One by one, the boys form their own circle. The girls form another. I wobble in the lawn, my red heels. Cate in that purple dress. Big white sunglasses even though there’s no sun. Suki in this ice-blue maxi dress.
Donnie makes an entrance. She’s wearing this black flowy thing from the 1970s. The neckline plunges down her nonexistent chest and the back is open almost to her ass. Her arms are draped in sheer black wings that drip down to the floor. She looks like a cigarette with wings. Her curly hair long, the wildest I’ve seen it. The blue faded out. She covers her chest with the wings, like they have their own life.
“Let’s see what you have on under here, princess. Give us a show.”
She spins like Stevie Nicks, raising her arms in the air. The side of the dress exposes what I don’t want to see: her ribs. She’s so thin. She spins and spins and then stumbles. I ignore it. Go with moment. Twirl her again and we’re revved up. Bouncing up and down in the grass while our parents take photos. My pink dress in the breeze.
Sean, Dev, and Chase hop up on this long wooden bench and start dancing. Sean’s body bolder than I’ve seen it. The way he’s moving his hips. His shoulders. The way he stands on that bench, like he owns it.
Rewind it all. Get back to Dev. Make it up to Ali. The buzz over my skin from the champagne. I can shift perceptions, can’t I? Wasn’t that the core of this whole plan in befriending Ali? To get her to forgive Sean and show her who he really is? Can’t I do that? Aren’t I built for that? I bring people together. Yes. Of course I do.
Maybe it’s the champagne getting to me, but I could make that happen. Maybe I could make it happen tonight.
Someone passes me a second glass of champagne, and I guzzle it because it’s pink like my dress and not too sweet. I close my eyes. Think of Sean. His eyes all over me that day shopping. The way he led me between all those gowns. How he had to run to my house after I saw him that day and how he kissed me like he’d never let go. It rushes at me.
Dev comes up from behind me and swipes my hair to the side. Kisses my neck.
“Hey, beautiful.”
I collapse into him.
I climb into the limo after Dev. He pulls my legs out from under my dress, sliding me next to him, kissing my neck. I let him do it, just run his hands up and down my body the way he wants. I’m so buzzed it doesn’t matter.
Sean looks up at me as he ducks in the limo. I drift off, imagine sitting on his lap. Curling up with him. I have to look away, so I turn to Dev. “You,” I say, tracing his lips. He smiles. “You too, B. You too.” I have to keep it this way. It’s just a fleeting desire that I can push down. I know I can.
Donnie crawls in and slides next to me. She’s super messy, pressing all the buttons and dancing in her seat with her eyes closed. We’re all messy. Champagne on an empty stomach will do that.
Suki’s parents and Cate’s parents, Dev’s mother, Sean’s parents—they all wave as the limo pulls away from Cate’s house.
I hear someone scream, “Be safe!”
* * *
* * *
We scream at the driver to open the sunroof. I want to fly away in the wind. Take my hair down and throw it around.
Passing around a bottle of rosé. “It matches B’s dress,” Donnie screams, and the driver yells that he’s going to pull over if we don’t calm the fuck down.
He’s screaming at us like that. This big sweaty white dude. “CALM THE FUCK DOWN.”
We all start chanting: “Calm the fuck down, calm the fuck down. Big man who’s driving says calm the fuck down.”
Every time he says, “I’m not fucking kidding, you spoiled brats,” we scream back, repeating him.
“This guy is like the villain in Scooby-Doo,” Suki says.
“If it hadn’t been for you meddling kids!” I yell.
Cate and Chase go at it. Nothing matters anymore. Everyone chants. “Tongue, tongue, tongue.” And she still hasn’t taken off those white sunglasses.
Sean crawls over, next to Dev, and he leans over him to talk to me. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. I shake my head. My heart pounding. This isn’t the time. Not here. Not now.
“This is about Ali.”
“Oh,” I say. “What about her? She’s great. She’s awesome. Everything’s fine.”
“Nessel, you gotta chill about this girl, man,” Dev says.
“She glares at me in the hallway,” he says, slurring.
“Nessel. You’re paranoid. She’s not going to do anything,” Dev keeps saying. It’s like we’re talking to a wall.
I reach over and stroke my hand on his cheek. “I’m going to make everything better. You watch. Everything is going to be all better. We’ll find her when we get to the dance. You’ll see her tonight, and it’ll all go away. It’s going to be great. I promise you. I have it completely under control.”
“Yeah, she wouldn’t do anything, right?” Sean says, staring off. “She’d never do that to me, right?”
27
BLYTHE
We walk into the gym, and the music explodes. The fizz through my bones. That fuzzy escape. I’m not sluggish the way I usually feel when I drink champagne, but bubbly and free. I see Ali walking in and I love her so much. I’m going to repair everything. When I’m done, it’ll be storybook. I can’t have him, but—my little prodigy, my little Ali Greenleaf—she can have him.
Even if she doesn’t want him, I should at least try to make it better. Don’t I owe it to them both? For her to see his soft side? To see the side that I see?
ALI
“Red tights? Shut the fuck up! You are like a fashion goddess,” Blythe says, attacking me the minute I walk through the dark gym. Screaming my name. Ali Greenleaf!
Strobe lights kick back purples and blues across the wall. All of a sudden, everything I’m wearing is neon as the music pumps with a deafening hum.
Blythe, Suki, and Donnie crowd around me.
Blythe’s wearing this long, soft pink, practically see-through, strapless lace dress with bright red strappy heels. Her hair is down and wild. She’s a rosy sky over an ocean. A peony in the spring. Overpowering and sweet-smelling. I’m scared that I’ll never stop idolizing her. I’m scared that I’ll always think she’s better than me.
BLYTHE
Dev and Sean fist pump to music toward the center of the gym. Chase and Cate are way ahead of us.
I float close to Ali. Sweet, innocent Ali. I hate to see her get so mixed up in the head about things. I want to talk to her, really talk to her. Really give her guidance. Really show her how it can be. How she and Sean can just wash this away. I want to say so many things to her—I want to tell her the truth. That I love Sean. That underneath it all he cares. That it has to be a big, drunken mistake. That he didn’t mean to hurt her. If she just saw him with his grandmother that day. If she saw how worried he was the night of Sophie Miller’s party. That he’s just a sweet, needy boy. Don’t we owe boys like him forgiveness? I know it’s not supposed to be that way, but I’m floating. I’m floating from too much champagne, from the music, from this dress, and I can’t stop. So I sieze her hands, just to hold on; otherwise, I’m like one of those rainbow balloons in the sky, taking off.
ALI
Blythe is so wasted that she doesn’t notice I’m backing away from her. She’s grasping at me. I’m not used to seeing Blythe so animated. She’s always so reserved and perfect. I feel uncomfortable. I want to crawl away. Donnie stands next to Blythe in this long black dress with sheer wings. Her skinny body almost translucent—the whole thing like a skeleton costume. She sways back and forth, unintentionally it seems.
I look for Sammi. She’s not going to like this. Them crowding me like this. So drunk. So out of control. She’s standing far behind. Outside the group. Her face in her phone.
“Where’ve you been tonight, Jensen?” Raj says.
“At Cate’s, you silly goose,”
she says. More slurring. “You two bitches were supposed to come to the pre-party.”
We look over at Devon and Sean Nessel, who are fist pumping with a group of soccer players. They’re jumping up and down like maniacs. Raging animals ready to pounce.
Then Sean Nessel turns around and faces us. He stops jump-ing and nudges Devon. The two of them point to me and Raj.
Devon waves to Raj, hollering. “Re-run! Re-run!”
Raj turns to me. His voice real low. “We don’t have to hang out with these guys.”
I search around for Sammi. Meet her eyes. She slides in next to me.
“What’s going on? We can get out of here.”
But I feel paralyzed, like there are too many things happening and I’m trapped in this weird cell that I can’t get out of. And the lights. And Blythe screaming at me with too much energy.
Suki searches through her purse, a weed pen in her hand. In the school. With everyone to see.
“She’s going to get busted—” Sammi says.
“Put it away, you idiot,” Blythe says to her.
“It’s gonna be legal everywhere soon anyway, who cares,” she slurs.
These girls are too wasted and it’s too public. I thought I wanted this. For Sean Nessel to see me. To be strong. I don’t know what I thought I was going to do—confront him? Persuade him to fall madly in love with me? Kill him? I don’t know what I wanted. I don’t know what I want right now, except I don’t want to be around this. I don’t want to stand here waiting for Sean Nessel to stroll over. What a cute girl you are, Ali. I’m going to scream, or throw up, and I want to escape, but I can’t move. My legs feel like heavy weights. I imagine him on top of me. Pinning my shoulder down.
BLYTHE
I look over at Sean dancing, how dreamy he looks. Lights flash across his face.
Ali. Ali. I need to focus on Ali. Make it all better with Ali.
“If you’re not going to dance with me, Ali, then dance with him,” I say.
“Who?”
I pull her hands in. “Pretend we’re at a yoga retreat.”
She rolls her eyes, but Ali always rolls her eyes. I don’t care anyway.
“I’m not going to let go of you, Greenleaf. I’m going to make this better, don’t you see? Life is about forgiveness. You have to understand that people sometimes just don’t do the right thing in life. You and I know this. Don’t we? I want you to be happy, Ali. And he wants so badly for you to forgive him. It’s all he thinks about. If you only knew how bad he wants you to forgive him.”
And I can feel him staring at me. Watching me talk to her. And I have to help him in this moment. I want to help him. And I want to help her. If she would just listen to me. If she would just give this a chance. I’m going to do that. I’m going to make it all better.
“He cried that night, Ali. Did I ever tell you that? That he cried. Actual tears after that whole thing between you two.”
ALI
“Blythe, I’m here with Raj and Sammi. I don’t want to—”
But Blythe doesn’t shut up. I keep trying to talk, but she cuts me off. She overpowers me.
She says something about Sean Nessel crying. Sean crying. She harps on about Sean crying.
BLYTHE
“Oh, Sammi. I know Sammi,” I say, waving her over. “Cherie’s little sister. Wow, Cherie has really changed this year since going to college. Look at my dress. Do you love my dress?” I lean into Ali. Take her face in my hands. “I’m not wearing a bra. I’m wearing pasties over my nipples. Can you believe it? This top part is an actual corset. I’m Marie fucking Antoinette.”
I twirl for her. I hop up and down to the music. I’m feeling so good and I want something good to happen tonight. So good that I can’t escape it. Is that so wrong to ask? Is it so simple to just say that?
ALI
“My brain hurts from this,” Sammi says. “I’ll catch up with you later.”
“You’re not walking away from me,” I say.
“Why? I can predict what’s going to happen.”
I see the hurt in Sammi’s face again. I’ve been so distant and clammed up and now she’s so uncomfortable. Her arms across her chest—she’s in a Supergirl outfit. I want her to save me. But I don’t know how to ask her. I don’t know where to begin.
“I’m walking away. Now. I’m not leaving the dance. I won’t leave without you. You can find me later once this whole thing is over.”
And I let Sammi walk away. I’m too stunned to grab her hand, too paralyzed to move. I let it happen. Blythe, standing there in front of me, controlling the whole thing.
Raj turns to me. “Let’s get out of here.”
But I can’t speak. I can’t budge. I’m swollen shut here. If I move, I’ll cry. I’ll scream. Maybe I’ll fall down. I don’t know. It’s safer to stand still.
BLYTHE
I slide up to Sean. “This is the moment,” I whisper. “This is when you have to make your move. You have to apologize. Say you’re sorry and mean it. It has to pour from your soul. Do you understand me?”
He nods.
I take his hand, his large hand, and he wraps his fingers around my fingers. Dev is right there, right behind him, just ten feet. But that’s not what it’s about now. It’s about Ali. Sean. Making it better for him and Ali. That’s all I’m doing. Helping them.
ALI
I’m looking in four places at once. It’s dizzy around me. There’s an echo, like the music’s too loud, but that can’t be it because we’re not even near the music now.
Sean Nessel. The ten different faces of Sean Nessel. Him on top of me. If I hadn’t had that vodka. If I hadn’t talked to him that day in the hallway. If I hadn’t made that stupid collage book of him.
I stare at the floor. It’s the only way I can hold it together. To focus on this gray floor.
Raj is talking to me, but I can’t hear him. I just shake my head. “No.” I say. But I don’t even know what I’m saying no to.
BLYTHE
Sean’s hand in mine. Everything feels right. I’m going to make this good. I’m going to erase Ali’s pain.
ALI
I look for a break in the crowd, but more people just keep meandering toward us because Blythe is the North Star. People just want to get closer to her.
I hear Donnie and Suki cackling behind me.
Blythe rushes back to me. “I have the answer to everything!”
BLYTHE
I let go of Sean to catch Ali, but she slips away, like her skin is too smooth. Oily or something. And so I vise-grip her. I’m not going to let go of her. I’m going to make everything better.
ALI
Sean Nessel’s eyes target me. I look down. Back to the gray floor.
I want to escape. But Blythe clutches me like I’m on a short leash.
I tug on her dress, though there’s not much there to hold on to except for the bottom of her dreess. It’s like thin handkerchiefs. It’s like air.
“Let go of me, Blythe.”
BLYTHE
There’s a yanking on my dress, as if there’s a small child below me, and when I turn I see Ali. She’s taken hold of my dress and is drawing me close to her. Or is she trying to push me away? Her eyes are wild. She’s incensed.
“Blythe, let go of me.” She spits. A monster erupts from her. Her shoulders are crouched. Her cheeks quiver. I look down, and I’m thinking, My dress. She’s going to rip my dress. The words stick to my tongue because everything is happening so fast.
“Let go of my hand now or I’m going to kill you,” Ali says.
I look down at my hand wrapped around her wrist. I didn’t even know it was there.
My fingers repel from her skin.
Her contorted face glares back at me.
ALI
Kill comes out of my mouth flippantly. Racing in my chest.
I’ll wrap my hands around her neck if I have to. I can feel it.
Blythe turns to me, a sharp inhale, and when she exhales it’ll be fire, I know, but I don’t flinch. She edges toward me so that our faces are almost touching, then peels my fingers off her dress.
BLYTHE
“You’re going to kill me?”
“Wait, she’s going to kill you?” Donnie says.
Suki cackles. “Who’s going to kill you, B?”
“Ali. Greenleaf. I just heard her say she’s gonna kill Blythe,” Donnie says, her face lighting up.
“Ambitious, aren’t you, junior?” Suki says.
They’ve been waiting to attack her for months. Ali’s face sinks. My instinct is to protect her. Shield her from all this. But I can’t. I don’t even understand how this happened.
“Why would you threaten to kill me?” I screech. “And grab at my dress like that? Have you lost your fucking mind?”
“You were holding on to my hand.”
“Just back off, Blythe,” Raj says.
“No, I think your little friend Ali drank too much tonight, and we all know what happens when baby drinks too much, don’t we?” Donnie says, taunting her.
“I was trying to help you.” Every word, curt. Clear, spitting. “I want to help you—and this? And you treat me like this?”
“How many times have I told you not to waste your time with this one?” Donnie says, but she’s preaching now. She’s not making any sense. “This is how ungrateful they all are. These children.”
They’re all watching me.
Something Happened to Ali Greenleaf Page 14