?”

  “He only comes to see little Yoke Soo. He rescued her, so he feels responsible.” She shrugged. “He doesn’t come to see me.”

  “Perhaps.” Elizabeth stood and stretched. “But I saw how he looked at you when we were at the shore.”

  Kum Yong’s brows drew low over her eyes. “Don’t say such things.”

  “Why not? You said as much of Charles.”

  Another knock made both of them jump. Elizabeth stifled a giggle as she walked to the door.

  Tien Gum stood in the hallway. “Your young man is downstairs, Teacher.”

  My young man. A chill raced over Elizabeth’s arms. “Thank you, Tien. I’ll be right down.” She closed the door and leaned her forehead against it. “What do I do?”

  Kum Yong placed a hand on her shoulder. “You have fun for the both of us.”

  Elizabeth nodded and turned to face her. “You’re a good friend.”

  “And I hear everything, later. Yes?”

  Elizabeth squeezed Kum Yong’s hands. “If it goes well, yes.” She snatched up her reticule, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Willing her feet to move, she walked down the stairs.

  Charles waited near Donaldina’s office. “I was afraid you might have changed your mind.”

  Elizabeth bit her lip. Was it too late? “You didn’t reconsider either, I see.”

  He grinned. “Of course not. The man in the corner market almost convinced me to bring you flowers, but I wasn’t sure if you could display them in your room.”

  “I’m glad you didn’t. The girls would gossip about it for weeks.” She glanced around the empty hall. “In fact, we should hurry out. Tien Gum is probably making the rounds as we speak. Pretty soon we’ll have an audience.”

  Charles offered his arm. “I wouldn’t want to make you the talk of the Mission.”

  “The damage is already done, but we don’t need more eyewitnesses to confirm it.”

  “What about the locks? It seems to be a ritual around here.” He opened the door.

  “Kum Yong is waiting.” She inclined her head toward a group of potted palms. “She just doesn’t want us to know.”

  “Oh, I see. How kind of her to give us privacy. Almost.”

  They walked outside and pulled the door shut. Within moments, the locks clicked into place.

  Elizabeth’s fingers trembled as her hand looped through Charles’s arm. Now, if only she could manage to get through the outing with no disasters.

  ***

  The fog hung over the Japanese Tea Garden in Golden Gate Park like a wool fleece, closing out the world’s disturbances and absorbing every sound, every footstep. Charles squeezed Elizabeth’s arm where it looped through his own, relishing the warmth of her body on this chilly day. “I’m sorry I couldn’t arrange for sunshine. I did my best.”

  “I prefer this. It feels like we’re alone in the park. It’s as if all of life’s problems were left outside the gates.” She lifted her chin.

  Charles smiled. “So, no paperwork, snobbish attorneys, or stoic judges for me. What have you left behind?”

  Her dimple showed. “Tangled bobbin thread, girlish squabbles, and students whispering to each other in a language I don’t understand . . .”

  “You like your work, don’t you?” He gazed down at her gloved fingers, resting on his sleeve.

  “I love it. Even more so, now that I’m teaching piano.” She adjusted her small-brimmed hat, tipping it slightly so she could glance up at him.

  “I understand you’re putting together a concert.”

  “Just a little exhibition for the board and the donors. The girls will sing and recite. Our little piano prodigy, Yoke Soo, will play a piece.”

  “Any chance you’ll be performing, as well? I’d love to hear you play.”

  Elizabeth blushed. “Donaldina is petitioning me to, but it seems rather self-serving. We’re celebrating the Mission and the girls. I shouldn’t be in the spotlight.”

  “I can’t think of anyone I’d prefer to see on a stage.”

  “My stage days are over.”

  “Why is that?” The nosy question slipped out before he could stop himself.

  She glanced up at him, her blue eyes luminescent in the bright fog. “I made certain mistakes I needed to leave behind.” She lowered her gaze, concentrating on the pond. “I came to the Mission not just because I wanted to help the Chinese girls.” She lifted one shoulder in a half-shrug. “I thought they could help me, as well.”

  Her honesty took him off-guard. “Have they?”

  “I believe so. I’m more sure of myself.” A smile broke through, like a shaft of sunlight piercing the fog. “I’ve stormed into brothels and opium dens with Donaldina—far more frightening than walking onto a stage. Or facing myself in the mirror.”

  “Then perhaps it’s time for you to reconsider the stage.”

  Elizabeth shook her head. “No, not yet. Probably not ever.”

  They walked to the far edge of the pond, pausing under a dogwood tree, the wind ruffling its leaves in a steady rhythmic sound. Charles glanced down at Elizabeth’s thin wrap. “Are you warm enough?”

  She rubbed her arms. “It’s a little chilly.”

  He gestured to a bench protected by an ornate wall. “Why don’t we sit for awhile? There might be less wind.”

  Elizabeth released his elbow as she took a seat on the bench. “Yes, this is better.”

  Charles ran his hand over his sleeve where her fingers rested a moment before. “I’m glad you came. I know you could come up with a thousand arguments why it’s not a good idea.”

  “You’re the one with arguments, Mr. Attorney. I only needed one.”

  He sat down, studying her gaze. Why did he have such trouble reading her? “And which one is that?”

  “I’m not the right woman for you.”

  “We’ve been over this already. I’ve dismissed the argument.”

  She placed one hand on her hip. “You’re not the judge, here. You can’t dismiss me.”

  He couldn’t help but smile at her petulant pout. “You’re correct. I’m sorry.” He gestured for her to continue. “Go ahead—what were you saying?”

&nbs
p; Her exhale ruffled the fringe of hair above her brows. “You’re allowing me to reopen the case?”

  “I’m encouraging you to do whatever pleases you, Miss King.” He leaned back and folded his arms. “And just so you know—you’re quite partial to making opening statements and arguments as well.”

  Her mouth closed slowly as if he’d deflated her thoughts.

  His stomach tightened. “That probably sounded a bit patronizing. I’m sorry.”

  “No.” Lines crinkled across Elizabeth’s forehead. “You’re right. I’ve just never considered it before.”

  “You should go to law school. We could open our own firm. McKinley and King.”

  “Or King and McKinley.” The dimple showed in her cheek. She pressed her palms against the seat.

  Or McKinley and McKinley. The thought stilled his heart. How easy it was to picture her as his wife. Without thinking, he reached for her fingers.

  She jerked, scooting back along the bench. “Please, don’t.”

  A chill swept over him. “Don’t touch you?”

  “You said you wouldn’t.” She folded her arms and tucked both hands out of sight.

  “I was just trying to . . .” Trying to what? He bit his lip. Trying to touch her. The very idea overwhelmed his senses. “Why are you so easily startled? You held my arm earlier.”

  Her brows dropped low over her eyes. “You offered, I accepted. It’s not the same thing at all.” She shook her head. “You can’t just—I’m not the sort of girl who likes being caressed at a man’s whim. I won’t have it.”

  A wave of heat rushed through his system. “I’m sorry. It wasn’t like that.”

  “I know exactly what it’s like. I’ve been around men enough to know.” She stood up and walked a few steps away.

  The haunted look in her eyes paralyzed him. What had Elizabeth endured to make her so wary? After a long moment, he pushed himself up to follow. “Elizabeth.”

  She paused near the moon bridge, her arms still pressed against her ribs.

  Charles stopped, well out of reach. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but you can trust me.” He placed his hands in his pocket. “Is this better?”