“Listen to your heart and your mind. Let me work on the space in between. I will do whatever it takes. Tell me, will you let me in again?” He kissed me, pain churned across my mouth, but I didn’t care, he tasted better than ever before. Pulling me into his body softer than he had ever before, his hands traced delicately across my back. The heat of his hands seared him into my skin.
“I’m so twisted up by you that I can’t even find a way to breathe when you aren’t with me. I love you, mi dama.” His breath rolled across my flesh, before he kissed the sacred space behind my ear, drowning me in his scent. My most intimate spaces ached for him.
“I’ll be your air … I love you, Alejandro,” I breathed as I felt his kiss leave a new ending to our story while creating a new page I’m willing to turn.
I felt the influence of my desires percolate in my head soaking my whole body with the rich taste of his vulnerability. I didn’t care how dangerous he could be or how much he knew about the prototype. I wanted him entirely, every single part of him, his pain, his love, his fear, and his passion. I pushed my arms around him, nudged my forehead against his chin as I lifted to my toes to taste his lips sweetly against mine again. Our tongues skated the edges and danced together with the silent promises we were making. I pressed hard into him, hoping I’d melt into his chest and we’d be able to get back to that place where we were supposed to be one. He pushed me up against the car, desire swelled between us and my body spoke volumes … he knew my answer.
We were almost to Baltimore. Including our unscheduled stop on the side of the road, we were going to be in the city before six. All things considered, Alejandro was making excellent time.
I didn’t ask questions to pass the awkward silence that filled the space between us. I decided it was better spent trying to find Samantha and where she was being held captive. I focused on the blinking cursor in the lower part of my right eye and spoke her name out loud. I hated this thing in my head. The prototype and everything about it signified betrayal, deceit and pure evil. Unfortunately, I was reliant upon it to help me find her. I watched as Sam’s information appeared before my eyes and focused on the GPS icon causing it to glow bright. I navigated through the countries and came to our locations. I saw two bright red blinking bubbles. I assumed the one just entering Baltimore was me because it was pinpoint accurate on my location. The other one was north of us closer to the outskirts of Baltimore. I focused on the bubble and the textbox exploded open with all the information for Roger Clarke.
“Roger’s location is the same as Sam’s. The coordinates are exactly the same. I can’t believe this, he must be with her,” I shrieked.
“Well, that is a good thing right?” I could hear Alejandro’s voice, but I still was looking at the GPS screen filling both of my eyes.
“I don’t know.” Before I finished answering him I minimized the GPS program and opened Roger’s file in my eyes. I spoke his name out loud, attempting to contact him. I could feel Alejandro’s glare burn through the side of my face. He never said a word.
Mumbled words pushed their way from my mouth, updating Alejandro to what only I could see.
“He isn’t accepting my request. Come on, Roger. Answer me—please.” I toggled between Roger’s file and the GPS. I took the coordinates that filled the textbox, found the icon to connect to the internet and decided to take matters into my own hands. I did a search of his coordinates. I was numb as a harsh tingling reverberated and poured over the back of my head through my neck and down my spine.
“What is it? What do you see?” Alejandro asked.
“He’s at a mental health hospital.” Deflated but determined I searched encrypted files from the hospital. I might as well use this devilish thing in my head to find out what was going on.
“Okay, Sam, let’s see if you are there,” I said under my breath. “Are you a patient or is Roger?” I moved my eyes back and forth over the files, checking every access point that might lack the security software required to keep me out. “Bingo, there you are. Samantha Wilkins, brought in two days ago. Diagnosed with catatonic schizophrenia. Oh, no way. Symptoms observed, catatonic stupor, incoherent babbling, emotionally vacant. That can’t be! Marshall institutionalized her? States here she’s his wife. Claims no other relatives.” My eyes were stinging; the desire to blink was hampered by the need for information. Without thinking, I pushed my index fingers into my tired eye sockets. Trying to use my lids as a barrier to rub in some relief, her information disappeared. I was looking out the window. I felt the car accelerate we were just minutes from the hospital.
“Stop. Stay there!” Roger’s voice echoed in my head. My hands cupped my ears trying to stop the deafening words from inciting havoc in my head.
“Stop the car!” My lungs emptied and my throat burned as I screamed.
I was startled by Roger yelling at me in my head. How did he do that? We weren’t connected. I don’t remember accepting his call. I felt the car roll to a stop as I lowered my head to my lap. I couldn’t imagine how I looked to Alejandro with my hands on my ears and screaming at the top of my lungs. “What’s wrong?”
“Roger sees me; told me to stop.”
“That’s good, he can help us.”
“No—not good. I wasn’t connected to him.”
“What?”
“I wasn’t connected to him. He was able to get into my head without my permission, again!” The hate I felt earlier resurfaced instantly. As sure as I breathe or my heart beats, the hate I had for the prototype would never diminish.
“Lauren, there’s a coffee shop; it will be on your right side, a small shopping center. Meet me there. Don’t go to the hospital,” Roger barked loudly, unaware that I was seething at every word that came out of his mouth.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t want to go there with him. I just wanted to get Sam out of that hospital and Roger out of my head.
Alejandro spotted a Starbucks about three quarters of a mile from the hospital and pulled in. Roger’s black Porsche Boxster was parked in front. My body teetered on the edge between hatred and hurt. I was ready to face Roger. I made the decision to cut him loose. I was done with his antics, done with his excuses. There was one last thing I had to do to be free of Grayson Industries, free of Roger. I was ready to continue my life with the man I loved. Alejandro pulled open my door and comfortably wrapped his arm around my waist. He paused, seeing waves of stress trounce the side of my face, he pulled me close and gave me a delicate kiss on my temple. The borough below my stomach purred, I was ready to be with him.
Roger was sitting in a secluded corner. His eyes wide, bouncing from one place to another like he was watching out for someone unexpected. His eyes froze on Alejandro. Roger’s face checkered pale like he had seen a ghost. He adjusted his black-rimmed glasses across the bridge of his nose, something he’d do when he was irritated. I grabbed Alejandro’s hand and pulled it to rest comfortable back around me. I wanted Roger to know I was with Alejandro. He stood as we approached, careful to make eye contact with us. I could tell he was preoccupied with something more than our relationship.
“Sit, we don’t have any time.” He pushed toward the middle of the table and spoke in a guarded whisper. I watched his head and followed his eyes as they darted around the room. “The CIA was at my house. They know about the prototype, know about Marshall’s contracts with us. Lauren, they know about everything.” His voice rose to an elevated low rumble. I watched as beads of sweat formed pathways to mingle with his dark brown eyebrows. His hand wiped at his brow as he continued. My mind clicked, every move, every word, every reaction played back to me in slow motion. I felt my eyes blink and I watched his lips move as his words came bursting from him slowly.
“Lauren, they want you—they know you have the prototype installed in your head. We can’t let them get to you.”
His words swam around my head as I realized he was talking about the CIA; I knew it would just be a matter of time before they were going to find out. I should have expected he w
as going to throw me to the sharks … the feeding frenzy was going to begin to find me.
“We—what in the hell do you mean we? There is no we. Not only did you install this thing in my head forever, now you’re telling me that I’ve lost my job with the CIA? How much more can you fuck up my life, Roger? Answer me that? How much more?” My blood boiled through my veins as I thought about how much Roger has used me, disposed of me taken everything I once was and striped me to nothing more than a weapon. I was seething when I stood up to leave. Alejandro pulled me to his chest and whispered for me to sit. I felt his body tense, using all his might to hold me still. I didn’t move for several long seconds. I lowered myself into the hard plastic chair, facing the devil himself.
“I know there is nothing I could say to make this okay. I know that. I’m sorry; didn’t know you would be the subject of a CIA manhunt.” Roger’s lame attempt to apologize. “But there’s more you need to know.” His hands damp and magnified from the sweat he kept wiping off his brow. I prayed he wasn’t going to reach out to me.
I felt my body rock back and forth in rhythm with the words that poured from my mouth. “You’re right, there is nothing you can say. Nothing you can do to change what you took from me. My freedom—my rights—my choice—all gone! So don’t sit in front of me and tell me you are sorry—I don’t accept.” I shot up; my body held the full intention of escaping to the bathroom, but Alejandro grabbed me and wrapped his arms around me again. I wasn’t going anywhere.
“I won’t let anything happen to you. Trust me.” His voice pressed into my ear. Goosebumps shot across my skin as he moved the hair from my face and pressed his lips to my cheek. For that brief moment I knew I was going to be okay.
We held each other. I longed for him to take me away. Put me on the same plane that housed all of the pain I so desperately wanted to abandon days earlier. I was tired of being used.
“Hear him out. I’ll be right here next to you.” His words comforted me. I loved the way his lips brushed my cold, wet cheek, warming it just enough.
“What else can you tell me that would justify any more time wasted with you?” I asked Roger.
His silence was profound. Nothing between us, not a whisper, he didn’t even clear his throat.
“Just as I thought—you son of a bitch. Nothing you tell me will change what you took from me. The day you installed this thing in my head, you sealed my fate—you took my life.” The corners of my mouth chapped with cracks of constant worry ached to be left alone. Roger earned a one-way ticket to hell and I was all too ready to cash it in. I pulled out of Alejandro’s embrace ready to leave this whole story behind.
“They found Marshall, dead. Homicide, but we knew that.” Roger frowned as he stared down Alejandro. Playing with words to control me again, I didn’t bite. Alejandro shrugged his shoulders as he continued to keep me from leaving.
“The butler found his body. They have a positive identification on you.” Roger pointed his bony finger at Alejandro. “The gardener saw you stumble from Marshall’s house to your car. They know it was you,” Roger said. A look of complete satisfaction covered his face.
“Well, then it will be the gardener’s word against mine.” Alejandro pulled me closer. I could feel his heart thrust the doubt away with every beat in his chest.
“They have you on the surveillance cameras coming and leaving his house.” I thought I saw a slight smile of pleasure amass Roger’s face. “Now it’s just a matter of time.”
Alejandro lifted his arm from around me and pushed himself close and his lips brushed my ear.
“I need to talk to Roger—alone. Please trust me.” His words unraveled the tether of my heart. My breath lost its way to my lungs as I began to drown in the same isolated fear I knew so well. “Please, give me a moment alone with him.”
Alejandro’s eyes closed and his brows furrowed heavy and for that small space of time, I understood his need. I kissed him, tasted his worried lips quivering for the desire to turn back time. My glacial hands forced their way to the back of his head, tangling into his sharp black hair. His hands pressed secure against the sides of my face, I didn’t want our kiss to end as he pulled his mouth from mine. We held to the tight space between us before he followed my silhouette, first kissing my forehead, then my nose and finishing at the space between my lower lip and the bend of my chin. I knew he was memorizing me; saying goodbye. I tossed a glare at Roger, before I walked out and I didn’t look back. I had a plan, and it was going to give me exactly what I wanted.
I pushed the button on my keychain and unlocked the doors to my 2004 Volvo. I didn’t have much time to waste so I got into the passenger’s side and immediately pulled up Roger’s file. I had reservations about what might happen, being in his head, but the benefits out-weighed the costs at this point. I needed to see what Alejandro was going to say so I entered into Roger’s head. For the first time, I finally felt like I had some control of this fucking thing in my head.
Alejandro was sitting in front of me. The flavor of warm French Roast rolled down my throat as I felt the cup pull from my lips. I hated my coffee black, and now I remembered why. Engine oil would have been easier to swallow. Yuck!
My eyes, Roger’s eyes, watched Alejandro take a pack of sugar and manipulate it to fold in half without breaking it open. I watched him as he worked out in his mind what he was going to say. His lips pursed as he scraped his hand across the table, pushing the loose specks of sugar onto the floor. Brushing his hands together, he shook his head trying to move his hair away from his eyes. He looked desperate, agitated … but determined.
I wanted to feel my heart drop into the special place I created deep in my body, just for him. However, I wasn’t seeing him with my own eyes; I was in a Roger’s head. I felt Roger’s jealously, anger and frustration and how his heart pounded hard in his chest. I felt his anticipation as he waited to hear what Alejandro had to say. I felt him wish Alejandro would just disappear. Go back to California … leave me so Roger could have me back in his life.
“Roger, I know you really like Lauren—you love her. I can respect that. I see your commitment and understand why you crave what she’s not willing to give you.”
“You really don’t know anything about me,” Roger quipped.
Alejandro took a deep breath as he cracked his neck. He was being patient with Roger … it made me wonder what he had up his sleeve.
“I know enough about you, Roger … I want you to know this about me … I will fight for her. I will do everything in my power to protect her. No matter who gets in my way.” Alejandro narrowed his eyes to Roger, both of them staring down one another.
“Don’t you think she’ll need someone who can help her understand what she is becoming?” Roger cocked his head to one side; I felt his glasses shift on his face.
“If I didn’t care deeply for Lauren and what she desires, I would have taken care of this situation a while ago. I can see even through her anger—she still cares for you.” I watched his hands communicate his desires as they pushed and pointed to Roger.
I soaked in the words he spoke so honestly.
Roger sat silent, brooding in his anger for a moment before he responded.
“What about when the prototype changes her, makes her stronger, smarter, more evolved than you? How will you protect her then?” Roger asked, his confidence radiating across the table.
Alejandro shifted in his chair. I could tell the look in his eyes had nothing to do with being intimidated and everything to do with control.
“That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m choosing to sit across from you and leave my ego checked at the door. I need you to install the prototype in my head.” I watched Roger’s eyes meet Alejandro’s. Stunned by his words, Roger was speechless. Instantly, I screamed in Roger’s head.
Nooooooo, God no please no … Roger … please say no!
Alejandro’s request devastated me. I can’t let him do this. I have to stop him! He doesn’t get what it is about.
Every waking hour is altered and changed forever. I love him too much to let him do this. I love him the way he is; I love him unadulterated by this damn prototype in my head.
“I don’t—” Roger was saying as I backed out of his head. I was in my car again, and needed to get to Alejandro before Roger agreed to do it. I’ll do everything possible to keep it out of anymore people’s bodies. It’s dangerous and unpredictable. Thoughts spun in huge circles around in my head. I didn’t want to imagine Alejandro with this evil in his body.
I pushed the car door open and sprinted to the front of the coffee shop. I threw open the glass door so hard that the edge crashed into a display of Christmas gifts. Everyone’s head turned, but I didn’t care. I needed to keep Alejandro from making one of the biggest mistakes of his life, as honorable as it may have seemed to him. He was the only normal in my life … I couldn’t lose that now.
My eyes darted to the hidden corner. Alejandro was standing looking at me. My feet struck determinedly against the brown speckled floor. I didn’t care that people saw the unrefined emotion that flooded my body. Tears fell from my face, leaving traces across my red cheeks as they dropped and landed on my shirt. My arms swung forceful, my strides were twice as big as my normal walk, almost as though I wasn’t touching the floor.
Our bodies collided, like two trains coming at full throttle, and he stumbled back. My eyes locked on his, confusion snatched his expression, trailed by concern. His eyes rapidly searching for what was wrong. He grabbed, pulled me in and held me tight, unaware of what I had seen. I was consumed by the worry in his body.
I pushed him away; a torrent of panic took hold of me as I hammered my fists across his chest. Hollow thuds echoed, filling the coffee shop. Nothing but tears and howls of regret escaped my shattered spirit.
“What is it? Lauren, what’s wrong?” He wheezed as he held me against his chest.
“Don’t do it, Alejandro—don’t,” I begged.
Prototype Page 23