Lucy felt her face redden. She admired and respected the principal and she could see that Laura Donoghue was wondering how things had gone so wrong. Or, more to the point, how Lucy had got it all so wrong. She felt humiliated and stupid. It was like she had a sign over her head: ‘Bad mother, shit mother, worst mother in the whole bloody world.’ That was what everyone would think of her now.
‘I did notice that she wasn’t her usual self,’ she said, ‘but I didn’t realize the extent of it. I thought she was just taking a little time to settle. She didn’t tell me what was going on. I had no idea she was being bullied.’ Lucy’s voice caught. She cleared her throat. ‘A lot of it happened online and I was clueless to it all. I realize that makes me sound like a really bad mother and, believe me, I feel like one. I should have been more vigilant of their social media lives, but when I checked the twins’ Facebook pages they were totally innocent. I know now they were fake pages and that they had different ones where they socialized. As for WhatsApp, Kelly deleted the nasty messages – thank God Shannon took photos whenever she could.’ Lucy sighed. ‘I missed it, Laura. I missed my daughter’s suffering and I will never forgive myself. I have to make it up to her and ensure she’s safe and happy.’
‘I’m a parent too,’ Laura said kindly. ‘I’m well aware that our children have ways and means of circumventing us. I’m not judging you, Lucy, but it is important that I understand what happened so that I can be aware of how Kelly is doing, of what might trigger her anxiety, and of how her family situation helps or hinders her. I’m sorry to be so blunt, but when a student tries to take their own life, it’s a very serious situation.’
Lucy gripped the strap of her bag even tighter. She knew she had to be honest, even though it was the last thing she wanted. But it wasn’t about her: it was only Kelly who mattered now.
‘I understand,’ she said, nodding. ‘Well, as you know, I took Kelly out of Woodside because of Dylan’s scholarship. That opportunity they were given meant more to me than anything else. I’m a single mother – their father left before they were born. I dropped out of college to look after them and I’ve spent the last two decades caught up in pushing them to do well, pushing them to live out my failed ambitions and dreams. I was so blinded that I didn’t see Kelly was suffering much more than just new-school teething problems. I was so focused on my own hang-ups, I didn’t see that my daughter was being pushed right to the edge by her classmates. I kept telling her to go in and do her best and get on with it. That was all she got from me. I just kept pushing her.’ Her eyes filled. The shame of what she had done was acute. But somehow being honest, putting it all out there on the table, was a relief. No more lying and pretending and covering up. She was admitting to this woman that she had failed and why. How her ambition and disappointment in life had led her to put her own daughter’s life in danger. It was like purging. Lucy felt as if she was shedding a layer of skin. A skin that she had used to protect her and drive her forward all these years, but a skin that had ultimately led her to be blind, stupid and reckless with her precious daughter’s life. She was removing it and stepping out of it, away from Gabriel and St Jude’s and all of it.
Laura said nothing. She was watching Lucy with what seemed to be a mixture of surprise and sympathy.
‘I’ve realized a huge amount about myself and how I parent over the last week,’ Lucy said quietly. ‘I’ve had to own up to a very difficult picture of who I am. While it’s not easy to admit to these things, it’s important for me to do so and move forward. I’m ready to change, to be a better mother to my children, and I’m hoping Woodside will help me to do that by letting Kelly come back and giving us both a second chance. Please, I’m begging you.’
The principal sat back in her chair. ‘As a mother, I know it’s horrible to have to admit to mistakes – especially when they have very bad outcomes – but I believe you when you say it’s changed you. I admire your honesty.’
Lucy smiled weakly. ‘It’s been very hard won, and far too long in coming.’
‘We all have blind spots,’ Laura said. ‘You shouldn’t keep beating yourself up. The digital world is a huge challenge and most parents are a bit overwhelmed by it. Kelly’s a great girl. I have no doubt she’ll put this behind her and be back to her happy self in no time.’
Lucy gazed hopefully at her. ‘So you’ll take her back?’
‘I’d be delighted to,’ Laura said, smiling widely. ‘We’ll do it in baby steps, give her time to get over the incident and move on, and I’ll keep a very close eye on her to make sure there’s no relapse of any kind. But, yes, Woodside would be very pleased to count Kelly among its students again.’
The tears Lucy had been holding at bay slid down her cheeks. ‘Thank you so much. Honestly.’ She gulped. ‘This means everything to me. To us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.’
Laura stood up and held out her hand. Lucy stood up and shook it.
‘I’ll set the ball rolling at this end,’ the principal said, ‘and I’ll be in touch with you very soon. I’ll talk to the staff, explain things, and we’ll have you and Kelly in for another chat before she starts her classes.’
Lucy left the school feeling lighter than she had in a long time. She took out her phone, meaning to text Sarah, but then she stood there staring at the screen. She fired off a text message: Tom, I just had meeting at Woodside. They are taking Kelly back.
It felt so odd to be involving him, but at the same time, it felt like the right thing to do.
Her phone pinged. Am so happy to hear that news! Well done and thanks for letting me know.
In spite of everything, Lucy felt things were starting to change for the better.
The shop was closed when she reached it, which confused her. There was a hastily scribbled sign on the door: Closed for lunch. Lucy looked at her watch. It was two thirty. What was Billy playing at?
She walked into the house and followed the sound of voices to the kitchen. Billy and Jenny were sitting at the table, deep in conversation. As soon as she saw Lucy, Jenny jumped to her feet and held up her hands. ‘Lucy, I’ve been feeling terrible about all the things I said. I don’t want to kick you when you’re down. I’m just …’
Lucy strode straight across to her, and Billy leapt up in fright. ‘Don’t hit her!’ he yelled. ‘Don’t fight! She didn’t mean it!’
Lucy reached Jenny, and pulled her into a tight hug. ‘Don’t apologize,’ Lucy said fiercely. ‘You’ve saved my life. You told me the truth and I needed to hear it. It’s me who’s sorry. I’ve been so blinded by the past. I’ve been a complete idiot. I’m sorry to both of you,’ she said, looking at Billy, who was standing stock still, his mouth open. ‘I’m sorry, and I promise I’m going to change. You’ve both tried to say it to me over the years, and I couldn’t hear you. But I’m hearing you now,’ Lucy said. ‘Thank you for keeping on trying to get through to me. I’m just so sorry it’s taken so long.’
‘Ah, now,’ Billy said, coming over and hugging them both. ‘That’s wonderful, Lucy, my darling. Wherever Tina is, she’s smiling down at us.’
‘I feel like a huge, heavy cloud has been lifted and I can suddenly see clearly. And guess what? I’ve just come from Woodside, and they’re taking Kelly back.’
‘That’s fantastic!’ Jenny said. ‘You’re brilliant. She’ll be so thrilled.’
Billy sniffled as he tried to hold back tears. ‘I love you both like mad. You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Always, Dad,’ Lucy said, kissing his cheek.
‘It was all your mother and me ever wanted, that you two would be there for each other when we were gone.’
Jenny grinned at him. ‘Well, now that Lucy’s doing what I tell her, there shouldn’t be a problem.’
‘Hey,’ Lucy said, punching her arm. ‘I’m still the oldest, remember.’
Billy smiled. ‘Magic,’ he whispered, more to Tina than to himself.
58
Lucy placed two big red candles in the middle of t
he table and stood back. It was going to be a tight squeeze, but hopefully it would be a good day.
Billy came in with bottles of red wine, which he placed on the mantelpiece. ‘It looks lovely, pet. You’ve done an amazing job. I never thought we’d be able to seat everyone in the lounge for Christmas dinner, but you did it.’
Lucy smiled. ‘I want it to be perfect for Kelly.’
‘It’s fit for a queen.’
Ollie came in, carrying logs for the fire. ‘I cut these myself with a saw! Billy let me.’
‘Well done, Ollie. You’re a little star.’ Lucy beamed at him.
‘I was there to supervise the whole time. I didn’t turn my head for a millisecond.’
‘Dad, we all know Ollie’s safe with you,’ Lucy reassured him.
‘It all looks very fancy, Lucy.’ Ollie admired the good china.
‘Well, Christmas Day is an important day and today is very special because Kelly is home and feeling better.’
‘I used to wish Kelly was my sister instead of Shannon, cos Kelly is always so nice to me. But Shannon saved Kelly’s life so I think she’s pretty cool.’
‘She’s a hero in my eyes,’ Lucy said.
‘Yeah, but don’t tell her that. She’s getting a really big head. She told Dad yesterday that she needed the full box of Milk Tray to herself because heroes need energy.’
Lucy giggled. ‘What did he say?’
‘He told her that she’d want to go easy on the chocolates or her arse might be too big for her superhero costume.’
They all laughed. The doorbell rang. Lucy went out to the hall to answer it.
‘I know it’s Christmas Day and I don’t want to disturb you and I know you think I’m bad news, but I heard what happened and I just wanted to give this to Kelly.’ Sean handed a beautifully wrapped gift to Lucy.
Lucy shook her head. ‘No, I won’t.’
‘It’s not drugs!’ he said.
‘I certainly hope not.’ She smiled at him. ‘I mean, no, I won’t because I think you should come in and give it to Kelly yourself. She’d love to see you.’
Sean looked shocked. ‘Really?’
‘Yes, and I’m sorry for chasing you away before. You seem like a nice kid. But just so we’re clear, if you hurt her, I will hunt you down and kill you.’
Sean grinned. ‘I really like Kelly and I’d never hurt her, but it’s good to know where I stand.’
‘She’s in the kitchen with Dylan and Jenny.’ Lucy pointed to the door.
Sean went in, and Lucy watched Kelly’s face light up. Sean handed her the gift. Kelly stood up and hugged him. She caught her mother’s eye over his shoulder. ‘Thank you,’ she mouthed.
Lucy smiled and went to finish setting the table.
Two hours later Sarah, Darren, Shannon, Ollie, Billy, Jenny, Lucy and the twins were sitting at the table. Kelly kept fingering the necklace Sean had given her. It was a delicate silver chain with a K hanging from it.
Lucy went to sit down. ‘You put out too many chairs,’ Ollie said.
The doorbell rang. ‘Who’s that?’ Billy asked.
‘Kelly, why don’t you go and see?’ Lucy said.
Kelly found her dad on the doorstep, laden with gifts. ‘Mum!’ she squealed. ‘You invited him.’
Jenny reached over and squeezed her sister’s hand. ‘Well done, you.’
Tom walked tentatively into the room. ‘Merry Christmas,’ he said.
They all greeted him, except Dylan, who said nothing. Lucy took his coat and Tom handed gifts to everyone.
‘Even me?’ Ollie said, looking surprised.
‘I couldn’t leave you out! You’re the boy who made Kelly the sword. You’re a very important person.’
Tom had brought bottles of wine for the adults, who all murmured their thanks.
Shannon opened her gift. It was a jacket. ‘OMG, you remembered me saying I loved it when I took you shopping to get stuff for Kelly. Wow! Thank you – it’s amazing.’
Ollie’s was a Segway. ‘This is so coooool!’ He whooped.
‘Way too generous, Tom, thanks,’ Sarah said.
‘I got a bit excited. I hope I haven’t overdone it.’
‘They’re wonderful gifts, thank you.’ Sarah patted his hand.
Kelly’s gift was a thick silver charm bracelet with four charms – a heart, a dress, an angel and tiny sewing machine. She threw her arms around him. ‘I love it.’
‘What are the charms?’ Shannon asked, from the other end of the table.
‘A heart for … Well, I guess that’s self-explanatory. The dress and sewing machine because your mum told me how talented you are at making clothes, and the angel is to watch over you.’ Tom’s voice cracked.
‘It’s beautiful, Tom.’ Lucy touched his shoulder.
‘Open yours, Dylan,’ Ollie said.
‘I’ll leave it.’ Dylan put it under his chair.
Jenny, who was sitting beside him, pulled the box out again. Dylan looked at Lucy. She nodded. ‘Go ahead, love.’
He unwrapped the paper and opened the Nike box. Inside was a pair of football boots in his favourite colour, orange, and on the back, in gold lettering, his name, Dylan Murphy.
‘They’re the same boots Ronaldo has.’ Darren whistled. ‘Nice.’
‘Thanks,’ Dylan muttered.
‘Right, Tom,’ Lucy said. ‘Sit there between Kelly and Sarah and we can eat.’
Everyone tucked into their food hungrily. Everyone except Kelly, who only ate a small amount of hers. Lucy watched as Tom gently encouraged her to eat more. Kelly was smiling and laughing, looking like the young girl she was supposed to be. Maybe Tom turning up was a blessing, she thought. He had lifted Kelly’s spirits and made her so happy.
Dylan said little, letting the others around him chat. Lucy saw him watching Tom from under his fringe. He might pretend he didn’t care, but she knew he did. He needed his dad. She’d have to encourage him to spend time with Tom.
Lucy waited for a lull in the conversation, then said, ‘Dylan has a match on the twenty-seventh if you’re free, Tom. You could come with me and Dad to see him play.’
There was silence at the table.
‘I’d absolutely love to, if that’s okay with Dylan,’ Tom said, sounding nervous.
Dylan shrugged. ‘Whatever.’
‘I’ll text you the details.’
‘I’ll come too,’ Kelly said.
‘Can I go?’ Ollie asked.
‘Sure I’d like to see it too,’ Darren said.
‘I’m free,’ Jenny said.
‘So we’ll all go together, then,’ Sarah said.
‘I don’t want to. Football is so boring,’ Shannon complained.
‘James will be playing.’ Dylan smirked at her.
‘Ooooh! Is he the hot one with the blond hair?’ Shannon asked.
‘Yep, and he’s just broken up with his girlfriend.’
‘I’m coming!’ Shannon squeaked. ‘What’ll I wear, though?’
‘Preferably something that covers your arse,’ Darren muttered.
‘Will you do my make-up?’ Shannon asked Jenny.
‘Jesus, Shannon, it’s a football match,’ Darren said, shaking his head.
‘It might be a football match to you, Dad, but to me it’s a potential meeting with my future husband.’
Everyone laughed.
‘Ollie, will you help me with dessert?’ Lucy said, when they had all finished eating.
‘Really?’ Ollie said. ‘Sure.’
Lucy and Ollie went out to the kitchen. She poured brandy over the Christmas pudding and let Ollie light it. They walked from the kitchen into the lounge and placed the pudding in the middle of the table.
‘It’s a Christmas miracle,’ Darren said. ‘Ollie lit the cake and didn’t set the house or himself on fire.’
‘Shove off, Dad. I never mess up any more. I’m responsible now, aren’t I, Billy?’
‘You are, Ollie. You’re a great lad.’
‘S
ee?’ Ollie pointed at his father, knocking a glass of red wine all over Tom.
Sarah jumped up. ‘Ah, Ollie.’
‘You’re a muppet,’ Shannon shouted at him.
‘So sorry, Tom.’ Sarah handed him an extra napkin.
‘You’ve been baptized, Tom,’ Darren said, laughing. ‘You’re part of the family now, that’s for sure.’
Silence.
‘What I mean is –’ Darren spluttered.
‘Nice one, Dad,’ Shannon drawled.
‘It’s okay, Darren.’ Tom smiled at him. ‘I hope, one day, to become part of this family, but I have to earn it. I know it’s going to take a while for everyone to get used to me being around and I have a lot to do to make up for everything. I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying and, hopefully, some day in the future, I’ll earn my children’s forgiveness.’
‘I hope you mean it,’ Billy said.
Tom turned to face him. ‘I do, Mr Murphy. I swear to you, all I want is to be a part of the twins’ lives in whatever capacity they’ll allow me. I’m going back to New York next week to sell my apartment and wrap up my work. I’m moving back to Dublin. This is where my children live and I want to be as near to them as I can be.’
‘That’s a good first step.’ Billy nodded.
‘Actually, I have some news too,’ Lucy said.
Everyone stopped talking and looked at her.
Lucy felt really nervous. ‘What I want to say is that Tom has decided to move back to Dublin and I’m glad because it’ll give the twins a chance to get to know him in their own time. It’ll be January soon, and I for one am making some serious New Year resolutions. First, Kelly, I promise never to mention the word “law” to you again. Be whoever and whatever you want to be. Whatever you decide, I know you’ll be brilliant at what you do. Go out with Sean. He seems like a nice kid and he’s clearly mad about you. Dylan, date Taylor and go to parties and have fun and enjoy being seventeen. I would still prefer if you didn’t drink – but I’m not going to police you. I’m going to trust you both. You have grown up to be two wonderful people and I certainly don’t take credit for it. Everyone here has helped raise you, even Tom. You have his DNA, so he is part of who you are.
Our Secrets and Lies Page 37