by Erin Osborne
Nodding my head in agreement, I lay back against the seat and recline it a little bit as I can try to get some rest. Steel and I have plenty of time to talk later. Right now, I want to digest everything and think about things without having to talk anymore. I’m not sure when but I must have dozed off at some point. I feel the door opening up as I startle awake. Looking around, I see we’re at a gas station and Tank is at my door.
“Just wanted to see how you’re doin’,” he says gruffly.
“I’m okay, I think,” I reply, sleep filling my voice as I look around for Steel after making sure Quinn was still in her seat.
“He’s inside paying for gas and gettin’ some snacks. Maddie went with him. You know he’s head over heels in love with you, right?” Tank asks, looking at me as if he can see right into my soul.
“What are you talking about? We’ve never been more than fuck buddies,” I say, astonishment covering my face at being told Steel is in love with me.
“I may not be in Dander Falls, but things get said between the clubs. When you left, my boy went off the rails and lost himself. He didn’t do much else but get drunk and fuck around. That’s a man in love and thinkin’ he just lost that person forever. I’ve seen it before and I’ll continue to see it as long as I’m alive. Now, you have a choice to make, Harley. You can either go all in or back off and stay away from Steel. It’s not goin’ to be easy to decide, but if you’re with him then you gotta be all in,” he says, leaning against the door looking relaxed and calm until I get to his eyes. There’s a storm swirling there and I’m afraid that I’m the center of that storm right now.
“You don’t know anything about me,” I say, trying to defend myself.
“I know. From what I hear, no one does. You make pushin’ people away seem like a sport. I’m tellin’ you that man wants it all. He wants to be the one to hold you when you’re scared, fight your demons off when you can’t, protect you and your daughter with his life, anythin’ that he can to ensure that you don’t pull a runner again,” Tank says, knowing what I’ve seen the past few days.
“How can I put my trust in him, and everyone else in the club, when sooner or later he’ll leave and take everyone with him. Since I was a teenager, everyone has left me. My parents did when they died. Alan, my brother, did even before them. Any friends I’ve ever had, all gone. When you’re used to being alone and having everyone leave eventually, it’s kind of hard to trust that someone is going to stay in it for the long haul,” I say as tears stream down my face, letting go of the past that’s haunted me for so long.
“I know you talked to my wife. She had no choice but to lose everyone in her past. Her ex isolated her and made her dependent on him. Don’t you think she has trust issues? Yet she can see past all of that to open up and tell you about it. Maddie lets everyone in and sees the best in them. It’s about seein’ the good that life can bring you and not dwellin’ on things that seem to happen to you. Every old lady you’ve met through the club, Addison included, has been through some shit and made it out the other side. Did they have problems? Fuck yeah they did. But they learned to lean on everyone surroundin’ them in the club for help when they needed it. Not only is Steel all in, he’s in it for good. You’ve stolen his heart and gave him the one thing that we all crave deep inside; family. That baby and you are his family. Let him open up to you about his situation and then you give him the same respect. None of us are goin’ anywhere but by your side when you need us. Trust me, we’ll all be there if you make that call,” he says before looking at the entrance to the store and making his way back over to his bike.
Can I really believe that they’ll all be here for me? Can I trust that they’re not going to leave when they find out what a shit show my life truly is? There’s only one way to find out. I need to stop being that scared little girl and start living my life. I’ve only been surviving up until now. It’s time I live and make a life for my daughter. Quinn will never know the heartache that I’ve lived with. Maybe I need to get it out, handle the pain, and move forward so that I can be someone that my daughter looks up to and respects. She’ll never do that if I continue to play the coward. If I don’t stop playing the victim of my circumstances in life, then our daughter will grow up thinking that it’s okay to hide away and not deal with anything. That it’s okay for her to push everyone away instead of embracing the family and life she could have.
The old ladies and Addison have already proven that they want to be friends. Just them showing up and letting me in on what’s happened to them has shown me that. If I needed to leave work early without any reason at all because of Alan, Addison has given me the green light with no questions. And she always calls to check on me when it happens. I’ve pushed them all and they’re still here. Fuck! I’ve been so blind the last two years and I couldn’t get past my own shit to see what was right in front of me. A large group of outspoken ladies, their alpha men, and anyone else associated with them that want to bring me into the fold so that I can be a part of them.
I watch as Steel talks to the guys for a minute before getting back in the SUV. He’s got three bags that look to be filled with chips, drinks, and a few other snacks. Reaching over, he places them on the floor beside my feet before sitting up and getting ready to take back off. All I can do is sit and wonder if Tank was telling me the truth a few minutes ago. Even though he may have sounded harsh, that’s the way that I needed to hear it. It’s the same thing that Maddie told me, but he used the words that I’m used to hearing. Harsh and on the verge of being rude like Alan’s always been to me. I’m going to have to take the chance and find out for myself by letting Steel and everyone in. It’s going to be a long process, but I’m going to fight every day to make sure that I’m happy and get to where I want to be.
Steel
I can feel Harley’s eyes on me as I get in the SUV. When I was in the store, I saw Tank talking to her and I can just imagine what was said. I’m not saying that Tank doesn’t have my back, he does, but it seems that the air surrounding Harley has shifted somehow. Like she’s come to a decision and trying to figure out how to make it a reality. She won’t look me in the eyes now and I hope that the decision isn’t for her to leave again. With Quinn in the picture now, there’s no way in hell she’s taking my baby girl away from me. But, if she doesn’t want to live with me, everything I’ve been doing before going to get her will be for nothing. I won’t live in the house that I bought for our family. It will become a house for the domestic violence program the club is involved with.
I’m not going to push her. We’ve both said our peace and know it’s going to take time to see if we have what it takes to make this relationship between us real and work. Nothing I’ve ever wanted has come easy and Harley is going to push me to my limits most days. Just like I’ll push her past hers more times than we’ll ever remember. She wouldn’t be the girl that got under my skin and captured my heart if she wasn’t tough as sin, sexy as fuck, sweet as pie, and in need of help. The helping part isn’t what first attracted me to her, that’s the part of her that I found out later on. I’ll do whatever I can to help her with whatever situation she finds herself in. She just has to be willing to ask for that help.
“So, the guys and I decided with Maddie, Quinn, and you bein’ with us, we’re goin’ to stop for the night. We’ll drive for another hour or so and then find somewhere to stay,” I tell her, reaching my hand over to rest on her thigh as I drive.
“Sounds good. Thank you, Steel, for everything that you’ve done to help me. I know it hasn’t been easy on you and most days I drive you to insanity. Thank you for staying by my side and showing me that there are people out there that don’t just leave when the mood strikes them. Or things get too hard. And, for taking on the burden of the situation with my brother. It’s not your fight, but you’ve stepped up and been by my side. You don’t know what it means to me,” Harley says, giving me a tiny peek into the thoughts swirling around in her mind as she goes quiet again.
/> As we drive a little further, I try not to think of the fact that Harley and I will be sharing a bed again after being separated for the last year. My dick has been hard as fuck since laying my eyes on her again. It didn’t matter that she was unconscious in a hospital bed to me. Any second she’s around me, I start to get hard and nothing will satisfy me like sliding into her warm, wet heat. That can’t happen right now though. We’re going to wait and take things slow so that we can work on us before adding sex to the mix again. It’s a good plan, we’ll see how long it lasts though.
I see a sign for the next exit and it has hotels and restaurants we can stop at. Quinn isn’t going to be sleeping much longer and I don’t want her miserable in the car seat when she’s hungry and needs to be changed. I’m glad that the bikes are behind us. Well, Tech is in front of me, so I flash my lights and turn on my blinker to let him know that we’re going to be turning here. We’ve made it a good distance today and I need to check on Harley. If she even looks off, we’re heading to the nearest hospital to get her checked out.
A few miles from the exit, I see a motel and signal that we’re pulling in. Quinn is starting to stir in her seat and I know it’s only a matter of minutes before she’s awake and ready to be taken care of. Harley keeps looking back at her and I know she senses the same thing. Thankfully Kim had a bag of stuff at her house for the baby, so we didn’t have to find a store on the way here. Once I get the girls settled, I’ll take Tank and head to the nearest store to get some things for the ride home and pick up dinner from a diner or something.
Crash and Tech make their way inside once we park to get us some rooms. The rest of us stand up outside the SUV and stretch our road weary bones. Harley tries to get out, but I don’t want her moving around more than she needs to now. It’s going to be a fight, but I’m not budging when it comes to her safety.
“Stay put until they come out with keys to our rooms. Then you can stretch as you walk there,” I tell her, holding the door open so I can talk to her and she doesn’t feel secluded from the rest of us.
“I feel fine, Steel. I’m not going to deal with you being all caveman asshole on me while I heal,” she says, letting me know that every step of the way we’re going to fight and argue. I’d expect, and want, nothing less than that.
“Humor me and stay in the fuckin’ SUV?” I question, wanting her to know that I need this from her right now. We don’t know where her brother is, and I can’t be a hundred percent certain that he’s not tracking us somehow.
We made sure to stay vigilant on the way out to make sure no one was following us. As much as I hate to admit it, we’re humans and every single one of us makes mistakes. The five of us should be enough to make sure that Alan keeps hiding from us until we can get home, but I’m not willing to risk the safety of my daughter and girl. No matter what, Harley is mine. She has been for a while now, she just wasn’t ready to accept it yet. I’m not sure if she is yet, but I feel that she’s closer to accepting it.
Harley nods her head and I see her slump back against the seat while Maddie steps closer and starts talking to her. I watch as Harley holds the conversation and doesn’t seem to be pushing Maddie away from her. Or not talking back. They’re having a conversation and I know that this is hard for my girl. It’s the first attempt I’ve seen made by her in almost two and half years though and I couldn’t be more proud in this moment.
“You know Maddie and I talked to her?” Tank asks, relaxing his stance as he watches his wife while continuously scanning the surrounding area.
“I figured. She’s gotta figure out what she wants to do on her own though,” I answer, keeping my eyes glued to Harley while we wait for the others to come back and let us know what rooms we’ll be staying in.
“She knows what she wants already. That girl is scared and damaged. She’s been through a lot in her short life. And I’m sure that she’s not even told us half of that story,” Tank says, letting me know what he sees in her. “You prepared to fight for her when she’s havin’ a bad day? To hold her close when she wants to push you away? It’s not goin’ to be easy, Steel.”
“I know it’s not. I’ve been playin’ this song and dance with that girl for over two years Tank. She’s pushed me away more times than I can count. But, it’s always been about more than fuckin’ on my end of this,” I tell him, finally taking my eyes away from Harley and looking at Tank.
“Just want to make sure that you understand how hard this is goin’ to be on all of you,” he says before walking toward the SUV as Crash and Tech make their way out of the office.
Shadow grabs whatever we need from the back as we make our way to the rooms. They’re on the first floor, thankfully, as I walk next to Harley while carrying the car seat in my opposite hand. Quinn’s eyes pop open and she looks around. I’m not sure if she’s looking for her mom or if she wants to know where we’re at. Every little move she makes fascinates me and I could spend hours and hours watching her. To say I’m amazed at the life that Harley and I created is an understatement.
As soon as Harley and I get in our room, I make sure she’s settled in bed with what she needs for Quinn before the guys and I head out. Crash and Shadow will stay here and keep watch over my family and Maddie. Before we leave, there’s a knock on the door and I open the door to Maddie and Tank after checking to see who was here. She sits on the bed next to my girls and watches Quinn eat.
“If there’s anythin’ specific you need, other than the list you already gave me, text me and I’ll pick it up while we’re out,” I say, leaning down to kiss Quinn on her head and looking at Harley deciding what to do in this situation.
“I will, Steel. I don’t think we need anythin’ else. I’ll worry about it all when we get back to Dander Falls,” she responds, leaning up to brush a kiss against my cheek before relaxing back against the pillows.
Tech, Tank, and I head out to the SUV. I’d rather be on my bike, but there’s no way that’s going to happen with the amount of things I plan on buying today. Harley thinks we’re getting the bare minimum to get us back to Dander Falls, but that’s not what’s going to go down. We need stuff for the new house anyway. Quinn will never be denied anything her little heart desires. Harley either.
“You sure you know what you’re doin’ man?” Tech asks from the back seat.
“Yep. Wouldn’t trade those two girls for anythin’ in the world,” I answer, pulling up the GPS to find where we’re going.
Who the hell knew a baby needed so much shit! I’m exhausted just from shopping and I know this is only the tip of the ice berg of what we need. On our way back, Tech tells me that he’ll go get food as soon as we get back to the motel. That will give me time to jump in the shower before we eat so I can crash. I’m sure that Quinn will be up early and more than once throughout the night. Harley won’t be the one taking care of her alone. I want to be there for everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly I will be there. I’m not going to run and hide when shit hits the fan and things don’t go the way we plan them to go. I’m so out of my depth at this point, there’s no point in planning for anything.
“Harley, I’m jumpin’ in the shower before food gets here. I got you somethin’ to wear if you want to take a shower before bed,” I tell her, setting down a few bags of stuff that we’ll need for the night.
“Okay. Thank you,” she murmurs, looking down at our daughter laying between her legs on the bed.
Standing in the doorway of the bathroom, I watch my girls for a few minutes before Harley’s eyes meet mine and I’m mesmerized by the look I see there. There’s a mix of pure lust and love shining through. Even though she can’t admit it yet, I know Harley feels something more than friendship for me. It’s been evident in the way that she called me when she was in trouble and how she’s let me see a small glimmer of the vulnerability at certain times before she left. Now, I’m not just her fuck buddy, I’m the father of her daughter and the man that’s going to make sure she knows how rare and special she truly
is.
“You okay?” she asks, placing a hand on Quinn’s chest as if she’ll disappear at any second.
“I’m good. Just lookin’ at the miracle that we created. She’s beautiful,” I answer, holding her heated gaze a minute more before turning to close the bathroom door. I need to get away from her before I go back on my word of telling her that I wouldn’t be going between her legs again.
As soon as I’m out of the shower, Harley makes her way in the bathroom to take one herself. I’m sure that she needs one after her stay in the hospital and the ride here so far. She’s never once complained about anything though. Instead, she’s taken everything in stride and only worried about Quinn and getting her away from the last place she’s seen Alan. Harley is stronger than she knows and one way or another I’m going to make her see that.
“Looks like it’s just you and daddy for a few minutes,” I tell Quinn, picking her up in my arms after throwing on a pair of shorts. “I’m sorry that I wasn’t here for a few months baby girl. But I’m here now and there’s no way in hell that you or your mommy are gettin’ out of my sight. I fell in love twice in my life. The first time was when I laid eyes on your momma and saw the girl that she tries so hard to hide from the rest of the world. It happened again when I saw you. I didn’t know I could feel so much in the span of a few seconds, but you’ve blown my world apart. I can’t wait for all of your uncles and aunts to meet you little one.”
Hearing the bathroom door open, I turn my head to watch Harley make her way back to us. She’s clean and her hair is still wet, leading me to think about everything I want to do to her body as I watch a drop of water slide down her neck and under the tee shirt she’s wearing. This is definitely going to be harder than what I originally thought.
Chapter Seven
Steel
WE DIDN’T START AS EARLY AS I WANTED to this morning. Quinn had a rough night and there was no way in hell that I was going to leave Harley to take care of her alone. So, we were up every hour or so throughout the night. I’m not sure if it’s all the change that’s been going on in her short life, she’s getting sick which scares the fuck out of me, or if she’s not liking the switch to formula.