by Ami Weaver
Darcy gave up and filled her in, sparing no details except those of their actual lovemaking and ending with, “I’m not sure what to do. This isn’t what I thought.”
“No?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s different this time. Not like, ‘Oh, okay, we shared a past,’ but more like—” She stopped, unsure of exactly what she wanted to say. Of what it meant.
“More like you share a future?” Cheryl said softly.
Darcy pressed her free hand to her eyes. “Yes.” The word was a whisper.
“Oh, Darcy.” There was a world of sympathy in Cheryl’s voice. “What are you going to do about it? How can you make it work?”
Darcy thought of her job, her life in Chicago. That promotion was poised to take her to the next level, one she’d been working toward since she got there. How could she give that up? What would she do for income? She had savings, sure, but not enough to make that kind of life change. Did she even want to? “I don’t know how. Or if it can be done.”
“You love him.” It wasn’t a question.
“Yes.” There was no point in denying it. “But what if it’s left over from before, when we were married? How can I know it’s real?” It felt real enough. But she just couldn’t be sure.
“You know,” Cheryl said simply. “You know you do. Trust yourself.”
“There’s one more thing,” Darcy said quietly. “I didn’t want to get married the first time. I was pregnant and he insisted. Not in a bad way or a mean way, just he really wanted to be married and start a family and all that. And I wasn’t ready. I know it was too late to not be ready, cart before the horse and all that, but, Cheryl, I wasn’t happy. I was freaking out and he thought it all was fine and wonderful.” Now the tears were flowing, right there in the café, but she couldn’t stop the words. “I didn’t want any of it. Now, when I can’t have any of it, I want it so badly it’s tearing me up inside.”
“Oh, honey,” Cheryl said. She reached over and took Darcy’s hand. “Did you tell him? Does he know that’s how you felt, either then or now?”
“No,” Darcy whispered. “I couldn’t. He was so sure. I thought maybe there was something wrong with me, that I didn’t want it, you know?” Mack hadn’t known. He’d never guessed. Probably foolishly, she’d hid the truth from him instead of giving him the chance to help her. And he would have. He’d have moved heaven and earth for her if she’d allowed him the chance. But she hadn’t.
“You need to tell him,” Cheryl said firmly. “He needs to know, because that’s a big part of why you left, correct? You have to set him straight because that’s the only way you can really move on and start over. You both deserve the chance to know the truth and decide where to go from there. Don’t make this decision for him, Darcy. It’s not fair.”
Even though her friend’s words were spoken in a gentle tone, they still stung, because Cheryl was right. She’d made that decision for him, for them, once. She couldn’t do it again.
She took a deep breath. “Okay. You’re right. I will. Soon.”
* * *
“Saw Darcy’s car in front of your place yesterday,” Chase said, and Mack rolled his eyes. “I’m not going to tell what I’m supposed to ask you. But I will ask—have you lost your mind?”
“No,” Mack said, taking the phone off speaker. This wasn’t going to be a good conversation for his staff to overhear. “I haven’t.” But he had had his mind blown several times last night with the incredible sex he’d shared with Darcy. That wasn’t a detail he planned to share with anybody, especially not his big brother.
Chase blew out a breath. “You are a glutton for punishment, little bro. I can’t save you from yourself.”
“No, you can’t,” Mack agreed. “So back off and don’t try. Let me do this.”
“She’ll hurt you.”
No doubt. “I can handle myself, Chase. I know she’s leaving. She does, too. It’s fine.” But deep down he knew that wasn’t quite true. It wasn’t that easy. It never had been easy with Darcy, and it hadn’t changed. There was too much history between them, history they hadn’t touched, to be anything more than temporary. Because then they’d have to really examine the past and frankly, Mack couldn’t see that going anywhere good.
He also knew it’d have to be dealt with sometime. He owed her a lot, and as much as he wanted her in his bed, he didn’t want to be destroyed by her all over again.
He hung up after promising he’d meet Chase for lunch tomorrow and exacted a promise from Chase that he’d drop this thing with Mack and Darcy. It had been grudgingly given, and had taken some minor threats, but his brother had agreed.
He didn’t want to be reminded it would end again. That she’d leave again. He knew this, felt the time slipping past him like water in a fast-moving stream and every bit as impossible to hold on to. But it made it awfully hard to stay in denial—his current happy place, though he wasn’t stupid, knew he’d have to deal with it sooner rather than later—when people kept waving her leaving in front of his face.
Even though their intentions were good.
He couldn’t help but hope that somehow they’d be wrong. And that was why this was so dangerous.
* * *
On impulse, Darcy stopped at the vet clinic after her lunch with Cheryl. She wanted to check on Fraser and frankly, see Mack. She called him from the parking lot, hoping she’d caught him at a good time.
“Hello?”
“Hi, Mack, it’s Darcy.”
“I know.” There was a smile in his voice and she heard barking in the background. “What’s up?”
“Are you on lunch? I was wondering if I could see Fraser. If it’s no trouble.” She held her breath. If he said no and saw her car out here, she’d feel silly.
“Sure. I don’t really take a lunch, but I’ve got a few minutes. Are you close?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”
When she walked in, he was behind the counter. Her heart gave a jump and she felt a bit of a blush as their night together flashed before her eyes. He wore jeans and a light blue button-down and she just wanted to melt into him.
This was bad. Even knowing what she did—that she loved him, still—it scared her.
He gave her a smile and she was glad there was no one in the waiting area to see her blush. “Hey,” he said, and came around the end to drop a kiss on her mouth. Brief, but hot and way too public.
“Hey,” she said back. She loved the kisses, darn it.
A tall blond-haired woman strode in from the back, looking at some papers in her hand. “Mack, are we out of the purple packages of the dog flea treatments? I thought— Oh,” she said as she looked up, drawing out the word, her gaze flying to Mack, then settling on Darcy. “Hello.”
“Jenn, this is Darcy. Darcy, Jenn. She’s the other vet here. And yes, we’re out of that for now. Sherry said they called this morning and are back-ordered. They can deliver Monday, I think it was. The notes are on the desk there.”
Jennifer came forward, hand extended, papers tucked under her opposite arm. “Good to know. Thanks. So nice to finally meet you, Darcy. Mack talks about you a lot. Or as much as a guy will talk.”
Darcy couldn’t help smiling as Mack shifted uncomfortably beside her. “Jennifer.”
She looked at him innocently. “What?”
He just shook his head.
“It’s nice to meet you, too,” Darcy said, and meant it.
Mack rested his hand on the small of her back and steered her toward a door. “We’re going to check on Fraser.”
“All right. He told you about that?” Jenn said to Darcy, and she nodded. “It was awful. Just—awful.”
“You told her about me?” Darcy asked once he’d closed the door behind them.
His jaw tightened.
“She’d heard some rumors. She made some guesses.”
She stopped and laid a hand on his arm. His muscles flexed under her touch and she slid her hand down to grab his hand. “Mack. Is that okay?”
He paused at another set of doors. “Yeah. I just don’t want you to think I go around talking about you. Or us. Or our past. It’s private.”
“I know,” she said. “I wasn’t worried or mad.” But he seemed embarrassed. A light went off in her head. “Did you date her, Mack?”
He pushed open the door. “No. Not really. We’d hang out, I guess you could say, but it was never a date situation.”
She followed him through the doors. The light was dimmer here and the smell was defiantly hospital-like. She swallowed hard. He stopped at a cage where a big dog lay under a blanket.
Even in this light, and when it was clear the animal was asleep, she gasped. She could see the scars and cuts and what looked like burns on his head. Tears burned her throat. “Oh, Mack.”
His face was grim. “You should see the rest of him. He’s in bad shape. He’s going to lose a front leg. I was hopeful, but it’s not going to heal right. But I couldn’t do it at the first round of surgery.”
She touched the cage quietly, not sure if she’d wake him if she made too much noise. He was sleeping, breathing even. Mack noticed. “You won’t wake him. He’s under right now. Helps with the healing and the pain.”
“Who pays for his care?”
“There’s a fund that people donate to for situations like this, when an animal needs serious help or when an owner can’t pay the bill. Same with Minnie. We do fund-raisers to keep it going. That will cover some of it.”
And he’d pay the rest. He didn’t say it, but he didn’t have to. She knew. She tucked herself into his side and wrapped her arms around his waist. He slid an arm around her and squeezed. She could hear the steady beat of his heart under her cheek and felt the warmth of his skin through his shirt. “You’re a good man, Mack.”
He went still. “Anyone would help out, Darce.”
No, they wouldn’t. But she let it go. And she knew now what she’d given up when she walked away. She’d been so, so shortsighted. Stupid. So she held on while she could, knowing she’d have to leave again, and they stood there, in the dimness, and watched Fraser sleep.
A clang from inside the clinic broke the spell. She stepped away and he let her go. She cleared her throat. “Well. I guess I’ll let you get back to work. I’d like to see him when he’s awake, if you think that’d be okay.”
He slid his hands in his pockets and started walking toward the door. “Should be. Starting tomorrow, I’ll keep him on pain meds, but not keep him under. I’ll let you know.”
“Thanks.” Darcy hitched the strap of her purse up, but before she could take a step, he turned her to face him and kissed her. A real kiss, hot and deep. He pulled away.
“That’s the greeting I wanted to give you,” he whispered.
She blinked at him. “Well, hello, then.”
A slow, sexy grin spread over his face. “Hi.”
“Thanks for the coffee this morning, by the way.”
“You’re welcome. Last night was amazing. Hands down the hottest night I’ve ever had.”
Darcy was pretty sure her blush had spread to her toes. She swallowed hard. “Yeah. Me, too.”
He kissed her again, a gentle one this time. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For taking the chance to come over. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
His gaze was gentle and saw too much. She wasn’t ready to face that, to let him all the way in. So she just smiled back and followed him out of the ward and back into the clinic, where an older man sat with a cat carrier. The occupant was yowling with displeasure.
“Ah, Doc,” the man said with a wry smile. “Yoda is awfully excited to see you.” He winked at Darcy and she couldn’t help smiling.
“I can hear that,” Mack said drily. “I’ll be ready for him a few.”
“No problem. We’re early.” The man went back to his magazine.
Mindful of all the ears that were suddenly around them—she’d seen Jenn in one of the offices when they came back out, and voices came from somewhere she couldn’t see—she turned to Mack and gave him a quick smile. “Thanks for letting me see him.”
“You’re welcome. See you at the farm later.”
Darcy nodded and walked out into the bright sun, which reflected off the snow and made her sneeze. He’d always teased her about her sneezing in the sun.
Chapter Fifteen
Jenn was waiting for him when he went back to his office to grab a fast bite to eat. Mr. Franklin was early, and while Mack would get to him as soon as possible, he needed three minutes to wolf down a sandwich.
“Not now,” he said as he pulled the sandwich from the bag he’d retrieved from the office fridge. “Please.”
Jenn shook her head and ignored him as he’d known she would. “Mack. It’s serious, isn’t it.” Not a question. A statement.
He chewed his ham sandwich, not tasting it. He swallowed and reached for the water bottle on his desk. “Just a lot of history.”
She shook her head. “More than that. Lots of people have history. You’ve got chemistry and clearly the two of you still have feelings for each other.”
Now he choked on the bread. “You got all that from a one-minute introduction?”
She looked at him straight on. “Yes. It’s obvious, Mack. Not only from seeing you together, but the way you talk about her. Do something about it, even if it’s just settle the past so you can move on. You’re not over her.”
“I’m over her.” The denial was quick and sure. He was. He had to be. It’d been a long time. “But what happened was really awful, Jenn. For both of us.”
“It must have been,” she said quietly. “I know you lost a child.”
So she did know. His child and his wife. His family. His future. He wasn’t interested in replacing them. He couldn’t. He threw the last of the sandwich away, his appetite gone. Jenn was right. Things from the past needed to be settled before Darcy left again.
He finished out the afternoon at the clinic, ran home to take care of his pets and change his clothes as well as grab another bite to eat. He drove out to the tree farm, anticipation building in his chest. Jenn wasn’t too far off. He’d fallen right back into this. It had been way too easy.
Sure enough, Darcy was there. She turned when he came in and gave him a smile. Things were growing there, no doubt about it. What they were exactly was a whole nother story.
“Mack.” Joe’s voice caught him off guard and he looked over to see the older man sitting on a stool behind the register, Marla smiling behind him.
“Joe. Good to see you out here. Feeling better?”
“Yep. I can be out here for a while. Can’t do the heavy lifting, though. Doc won’t let me, and my girls are keeping a close eye on me.” The words were grumpy, but there was a twinkle in his eye.
Marla patted his shoulder. “That’s ’cause we want you around for a good long time, dear.”
Mack chatted with them for a couple more minutes, then excused himself to go outside, pulling his gloves on as he went. He wanted to talk to Darcy, but didn’t think she’d want him hunting her down under the watchful eyes of her aunt and uncle. Not that they weren’t adults. But he knew she was a little nervous about all this, and bringing them into it wasn’t going to help matters.
* * *
Marla caught Darcy as she was walking past the register. “As soon as Mack came in, he looked for you.” Marla’s voice was gentle. “As soon as he saw you, he relaxed. Darcy, that man is in love with you. What are you going to do about it?”
Her heart pinged painfully in her chest. What was she going t
o do? She was going to leave because there was no other option. “It’s been a long time, Aunt Marla. Too long. And we never talked about our past.”
“Then, you need to do that. Work it out and see where it goes.”
Darcy shut her eyes. She already knew she had to do that. Her conversation with Cheryl had driven that home. “I know we need to talk. But there’s nowhere it can really actually go.”
Marla reached for the box of mini–candy canes. She scooped a handful into the bowl that sat next to the register. “That’s just an excuse, honey. You can make this work if you want it to. So I guess the question is, do you want it to?” She held up a hand. “You don’t have to tell me the answer. It’s between you and him. I’m just trying to make sure you don’t make a big mistake you’ll regret.”
Another big mistake, Darcy amended silently. She’d made a lot in a short time, and no matter how casual she’d kept it, or tried to, the fact was it was going to hurt when she left. But was it a mistake to leave? That was what she wasn’t sure of.
“I’ll keep it in mind,” she said finally. “I understand and appreciate your concerns. I really do.” She stopped short of saying she knew what she was doing, because frankly, it wasn’t true. The whole thing had gotten away from her as soon as Mack kissed her the first time.
Marla gave her a quick one-armed hug, the bowl of candy canes in her other hand. “We love you. We want you to be happy. That’s all.”
Darcy managed a smile as Marla hurried away to get Uncle Joe back to the house. She put the box of candy away and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to get her bearings. That man is in love with you.
She shook off the thrill the words gave her. No, he was in love with who she’d been years ago. He didn’t really know her now. She’d changed. So has he. They were getting to know each other now, too, but how could it be enough? Could she be sure?
He was buying this farm. Once she left it, there was no coming back to it. Not like this. Marla and Joe were heading to warmer pastures. There’d be nothing here for her, nothing but memories. The physical places would be gone. That meant there was no reason to come back, to be here.