Excuse Me, My Brains Have Stepped Out

by Pandora Poikilos

  To many others, he was a representation of a fight for rights that started centuries ago. A fight that won a small step forward in 1865 with the abolition of slavery and an even bigger step forward when the Civil Rights Act of 1964 was passed which banned discrimination because of a person’s color, race, national origin, religion or sex. The rights of this law include a person’s right to seek employment, vote and use hotels, parks, restaurants and other public places.

  I Sat With God And The Devil. While the Chilean miners who were trapped for sixty-nine days are beyond introduction to some of us, I found their level of faith, a force to be reckoned with. It was obvious they believed in God when one rescued miner said, “I sat with God and the Devil. God won.” But it was the inner strength they had in themselves, their strong belief in the people striving for their rescue and the love that they had for their families that will have you questioning, do you have anything within you such faith?

  Miners are the people we so often perceive as barely educated, low income people who do a task that we do not see as important. And yet, they have achieved a feat that has NASA talking about them. If this was a lesson to prove persistence, it was even more of a lesson to teach humility. They showed the world that everybody plays a role, big and small and no task is unimportant. It proved that you may have a nation’s leader waiting to shake your hand but the most important gesture to you will be the embraces of your family.

  It is easy to get caught up in the usual overload of information that news channels insist on giving us when one particular issue is so heated up. But if you ever need to remember a lesson in humility and never giving up, then remember this ... on 5th August 2010, thirty-three Chilean miners were trapped approximately seven hundred meters underground in a small copper and gold mine. It is only on 22nd August 2010, when a drill attempting to locate the miners comes back with a note that says, “The thirty-three of us in the shelter are well”. I would like to remember that line for as long as I can. They were trapped for seventeen days with no one knowing if they were alive or dead, they had limited resources to food and water and still they could say, “we are well”.

  Dad, I know that hope may not be the ultimate answer to our problems and it may not even be the end of our journey. In some cases, it opens a door to yet another journey with even more questions and daunting tasks. But it is a sense of freedom that we can give ourselves to become free from worry, to become free of ‘excess emotional baggage’ and most of all to become free to keep moving forward in our lives. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr, “Free at last, free at last. Thank God Almighty, we are free at last”.

  I DIDN’T MEAN TO HIT YOU

  When I used to cross paths with women who were in abusive relationships, I could never understand when they said they found it difficult to leave. If someone hurt you that badly, physically no less, it must be easier to walk away than to stay. How do you with willingness put up with someone who went out of his way to show no concern for you? That was, until I had a dose of it myself. I am sorry that I let you down, Dad. As much as I knew it was wrong to stay, I really believed it when he said that we could make a life together, that he will take care of me no matter what happened. But it turned out, he did not need a woman, he needed a pet to do his bidding. Keep a clean house, prepare a great dinner for that investor friend of his and when it did not go well or when you said something he did not want to hear, his reaction was always predictable but more painful each time.

  At first, you lie to yourself saying he is just having a bad day. He will slap you, throw a vase against the wall, smashing the flowers he gave you to bits and hours later, when he has calmed down, he will tell you that he is sorry and that it will never happen again. You will believe him. When he tells you to be very, very certain of not telling anyone about it, you will listen to him. After all, even if you did, who is going to believe you when you are up against someone of his social standing? Of course, there is also the time when he will break the bathroom door down and wrap his hands around your neck, all because you confronted him about cheating on you with a mutual friend, which you will later find out is true. Nothing beats the time when you will be enjoying your Sunday morning lie in and he will storm into the bedroom throwing his mobile at your face because you failed to be at the airport to pick up his brother and wife on Monday.

  When you tell him, it is Sunday, he will have the cheek to look at you and say, you have got the wrong calendar. All the time this incident is unfolding, there is a small bit of you that wants to laugh and say, “looks like I am not the only one having brain issues.” He will eventually realize his mistake and be all sugar and spice with you but the only thought running through every bone of your body is how do you go back to a time when things were far less violent? Every time he says “I did not mean to hit you”, you think this is the time it will all change. Then comes the next incident which is always more violent, more crude than the previous time. There will be the time when he gets so angry that you are on the phone with a friend instead of making him coffee that he will hold your head against the wall until you hang up. When you go downstairs, make his coffee, serve it to him and then make your way back to the room so you can cry away the rest of your dignity in peace, he will come back in.

  This time he will pounce on you, punch your arms and strangle you with warnings that what he wants must be done. Nothing less than complete obedience, you must be able to meet all his demands and do it without complaining. He will preach trust and he will slap you hard when you say you deserve better. It does not matter that other women are brought home to your bed when you are working. He holds firm to the belief that if you cannot satisfy his needs then others will, and you are in no position to say anything about it. To all your friends, you are the needy girlfriend, in need of all the attention he showers on you. He will publicly present you with a large diamond ring that will have everyone in awe of him. In less than a week from that, he is smashing your head against the bedroom door, pulling you by your hair so he can do it over and over again until you both hear a loud snap which is your neck going out of shape.

  Eventually when you are able to seek the courage within you to walk away, he would have stripped you bare, financially, physically and emotionally. He will make you feel worse than when you were with him. He assumes that if you need him enough, you will beg him to come back and once again, he will have the power to literally trample all over you.

  I would love to be mean and wish that people like him will spend eternity rotting in hell or at least receive a small percentage of the pain he has inflicted on me. But, I would much rather be free of him and let all memories of his abuse out of my system. The more excess baggage I let go, the lighter and happier my own life journey will become. Dad, if I ever have another chance to cross paths with someone who has been abused, I would not take things so lightly this time around. The first thing I will tell her is that as difficult as she thinks it is, it will keep happening until she gets help or walks away and in the long run, it will be worth it.

  TRAVE-LIES

  If I had to pick out the most corrupt industry next to politics, it would be the travel and tourism industry. This is the one industry that not only spells a certain level of popularity once you are initiated into it but in most cases guarantees you slander, numerous late nights, back stabbing, very unhealthy meals, rumour-mongering, improprieties and all things unpleasant. People will lead you to believe that it is glamorous and if you do not understand it, you are a fool because if offers you so much opportunity, so much fame, but no one tells you about what happens behind the scenes. The importance of learning the trade so each person is able to undercut the other, how it is important to be a high ranking executive because it is only then that you will have access to all those benefits and side income that people are so often talking about or the way everyone literally preaches safety, security and quality but practices whatever is needed, to make higher profits.

  Take for instance the tour guide who t
akes you from one country to country where you meet the local tour guide, licensing issues, apparently, promoting all these exciting tours for your selection. You are tired from your long trip but immensely thrilled, that there seems to be so many new things to choose from and experience. Naturally, you buy as many as you can afford and squeeze into your schedule. Nothing wrong, everything is perfect so far. You are having fun in an overseas destination. But this is exactly where things can get very twisted and most times, things go wrong at the expense of the guests. In some cases, the local and foreign tour guide are in cahoots. If a trip is worth $50 per person, a customer can be asked to pay as high as $150 because each tour guide needs to receive a personal commission of approximately $50 undeclared to their respective companies, of course.

  If other people are involved, be it other travel agencies or translators, then they too will each receive some cash, meaning you will be charged even more. In other words, the tour price you are paying is at least three to five times more than what the trip is actually worth. Is it worth it? Well, more often than not you are the only one who can be the judge of that. Why does it get tricky for the guest? If something does go wrong and your trip is insured, think of the nightmare that will ensue as you explain one subcontractor after another and when they finally speak with the actual supplier, a completely different price is given. Can you evade such a tactic? Of course, you can. Shop around. There are some destinations where there is just no fun in pre-booking your tours and it usually turns out better when you buy it upon arriving at the location. As old fashioned as it may seem, brochures and books are still very capable of making sure you only pay for what is necessary.

  However, do not purchase the first thing that is offered at any cost. Chances are if you walk around you might get a direct rate from the supplier or you may choose to purchase it directly from your hotel. That way, the only person receiving a fixed commission from the supplier, would be the concierge and you are not burdened with supplying commissions to at least three different people. Also, you would need to bear in mind that just because you have booked your tours from ABC Travel, Tuscany it will not be their own staff who will be servicing your trip when you arrive at your destination. ABC Travel will probably have a subcontractor who has a subcontractor and when you tell ABC Travel about the various nightmarish aspects of your trip, they will be very quick to tell you that it is not their fault. They will adamantly blame it on 123 Travel and you will have no idea what they are talking about.

  If you get to a faraway destination and feel the service could be far better, try not to gripe as much as you would like. Sometimes as it turns out, your driver could be acting up because, like all his other associates, at this “premiere” travel agency, have not seen a full month’s salary in at least three months. Alternately, his acting up could stem from the marijuana he smokes to keep him working more and sleeping less. Yes, the travel industry does not call for a drug test in most places. Some travel agencies would like to consider themselves an elite group of people. They are so good at what they do that tourism around the world cannot survive without their contribution. They are under the false impression that people flock to them because of their intellectual, customer service oriented environment. Yeah right, Dad. I think I just saw a pig fly outside my window.

  HOW’S THAT AGAIN?

  November 11, 2010

  You know, Dad, the funny thing about watching the news is that while you may feel blessed at not having to go through something in particular, there will be moments when you think, “Now, how is that even possible”? While I dislike armchair politicians intensely, you know, the kind who will drone on about how things are supposed to be and how everything and everyone is doing it wrong, but don’t bother to get up from their seat to do anything about their opinions, I do have a few issues turning cartwheels in my head about them. Maybe it is because I am not that knowledgeable or maybe I was never interested, nevertheless, I am thinking how did these things get so far?

  Vote for me. All around the world, you hear of homeless people, who are sick but cannot afford the medical care they need. I say, forget about all around the world. Look down the street we live on and there are probably at least two people going through the same issues. So, this is one of the biggest problems doing cartwheels in my mind. How can a group of approximately fifty people, maybe less, spend $4 billion on election campaigns when there are so many families trying to scrounge together $400 for their households. I, and I am sure I am not the only one, have problems imagining what $4,000 would look like sitting idle in my savings account. So what does $4 billion look like? How can people vote for someone who claims that they need to spend all this money to get your attention, but may not necessarily be able to give you what you need?

  There just isn’t any money. Now, when the Great Depression sneaked up on the world way back when, the world got through it. Very slowly but surely, enough, that some people out there can afford $8,000 dresses and have enough spare change to buy accessories and handbags for an even higher price tag. So, when I keep seeing, reading and listening to how countries are struggling to stabilize their economies, I am thinking, with all our technology, with all our expertise, what have we learnt? It is the end of a different war, at a different time and still we have the same problem. It is almost like being thrilled at taking two steps forward and then confused when realizing we are actually four steps backwards. Did we assume that money has an infinite value or did we become so full of ourselves, that we thought we would always be the ones controlling money at our whim and fancy?

  There is a “mad dog”. I remember you telling me about rabies as a child when I first got bitten trying to help a stray cat and had to get a tetanus shot. Obviously, it has been around for longer. There was always this constant warning to avoid playing with stray animals or learning how to handle one, instead of squeezing a hurt puppy with affection and ending up with a bite. I understood that it predominantly came from dogs and as I read more on it, I learnt that you could die if the proper vaccines were not given to you within a certain time frame. On 5th October 2009, the Overseas Security Advisory Council issued a warning that rabies had become an issue in Bali, Indonesia. Fast forward to 15th October 2010, the hundredth rabies victim dies. In a span of one year, that’s approximately eight people a month and short of removing the destination from your holiday plans, what is being done to stop the figure from growing? Or maybe it is just better to sit around waiting and let it grow into the pandemic that the H1N1 influenza grew into.

  It is a green world. Here is another one, Dad, I grew up watching Captain Planet and loved it. I could tell my pen pal in Italy about it and she knew about it too, without the luxury of You Tube by the way. This was easily more than a decade ago. We learnt about recycling, waste separation, pollution and the simple things that can be done towards keeping it clean. So, while the kids were getting educated on Captain Planet, what were the adults doing? Why is there this mad rush, only now, at conservation and recycling? Have people only just realized that trees take a shorter time to be chopped down than they do to grow? Do not get me wrong, I am really glad that at least some efforts are made towards keeping trees from being viewed only in a museum. But then again, with all our abilities to tell the simple things about weather, to our great political debates about whether President Barack Obama will run for another term, to even the expensive equipment at forecasting to likes and dislikes from people using social media, what is the push that needs to be given before this becomes a primary concern for all?

  Knock, knock. Do you know Tyler Clementi, Dad? I do not, although I would have liked to. But he has brought to us an issue that has been boiling on the stove for a long, long while and that is privacy. Tyler Clementi was a student who jumped off the George Washington Bridge after his roommate publicly streamed a video of him being intimate with another man. What got to me about his death, had nothing to do with what caused his shame but that he felt so humiliated, that suicide became his only option. T
he other more glaring issue is, a lot of people using social media these days act as though their parents raised them in a house without doors. The first thing you are taught to do, when entering any room is to knock, because everyone is entitled to having their own space. So, how does putting someone else’s personal information, degrading them for entertainment in a public space become acceptable? However, the best part is yet to come, when my friends and I come across degrading pictures, comments about people or even reading material that is not quite age appropriate for all, on various social media, it so correctly says - “You can report this.” When “Report” is clicked, you are informed that the content may not necessarily be removed and when you do go back to it, three months later, there it is, still there for the world to see. Like wow, how ‘smart’ is that?

  I’M A DEVOTED SPOUSE

  Thanks to the love story you and Mum shared, I have accustomed myself into thinking that marriage, trust and love actually went hand in hand for all couples. Apparently, some couples and spouses play funny games which I hope their children will never learn. They sit with their friends and talk about how intense their love is for each other and nothing will ever tear them apart from their much beloved spouse. There is one friend in particular who shares with you the various challenges he and his wife have had to overcome in the course of their five year marriage. Because they are from different cultures, it has been very hard to achieve a balance and family approval has not been an easy task. He seems so genuine, your heart goes out to him. Two weeks later knowing that his wife is away visiting family, you pay a visit to drop off a casserole dish. You are neighbours, after all.