Fly Me Home

by Polly Ho-Yen

  ‘What was the law?’

  ‘In our country, if a man wants to marry a man, or a woman wants to marry a woman … they can’t do it. It’s very different here. You must have seen. Here, it’s accepted that people are different. There are heterosexuals – a man and a woman who love each other and live together – and homosexuals – a man and a man or a woman and a woman who love each other and want to be together. And they are treated more or less the same here. Or they should be, anyway. But in our country it’s not like that. Homosexuals are not allowed to be themselves. That’s what your dad was speaking out about. He wants people to treat them the same.’

  I thought of Dad, always telling us that we should help others if we could. I remembered how, if Tiber and I argued, he would listen to us both; only if we couldn’t agree did he reach into his pocket for a penny to toss. That way it was fair to us both.

  ‘I’ve heard that he might be able to get out of prison. There’s an appeal, and as soon as he’s out he’ll come over here. He’ll be safe here. He wants to continue his work from here, as best he can.’

  Mum’s eyes grew glassy with tears, which she wiped away impatiently.

  I had the feeling that I was outside my body, watching myself take in the news Mum was giving me. I floated up above where Mum and I were standing, circling us both. I was crying – I could see my tears, the frozen look etched upon my face. And Mum, her face naked with honesty, with worry, reaching out for me.

  That was what brought me back into my body, into the moment. The sight of Mum trying to reach me.

  My fingers met hers and we gripped each other’s hands tightly.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ Mum said, so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

  I let myself remember Mum and Dad together. The photo from their wedding day hanging in the sitting room of our old house, their grins reflected in each other’s faces. The quiet voices after I’d gone to bed; I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but the gentle sound of them talking would always lull me to sleep.

  I let myself breathe, think, take in what Mum had told me.

  It was better knowing, I thought.

  It was better knowing what was happening.

  It was better hearing how Mum felt.

  It was better finding out where Dad was and what he had been doing.

  It felt like an enormous hole inside me, thinking about what was happening to Dad, but there was something else, something truthful, that made me feel a strength well up within me. It kept me from falling, kept me standing tall.

  ‘When will Dad get out of prison?’ I asked.

  ‘I’m not sure exactly, I’m afraid. But when he does, he’ll come over here as soon as he possibly can … Are you OK, Lulu?’ Mum said, calling me the name that Tiber had appointed for me. ‘I know it’s a huge shock.’

  I asked myself if I was OK, studied myself as though I was doing an experiment, scanning my brain for feelings and worries. I missed Dad so much, I realized. That was mostly how I felt. I missed seeing his face, hearing his laugh that made me laugh, his happy voice saying my name. But I would see him again, I knew that now.

  There had been a time when I couldn’t believe that it would ever be OK here without him. But I had found good things: Betsy, Bo and Dog, Ms Doyle, and Aisha and Terri, who I’d only just begun to know.

  I finally understood why we had come to London; why it was that we had left behind everything we knew. It was because my dad was trying to help people. Like Mum said, he was trying to make the world a better place. Mum was right: that was something to be proud of.

  ‘I’m OK,’ I told Mum in the end. ‘It’s good … good to know the truth.’

  Mum nodded and bit her lip.

  Suddenly a thought occurred to me: ‘Does Tiber know?’

  Mum took another deep breath. This time she filled her lungs. Her shoulders rose and fell as though she was releasing something within her. ‘Yes. I told him after we’d been to the police station.’

  It made more sense now, the way he’d erupted when I talked about Dad last night. He knew more than he’d let on.

  ‘It’s a lot to get used to,’ Mum continued. ‘And it will take time. I’m sorry that we didn’t tell you from the start. It would have been better if we had, perhaps. We were just doing what we thought was best.’

  ‘I don’t know,’ I said. Adults always talked about doing things ‘for the best’, but I wondered if they’d got it wrong. Didn’t we sometimes just do things because we felt there was no other way, no other path? It wasn’t for the best or for the worst; it just was.

  ‘I’m glad I know the truth now,’ I said. ‘I was thinking earlier that it’s important to talk to each other. To listen too.’

  ‘I think you’re right,’ Mum said. She wiped her face as though wiping away a tear, but although her eyes glistened, she had stopped crying. ‘We need to be honest with each other. Starting from now.’

  She took my hand and squeezed it, and then she looked at me, her eyes so wide that I could see my own reflection in them.

  ‘I’m so worried about Tiber. Leelu, do you have any idea where he might be?’

  43

  I told Mum what Tiber and I had said to each other the night before.

  ‘So you heard him? Mr Abenezzi? How could you not? You did such a good job of pretending to be asleep, the both of you. I thought you’d slept through.’

  ‘Tiber said that Dad couldn’t help and that you wouldn’t get the money, so it was up to us. He said he had an idea—’

  ‘Oh, Tiber!’ Mum exclaimed. ‘It’s difficult with Dad being in prison, but I’ve been in touch with Uncle Ropo about what happened and he has sent us some money to help us out. You don’t need to worry about the rent or about Mr Abenezzi. It’s all sorted out now.’

  ‘But Tiber doesn’t know that. I think he’s gone back to those friends he used to hang out with. I think he was going to try and get money from them somehow.’

  ‘Did he say he was going to do that?’ Mum asked.

  I thought back to our whispered conversation. ‘No, not exactly. But when I asked him, he didn’t tell me he wasn’t going to. He didn’t deny it.’

  ‘I just hope he’s not that stupid,’ Mum said. ‘He knows it’ll mean trouble for him. I’ve got to hope that he means something else; that there’s some other reason why he’s missing. But thank you, Leelu. I’ll tell the police – it might help.’

  ‘Are they looking for him?’

  ‘They’re not that concerned really. To them, it’s not been that long. And when they asked me if he had ever taken off before and I said yes, they said that it was just a pattern of behaviour. Running away. That it happens all the time with teenagers. They think he’ll come back when he’s ready.’

  ‘I’m worried too, Mum,’ I said. ‘I think he would be back by now if he could. It’s different this time.’

  ‘I know, Leelu, I know. I feel the same.’

  We were still holding hands, and for the first time in ages I felt connected to Mum. I could almost feel it running between us, passing through her fingertips, from her palms to mine.

  ‘I’m going back to the police station to tell them what you told me, and then I’ll walk around the neighbourhood for a bit and keep looking for him. Could you stay here? Just in case he comes back?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ I said.

  ‘Lock the door after me, won’t you?’ Mum said, pressing the key into my hand. ‘I’ll come back soon and we’ll have something to eat together, OK?’

  She kissed me on the forehead and was gone.

  I told myself that I would only be a few minutes, but as soon as Mum had left I let myself out of the house and knocked on Betsy’s door. Maria answered after a while, but when she saw me, she just said, ‘No Betsy,’ and made an expression like she was sorry. I didn’t know whether she meant that she wasn’t there or that I wasn’t allowed to see her.

  I tracked back to Bo’s house and knocked furiously.

  ‘Bo!’ I c
alled through the letter box. ‘It’s Leelu. I’m sorry! I’m sorry!’

  I saw Dog come loping up to me. He licked my fingers through the letter box and whined when I didn’t come in. There was no sign of Bo.

  I suddenly thought of him lying on the floor after one of his flying try-outs. I had to get the door open. I rushed back to my house and ran up to my room. I pulled the dried-out piece of bracken that Bo had given me all those weeks ago out from under the loose floorboard, and took it back to Bo’s with me.

  Using the bracken, I had the door open in a flash, and I dashed into the living room, looking for Bo.

  But he wasn’t there.

  He wasn’t anywhere.

  44

  Dog pressed his nose to mine. It felt viscous and cold.

  ‘Where’s Bo?’

  He pressed his nose to me again, and this time it slid across my cheek in a smear. Then he loped towards the front door and gave a little moaning whine. He was pawing to go outside.

  ‘Toilet, Dog?’

  He wagged his tail.

  ‘All right, we’ll just go to the bins,’ I told him. ‘I’m sure Bo will be back soon.’

  But Dog had other ideas. He started pulling me down the street, walking at first, and then trotting, faster and faster. He swung his head from side to side, sniffing the street and the air as though it was all new to him. He seemed desperate to run around and I wondered if he had missed his walk that day.

  ‘Dog! No! We have to go back,’ I told him. I didn’t want Mum to come back to find me gone, and there was something about the way the shadows fell across the streets that made me shiver.

  But Dog didn’t listen. He pulled even harder; I had to run to keep up with him. I held on to his lead with all my strength.

  ‘Dog! What are you doing?’ He led me down one street and then another. I followed him blindly, but I soon realized that we were taking the same route that he took with Bo on their daily walk. The one we’d followed the night we saw Tiber and his gang.

  When we’d turned another corner, I saw the block towering over us. This time almost all the lights were out; only a few windows were still illuminated.

  It was darker tonight. I looked all around for figures in the blackness. My eyes strained for the profile of my brother, leaning back lankily, running with his long strides, but there was no one there.

  When we got to the point where we’d met the group before, Dog stopped abruptly. I almost tripped over him.

  ‘What is it, Dog?’ I asked him. His ears flicked back so that they lay flat on his head.

  I stroked him gently, but then I felt myself freeze.

  I could hear the sound of voices.

  I’d heard them before.

  The same voices I’d heard when Dog and I were last here together.

  They were coming from the foot of the block.

  Where it was darkest.

  Where it collected the most shadows.

  And they were coming towards us.

  45

  I took a little step towards the block.

  Everything was screaming at me to run away, but there was no time. We needed to hide before they found us, and there was nowhere else to go.

  My hands were shaking. My breath came in gasps. Fear hunched over my shoulders as though I was wearing it; a heavy, sodden cape. It dragged me backwards; it resisted my steps.

  But then I heard one of the voices call something loudly and I ran towards the block.

  Some huge, cube-shaped bins on wheels stood outside and I crouched behind one so I couldn’t be seen. The stone of the pavement was viciously cold and reeked of the sharp smell of urine.

  I pulled Dog towards me, wrapping my arms around his rough, wiry fur. I could feel his warmth through my jumper; it steadied me a little. I ducked my head down as the voices grew louder still.

  ‘Oi, Trip!’ one of them said. ‘Check this out.’

  I held my breath. I closed my eyes. I was sure one of them had spotted me. My arms tightened around Dog. I felt his wet nose find mine.

  ‘Oh yeah,’ came another voice. I recognized it as the one who’d called me ‘Dog Girl’ before. ‘That’s funny. That’s really funny.’ He spoke with a confident swagger. I could almost hear everyone listening to him as he spoke: they all fell silent around him.

  ‘That’s what I said, Trip. Like, no joke, those exact words.’ There was a murmur of agreement and ‘Yeah’s.

  They were almost upon me.

  I opened my eyes and saw that they were bent over a phone, looking at something on its bright screen. Its light lit up their faces in the darkness. The one I guessed was Trip looked at it with a hard glare. And all the others, they looked at Trip.

  ‘Shall we check on the patient?’ another one said.

  I shrank down again. He rapped the bin as he passed by. It made a dull clunking sound that almost made me jump.

  ‘Nah,’ said Trip. ‘Leave him be, leave him be.’

  I put my hand to the cold metal of the bin. I knew where Tiber was. I had found him. He was inside the bin.

  All I wanted to do was to jump up and wrench the lid open but they were still close by, only a few steps away. I shrank down as small as I could make myself and tried to step back a little.

  I didn’t see what was on the ground behind me.

  There was a huge clatter as I knocked over a pile of rubbish. A glass bottle fell and smashed into pieces, piercing the air with a splintering sound that seemed to ring out long after it had finished.

  ‘Who’s there?’ one of the boys shouted.

  ‘Come out, come out,’ said another.

  ‘Show yourself,’ said the hard voice of Trip.

  I looked down at Dog and stroked his huge grey head. I didn’t have any power left; my pockets were empty. There was nothing I could do that wasn’t just me.

  I unclipped Dog’s lead. ‘When I tell you to run, Dog, run. Run home, OK?’

  The boys were still calling and taunting and threatening.

  I took a deep breath and stepped out from behind the bin.

  ‘Look who it is.’

  ‘Dog Girl, come back for more.’

  ‘Here for another race, Dog Girl?’

  I took another step towards them. I could feel Dog pulling slightly as I held his collar.

  ‘We’re gonna catch you this time,’ the one called Trip said, and as he spoke, I felt them all crowd in towards me.

  ‘Run, Dog!’ I cried. I let go of him and he bounded off, back in the direction from which we had come, back towards our street. At that exact moment I pivoted round as Betsy had taught me and ran with all my might, as though I was chasing a ball down, in the other direction.

  There was just a moment when the boys didn’t know who to follow. Whether to run after Dog or after me, and in that tiny moment of hesitation I sprinted away.

  I ran with everything I had.

  I ran so that it felt like my legs might come off.

  When I glanced behind and saw that the boys were coming after me, I leaned forward and ran even faster.

  I knew that if I could just get to the main street, then I would be all right. There were people there, lights, cars, shops. Protection. I wasn’t sure what I would do when I got there, but I knew that if I made it there, I’d be OK.

  I thought I heard the boys getting closer and closer behind me, but I didn’t think my legs could go any faster. There was no forgotten walnut in my pocket, no acorn, no feather. Nothing was going to make me faster but me.

  Then I heard a voice in my head. It was Betsy’s: You can do it, little fish.

  Then there was Bo’s: You really are doing tremendously well.

  Ms Doyle’s: Look what you can do when you believe in yourself.

  I put every bit of me into covering that last bit of road. I could see the lights just ahead of me, and the footsteps behind me sounded further and further away.

  As soon as I reached the street I turned a corner, and there I saw a bus about to pull away. With t
he last of my energy I jumped through the doors as they closed, and then ducked behind the people who were standing in the aisle.

  I saw the boys run out onto the street, looking around for me.

  They hadn’t seen me.

  I was safe.

  46

  But of course it wasn’t over.

  I knew where Tiber was and I had to get back to him. They didn’t know that I was his sister. They had no reason to link my being there behind the bin with what they had done to Tiber, but I didn’t know what they were planning. I had to rescue him before they did anything else.

  I got off the bus after a few stops and then walked back to the block another way, hiding in front gardens and behind cars if I heard anyone coming. When I got closer, I could see the boys still standing by the bins, so I tucked myself away behind a wall and listened.

  They were telling Trip that they had lost me; they were still out of breath from the chase. Trip said something I couldn’t hear, and then I heard their footsteps.

  I looked up slowly over the wall to see them disappear into the block. The door slammed behind them, and when I stood up, the square was as empty as when I’d first arrived. I waited for a few moments, and then I dashed back to the bin, my feet light on the ground. My legs were throbbing from running; if the boys came back, I knew I wouldn’t be able to outrun them again.

  The bin was made of metal and had one of those tops that looks like a lid, only now I noticed that it had been tied shut. Three lines of blue rope circled it; they had been tied over and over in an elaborate knot.

  He had to be in there.

  I knocked it as I’d heard the boy do.

  Clunk.

  Clunk.

  There was nothing.

  ‘Tiber?’ I said, as loudly as I dared. ‘Tiber?’

  No sound came from the bin.

  ‘Tiber, it’s Leelu. I’m here, I’ve come to get you. Please answer me.’ My voice had turned wavy; I couldn’t control it.

  That’s when I heard it.