Excuse Me, My Brains Have Stepped Out

by Pandora Poikilos

  There is the woman who waits eleven years till you have built your lives together before she decides to tell you that you are not good enough for her. Never mind, that you have worked all these years to provide her with a comfortable home fused with a lavish lifestyle. You try to tell her but she does not seem to understand that all of what you did was done with her in mind, her heart in yours. And in a matter of days, it all comes crumbling down because suddenly she has a different expectation of “enough”. Is there someone else? Maybe. Have you screwed up so badly to the point she does not have the heart to tell you what you have done? Maybe. Maybe she has screwed up and guilt drives her to break up with you instead. Many possibilities, people are such complicated creatures and I completely understand that. But how do you walk away from eleven years without a second glance?

  What about the woman who insists on taking “single” vacations so you can grow stronger in your relationship? You are agreeable to this. It keeps her happy. If she is happy, you are happy and it allows you some time with your guy friends. All goes well until you call her to check if she has arrived safely, the line does not get disconnected and you listen as she makes a fool of herself and your years together. You hear laughing as she is tickled, a deep male voice telling her she is beautiful and you hear them planning the rest of the night. What to do? Where to go? ... you hang up wondering how it is possible that her heart is ripped out of you in a matter of minutes? Puppy love or not, what do you do with a girl who makes you run all around town for the sake of a mobile pouch and when you finally get it and excitedly hand it to her, she tells you it looks like crap because it is the wrong colour.

  Of course there is also the boyfriend who goes out with you for two years before telling you that he already has a fiancée of seven years. You are shocked beyond words wondering how you did not even notice the signs. He tells you that you mean so much to him and that he realized how much you meant to him from the instant he laid eyes on you. When you came along, he could not bear the thought of choosing between the two of you. He begs you to stay, you cannot wait to leave. If he has not made up his mind in two years, when is he going to get around to it? He has been so very nice to you. He has never hit you, always punctual, ever the gentleman, he did everything right and yet it turned out all wrong.

  There is a sense of security in deluding ourselves into thinking that just because we have given our heart to someone, we are now able to do whatever we want to that person without realizing for an instant that how we treat people today may be the same treatment we receive from someone else tomorrow.

  CALL ME SILLY

  June 20, 2010

  I am sure you have heard it too, Dad, the way some social media sites are often slammed with numerous privacy debates. The main point that is repeatedly discussed is their inability to protect a user’s privacy. I agree with this but only to a certain extent because when you look at the other side of the coin, it is the user who does not protect his own privacy. Some people choose to behave within social media sites as though they have been brought up in a house with no doors.

  They share everything. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. What they eat, what they wear, what bus they take to work, how their boyfriend sleeps, pictures of them in their bedroom. Seriously? Think of it, even in a bedroom that comes with an attached bathroom, the bathroom has a separate door and does not just open into the bedroom. So, why would you so enthusiastically upload all this information on the WORLD WIDE WEB and then be so hot and bothered about who is going to see it? Anyway, here is another poem for you Dad, pretty sure this one will make you smile though. I love you.

  Call me silly

  But I enjoy being on a beach with a good book

  Minus the worry about chargers or glares on my screen

  It’s just me and my handsome hero, his beautiful love

  In that far away land, in the middle of that intricate mess.

  And what is the point of a family meal when all you hear now

  Are beeps of Berries or tunes of GaGas

  Call me silly

  But I prefer the pleasures of a snail mail letter

  In comparison with emails, pings and tweets

  Instead of worrying about Internet connection and hackers,

  I do not need to worry about the Internet service provider

  Who can one day take away my precious memories

  Just because his terms and conditions says he can

  Yes, call me silly

  But these are my memories of love and failure

  Peace and turbulence, that will be my gift to my children

  The silly letters that my best friend wrote to say

  That he loved me for better or for worse and I believed

  Without worrying that he may have another wife

  That I will one day find through online Spaces or Books

  Call me silly

  But even as I am fascinated with the wonders

  That the world of social media can give me

  I worry more often about how I am misunderstood

  In a world of instant travel and friendship

  Where rules do not exist

  And when they do, are rarely followed

  Call me silly

  But in a world where everything seems so easy

  One click, everyone says

  We spend so much time on the whole world

  Instead of on those who really need us

  In a world where rumours are a trend

  And truth is an afterthought

  Call me silly

  But why do people trust what this online world says

  When all it takes is this,

  I have a secret you see, says this person

  Let’s listen, say another hundred or more

  Who cares if it’s true? Who cares if it hurts?

  Simply nobody you see

  Yes, call me silly, if you will

  But I think this is exactly, what it means

  When our parents told us

  Too much of a good thing

  Can actually be a bad thing.

  THE CONSTANT CRITIC

  We have all criticized someone else at one point or another. Be it because we are culturally different or because our personal tastes differ, we’re all guilty of saying, “that dress looks hideous on her”. But the constant critic does not criticize once in awhile or when something differs from her personal taste buds, this is the person who is under the impression that some higher power has provided her with the authority to criticize E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Hair styles, dressing, housekeeping, cars, houses ... you name it, she will have something to say. She has never ever heard of the phrase, “if you have nothing good to say, then do not say anything at all” and she acts as if a single hour minus a negative comment about someone else will lead to her demise. Criticism to her is breath. As time goes on, she becomes more harsh, after all, someone has to win the coveted title of “Constant Critic Of The Year”.

  It will always be “but it should have been done this way” or “it would have worked better if you had done it the other way”. If you are looking to receive any praise from her, do not count on it. Chances are it will never happen. There just isn’t any way to please a constant critic. You can try to find one or produce something you know she likes but you will just wear yourself out and in the end, there will be two unhappy people. If you listen close enough, she will even have instructions for how God should have positioned and created the Universe. She insists that the balance and structure of the Earth is all wrong. Within minutes, she can turn herself into an architect, doctor, surgeon and even a politician. Everybody is doing it wrong and if things were done her way, things will definitely get better. Which makes me wonder, why doesn’t she go out to do some of what she preaches, if not all?

  This is a person who has so much time to criticize others, one would assume she is close to perfect or at least leads an almost perfect existence. Truth be told, she is probably far worse than you and I. For all the times sh
e has criticized you on how badly you bring up your children, the constant critic has it so bad with her son, they are not even talking to each other. Then there is the constant critic who is persistent in telling you that every meal you prepare can be better. Try watching her prepare a meal for herself and you notice that she will be lucky to eat unburnt toast. The constant critic expects things to be just handed over, every task must be done by someone else, after all what are slaves for? The notion that others may have their own things to do is so foreign to her that you wonder how this person actually makes it to the toilet and back or has someone been assigned for that grotesque task as well?

  It just does not make sense does it? The person who talks the most also does the least. Well, now you know why she has so much time on her hands. Imagine when you have had major surgery and you cannot avoid a visit from the constant critic. Her comments will range from how the surgeon should have done the stitches to how your recovery plan is not adequate. She will have numerous suggestions for you and will even give you a list, obviously one she has not tried herself because she has not gone through what you have. However, a small part of you will wonder if what she says has any merit. Maybe you should bounce back sooner and you should not lie down as much. Maybe she is right, you think. Until, she gets a really bad cold. Forget surgery or stitching, a plain cold keeps her in bed for at least two weeks doing even less and criticizing others even more. Tell me, Dad, how does someone talk till someone else’s ears fall off but cannot do as she preaches?

  There are no chances of ever depending on a critic. There is always a change about how things are supposed to be done, nothing stays constant. Yes, change is good but when done every other day at the expense of someone else, it is cruel. Of course, you have the option of proving a constant critic wrong. If she says you are worth nothing because you do not make as much money as A, when you do make as much as A, she will then say there is B who makes more money than you. She is set in her ways when it comes to whom to criticize and why. Explaining otherwise is like talking to a wall. I am pretty sure there is no fixed formula as to how constant critics end up the way they do. A bad childhood? Maybe. A severe disappointment? Maybe. There are a lot of ways a person can end up being a constant critic but there is only one combination about how life ends for a constant critic ... bitter, severely unhappy and very, very alone.

  IT’S A GENUINE IMITATION

  Ever notice, Dad, the bigger the company the more underhanded their tactics are at getting things done and the more they get away with their underhandedness? I think they have a sense of “we can do anything we want because we are so big and people think we have such a clean image”. If someone on a smaller scale does the same, he is automatically considered illegal, forcefully shut down and treated poorly. But with the use of some politically correct phrases and loads of money, bigger organizations seem to get their way and version of how things happened. Take for instance the car manufacturer who will go to some outlandish extents just so their clients can have their vehicles delivered on time. This includes but is not limited to falsifying documents on at least five different occasions, that I know of. It becomes public information that they seek people to assist them with these tasks of creating “fresh” documents.

  Signatures, government approval forms and client information are only a small portion of what they “creatively enhance”. What happens when somehow, somewhere, someone figures out that the paperwork is not real or the information is inaccurate? Do the vehicles get sent back till the proper documentation is sorted out or will another bribe ensue? In other words, they fix one wrong with an even bigger wrong knowing that the size of their wallets will prevent any repercussions.

  Recent years have shown a significant increase in the methodical but constant racket of stealing someone else’s identity. Maybe the Internet has made this habit more rampant but the only reason it gets worse everyday is because there appears to be a significant demand for stolen identities. Some people seem to think that it is a joke to take someone else’s identity, wreak havoc and then move on to the next person without considering the consequences on their “victims” lives.

  Come to think of it, it is relatively easy isn’t it? I can sit behind a computer, pretend to be person A and commit all sorts of acts be it fun or illegal under this person’s name. Later I am able to feign ignorance, sit back and watch in glee as this person tries to dig himself out of the deep hole that has been bored for him. Those on the receiving end of these communications by Person A, make no attempt to verify and instead carry on with these transactions without realizing the problems they are causing for themselves. This is what amuses me at times, people seem to find ways of misusing the Internet faster than the relevant rules or laws can be created. For all the proactive behaviour that is preached, maybe a little more attention should be paid to areas of misuse before something goes amiss and then figuring out how it went wrong?

  People are given the impression that because these companies are so extensive with an even more expensive outlook, they can be trusted. The associates who work for them are automatically respected for the values you expect them to uphold. This is far from true, I think. For instance, in the world of genuine imitations, it is definitely fine for a bank employee to reveal credit card numbers or create cloned credit cards for his friends on a regular basis. His friends then use these credit cards for shopping, fancy gadgets, very large cash withdrawals which in some cases have to be paid for by the real user. The details change everyday. More security features are added. However, the updates and security changes are overcome even more easily than before, after all they have someone on the inside. The bank employee, justifies his actions with the fact that his salary at the bank is far lower than what he earns with his side business which can bring him ten times more with only five transactions.

  There’s also the bank employee who hands out account numbers to his friends so money can be transferred in and transferred out without question. And so, some poor retiree ends up wondering why he is being questioned for $90,000 that he has no idea he even had, let alone that he made a deposit into his account and withdrew it. I am not really sure Dad, which is it, do people lack a sense of respect for each other or has it just become so easy to get away with offences when you have the right number of dollars tucked away? Indeed, as each day goes by, accountability is disregarded so free reign without consequences can rule.

  Talking about imitations, who would you say is to blame, Dad? The person who gets all excited about using this “imitated” product, document or service or should blame rest on those who demand it?

  AND THEN, HE TOUCHED ME

  July 8, 2010

  I know it does not happen a lot but I found myself speechless today, Dad. I was a little surprised, more shocked to note that while we can find at least ten thousand different sites and places to meet people for one night stands, there seems to be so much less reading material on surviving sexual abuse or outlets for survivors to speak up. I think you already know what I am about to share with you, Dad. When I have spoken about it before to others, some people have regarded it to be a confession, I would prefer to call it reaching out. I have been down the road of sexual abuse and it is a road that is not only less travelled, it is a journey that never ends. No matter how much is done, sexual abuse is an act you survive, every day for the rest of your life from the moment it sneaks up on you. If at any point, I can help someone in realizing that they can survive this ordeal, then I would like to think that what happened to me, happened for a reason. Here are some things I know.

  It does not discriminate. We would like to think that rape, molestation, incest and any kind of sexual abuse only occurs in undeveloped countries and that uneducated people who have not been taught to control their urges are the only ones who become entangled in the web of improper sexual conduct. This is the biggest lie you can keep telling yourself. It happens more than you know, to more people than you would like to admit. Even when it happened to me, it too
k a long time for me to voice it out. And when I did, one of the first things I realized was that the sooner I stopped reacting to the situation, the easier things would be for me. I was the one who was not ‘normal’ and in some way, this was all my fault. And that is the other lie we are taught to believe.

  After all those years of research, training and education, we still live in a society whether child or grown up, we look at the victim’s surroundings first before we consider the perpetrator’s actions. Even if she is a scantily clad prostitute, does it make it easier to believe that we live with a person who does not understand the word, “no”? In reality, sexual abuse is an issue where fault lines are better left out because when drawn, you will spend the rest of your life in virtual chains wondering how it all happened. If I had been at home, if I had seen the signs earlier, if she had said something about it, what made him snap ... are merely the tip of the iceberg to how your mind can wander when trying to make sense of such an issue. Acknowledging the incident is of the utmost importance and is the first step towards surviving the issue before any other steps can be taken.