Our Secrets and Lies

by Sinéad Moriarty

  ‘Jesus, Jenny.’

  ‘Jesus what? You’re a smelly, lazy, untidy git. I will never wash your clothes or cook your meals. If you don’t like it, the front door is there. Feel free to leave.’

  ‘Don’t push me, Jenny. I just might.’

  ‘Please do. You’re driving me insane.’

  Frank slammed down his plate and stormed into the bedroom. He came out a minute later wearing trousers and a crumpled T-shirt. ‘I’ll have to go out looking like this now, thank you very much.’ He cursed as he slammed the front door behind him.

  ‘I see the honeymoon period has worn off,’ Lucy noted.

  ‘It lasted about five minutes. I’m making it as unpleasant for him as possible so he moves out soon. I haven’t even had sex with him since the first night. I bought these disgusting fleece pyjamas and I wear them every night.’

  ‘I thought he seemed very frustrated and angry.’

  Jenny grinned. ‘Hopefully he’ll be gone by the weekend.’

  ‘Are you really all right?’

  Jenny snorted. ‘I’ll be fine when he leaves. I now know that I am never meant to live with another human, and that includes Dylan. I want him out too. Go and talk to him.’

  Lucy took a deep breath and knocked on the bedroom door again. ‘Dylan, no matter how much you push me away, I won’t ever stop trying to talk to you. I love you and I’m sorry that you’re angry, but you’re angry with the wrong person. I didn’t send that photo. You have to stop this and go back to school.’

  Silence.

  ‘Dylan, please don’t throw away this chance because you’re angry with me. Maybe one of your friends did it as a joke, or you pressed the button by mistake. Look, it doesn’t matter, you have to come out of there and come home, go back to school and stop this.’

  Silence.

  ‘Please, Dylan, please,’ Lucy begged.

  Jenny came out of the lounge. She led her sister away from the door and over to the couch. ‘Give it a break. Have a coffee.’ She handed her a mug.

  Lucy held it between her hands. ‘I have to get Dylan to see sense. It wasn’t me, Jenny. I’d never humiliate a girl like that. I know how it feels to be shamed, and I would never do that to another person. How can Dylan think I’d do something so awful?’

  Jenny looked at her. ‘So you absolutely swear you didn’t do it?’

  ‘Yes,’ Lucy said. She looked at her sister. ‘My God, you actually think I’m capable of this, don’t you?’

  Jenny shrugged. ‘You’ve been so obsessed with this whole scholarship thing, I just thought you might have had a moment of madness, yeah.’

  Lucy was taken aback. ‘Jesus, Jenny, I’m not a lunatic. I mean, yes, I’m delighted they’ve broken up, but this isn’t the way I wanted it to happen.’

  Jenny tucked her long legs under her. ‘Look, he’s angry and heartbroken. Maybe he did it himself when he was drunk, although it doesn’t seem like him. He’s clearly mad about Taylor and he’s a gentleman. You brought him up to respect women, so I just don’t think he’d have done it. He is adamant that he didn’t send it. If it wasn’t you, it must have been one of his mates. Whoever did it is a real scumbag. I feel very sorry for Taylor.’

  Lucy sighed. How was she going to persuade Dylan to stop blaming her and go back to school? She’d had to call St Jude’s and pretend he was sick today, but this couldn’t go on. ‘Will you try talking to him again?’ Lucy pleaded. ‘He has to go back to school. If he keeps this up, he’ll be dropped from the team and expelled. All because of a stupid girl. God, I wish he’d never met her. Why couldn’t he just focus on his football and schoolwork?’

  ‘Because he’s human, Lucy. He’s a handsome seventeen-year-old with hormones. You’re too hard on them sometimes.’

  Lucy bristled. Yet again her sister was talking as if she knew something about raising children. The only person Jenny had ever had to look after was herself. After one measly week sharing the apartment with Frank, she wanted to kick him out. ‘I’m just protective, Jenny, there’s no crime in that. I screwed up my life and I don’t want them to do the same. Dylan is now behaving like an idiot because of that girl. I want him back in school and back on track. So do me a favour, spare me the lectures and help me get my son out of that room.’

  Jenny put the cushion down and stood up. ‘You don’t have to go all gritted teeth on me. I know Dylan needs to go back to school. I’m doing my best. I’m not a total moron. Go home and I’ll call you later. I promise to do everything I can to persuade him to go.’

  ‘Thanks, sis,’ Lucy said, and left reluctantly.

  She breathed deeply as she walked home, dragging the crisp, cold air deep into her lungs. A half-moon hung over the city. The Christmas trees twinkled in every window, and she felt a lump in her throat. Christmas Day was just over a week away, and look at the mess they were in. It would be the first time her family had an unhappy Christmas. She couldn’t bear the idea of the decorations and the cooking, all the fuss. She wanted to bury her head in the sand and wait for it all to be over.

  The sound of Justin Timberlake suddenly singing ‘Can’t Stop The Feeling’ made her jump. What the …? It was her phone. She smiled. Dylan was forever giving her new ringtones when she wasn’t looking – he thought it was hilarious.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Ms Murphy, it’s Mr Gough here. I’m sorry to ring after school hours, but I’m afraid we seem to have a bit of a situation regarding Dylan, Taylor Lyons and a photograph.’

  Lucy’s heart sank. ‘Yes, I know about it.’

  ‘Well, Mr Lyons is most concerned about the leaking of the private photograph and has requested a meeting with Dylan to get to the bottom of it. I think it’s important that you attend with your son. Perhaps we can clear this mess up quickly. We don’t want it getting out in the media. We must protect the school from any negative press.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Lucy said, her voice shaking.

  Mr Gough cleared his throat. ‘I’m afraid Mr Lyons is most upset about the matter and he’s talking about taking legal action, which I’m doing my utmost to dissuade him from. It’s important that Dylan is prepared to give his side of the story. We’re proposing ten o’clock tomorrow morning in my office. Can you make that?’

  ‘Yes,’ Lucy said. ‘I’ll be there.’

  She hung up and began to cry. This was it: her worst nightmare was coming true. If Dylan couldn’t tell them who had sent the photo, he’d be sent away from St Jude’s in disgrace and possibly taken to court. Oh, God, Dylan. Lucy had to lean against a wall. She felt faint. Her entire life was coming apart at the seams. All her efforts, seventeen years of working hard, sacrificing – and one photo, one stupid, stupid mistake, was going to take it all away from her. From them. And what would they have left? Nothing.

  43

  The tension in the kitchen was almost unbearable. Jenny had walked Dylan around so he could get ready for the meeting. Kelly was in her uniform and at the table, pushing eggs around her plate and eating nothing. Billy was sitting at the table, too, with a full cup of coffee in front of him that he hadn’t touched. He was upset and kept looking at Lucy, who was standing in the corner of the kitchen, sipping a strong coffee. She kept glancing at Dylan, who refused to meet her eye. Kelly couldn’t recognize her own family. Things had never been like this before. It felt scary.

  ‘Come on now. No one’s dead. This will all sort itself out,’ Billy said, in a fake-cheery voice.

  Kelly peeped at her mum from under her hair. Lucy looked terrible. She clearly hadn’t slept a wink. Her eyes were red from crying and she stood as if her body was too heavy for her, like she was going to topple over at any minute. She knew they were all dead nervous about the meeting and what would happen. But Mr Gough was a good person, a sensible person. He’d make this okay – he had to. He would know that Dylan could never do anything to hurt anyone, and surely Taylor’s dad would see that Dylan was a good person. But Kelly had heard her mum telling Billy that Mr Lyons was thinking
of taking legal action. She’d nearly been sick when she’d heard that. He wouldn’t, though, would he?

  No. Mr Gough wouldn’t let that happen because it would look bad for St Jude’s. It would be awful if the school ended up in a scandal splashed across the newspapers. There was no way Mr Gough would stand for it. He’d talk Mr Lyons round. It would be okay, Kelly told herself for the millionth time. It would all be okay.

  ‘Dylan,’ Billy said, ‘they’re going to ask you what happened, son, so you need to have your answer ready.’

  Dylan looked at Lucy. ‘My mother sent out a private photo of my girlfriend to split us up,’ he said.

  Billy looked at Jenny. ‘That might not be the best way to put it.’

  ‘He’s right,’ Jenny said. ‘You say that, Taylor’s dad can initiate proceedings against your mum. Do you want that?’

  Dylan’s lip curled. ‘I really don’t care what happens to her.’

  Lucy flinched. ‘Please don’t say that,’ she said quietly.

  ‘Listen, Dylan,’ Billy tried, ‘you’re angry as hell right now, but you won’t always feel that way. If you say something today that lands your mother in court, there will come a day when you regret it, trust me.’

  Dylan scowled and said nothing.

  ‘It might be easier to say you were drunk when it happened,’ Jenny said. ‘That it was never your intention. I think that’s plausible, and it means you aren’t really to blame.’

  ‘Will you say it?’ Billy asked. ‘Will you, son?’

  Dylan left the room without speaking.

  Kelly went ahead and got the bus to school because she had to be there for ten past nine and the meeting wasn’t until ten. She dreaded the day ahead. The messages on her phone just kept flooding in, telling her that she and Dylan weren’t fit to be in St Jude’s. It took every ounce of strength she had just to walk through the gates and into the building.

  She kept her head down as she made her way to her locker, not making eye contact with anyone. Her first class was maths, which was a good distraction because they were working on calculus, which was difficult. After class she went straight back to her locker, head down, moving quickly. As she rummaged for her English books, there was a loud bang and she jumped.

  ‘Enjoy your last day.’ Melissa was in her face, looking at her with such hatred that Kelly was frightened.

  She tried to push past her, but Chloë and Alicia pinned her back. ‘Get off me, you freaks,’ she hissed.

  Melissa put her face right up to Kelly’s – she could smell the girl’s breath. ‘My stepdad was on to his lawyer last night and your brother is going to be taken to court for emotional abuse, breach of the Data Protection Act and loads of other things. He won’t just be expelled, he’ll probably go to prison too. Dad’s lawyer said he had a very strong case and that judges are coming down really hard on kids sending out private naked photos now. Dylan is screwed. And it serves him right because he is an out-and-out bastard. I can’t wait to hear the announcement that you two are expelled. I’m going to enjoy it. I can’t wait not to see your ugly face every day. I’m going to –’

  Kelly felt the blood rush to her head. She drove through the two girls, knocking them sideways, and sprinted away down the corridor. She could hear Melissa shouting something at her, but she just kept running. As she sped past the big clock in Reception it read ten twenty. Please still be there, she prayed.

  Kelly didn’t knock, she flung open the door to the headmaster’s office and stumbled, breathless, into the room.

  ‘Kelly?’ Her mum stared at her in astonishment. Kelly saw that she had been crying.

  She looked around the room. Taylor was sitting beside a big man who had his arm protectively around her. Dylan was sitting beside his mum, looking terrified.

  ‘What is it, Kelly?’ Mr Gough moved towards her.

  Kelly tried to get the words out but no sound came. A wail escaped instead.

  ‘Come and sit down,’ Mr Gough said, leading her to a chair. Lucy jumped up, went over to her and knelt in front of her.

  ‘What in the name of God is going on? We are in the middle of an important meeting,’ Mr Lyons shouted. ‘Who is this?’

  ‘It’s Dylan’s twin sister,’ Taylor said.

  ‘What’s wrong, pet?’ Lucy asked, holding her daughter’s hands.

  Kelly caught her breath and looked at Mr Lyons. ‘It was me,’ she said. ‘I did it.’

  Everyone stared at her. There was a shocked silence.

  ‘I sent out the photo.’

  Dylan shook his head. ‘Kelly, you can’t take the blame for something you didn’t do. I know you’re trying to help, but not like this.’

  Kelly began to sob. ‘It really was me. When you and Mum both went to bed, I found your phone on the landing. You must have dropped it. I sent the photo out on WhatsApp.’

  ‘Why?’ Taylor’s eyes were wide in disbelief. ‘What did I ever do to you?’

  Kelly looked at her mum. ‘I was trying to help. I was trying to fix it. You were so worried Dylan was going to blow his scholarship. I thought if I could break Taylor and him up, everything would be okay.’

  Lucy slowly stood up and took a step away from her daughter. ‘My God, Kelly,’ she whispered.

  ‘What’s going on here?’ Mr Lyons demanded.

  Kelly stood up, her legs were shaking but she felt calmer. ‘I am so sorry, Taylor and Mr Lyons. I sent that photo out because my brother was staying out late drinking and partying and I was scared that he was going to fail his exams and get dropped from the football team. I thought if he broke up with Taylor, he’d get back on track. But he wouldn’t break up with her because he’s mad about her, so I did something really awful and I sent out the photo and I’m so, so sorry.’

  ‘Jesus Christ, how could you?’ Dylan said, his fists clenched on his knees. ‘I can’t believe you’d do that to me.’

  ‘I’m sorrier than you’ll ever know. I feel sick. I never thought the photo would get out and go viral. I’m sorry, Taylor – I never meant to hurt you. Mum, Dylan, Mr Gough, I’m sorry. I know what I did was wrong. I was just trying to fix everything, but it all spiralled out of control and I panicked and didn’t know what to do.’ Kelly fell back into her chair and put her hands over her face.

  ‘Do you have any idea of the hell I’ve been through?’ Taylor shouted at her. ‘I’ve had perverts stalking me on Facebook and Instagram. I’ve had to shut down all my accounts. I’ve been in hell since you sent that photo. And I thought Dylan had done it. I thought he’d betrayed me. I’m sorry, babe,’ she said, to Dylan.

  ‘I’d never do that to you,’ Dylan said.

  Taylor came over and hugged him.

  Lucy stood still, as if rooted to the spot. ‘But … why didn’t you … How could you … It’s just not … Kelly, it’s wrong.’

  ‘I know, and I’m sorry. I hate myself.’ Kelly’s body was shaking. She felt as cold as ice.

  Mr Gough came over and handed her a glass of water. ‘We all need to take a deep breath. Kelly has bravely owned up to a mistake she made.’

  ‘Mistake?’ Mr Lyons snorted. ‘A crime she committed is more like it. Taylor’s been traumatized.’

  Mr Gough held up his hand. ‘I quite understand that Taylor has had a terrible time and I think Kelly is aware of the damage she has caused. However, she did it to protect someone she loves, and while her actions will have to be punished, her intentions were honourable.’

  ‘I don’t give a fig about her intentions,’ Mr Lyons shouted. ‘She humiliated Taylor, who is the innocent victim let’s not forget, and she’ll be sued for it.’

  ‘I do see that,’ Mr Gough said calmly. ‘But Kelly is young and clearly repentant for the trouble she has caused. If you bring an action against her, it will drag the whole issue into the public arena, which is something the school is anxious to avoid.’

  ‘I’m not going to stand back, let my daughter suffer and do nothing about it,’ Mr Lyons said. ‘This girl admitted she sent th
e photo and any court in the land will find her guilty.’

  ‘I would be concerned that involving lawyers and the gardaí would expose these young people to a huge amount of scrutiny,’ Mr Gough argued. ‘The media backlash would be very hard on them all. I’m sure we can resolve the issue among ourselves.’

  Taylor put her hand on her father’s arm. ‘It’s all right, Dad,’ she said. ‘We should let it go. I don’t want a big court case and have the whole thing brought up again and the photo being shown around and the papers talking about it. That would be even worse. I can cope with the kids in school knowing about it, but I don’t want to end up on the nine o’clock news. Just leave it, okay? Now I know it wasn’t Dylan, I care a lot less.’

  Mr Lyons patted her hand. ‘I can understand you don’t want it going any further, sweetheart. But,’ he said, turning to Mr Gough, ‘there has to be serious disciplinary action against this girl. She can’t just get a slap on the wrist.’

  Lucy spoke up. ‘I can promise you there will be serious repercussions for Kelly’s actions at home. I am shocked and deeply ashamed.’

  Kelly felt her heart ache. She knew it was silly, but she’d hoped her mother would defend her. Stupid of her to think that: Lucy always cared more about what other people thought.

  Mr Gough nodded. ‘I shall be suspending Kelly for three days and she shall come in an hour earlier every morning until the end of January to help the staff set up for the school day.’

  ‘That doesn’t sound like much,’ Mr Lyons said, frowning at Kelly.

  ‘I think it’s fair,’ Mr Gough replied.

  ‘Leave it, Dad. Dylan didn’t betray me and I’m so happy about that. I just want to forget it and move on. Come on, let’s go,’ Taylor said, standing up. She took her father’s hand and led him from the room, flashing a wide smile at Dylan as she left.

  When they were gone, there was silence.

  ‘So,’ Mr Gough said, ‘that was a bit of a shock for everyone. Thank you for coming in, Ms Murphy, and I’m very glad we were able to settle things amicably. Kelly’s three-day suspension will start from tomorrow. After that, I want to see her here at seven thirty sharp every morning.’