by Leo Romero
“Yeah, and Jehovah shunned them,” I added. “That’s why Bracken hates him so much.”
“Well, you learn something new every day,” said Zane.
“What if we kill the hairy crawlies?” Aurora asked out loud to the rock troll.
I scowled at her. “You’re kidding, right?”
“Ah,” the rock troll said in relief. “If you kill hairy crawlies, make it safe, I’ll come out and break stoneses again.”
“So, this big bad troll under the bridge is scared of a few spiders,” I said to the other two. “All right, let’s go bug hunting.”
*****
We made our way back up to the edge of the cavern and waited for the hairy crawlies to make an appearance. I hoped they’d come along first before the hobgobs.
We lay on our bellies while we watched the pit below for signs of spiders, our gazes fixed on the only other cave at the far end of the pit.
“I hope those hobgoblins don’t wake up any time soon,” Aurora said.
“If they do, they’ll be meeting Excalibur and Bam Bam.”
“How’s your light magic?” Aurora asked.
I held up my palms and tried to get them lit. They glowed as bright as a fifty-year-old lightbulb.
“Not very good,” she said.
“Don’t worry about hobgobs,” I told her. “I’m more concerned that no spiders are gonna show up.”
I spoke too soon. Something came out of the cave down below. A couple of long, hairy legs crept out from the darkness. My stomach clenched. A pair of giant fangs snuck out of the gloom followed by a multitude of blood-red eyes. A bulbous abdomen followed up and the disgusting thing scuttled along the stony ground, its legs all working in unison.
I recoiled in a shivering fright. “Ew!”
Zane’s laughter grated on my ears. I turned slow to face him. “Something funny?”
“You scared of a little spider.”
“Little? That sucker must be eight feet across!” I looked back and another one emerged from the cave. Big fangs and giant legs and all those eyes staring at everything at once. A couple of smaller ones came scurrying along behind them. They must’ve been little Timmy and Tommy following Mommy and Daddy. They crawled and creeped around, those horrible, hairy legs scuttling. The bile in the pit of my stomach rose just watching them. My nerves jangled at the very prospect of having to go down there and exterminate them. I felt sick. Violently sick. I rolled away and gazed at the cave ceiling hoping they’d just go away. I took a peek back and there were more of the bastards down there, a few extra little ones emerging from the cave.
Why could nothing ever be easy?
The spiders all gathered around the cave our rock troll was hiding in. They were trying to find a way in beyond the boulder, but it was keeping them out. They wanted to get at our pal, but he was safely hidden away.
“So what’s the plan, Gabe?” Aurora asked, staring down at the spiders.
“We take the gargoyles on with our bare fists.”
“Hmm, what are spiders most scared of?” Zane asked, rubbing his chin, one eyebrow arched.
I thought hard and all I could think of was that terrifying movie from the 90s, Arachnophobia. In the end he went after them with...I gazed across at the torch in my hand. “Fire,” I uttered, watching the flame dance ahead of me. “Spiders are scared of fire.”
“What are we gonna do, Gabe?” Aurora snapped. “Go down there and wave a torch in their faces? Don’t be ridiculous.”
I gave her daggers.
“No, we’ll need some kind of flammable substance,” Zane suggested. “Something like gasoline or—”
“Alcohol,” I finished. “Mead.” I met their stares. Aurora was gaping at me nonplussed.
Zane was grinning. “I like your thinking, Mr. Stone.”
“I hope you’re not suggesting we go back and steal the hobgoblin’s mead,” said Aurora.
“As long as they haven’t drunk it all,” I replied. “Yeah.”
“It’s looking like our best bet against those things,” said Zane.
“The stuff those hobgoblins drink is bound to be firewater,” I said. “I reckon it’ll light up like a Christmas tree.” I sighed and got up to my feet. “All right, let’s go get some liquor. Hope you two have got some ID.”
I led them back down the tunnel to the banquet area. Those hobgobs were still snoozing. Their mead really must’ve been knockout stuff. I tiptoed over to the table and carefully reached out for the bottles sitting there. I grabbed the neck of one and a hobgob twitched. I froze, my heart thudding hard. The hobgob mumbled something and then flopped back in his seat and went into a round of hoarse snoring. My chest relaxed. I picked up the bottles and handed them back to Aurora. I gave some more to Zane and they both crept back down the tunnel.
I looked around. My eyes fell on a wooden box in the corner lined with bottles. I tiptoed over to it and picked up one of the bottles. A full bottle of mead. I nodded in appreciation and hoisted up the box. I went to leave and the bottles rattled. The sound made a couple of the hobgobs twitch and I winced. One of them stood, swung a punch in his sleep, and collapsed onto the table where he continued to snooze. I snatched a relieved breath and snuck out of there as silently as I could.
On my way out, I snatched a bunch of rags that smelled like a cheese factory. When I made it to the tunnel, I sped up. I joined the other two back at the pit.
“The spiders have gone back into the cave,” Aurora informed me.
I looked down and the pit was empty. Looked like we’d have to go into their lair. Wonderful!
I put the box of mead bottles down and picked up one of the already open ones. I took a sniff and my head spun. “Wooh, that’ll definitely do the trick!”
We got busy, tearing the rags down and stuffing them into the necks of the bottles. In no time, we had ourselves a mini army of Molotov cocktails that would be like little nukes of fire. I handed one to Zane. “Okay, kid, off you go.”
Zane backed off. “What do you mean?”
“You don’t expect me to go down there, do you?”
Zane straightened his jacket. “Mr. Stone. You are the leader of this expedition. You are older and more experienced in these matters. And, you have a gun.”
“He’s right, Gabe,” Aurora said.
“You stay out of it!”
Aurora sighed. “Why don’t you both go?”
We both turned to face her. “And what about you?” I asked.
Her jaw dropped. “You can’t expect me to go down there.”
“Why not?”
“Well...I’m...heir to the fae throne. If anything happens to me, there’ll be hell to pay!”
“Yeah, right,” I said. “You’re just scared of spiders.”
Her uptight expression melted. “All right, maybe just a bit.”
I pointed at her. “Ah!”
“Look, the longer we stand here, the more time we’re wasting,” Aurora said.
I huffed. She was right. I knew I’d end up having to go down there. All I was doing was delaying the inevitable. “All right,” I said and angrily stuffed the Molotov into my jacket pocket. “I’ll go and kill the spiders!” I grabbed a couple more Molotovs and shoved them anywhere I could.
“And you,” Aurora said, handing Zane a Molotov. Zane glanced from it to her.
“Go on,” Aurora urged. “Don’t let Gabe go alone. Both of you will be able to take those spiders out.”
Zane’s shoulders slumped. “Yes, if I must.”
“Don’t worry, Zane. I’ve got your back,” I told him.
“That doesn’t reassure me,” Zane said and followed me to the ladder.
I started down it, my eyes fixed on that cave, expecting those creepy legs to come crawling out of the darkness any second.
I made it down into the pit and Zane soon joined me. We both went and faced the cave. It stared back at us like the house of horrors at a fairground.
“Go on,” Zane urged.
I wanted to give him a cocky retort, but I couldn’t. I just couldn’t. Instead, I set off across the stones toward the cave, my heart picking up pace. I pulled out a Molotov and gripped it tight in my sweaty palm. The mouth of the cave loomed on us and I took a moment to steady myself. I looked back up to Aurora who was watching us from her safe position. Lucky little so and so.
“After you, Mr. Stone,” said Zane.
I stared into that dark cave and I licked my dry lips. I really didn’t want to go in there. An image of Jordan’s broken body lying on the sidewalk flashed in my mind and it was enough to get me moving. I needed to do this. Had to.
I stepped into the darkness and it enveloped me, cold and dank. My torch lit up ancient walls covered in a white, stringy substance. Spider webs. They covered the walls like curtains. Just staring at them made butterflies shoot through my stomach.
“Keep your eyes open,” I whispered over my shoulder. “Get ready to light that Molotov and throw it at anything that’s crawling.”
Zane nodded in response. “I still don’t know how I got roped into this.”
“Just think how good it’ll look in Aurora’s eyes. That’ll be your motivation.”
We crept through that cave, the spider webs thickening as we went. Soon, the walls and ceiling were a white, silken tapestry. I had to work overtime to shake off the creeps I was getting just looking at stuff. We moved in further and the whole place became a stringy sea of white. The scent of death permeated the air. I gazed around and I spotted something on the ground up ahead. Bones. They were reasonably big. A misshapen skull lay amongst them, its hollow eyes staring right at us and I couldn’t help but think of our rock troll hiding back there.
We delved deeper and the cave opened up into a larger area where the walls were smothered in webs. Bodies wrapped in silk dangled from the ceiling like baubles on a Christmas tree. A head was peeking out of one of them, and yeah, it was a rock troll. It had been sucked dry, its white skin stretched tight over a misshapen skull. I nodded in understanding. The spiders were the reason there was only one stonecrusher left. Looked like the spiders could feast on the trolls for a long, long time, but they were running out of food and needed our friend back there for sustenance.
Movement up ahead made me start. The spiders were there, seemingly at rest. They sat in some kind of sleep state, their legs bunched in.
Shivers coursed across my body. Just staring at them gave me the heebie-jeebies. I wanted to get this over with as smoothly as possible. I met Zane’s stare and nodded at him. I pointed my torch toward the left and I headed to the right. We’d flank them and hit them with the Molotovs. I made it to my side and advanced on the sleeping spiders like a thief in the night. On the other side of the cavern, Zane was mimicking my movements, the Molotov trembling in his hand. I got close enough and I came to a stop. I didn’t want to get too close. I gathered myself and went to light the rag on the—
A sharp crack split the serene atmosphere in two. My head snapped over to Zane, who was staring in horror at his feet. I saw half a bone lying next to his shoe and my heart sank. A quick movement ahead made my blood run cold.
A spider’s eight red eyes were all staring right at me as it rose up on its legs. Its white fangs jutted from its mouth and it darted toward us, its legs creeping and crawling, the tips clacking on stone.
“Now!” I shouted, and the others jumped into life.
I lit the rag on my Molotov and immediately slung it at the advancing spider. My aim wasn’t great. The Molotov hit it on the leg and bounced off. It smashed on the ground where a wall of fire shot up into the air, setting some of the surrounding webbing alight. Flames sprinted up the cavern wall, spreading outward as they went. A blast of hot air rolled through the cavern, which was now lit up a bright orange-yellow.
The spider continued on its advance, unperturbed, its fangs contracting and retracing from its mouth. It had picked me as its target and was heading my way at the speed of light. I scrambled for another Molotov, my hands shaking like crazy. The spider descended on me like the reaper, raising its front legs high above my head. I panicked as I pulled out a Molotov from my pocket. It fell from my grip and smashed on the ground. I gulped. I was screwed.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Zane throw his lit Molotov. Fire arced through the air. The spider came down, its fangs out and ready to sink into my flesh, my worst nightmare about to become real.
There was a smash and whoosh and the spider’s front legs and eyes burst into flame, causing it to reel. It spun away, fire racing down its abdomen. It rotated in fitful circles, the fire eating away at it, an acrid stench like burned plastic shooting up my nostrils. I backed off from the heat emanating from the spider, my heart hammering. That had been way too close.
The spider shook and trembled as it tried in desperation to put out the flames, but it was useless. The fire intensified and a crackling sound filled the air. There was a loud sizzle as the flames ate their way through its hard exterior and reached the fleshy parts. A high-pitched screech rocketed off all the walls as the spider began to feel the burn. It scampered back the way it came toward the others, who were agitated, fires from my Molotov that missed spreading around their home. The scene ahead of us swiftly became like a passage from Paradise Lost. Wild fires burned, while disgusting spiders crawled and scuttled in a frenzy. The one Zane set on fire headed the others’ way. They all darted clear of it, leaving it to strike the far cavern wall and flop to the ground to continue burning, the fires licking at its remains spreading up the webbing on the wall above it.
I was about to turn and run when one of the smaller spiders leaped like a frog toward us, its legs splayed. It landed on Zane, who didn’t have time to dodge it. I recoiled, my innards squirming at the sight of Zane being molested by a giant spider. He had hold of its front legs, while it attempted to sink its fangs into him. Zane’s face was a scrawl of terror. He wrestled with the thing with all his might, which in truth wasn’t that much. The spider overpowered him, knocking him on his back. My eyes widened in fright. I couldn’t let a spider kill him—that would be worse than death itself. I pulled out a Molotov and arced the flame on my torch toward the rag. Before I could connect the two, another giant spider, Daddy or Mommy, who knew, came leaping out of the cavern like a panther. I had time to acknowledge a massive shadow looming over me, blocking out the fires beyond, before a thick, meaty leg slammed into my chest, knocking me back. I smashed into the rocky ground, my breath bolting from my chest, the Molotov rolling away from my grip.
I tried to rise back up, but the tip of that leg dug into my chest, pinning me down. The back of my head thudded into the ground, pain jarring through me. My eyes rolled, my mind buzzed with alarm. Through my bleary vision, two grotesque ivory-like fangs were descending. I quivered in revulsion and in a panic, threw out an instinctive punch in a final act of desperation. My fist connected with one of those disc-like eyes and a skin-crawling squeal tore out of the spider.
My stomach performed summersaults, the whole notion of a giant spider on top of me triggering my every phobia. The spider rose up on his rear legs, while its front ones wiggled on the air. I seized the opportunity to throw out a hand and grab hold of the Molotov I’d dropped. The spider recovered from my punch and dived back in, its fangs bared. I let out a yowl of disgust and fright and brought the bottle down on its incoming head. The bottle smashed on impact with a hollow pop, mega-strong alcohol splashing all over the spider’s head. It staggered back enough for me to scramble away. My hand fell on my torch. I grabbed hold of it and raised it. The spider shook off the blow and scuttled in. I slung the torch its way, my aim true. The flame on the torch connected with the mead and the spider’s head flared like a flambéed steak. I ducked back against the bright flame and heat, covering my face with my arm. The spider let out more of those demonic screeches as it scurried backward and forward, the flames all over its body dancing on the air.
A growl made me whip my head to the left. Zane was still grapp
ling the smaller spider. I leaped to my feet and pulled out Bam Bam.
“Holy mother of Gawd! I ain’t ever laid eyes on a critter that big!” Bam Bam stated. “Shoot it!”
“Hold it up!” I ordered and Zane got the message. With all his might he pushed against the spider and it rose into the air. I took aim and fired. A blast slug arrowed through the air and hit the spider right between the fangs. There was a mini-explosion and the thing’s head burst open in a sea of white goo and pixie dust. The white gunk splatted Zane in the face before the pixie dust fell on top and got stuck to it all. He slowly turned his head toward me, his face now looking like an unbaked meringue covered in sprinkles.
Two eyes blinked open within that goop. “Thanks,” he said through his disgusting facial mask before throwing off the twitching remains of the spider.
“You’re welcome,” I replied as I gazed into the cavern. The smaller spiders that remained were running left and right, trying to avoid flames. Mom and Dad were popping and crackling in the corners and for a second I wondered if barbequed giant spider tasted like chicken.
I lit up a couple more Molotovs and threw them into the cavern, aiming specifically for the spiders. More fires ensued, catching hold of the surrounding webbing and in seconds, the whole place was a raging inferno that the spiders couldn’t escape from. Eventually, I lost sight of them in the roaring blaze.
Zane came and stood next to me, wiping spider goo off his face with his handkerchief. “Well, that’s another one to tell the grandkids,” he said as we both stared at those fires. We backed up far enough to where the fires couldn’t reach us and we just watched, something inside us probably not satisfied that those things really were dead until we knew they’d been burned to a crisp. There was a calming satisfaction watching all that crap burn: the spiders, the webbings, the prey they’d wrapped in silk and dangled on the air. It was a soothing reassurance as if the fires were somehow cleansing.
The heat from the fire swathed us and sweat formed all over me. But still I watched.