Kraving Tavak (The Krave of Everton Book 4)

by Zoey Draven

  Tavak watched her pass, hidden between two vendor stalls so Stella hadn’t noticed him. Only Ravu’s voice had shaken him from his stupor.

  “Demav, you’re taken with her,” Ravu said, carefully observing his brother, a brief frown on his face. “I never…I never thought I’d see it.”

  The words struck him hard.

  Was it so obvious that Tavak was vauking pining for her? Like a pathetic fool, who’d hurt and pushed away the only female he’d ever cared for, longed for, needed?

  “Let’s head back to the jivera,” Tavak had growled to his brother, a little shaken by Stella’s laugh. Even his brother’s arrival couldn’t make him forget what a miserable, endless, sleepless week it had been.

  Staring out his jivera window, his gaze roaming over the trees, the branches that swayed with an unseen breeze, Tavak thought of his brother’s surprised words, lingering in his mind.

  It frightened Tavak that he needed her. Just seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, had filled him with such peace and longing. It was like taking a breath after being underwater for too long.

  And that smile might never be directed at me again, he thought suddenly, his fists clenching at his sides, flinching at the realization.

  Tavak swallowed hard, turning from the window, pacing across the floor of his jivera.

  That realization…it withered something in his chest.

  Stella had stumbled—literally—into his life and somehow had wiggled herself into him to stay permanently. He didn’t know how she’d done it but she was there. And Tavak wondered if she would always be.

  They were opposites in every way. But she’d shown him kindness when all he’d ever truly known was ugliness. She deserved to be happy and what Tavak didn’t understand was that she’d chosen him, though he didn’t deserve a female like her. Even though he had no experience pleasing females beyond the confines of his bed.

  But Stella wanted him.

  It…humbled him. Completely. It made him feel a prick of pride, like he could be the right male for her.

  Tavak’s breath felt wrung from his lungs when he thought, If I let her go, I will regret it for the rest of my life.

  He already had a lot of regrets.

  He didn’t want Stella to be another. She deserved more than that. Much, much more. And she hadn’t asked for much, had she?

  All she’d wanted was his trust.

  All she’d wanted was not to be pushed aside and kept in the dark.

  Basics wants and needs in any partnership, in any matehood, though Tavak had had neither.

  “Vauk,” Tavak murmured, groaning. He scrubbed his wide palm down his face, over his tired eyes.

  He stared, unseeing, around his jivera. He imagined the words. The words he’d say to her when he told her about Kerivu, about Jrika…about Everton. He imagined what she’d say. He imagined her expressions.

  Then he imagined her turning away from him. A look of disgust and horror on her face. He imagined the sharp pain he’d feel when she decided that he wasn’t worthy of her, that she didn’t want a jaded whore as a potential mate, after all.

  Tavak laughed. A low, deep, bitter sound.

  Because it was difficult to imagine.

  Because he knew, deep down, that Stella would never turn away from him.

  Instead of disgust, she would hurt for him. Instead of pity, she would be angry for him.

  Though it would be difficult, Stella would finally understand and see all the ugly, scarred pieces of him in their entirety.

  For once, Tavak thought he had the courage to show her everything.

  For her.

  Because the alternative was to have her walk out of his life so completely that it was like she’d never been there at all.

  Tavak had thought that was what he’d wanted. To protect himself. To protect his past. The last week had showed him what life without her was like.

  And he couldn’t stomach it.

  Cursing to himself, Tavak went to the door of his jivera, and before he knew it, he was heading into Dumera’s center.

  Multiple times throughout the week, Tavak had lingered just outside Reji’s bar, willing himself to go inside and speak with her. To make sure she was all right. To…see her.

  And every single time, he’d left. Gone home because he figured that she didn’t want to see him. He’d seen her hurt, her disappointment. She’d opened herself up to him, told him that she’d fallen in love with him…and he’d dismissed her.

  She probably hated him.

  She had every right to.

  But Tavak was done being a vauking coward. He would spend the rest of his life making it up to her, if only she gave him another chance to make this right. Them right.

  In the bright morning, Tavak was in front of Reji’s in record time and this time he didn’t hesitate marching through the familiar doors. He didn’t even know what he was going to say to her but he would figure it out and—

  “Reji?” Tavak asked, stopping in the threshold in surprise at seeing the Reku’io male behind the counter instead of Stella.

  It looked like the male was taking inventory of his supplies behind the bar slab and he looked up at Tavak in surprise, obviously not expecting anyone to come storming in.

  “Tavak,” the Reku’io greeted slowly.

  “You’re back,” Tavak murmured, his gaze scanning the rest of the bar for Stella and not seeing any sign of her.

  “For the time being,” Reji replied. “At least until this place sells.”

  “Kruvu?” Tavak breathed, his brow furrowing, his lungs tightening. “You’re selling it?”

  Reji nodded, coming around the bar counter. “You weren’t here a few nights ago when I announced it. But I’m planning to leave Dumera permanently. I’ve had a few interested in the land but no actual offers yet.”

  “But what about Stella?” Tavak asked.

  Reji’s small smile died a little. “Yes, well, she took the news relatively well but…”

  Tavak shook his head. He knew how difficult it was to find employment on Dumera but Stella didn’t need to worry. Even if she rejected him, even if she wanted nothing to do with him, he would have Valerie and Eve help her find something suitable.

  “Where is she?” Tavak asked. “I need to speak with her.”

  “Stella?” Reji frowned. The Reku’io peered at him closely. “She left. I’m not sure how you can get in touch with—”

  His stomach dropped, a cold feeling beginning to spread through his limbs.

  “What do you mean she left?” Tavak asked, his voice quiet but surprisingly even.

  “With that Killup merchant. Haase, I think his name is. Yes, that’s right. She left a few days ago with the crew.”

  The vice squeezing his lungs only tightened.

  Stella wasn’t on Dumera anymore.

  Is she even planning to come back? he wondered, panic and fear filling him.

  Was it too late?

  Reji was saying something else but Tavak didn’t hear him. He was already turning, heading out the doors, and striding towards Khiva’s labs.

  Veki.

  She was worth fighting for and he intended to. Tavak had finally—what was that human saying?—pulled his head out of his ass and he would fight for her until she had no choice but to forgive him, until she had no choice but to love him again.

  When he reached the labs, he nearly ran over Khiva on his way to the Coms station.

  “What the vauk—” Khiva started to ask but Tavak growled at him and continued on.

  When he was seated at the Coms station, he immediately patched in a call to Ravu, hoping that he was in his room at that particular moment. He sensed Khiva striding into the room behind him but he paid his friend no mind.

  Tavak nearly sagged in relief when Ravu answered the call, bleary-eyed and groggy. Tavak had obviously woken him from sleep.

  “Tavak?” Ravu asked, voice husky and deep. “What are—”

  “Where are you?” Tavak demanded, leanin
g forward.

  This felt right. Even though he’d have to do something he vowed never to do again—even though it scared him shitless—Tavak only felt determination coursing through him.

  He would have to journey into space again.

  But for Stella, he thought he’d live up there if she asked it of him.

  Tavak asked again, “Where are you right now and how the vauk do I get on that ship?”

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  “Can I join you?”

  Stella looked up, blinking. She straightened when she saw it was Ravu and she looked around the empty cafeteria, seeing that they were the only ones around.

  Not surprising. Most were sleeping or working their shifts.

  “Of course,” Stella said, flashing him a small smile though she tried not to meet his eyes. She shifted her tea cup closer even though Ravu plopped himself down in the empty chair across from her with plenty of room.

  Stella had tried to sleep, but after tossing and turning in her small bed, she’d gotten up, dressed, and come into the cafeteria for tea. Her feet were still bare and she had her knees drawn up to her chest in the chair, hugging them tight.

  The cafeteria was a wide, open room, with plenty of tables. The food preparation area—which Stella had mostly taken over the past week—was in a separate room, through the door on the far wall. Her favorite part of the cafeteria, however, was the floor-to-ceiling window that showed the stars and glimmers of galaxies and unknown colonies and passing vessels.

  Stella had been looking out that window when Ravu’s voice had broken through her thoughts.

  “You lived on this vessel for a long time, didn’t you?” Ravu asked quietly.

  His voice was pleasing. Deep and mellow and even.

  Stella met his gaze and her heart twisted a bit at the familiar gold and silver threads that tangled in those eyes.

  She looked back out into space, bringing her tea cup to her lips, the now-cold drink hitting her tongue.

  “Yes, I did,” she said.

  “Does it feel strange being back?” he questioned.

  Not really.

  And yet…

  It felt incredibly strange.

  Like she was trying to jam a piece of her back into a puzzle, a place she no longer quite fit in.

  Even though Haase was thrilled to have her back, even though the crew was happy, Stella began to remember all the reasons she’d left in the first place.

  Because the ship reminded her of her mother. She didn’t like to walk the halls anymore. She’d passed her mother’s quarters a dozen times and every time had brought a lump climbing rapidly in her throat.

  Because time just seemed to blur in space, a sensation she’d forgotten. There was no heat, no cold because the temperature was regulated. There was no sensation of warmth on her skin or the damp, lush smell of earth. Her body felt heavier on the vessel, the artificial gravity weighing her down even more so than on Dumera.

  She sighed, setting her cup down.

  “It feels different,” she finally decided on.

  She’d thought returning to Haase’s ship would help her feel like her old self. But what she found was that she could no longer be that person.

  She flashed Ravu another smile. “My mother always loved space. Haase too. People like them…they can’t imagine anything else. Like the crew. You. I can see how much you like being up here.”

  Ravu’s brow lowered. It was such a Tavak expression that for a moment Stella froze, staring at him. She could see the hints of his brother in his face and every single one brought a sharp ache to her chest.

  She looked away again, swallowing.

  “But for me…Dumera was the first place I felt rooted somewhere. I miss that feeling,” she said quickly.

  Even if being there was painful in the aftermath of me and Tavak, she added quietly.

  Even though I might not even be able to stay on Dumera for long, she thought next.

  “Even though this view is pretty incredible,” she added, a soft huff of a laugh escaping her.

  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ravu nod. “Pax, it is.”

  Silence descended between them, silence that made Stella fidget a little.

  Finally, Ravu said, “You can ask me, you know.”

  Stella blinked and flashed a startled look across the table at him. “Ask you about what?” she asked quietly.

  “About him,” Ravu murmured. His elbows slid onto the table, leaning forward. “About why he is the way he is.”

  Stella’s mouth went dry.

  And Ravu was right. He had all the answers, didn’t he? All the answers to questions that Stella had stayed up late thinking about.

  It was tempting.

  But Stella realized why it felt so strange to be around Ravu. It had nothing to do with his resemblance to his brother and everything to do with the fact that Stella didn’t know what she could say to him. His life was so entwined with Tavak’s. She couldn’t ask him about his family, his childhood, the places he’d lived, the work he’d done. Basic questions about someone’s life. If she asked Ravu where he’d lived before Dumera, he would tell her. Except, Tavak hadn’t wanted her to know.

  Even after everything, she still wanted to respect Tavak’s privacy.

  Stella licked her lips, taking another quick sip of her tea to buy her time as she thought about how to respond.

  In the end, she didn’t have to.

  “Ever since you’ve been in his life, I’ve seen a change in my brother,” Ravu told her.

  Stella straightened again.

  “We haven’t had an easy life,” Ravu said, throwing her a half-smile that struck Stella as sad. “And Tavak even less so. Because he always put me first. Never himself. Even though I was just a squalling child our mother dumped into his arms, a child only half of his own blood.”

  Stella bit her lip, unable to tear her eyes away from Ravu.

  “Everyone thinks he’s cold and mean and mistrustful,” Ravu continued. “But I know better. Khiva, Dravka know. Valerie and Eve. I think you do too. He can be those things, but when you have his trust, his loyalty, he becomes none of those things.”

  Stella had slices of time with that male. Happy, wonderful moments after his Rut, when he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off her, when his smiles came easily and his laugh melted her insides.

  And then…he’d taken that male away. Snatched away in such a way that made Stella feel like breaking.

  “Well,” Stella started, clearing her throat with discomfort, “I don’t think he ever really trusted me. But I understand why. It’s a hard thing to do in this day and age.”

  “He trusts you,” Ravu told her, without hesitation. “I know he does.”

  A little breath escaped her.

  “He…he told you that?”

  “He didn’t have to,” was what Ravu replied, before leaning back in his seat, his head turning to regard the view out the window. “I know my brother. I know him better than he knows himself. Even though he hates that.”

  Stella couldn’t help the small smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. Because she could perfectly picture his ire.

  “He’s lucky to have you,” she said honestly.

  Ravu turned to regard her again. “I’m lucky to have him too.”

  Stella’s eyes went back to the stars and another silence stretched between them, though gently this time. Comfortable.

  “Don’t give up on him.”

  Stella’s lips parted. Valerie had said something very similar.

  Quietly, Stella admitted, “I think it’s a little too late for that. He made his decision very clear to me.”

  An expression slid across Ravu’s face. Almost mischievous, knowing.

  His arms crossed over his belly and he relaxed in his chair.

  He said, “I wouldn’t be too sure.”

  Chapter Forty

  “Why are we decelerating?” Stella muttered to herself, as she walked back towards her quarters.
<
br />   It was a very subtle sensation but Stella had lived on Haase’s vessel for years. Her ears popped and her body felt a little sluggish.

  Ennro was coming down the hallway towards her, his tools packed in a grease-covered satchel at his side. His face wore some as well, smeared across his forehead.

  “Why are we slowing down?” Stella asked as they passed. He was obviously coming off his shift down in engineering. The male probably wanted to eat and sleep.

  Ennro turned, walking backwards as he told her, “Not sure. Might be getting a supply drop.”

  Stella nodded, knowing they weren’t near the colony they were heading towards. They weren’t planning to arrive there for another few days. A supply drop from a passing vessel made sense.

  “See you!” Stella called after him. He waved his hand and disappeared.

  A short while later when Stella was in her room, the vessel picked up speed again, making her nostrils feel plugged but only momentarily. She sighed, undressing for her shower since she’d been in the kitchens all day prepping food. She smelled like cooked meat and the pungent, foul-smelling prickly fruit Igon preferred.

  As she washed her hair and scrubbed down her body, her thoughts drifted to Tavak. Naturally. As they always did. And her fingers began to soften as they trailed over her flesh, as the slippery, silky soap made her breath hitch.

  A side effect of their ‘break-up’ that she hadn’t foreseen was that Stella craved sex. With him. He’d ruined her for sex with another male, at least that was what it felt like.

  When she dreamed of him, she always woke up in the middle of the night, sweating, heart racing, her fingers dipped down into the fabric of her sleeping shorts, where she was wet and aching. In that brief moment between dreaming and waking, she swore she could smell him—that rich and earthy musk—and hear his growling, deep commands in her ear.

  Stella always forced herself to stop. She’d never brought herself to orgasm thinking about him because…because she felt like she needed to break that habit. A bad habit that needed fixing if she wanted to move on.