Rusty Logic

by Robin Alexander

  “Think about that too. I’m gonna let you get some rest now,” Kirsten said quickly. “Call me tomorrow, let me know what’s going on. Good night.”

  Rusty stared at the phone when the call ended, her mind whirring with the implication Kirsten had just made.

  *******

  Rusty’s dream forest was still green, and the house still appeared to be building itself. The walls were completely up, and there were shingles on the roof. Windows had been installed, and there was even a front door, and it was bright red. Stella opened one of the windows and smiled.

  “You’re doing a good job, Achmed. This place is coming together faster now. When’re you gonna come on in?”

  Rusty tried to take a step and once again found that her feet felt like they were in cement. This time, she stood farther away from the house. “I can’t,” she said as sadness swept over her and a subtle knowing that she would be better off inside.

  “She’s in here.”

  “Who?” Rusty still tried to make her heavy feet move.

  “Kirsten, and she wants you to come inside,” Stella said.

  Rusty searched the windows for any sight of Kirsten and noticed Neil standing at one with his arms folded and a frown on his face. “Please try to understand,” Rusty said, hoping he could hear her through the glass.

  “His feelings are hurt, but he’ll come around when you talk to him.” Stella whispered, “He’s really sensitive, and I’ll let you in on a secret, Kirsten is too, but she hides it better than he does.”

  “Is she mad at me?”

  “Why do you care?” Stella asked with a slight grin.

  “Because I…” Rusty wasn’t able to answer the question. The answer was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn’t release it.

  “You know what, Achmed, you have it all, you just won’t see it. You don’t like changes you don’t make, but you did all of this, every bit.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  Stella perched her little butt on the windowsill and smiled. “Yes, you do. You just don’t wanna let go of the rope that you think is safety, and it’s tied to the past. I’m speaking plain here, but you’re not hearing me.”

  A steady knock began, and Rusty looked around. “What is that?”

  Stella didn’t answer, and the knocking continued until Rusty woke up and realized that it was real.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Neil looked tired when Rusty opened her door. “I was so upset yesterday evening that I ruined dinner. Jaqueline took me home, put some kind of monk chanting CD into the player, and made me listen to it in a dark room. It didn’t help.”

  “Come in,” Rusty said and stepped out of the way.

  Neil walked over to the sofa and looked as though he were about to sit, then changed his mind. He walked over to the window and leaned against it. “You know what I realized last night? I’ve become you. I constantly crave your affirmation, just like you did with your mother. I have to accept that I’m not going to get it, and I have to learn to be proud of my accomplishments on my own.”

  The truth struck Rusty like a wrecking ball, and she sank down into a chair. Justine was gone, but Rusty still longed to hear her say, “Hey, honey, good job.” She’d known that about herself, but for Neil to put it in context the way he did made Rusty realize she had to do more than just acknowledge it.

  “Please forgive me,” she said numbly. “I’m an asshole.”

  Neil turned away from the window with anger painted all over his face. “No, you’re not. That’s what makes this so hard. I’ve seen the real woman who hides behind that façade. This is so frustrating because you are not your mother, but when you get scared, you act just like her. I couldn’t see this for myself, but Jaqueline forced me to examine it. Your mother tried to control everything because she was always afraid. You were the one thing she had, so even if she had to mentally abuse you to keep you needy, she was willing to do that. She knew if she withheld her affirmation and her affection, you’d always fight to have it. You’re wired that way. If something’s out of reach, you fight to get it. That’s what has made you a successful businesswoman. It’s also crippling you as a human being, and no one suffers for it more than you do. You need to learn to love yourself despite what your mother did to you. She was a very miserable woman who wanted you to be the same way to make herself feel better.”

  Neil sat and clasped his hands together. “I have to admit that I’ve been dishonest with you,” he said, staring at the floor. “When you admitted the doctor told you if you didn’t make drastic changes, you’d die, I seized on that. I knew you were scared, and I manipulated you into agreeing to take a break. In my heart, the primary concern was for your health, but it was also for mine. You were killing me. You were at the office every single day at seven in the morning, you stayed late every night, and you expected me to do the same. I was too weak-willed to tell you no. So part of my reason for getting you out of here for a while was to force you to realize it didn’t have to be that way.”

  Rusty closed her eyes as she absorbed everything Neil had to say.

  “I would never cheat you. Aside from what I told you, I’ve never lied to you. Our company is important to—”

  “Stop, you don’t have to explain anymore.” Rusty ran both hands though her hair and expelled a heavy breath. “Everything you just said is right, and I’m thankful for what you did. I’m devastated, though…” Rusty swallowed down a ball of emotion threatening to choke her. “I hate that I made you feel like you were worthless because you’re not. You’ve been the best friend I’ve ever had and brilliant. I’m so proud of what you’ve done. Neil, don’t cry, I’m trying to keep it together here.”

  “Crying is a natural thing. Sometimes, you have to wash the windows to the soul,” he said with a sniff. “Real men do it.”

  “Well, this is something we don’t agree on. Knock it off.”

  “No, you can’t tell me how to control my emotions anymore. I’ll cry if I want to.” Neil inhaled deeply, sat up straight, and seemed to wait for more tears to come. “Shit, I can’t do it now.”

  Rusty clamped her lips together and laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks. Neil was on her in a heartbeat. “Are you crazy?” she said with a grunt. “Get off my lap.”

  “This is genuine and honest affection,” Neil argued.

  “Yeah, well, it’s breaking my legs. Aw, damn,” Rusty said as Neil got up, pulled her to her feet, and wrapped her in a bear hug.

  “I love you, Rusty.”

  “I love you too, I really do, but I don’t want to feel this much of your body pressed against mine. I’ve told you that before. Could you at least…you know, put some space between me and your man parts?” Rusty burst out laughing when Neil wrapped a leg around her. “Get off me.”

  *******

  They talked a long time about the business and what had taken place in Rusty’s absence. Rusty confided in Neil about how the deal with Kirsten was becoming a lot more to her than just sex. He didn’t lecture her about relationships during recovery, Neil simply smiled happily.

  “You can still see her. Spend a couple of days at the office and the rest in Ancelet Bay. Work remotely like we discussed before,” Neil said.

  Rusty shook her head. “This is real. This is really happening.”

  “Kirsten?” Neil asked.

  “Everything.” Rusty’s brow furrowed. “Out there, it seemed like a dream, but my life is being disassembled and put back together, and I’m not sure if I’m doing it or the circumstances are.”

  “I may’ve given you a push, but you’re doing it.”

  “Right.” Rusty chewed her lip as she thought. “I can’t come back to the office yet. I think I still need to work on me for a while.”

  *******

  “Thank you for coming, Allie.” Kirsten gave her old friend a hug. “I’m sure this isn’t how you wanted to spend your vacation.”

  “I always harbored a secret desire to be an actress. This is my
big shot. Besides, I owe you for introducing me to Andrew.”

  Kirsten pulled out Allie’s chair. “How is he?”

  “I have no idea, we’re divorced now.”

  Kirsten sank slowly into her own chair and said, “I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t be,” Allie said with a sigh, then a smile. “It was great while it lasted, and I learned a lot about myself. I have great restraint. I didn’t kill him or my best friend when I found out they were having an affair.”

  The server arrived at their table before Kirsten could respond, and they ordered drinks and a couple of salads. Kirsten had arranged the meeting at a restaurant in Breaux Bridge, a town far enough away where she doubted they’d run into anyone from Ancelet Bay. No one outside of Kirsten’s department knew that she’d enlisted the help of an outsider.

  Allie Seeley was still as attractive as she was when they were in college. She was in her early forties but looked like she was thirty. On the outside, Allie appeared to be the typical girly blonde with big blue eyes and dazzling smile. When Kirsten sought her out on a social media site, she marveled at how much Allie had not changed over the years. She still looked like she should’ve been wearing a cheerleader’s uniform. Underneath that exterior, though, was a very sharp and shrewd woman.

  “How’re things at the Jackson P.D.?” Kirsten asked when they were alone again.

  “I made detective,” Allie said with a smile. “It took me a little while to decide if I wanted to move up in the department. I considered going back to school and getting a nursing degree, so I could actually make money. Being a cop gets in your blood, and we chase flashing lights like a dog after a trash truck. You’re just lucky that I’ve accrued a shitload of vacation time, and the idea of being bait appealed to me. What’s the plan?”

  Kirsten smiled up at the server as she set two glasses of tea on the table and told them the salads would be out shortly. “We have a little house on the edge of town, and your story is that you’ve bought it and you’re gonna renovate. I’m not gonna lie to you, it’s a shack that someone used as a fishing camp. You need to be seen around town, go grocery shopping, visit the hardware store, be a chatty Cathy and tell everyone how you plan to fix the place up. Hopefully, our guy will make a move quickly, and you can enjoy the rest of your time off.” Kirsten grabbed a small bag in the seat next to her. “Inside, you’ll find the keys and address to the house, a radio, and all the phone numbers you might need.”

  Allie grinned. “This is gonna be fun, I can’t wait to play my role. Life must be good in Mayberry if you’re going to this much trouble to catch a peeping Tom. I reviewed all the information you sent me very carefully. It’s all circumstantial, and there are no actual ties to the guy who broke into the house in Rodney and the guy who’s been peeping in Ancelet Bay. It’s too coincidental to ignore, though.”

  Kirsten nodded. “I know. I’ve blown a hole in my tiny budget just paying your expenses.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I’m serious when I say I’m looking forward to this. You were always very practical when we were in school. What’s your motivation? Why is it such a big deal?”

  “First, I’m following my gut. I think this guy is capable of, or has already committed, sexual assault.” Kirsten smiled. “Mayberry, as you call it, is very quiet, so I have the time to dedicate to this. The second reason is all about my stubborn pride.” She tapped the table with her index finger. “I think you’ll understand what I’m about to say next. I feel like my dad and the mayor walk around me with ‘you should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen’ on the tip of their tongues all the time. Maybe it’s all in my head, maybe I’m oversensitive, but I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself to prove my gut instinct is right on this one.”

  Allie nodded. “I know exactly what you’re saying. We feel like we can’t screw up because no one will see it for a mistake, they’ll blame it on the fact that we’re women. Time changes faster than minds. There’s quite a few guys who have made it clear they think women don’t belong in our department, but they never use those exact words, and I’m not oversensitive. Every asshole is entitled to their opinion, but I don’t have to accept it. I’ll hang my bare ass out the window if it means we can catch your guy.”

  Kirsten’s brow shot up. “I might have you do that. The land around the house is rigged with cameras, and I’ll have people there on watch too. Like I said, it’s a dump, but Terry, one of our officers, put a few things in there to make you comfortable. It’s her cousin’s camp, and she hasn’t been out there in years.”

  “Are there creatures living there too?”

  “Um…yeah.” Kirsten put up her hand. “I should’ve said there were, but Terry got rid of them.”

  Allie made a face. “Yeah, you’re gonna owe me big. So tell me what you’ve been up to. Have you tied the knot with anyone?”

  “No.” Kirsten shook her head and smiled. “I have met someone, though, and I’m hoping to hold on to her. She just marched into my life and grabbed me.”

  “How long has this been going on?” Allie asked with a smile.

  “I met her a month ago when she moved into town, and we struck up a friendship almost immediately.” Kirsten shrugged and looked away. “I’m falling for her already. She is…not like anyone I’ve ever met. She says and does the craziest stuff, but it endears her to me more, and I understand her. I really hope she comes back,” Kirsten finished softly.

  “Where’d she go?”

  “She lives and works in Baton Rouge, but she’s been staying in Ancelet a little while. She had an emergency at the office she had to tend to, so she went back yesterday.”

  “Hmm,” Allie said with a smile. “She’s got you wrapped around her finger already.”

  “That she does,” Kirsten agreed with a nod.

  *******

  After their lunch meeting, Kirsten returned to Ancelet Bay first. Allie took her time and even stopped at the hardware store pretending to be lost. She wove a long tale about how she and her husband had bought the place, but he had to take a business trip and wouldn’t be joining her for a while. Stella happened to be in the store at that time buying fertilizer and saw bait, too, when she took in Allie’s short shorts and tight T-shirt. She began formulating her own plan on how to catch the peeper.

  Rusty also came into town about the same time, and once she was back at the house, she made a call. “Can we have dinner tonight? I need to talk to you,” she said when Kirsten answered.

  “Oh, you’re back in town?” Kirsten asked coolly.

  Rusty was a little taken aback by the tone. “Yes.”

  “I have a stolen car parts sting I’m working on this evening, but I can manage dinner.”

  “All right, come by after work, and I’ll have it ready when you get here.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you then. Bye.”

  When the call ended, Kirsten blew out a breath. On one hand, she was thrilled to know Rusty was back, but that was the problem with the other hand. Just hearing Rusty’s voice on the phone made her heart skip a beat. Rusty’s unexpected departure and the conversation with Allie prompted Kirsten to really evaluate her feelings, and she realized that she’d gotten way too close to the fire. After talking to Rusty the night before, she truly grasped how important Rusty’s company was to her and how much of her identity was wrapped up in it. Kirsten fully expected to be told over dinner that their time was over.

  There was a part of her that just wanted to focus fully on the peeper case and let Rusty walk out of her life. Like a stupid moth with singed wings, she couldn’t help but to be drawn to the flame. She just wanted to see her face even if her lips were going to deliver bad news.

  Chapter Twenty-six

  Rusty didn’t have time to prepare anything, so she rushed over to Troy’s and picked up dinner. She timed it so she could take the food out of the boxes just before Kirsten walked in. She set the dishes on the table when Kirsten knocked on the door, then threw it open.

  “Rusty! I know I
told you to keep this damn door locked. It was ajar again.”

  Rusty met Kirsten between the kitchen and the living room with her hands raised in surrender. “I just got home.”

  “No excuse,” Kirsten said, shaking her head. “Not acceptable. I don’t care if your arms are full of shit, drop it at the door and lock it.”

  A sharp retort formed on Rusty’s tongue as her temper flared. She and Kirsten stared at each other for a moment, and Rusty said, “All right, my bad. I’ll be more mindful.”

  Then they stared at each other again, neither knowing if they should kiss or hug but both wanting to. Rusty took a step back. “This is…awkward.” She jerked a thumb at the table. “Sit down, and tell me what you want to drink.”

  “Water is fine.”

  Rusty filled two glasses and set them on the table, then sat down. “I got you the grouper because you said it was good.”

  “It looks delicious, thank you,” Kirsten said as she laid her napkin across her lap. “Did you get everything resolved with Neil?”

  “I did,” Rusty said with a nod.

  Kirsten picked up her fork and poked at her dinner. “When’re you going back?”

  “I feel like you’re mad at me, and I understand, but—”

  “No, Rusty, I’m scared of you, and I’m woman enough to admit that I screwed up. I haven’t gone along with the terms of the deal, and I’ve gotten really attached to you.”

  “Whew!” Rusty picked up her napkin and started fanning herself. “This is a day, this is a wild day. Click, click, click, that’s my new life coming together. It’s been completely overturned, but all the pieces that fell out are coming together in a totally different way, and I like it. This is great, this is so great.”

  “Is that your way of saying…you like me too?”

  “Well, yeah. I went home, and it wasn’t home, and not because I’m no longer needed at the office. You weren’t there, and I felt like I was a thousand miles away from you. My life is in upheaval, and I’m working on it, I am, but the one thing—the one person—that makes me want to make it all settle down is you. Because I just want to be with you.”