by Gia Riley
My girl completely breaks down in my arms, but she doesn’t let me comfort her this time. She pushes around my mom, running toward the front door.
I’ve always loved my mom, despite her over-bearing protectiveness, but today she’s gone too far. I can honestly say I hate her. I hate the way she acts superior, and the way she puts down a girl with the kindest heart. The kind of girl she would be lucky to have in her family.
“She’s running away because she knows I’m right, Rhett. You only run when you’re guilty.”
She doesn’t have to believe this is my baby, but she can’t keep me from Kinsley. “Shut up!” I yell at her. “Just stop talking because you have no idea what you’re even talking about.”
My mother recoils like I slapped her. “Do you see what you’ve done to my sweet son, Kinsley? You’ve turned him against his own mother.”
“No she didn’t, and like it or not, we’re having a baby.”
“Will you stop saying that! This is not your child. She’s living in that house with another boy. How do you know it’s not his baby?”
I glance at Kinsley, and she looks back at me like she’s dying more inside as each second passes. She has one hand protectively covering her stomach and the other dangling at her side. Even destroyed, she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. “Because she loves me, Mom. She wouldn’t cheat on me.”
Kinsley raises her tear-stained face, her eyes desperate for me to believe every word I just said. “I didn’t, Rhett. You know I wouldn’t.”
“I know. Don’t even question it.”
Mom watches us, and for a minute, I almost think she’s going to give us a little support. But the tiny bit of compassion I saw, disappears. “We’ll deal with this later, Rhett. When your father gets home.”
She turns her attention back to my shaking girlfriend. In an eerily calm voice, she says, “You have two minutes to get out of this house before I call the cops, Kinsley.”
Kinsley flinches, and immediately scrambles for her bag. Her hands shake so wildly, she drops it on the floor twice before I pick it up for her.
I knew it was a possibility that the second someone found out, something like this could happen. Though I never imagined it would be this bad, this fast. “Sunny, don’t leave.”
“You heard her, I have to. We can’t do this anymore.”
“Don’t say that. You’re not the girl my mom made you out to be. She’s wrong and you know it.” I reach out for Kinsley, but she takes a step back, shocking me. She’s never told me not to touch her.
“Why do you love me, Rhett? She’s the only mother you’ll ever get. You can’t throw it away for me.”
Her words are the equivalent to a slap across the face. “I love you, Sunny. I don’t care about what she says or does.”
“I wish we could go back to Fall Fest. I would do it all different.”
“You don’t mean that. That night was ours. It’s still ours. And it was perfect.”
“It doesn’t matter what it was. I have to go.”
“It does matter. You and the baby are all that matters to me. My mom’s mad, but she’s not going to get between us. I love you too much to give up now.”
Another tear slides down her cheek, and when she reaches up to wrap her arms around my neck, it’s unlike every other embrace she’s given me. This one’s empty. It doesn’t have the usual warmth of her body pressed against mine. She’s stiff—like she’s giving me an official good-bye.
“Don’t give up. Don’t leave.”
“I’ll always love you, Rhett,” she whispers, before opening the front door, and never once looking back. I’m losing her with each step she takes, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it. Not when my mother’s back at her side, making sure she leaves the property.
I stand in the doorway, listening to every word my hateful mother spews. “You’ll tell whoever asks that this child is not Rhett’s. I don’t care what story you make up, or who you say it belongs to, but you will not tarnish this family’s name or my son’s reputation. Have I made myself clear?”
Kinsley nods her head. “Yes.”
She hands Kinsley a white envelope before she gets inside her car, telling her, “You keep your end of the deal and I’ll make sure you have enough money to take care of your child. But you’ll stay away from my son if you know what’s best for you. I won’t give you a dime if you break your promise.”
Right before my eyes, I watch as my own mother destroys what’s left of Kinsley. I was willing to stand up and do the right thing—to take care of my responsibilities. All my mother wants to do is pay off my mistakes. Only Kinsley will never be a mistake.
I want Kinsley to get as mad as I feel—to stand up to her and tell her she could never love anyone else the way she loves me. To throw the envelope in her face and run back to me. I’d pack my shit and leave today if it meant we were together. Only she doesn’t do that. She simply nods her head, accepting the deal offered to her without a single question asked.
She isn’t going to fight for me.
For us.
Or for our family.
MY TEARS ARE falling almost as hard as the rain pounding against the road. Between the two, I can barely see to drive home. My head is pounding, my ears are pulsing, and my chest is so tight I can barely breathe.
Walking away was the right choice, but the envelope I tossed on the dashboard is staring back at me like I’m a total fool. Mrs. Taylor may think she paid me off, but there’s no way I would ever take her money. The only reason the envelope is in my possession was to convince Rhett that I’m done. That I want him to pick his family over me. He should work on repairing his relationship with his mother and let me go.
Still, all I want is to turn my car around and run back into his arms where I’m safe. The thought of being without him kills me inside, but in my heart, I can’t deprive him of the one thing I want back more than anything—my mom. He doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have both his parents, even if his mom has been a total bitch to me.
Rolling down my window, the cool air whips my hair around, and raindrops land on my arms. I hold the envelope in my hand, ready to toss it into the nearest puddle, but I can’t. It’s dirty money—money I’ll never have a use for, but there has to be someone who can benefit from it. Someone who will use it for good instead of evil.
I stuff the money into my bag, and when I pull into my driveway, I’m relieved Carson’s car isn’t there. But when I open the door, and let the rain pound down on me, it hits me that I’ve lost both Rhett and Carson in the same day. All I have left is Wyatt, and I can’t go to him with any of my problems.
I’m right back where I started—completely alone.
I take my time walking up the stairs, in no rush to get inside an empty house. The key turns in the lock, and the door creaks open. All the lights are off, except the one above the kitchen sink.
My bag falls to the door, and my soaked shirt sticks to my skin. When I try to peel it away from my body, I notice the faint bump underneath. It looks like I ate too much, and if you didn’t know I was pregnant, you wouldn’t think twice about it. Only I know what it really means.
I glance inside Carson’s room to see if he’s gone for good. It’s not bare like I was expecting it to be, but the suitcase he was tossing around is gone.
He really left.
It’s not supposed to hurt this much, but it does. Tonight I need his shoulder to cry on. I need my friend. The same friend I once thought I wanted to marry. I had it all figured out. We’d fall in love, throw a huge wedding with lots of flowers, and he’d take me on a surprise honeymoon to Paris—just like in the movies we watched.
Since I met Rhett, I realized Carson wasn’t the one I was supposed to end up with, despite the feelings I used to have for him. It doesn’t matter though. Like everyone else in my life—I lost him, too.
I open the lid to my jewelry box and pick out the yellow twisty tie ring I gave him when we were little kids. The
same one he gave back to me a couple months ago when he told me he wanted to be with me—the night I chose Rhett instead.
I slide it on my finger, wondering how different my life would be right now if I would have picked Carson—if I would have listened to my ten-year-old self instead of this eighteen-year-old girl I hardly recognize anymore.
Regret creeps up my throat, threatening to eat me alive. I lost Rhett, and I’m already having trouble imaging a tomorrow without him in it. I lost Carson, too. If I could go back and do it all over, I’d still choose Rhett, but I would have been more careful. I would have thought about the future more, and less about what everyone expected from me.
Now I’m left to figure my life out on my own and a day without support from Carson and love from Rhett isn’t one I can imagine. Not when the world is about to find out what we’ve been hiding.
All I want to do is crawl into a hole and pretend this isn’t my life—that it’s all a dramatic nightmare I’ll wake up from as soon as I snap my fingers. But no matter how many times I click my heels and pray for something to change, it doesn’t. I’m still Kinsley West, the failure.
My body shivers I’m so cold. When I look in my closet for dry clothes, all my favorite pieces remind me of time spent with Rhett. I sink down to the floor, staring at the small pile of shoes in front of me. Even those have miles on them—miles I shared with the only guy I’ve ever truly loved.
I want my boyfriend back so bad it hurts.
And I need my friend to tell me it will be okay.
“Kins.”
I’m positive I hear Carson’s voice, but I’m not asleep. Like I’m in a dream, my arms are pulled out of my shirt before it’s lifted over my head. Warm cotton sucks me up, eventually falling to the top of my thighs.
I hear his voice again. “What did he do to you?”
Nothing. I’m the one who ruined everything. The urge to convince him Rhett’s not responsible is so strong, I finally open my swollen eyes. Carson’s kneeling in front of me, pulling off my shoes and socks. “It’s really you,” I whisper.
“It’s me.”
“You were so mad. Why did you come back?”
He inches my leggings down my legs and when they’re off, he tosses them into the wash basket next to the door. Before he asks any more questions, he lifts me off the floor, and carries me to my bed. He sits down next to me and I ask him again. “Why?”
“Because I care about you. I can’t believe you’re pregnant, Kins. I really can’t, but I don’t hate you. I never could.”
I pull on his hand, silently asking him to get in bed with me. Right now, I need his comfort. I need the reminder of all the times he’s held me and promised me I’d be okay because he was right every single time.
He’s hesitant when he says, “I can’t. You’re not mine.”
He’s right. My heart belongs to Rhett. He’s who I’m craving, but can’t have.
“Don’t cry, Kins.”
“We’re over. His mom found out I’m pregnant. She kicked me out.”
“Rhett let you leave?”
“He wanted me to stay, but I couldn’t. He needs his Mom more than he needs me. He just doesn’t know it yet.”
Carson lays down next to me, pulling me close. We’ve been in this position so many times. The night my mom died was the first time he protected me in his arms. Ever since, it’s been where I go for comfort. At least until Rhett came along.
Like he did before, he reads my mind. He knows what I need without having to ask. “You’re not alone anymore. I’ll take care of you. Tell me what you need.”
Carson has always accepted me just as I am—with every single flaw, mistake, and imperfection. He’s never wanted me to be anything other than who I am, and I’m grateful. “I just need you to hold me.”
“I’ve got you.”
I don’t wake up until noon the next day. Carson’s still in bed next to me, sleeping. Even though I’m not with Rhett anymore, I still feel like I’m cheating by being in bed with someone else. There’s not much time to dwell on it though, because as soon as I sit up, I’m reminded of the fact that I’m pregnant.
I rush to the bathroom, and fall to my knees just in time. My stomach contracts painfully, and my throat is still raw from the last time I got sick. Carson’s right behind me, pulling my hair away from my face, and holding it so it doesn’t get thrown up on.
When I start to feel the nausea pass, I sit back on my heels, trying to catch my breath. Even though I woke up less than five minutes ago, I’m already tired again. “I can’t do this anymore.”
“Yes, you can. You’re going to be a great mother.” Carson helps me off the floor, and puts toothpaste on my toothbrush for me. “Open.”
I open my mouth and he sticks it inside, running it back and forth over my teeth. I smile at him, wondering what he’s doing. “I can handle it.”
He hands me the toothbrush, but he doesn’t leave. He sits on the edge of the tub, waiting until I finish. When I do, he pulls me onto his lap. The air from the vent hits my legs, and I realize all I’m wearing is one of his T-shirts. I forgot he changed me last night when I was too far gone to do it myself.
“Feel better?”
I nod my head. “For now.”
“You sort of missed most of school. Is there anything you wanted to do today?”
“There’s only one more day of school before break. I didn’t really feel like answering a bunch of questions anyway.”
“I guess they’re going to know about the baby, now.”
“I’m sure it’s spread like a wild fire.”
Neither of us say anything for a couple minutes, we just sit in the bathroom of all places, absorbing the drama of the previous day.
“I’m really sorry, Kins,” Carson says, breaking the silence. “I would never hurt you. When I threw that book, I wasn’t aiming for anything other than the wall.”
“You scared me.”
“I shouldn’t have done it. When I saw the fear in your eyes, that you were actually afraid of me, I knew I had to leave.”
“Why did you come back?”
“Because I didn’t want you to be alone. And if I’m being honest, I needed to be with you again. You think I’m here because your brother asked me. The truth is, I volunteered because I was hoping it would make you want to be with me. But by the time I got here, you already had your sights set on someone else.”
“I’ll always care about you.”
“But you still want Rhett, right?”
“I don’t know what I want anymore. I thought we had it figured out—I never expected his mom to react the way she did. I don’t know what I was thinking. I mean, what parent would be cool with their kid having a baby?”
“You’ve been blinded by love.”
“Maybe.”
“I get it, Kins. When you love someone, you’ll do just about anything for them. The past seven days, I walked around this place trying to figure out how to ask you about the baby. Nothing sounded right, and the days kept getting away from me before I could come up with something. Confronting you was stupid. It’s not how I wanted to approach it at all.”
“You’re forgiven.”
He leans forward and kisses my cheek. I close my eyes, and all on its own my head turns toward him. Without thinking about what I’m doing or about the consequences, I lean in and find his lips. I’ve wondered for years what it would be like to kiss Carson. Now I’m finding out.
His hands tangle in my hair, and he turns me around in his lap so I’m straddling his waist. His mouth feels good on mine. His fingers tug on my hair just enough that it prickles my scalp, but doesn’t hurt. Everything about our first kiss is good, but it doesn’t give me butterflies the way kissing Rhett does.
It’s nice, but it’s not him.
Carson, on the other hand, is staring back at me like I’m his world. I so badly want to feel the same way, so I can put the past behind me and move on like it never existed. He reminds me though when he r
uns his hand over my stomach. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll love you both so much.”
Here’s this amazingly sweet guy willing to sacrifice even more for my happiness. He’s telling me he’ll take us both, because we’re a package deal now. I should be rejoicing—thanking my lucky stars I’m not going to end up alone, but it only makes me want to fix things with Rhett that much more. I can’t imagine anyone else raising this baby with me.
“I have to go to the diner to talk to Betty about blowing off my shift last night. Will you take me?”
“Of course I will. I’ll make you some toast before we go. You need to eat.”
“You’re sure I’m not keeping you from something important?”
“You’re the most important part of my day.” He leans in to kiss me again, and like a fool, I let him. When he pulls away, his smile widens. “My holiday break started today. I’m all yours.”
He stands in front of me, waiting for me to say something, but I can’t think of a single thing. So, I simply thank him, and step into the shower with my shirt still on. Once I hear the door close, I finally release the breath I’ve been holding. I need to fix this before it goes any farther. I’m just not sure how I’m going to do that. I can’t keep leading Carson on.
By the time I get out of the shower, my fingers are wrinkly from standing under the hot spray so long. Carson has toast and a glass of orange juice sitting on my dresser. My mouth’s still so dry, I drink most of it before I ever take a bite of my breakfast.
Once I’m finished, it takes me a little longer than usual to get ready. I have to sit down a couple times to make sure my breakfast isn’t going to come back up. But after I’m dressed and my hair is dry, I walk into a living room for an unexpected surprise.
Wyatt, Kate, and Carson are all sitting on the couch, staring at me. “What’s going on?”
Carson stands up, reaching out for my hand. He pulls me closer and sits me on the end of the couch, closest to him. “I had to call them, Kins. Your family should be here for you. You don’t have to do this by yourself.”