Fire & Brimstone: A Neighbor from Hell

by R. L. Mathewson

  She’d told them and they hadn’t believed her. It wasn’t her problem and she wasn’t going to lose any sleep over it. They lived their lives and she lived hers. Other than the occasional phone call, a birthday card and her parents randomly showing up with the name of the latest psychiatrist that they truly believed could help her, they barely saw each other.

  That probably wouldn’t change, she realized, forcing her mind away from that depressing thought as she grabbed a Hostess pie and tore it open. Melanie wasn’t going to listen to reason, so she wasn’t going to waste her breath. They both knew that she wasn’t allergic to gluten thanks to the fact that she actually felt sick from giving it up. Aidan had explained that anyone that gave up gluten unnecessarily usually ended up feeling sick. In turn, she’d explained that to the stubborn pain in the ass, but Melanie refused to listen.

  So, now Rebecca was done talking.

  “What the-” Melanie started to scream, but the Hostess pie that Rebecca shoved in her mouth muffled out the rest of her bitching.

  Melanie was going to eat every damn crumb or Rebecca was going to beat her to death. With a glare, and a hungry little whimper, Melanie took over and devoured the rest of the pie all while glaring accusingly at her.

  “Eat the damn pie and shut the hell up!” she snapped just in case Melanie decided to argue with her.

  Judging by the way that Melanie angrily tore into her pie as she glared at her, it was probably for the best if she stopped putting this off and moved her ass. Grabbing another pie off the pile, she tossed it at Melanie, uncaring that it hit her in the face before she grabbed the shopping list that she’d made with the help of Google and headed for the door.

  “Mojo!” she groaned pathetically a few seconds later when her little baby plopped down in front of her and inadvertently tripped her, but thankfully she managed to catch herself at the last second and didn’t end up smashing her face into the wall and needing to make a quick trip to the emergency room for stitches, again.

  They were really going to have to work on that whole dropping thing at some point, she decided as excitement coursed through her.

  She was going food shopping!

  Okay, so it probably didn’t sound exciting to anyone else but her, but she’d been looking forward to doing this since last night when she’d devoured her last chocolate bar. She was going to finally have food that didn’t make her want to beg for death.

  At first she’d been a little depressed that she had to give up a lot of her favorite foods, but after spending some time reading posts on several Celiac forums, she wasn’t too worried anymore. Gluten free foods had apparently come a long way in the last decade and they now had everything from gluten-free bread to cookies and everything in between. She just needed to know what to look for and now that she did, she was going shopping!

  *-*-*-*

  Two Depressing Hours Later…

  She was going to starve to death, she thought miserably as she stood outside the downstairs door, hugging her grocery bag filled with baby carrots and Hershey candy bars against her chest. Who would have thought that grocery shopping could lead to a major depression? She certainly hadn’t seen this one coming, but here she was, numb and staring blindly at the keypad that stood between her and the stairs that would lead her to her apartment where she would have to deal with a fridge full of food that she couldn’t eat.

  Instead of entering her security code, she somehow found herself walking towards Lucifer’s office, hoping that he wasn’t there so that she could lie down and feel bad for herself for a little while until he kicked her out. When she arrived at his office and found it locked, she breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that at least one thing was going her way today.

  Knowing that he could have locked the door for privacy, she knocked on the door and waited for him to tell her to get her ass back to work, the greeting that he normally used when someone bothered him. She waited a few seconds before she grabbed her keys, let herself in and headed for the couch. She tossed the bag holding the only two things that she would ever be able to eat again and dropped down on the couch with a miserable moan.

  This sucked, she concluded with a scowl as she curled up on her side, wondering why Lucifer couldn’t have been considerate and left a blanket and pillow on the couch so that she could be bitchy in comfort. Then again, she mused a few seconds later when Lucifer walked into his office with an incredibly beautiful woman by his side, perhaps she should have been more concerned with pushing him too far, again.

  Of course, if he killed her then she wouldn’t have to worry about how she was going to survive on carrots and chocolate for the rest of her life and just like that, she’d found the upside to Lucifer’s homicidal tendencies.

  Chapter 15

  “Use the envelope opener,” the woman who was going to be responsible for his conviction to a federal prison said, sounding helpful as she gestured towards the vicinity of his desk.

  “What the hell are you doing in my office?” he snapped even though this wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary for the little pain in the ass.

  She was always where she wasn’t supposed to be, finding new ways to push his buttons just to see what it would take to drive him over the edge. He swore that sometimes he could see her holding back a little smirk of satisfaction, confirming his suspicions that she was the devil and not just one of his minions.

  But, she wasn’t biting back a smile now.

  Right now she looked like she was seconds away from screaming or crying. Hadn’t he fixed her, he wondered with a frown, because he was pretty sure that he’d just fixed her. Now that he thought about it, he couldn’t help but wonder why she wasn’t cooking him a home cooked dinner or quitting and promising never to bother him again as a thank you. Some groveling and worshiping him as her personal savior wouldn’t go amiss either.

  “Get out!” he snapped as he tossed the application that he was holding on his desk, barely aware that he’d startled the woman that he was supposed to be interviewing and not really caring. After he’d almost seriously fucked up everything the other night, the last thing that he wanted to do was to see her vulnerable like this.

  “Fine,” Rebecca said, sighing heavily as she reluctantly sat up, grabbed a badly abused grocery bag and headed for the door, all without arguing with him or trying to screw with his head.

  He should just let her walk out the door and go pout somewhere else. He should, but something about the way that she’d given in so easily didn’t sit well with him. Calling himself a fucking idiot, he reached out and placed his hand on her arm to stop her.

  “What’s going on?” he asked more softly as he forced himself to ignore how good it felt to run his fingertips over her baby soft skin.

  “Nothing. It’s fine,” she said, giving him a forced smile that told him everything that he needed to know.

  His normally chipper and annoying tenant/employee was anything but fine, because she was usually better at bullshiting him than this. Keeping his eyes on her, he reached back and threw the door closed.

  “Hey! Wait!” someone cried as the door slammed shut.

  Rebecca’s fake smile shifted to a frown. “Umm, who was that?” she asked, gesturing towards the door.

  “Who was who?” he said, wondering what she was talking about.

  This time when she smiled, it was real, beautiful and made him feel like an idiot, because he had absolutely no idea what she was talking about. “The woman that was with you,” she explained, nervously chewing on her bottom lip as he stood there, trying to make sense out of what she was saying.

  Frowning, he glanced back over his shoulder at the door and shrugged. He had absolutely no idea what she was talking about and really didn’t have time to play any games with her today.

  “You going to tell me what’s going on or do I have to go upstairs and ask the other pain in the ass what’s going on?” he asked, hoping like hell that she didn’t make him go upstairs and talk to Melanie, especially after he’d b
een forced to listen to Aidan, his normally sane brother, bitch up a storm about her last night.

  Who knew that his brother was capable of getting that angry? He’d barely had a chance to tell his brother to fuck off so that he could hang up on the whinny little bastard.

  “It’s nothing,” Rebecca said, shaking her head as she stepped away from him and headed for the door. “Don’t worry about it.”

  He should just let her go, but…

  Fucking hell!

  He was truly a fucking moron, he decided as he reached back and pushed the door shut before she could walk out. When she opened her mouth, no doubt to continue bullshiting him, he decided that he’d had enough bullshit to last a lifetime and snatched the bag away from her.

  “Hey!” the little pain in the ass said in indignation as she tried to take the bag back, but he just ignored her, opened the bag and-

  “Carrots and chocolate?” he said, completely at a loss, which wasn’t exactly something new when it came to her.

  “Yes!” she hissed as she took back her bag. “It’s my dinner tonight,” she snapped defensively as she pushed past him, threw the door open and stormed out of the room, leaving him standing there, hating himself because he knew that there was no way that he was going to be able to let her walk away like this.

  Sighing, and wishing that she didn’t have this effect on him, he went after her, forced to glare at some woman standing in the hallway until she moved out of his way. Once she’d moved, and God, people were so fucking rude, he was jogging to catch up with the little demon. He caught up to her before she could punch in the final number of her security code.

  “Seriously?” she demanded on a tired sigh when he threw her over his shoulder and brought her back to his office, thankful that the inconsiderate woman loitering in the hallway jumped out of his way this time.

  “Wouldn’t have to do this if you’d stopped fucking with my head and just told me what was going on,” he pointed out as he deposited her back on his couch.

  “It’s none of your business,” she said, grabbing the bag of baby carrots and ripped it open with a pathetic little sigh.

  “What’s going on?” he asked, not bothering to argue with her, because she was right. This wasn’t his business, but for some seriously fucked up reason he kept trying to make it his business even when he knew that it was time to step away.

  “Rebecca?” he said, reminding her that he didn’t have all day as he was forced to snatch the carrot out of her hand when she took a bite and immediately gagged, apparently forgetting that she had a sensitive gag reflex and that raw vegetables were not her friend.

  “God, that’s gross,” she said, reaching desperately for the bag and grabbed a candy bar to chase the taste of carrot away.

  “Then why are you eating it?” he asked, tossing the carrot aside.

  She groaned pathetically as she took a bite of chocolate and let her shoulders drop in defeat. “It’s the only thing that I can eat,” she mumbled, sounding crushed as she took another bite of chocolate.

  “What the hell are you talking about?” he asked, slightly confused because according to the internet there was still a lot of choices out there for her.

  “I couldn’t find anything,” she admitted on a mumble as she placed another piece of chocolate in her mouth and sighed dejectedly.

  Reaching over, he helped himself to a piece of her chocolate. “Did you ask for help?” he asked, wondering why she’d had so much trouble when there were plenty of gluten free options available now.

  “They told me that I would have to check the packages,” she said with a shrug.

  “Why didn’t you buy some fruit at least?” he asked, already knowing that fruit and vegetables were completely safe for her.

  She sighed heavily as she sat back against him. Since he was comfortable, and only because he was comfortable, he didn’t move. “They had baked goods displayed throughout the produce section right next to everything that I could have.”

  He didn’t have to ask to know that she’d been worried about cross-contamination. He’d read about it last night, because he’d been curious about the changes that she was going to have to make. He also knew from his late night search that it was going to take some time and practice to learn how to shop gluten free.

  He glanced up at the clock. He had a lot of shit to do today, but he could probably get away with killing a few hours. Besides, he could always use more groceries. Decision made, he reached over, snatched the rest of her candy bar out of her hand and devoured it in one bite.

  “Hey!”

  “Let’s go,” he said, getting up and taking her with him.

  “Where are we going?” she asked even as she allowed him to lead her towards the back.

  “Shopping,” he said, deciding that she was clearly in over her head and needed expert help.

  She snorted at that. “Good luck.”

  He didn’t need luck, not when it came to food.

  When it came to avoiding his relatives…

  That was another issue, he thought with a glare when he spotted the two most annoying assholes on the planet waiting for him outside.

  This really wasn’t his fucking day, he thought as he shoved the door open and dragged the small woman behind him.

  “Fragile!” she yelled. “Handle with care! Handle with care, damn it!”

  Deciding that he didn’t have time for this, he stopped just long enough to throw her over his shoulder. “Better?” he snapped.

  “Much better. Thanks,” she said with a haughty little sniffle that had him shaking his head in disgust.

  She really was a pain in the ass.

  Chapter 16

  “Christ, what do you want now?” Lucifer asked, sighing heavily as he set her down on her feet between him and the two large, handsome men eying her curiously.

  “To see our dear sweet cousin that we missed so much,” the smaller of the two, and that really wasn’t saying much, said with an innocent expression that she one day hoped to master.

  “Don’t even think about it,” Lucifer ground out, obviously knowing where her thoughts had gone.

  Damn it.

  “Didn’t you miss us, Lucifer?” the other one asked, but he was watching her with a curious expression on his face.

  “No,” Lucifer said flatly as she stepped back and glanced from Lucifer to the two men that were obviously related to him.

  While they were handsome enough they just didn’t do anything for her. That didn’t mean that she wasn’t going to kill a little time by screwing with their heads. She did a quick glance, noting the wedding bands that they proudly wore on their ring fingers, the “Bradford Construction,” shirt the larger of the two wore, the pristinely ironed shirt and tie the other one wore and the knowing looks in their eyes that told her that they both knew just how good looking they were and didn’t care.

  Unless it got them what they wanted.

  Unfortunately for them, it was something that she could, and would, use against them if she got bored. For now though, she would just sit back and watch the show.

  “Aren’t you wondering why we’re here?” the larger one asked, and she really needed to find out their names, because it would make it easier for her to keep track of who was who in her head.

  “No, not really,” Lucifer said, sounding bored, but she knew him well enough to know that he’d reached level one in his complicated, yet entertaining, highly devised system that he’d developed over the years to properly display the various levels that made up his temper which would one day lead him to his very own episode of Cops.

  The shorter one chuckled as he gestured towards her with a tilt of his head. “Who’s this?”

  She was about to answer when Lucifer said, “No one.”

  No one? she mused inwardly as she digested what he’d said. She could honestly say that she hadn’t expected that. Pain in the ass, annoying waitress, the devil were all things that she’d expected to hear, but no one?

&nbs
p; “No one, huh?” the tall one asked, shifting his attention between the two of them. “Then why were you carrying her?”

  “Why do you care?” Lucifer asked in that same bored tone that she really didn’t much care for at the moment.

  “Because I’m curious by nature,” he said as she waited for Lucifer to rectify his answer so that she wouldn’t be forced to do something that they’d both regret, but she’d do it if it meant screwing him over and teaching him a lesson.

  She’d worked too damn hard over the past five years to be a “no one,” to him. She’d earned her place as the annoying pain in the ass and no one, not even him, was going to take that away from her. That’s why she was pissed and not because hearing him call her no one had actually disappointed her.

  “So,” the smaller of the two drawled as she stood there telling herself that she should just walk away before she did something incredibly stupid, but since when did she listen to reason? “Where are you and ‘no one’ going?”

  Lucifer just stared at him in that unnerving way of his as she stood there, deciding that the least that she could do after everything that he’d done for him was to give him an opportunity to see the error in his ways. When he continued to stand there, glaring at the two men who were watching her as though they knew that she was about to do something incredibly stupid, she’d decided that she’d waited long enough.

  She turned around, grabbed him by his shoulders and yanked him down so that she could wrap her arms around him and kiss his stunned lips before he had a chance to react. She brushed her lips seductively against his, once, twice and then one more time because she couldn’t help herself. His lips were surprisingly soft for a man that spent most days frowning that she just couldn’t help herself when she brushed her lips against his one last time before reluctantly pulled away and-

  Found her lips back on his, parting along with his so that they could deepen the kiss. At some point she’d threaded her fingers through his short hair, cupping the back of his head as she moved closer, desperate for more. She felt his arms wrap around her and his hands pulling her closer until their bodies were pressed together as he did his best to devour her mouth.