Never Let Go

by Anne Carol

  “What are you thinking, calling my friends like some crazy lunatic?” I barked at him as soon as he came to the phone.

  “Look, I was angry last night after we talked and I probably shouldn’t have called them. I’m sorry. I didn’t know what do.”

  “Don’t ever call them again. In fact, lose this number and don’t call me here again. You understand? I don’t want to talk to you.”

  “Bethy, please. I know I was stupid—”

  “Goodbye Rick.” I slammed the phone down.

  Two seconds later, the phone rang. I let out a long breath and answered it, expecting to again tell Rick to buzz off. “Hello?” I grumbled.

  “Hey, it’s me.”

  I relaxed into the couch. “Oh, hi David.”

  “You alright?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  I safely evaded his questions about why I sounded upset, making up some dumb excuse. I didn’t want to tell him about Rick because I knew it’d bother him, and with his gig a couple of days away he didn’t need any more worries. Instead, I listened to him talk about all the preparations for Friday night, and I told him how much I looked forward to seeing him perform. That evening over dinner I apologized for running up the phone bill and offered to do kitchen clean-up for the rest of summer in return.

  “I had to deal with some issues, but I promise I’ll stick to letter writing from now on,” I said, mostly addressing my aunt and uncle.

  “Oh, it’s no bother. We understand, dear,” Aunt Ellie stated. “I know you must miss your friends back home.”

  She was right, I did miss Melissa and Susie terribly, but at the same time I still wished I could stay in London permanently. I had to remember to ask my parents about going to college here, though I didn’t know how they’d take it.

  I decided to wait until after Friday night to broach that subject. Dealing with Rick already took enough out of me, and I wanted to stay positive the couple of days leading up to David’s gig. The last thing I wanted was to be depressed as I watched my boyfriend do what he loved.

  Friday night couldn’t come soon enough, and when evening came around, Jenny, Simon, and I ate a quick bite of supper and then took off for the club. I wanted to be early so I could see David before the show.

  As we strolled in, I immediately zoned in on David kneeling on the floor with his back to me as he set up the band’s equipment. Three sets of eyes, all belonging to his band mates, flashed over to me, and one of them nodded in David’s direction. “David, I believe she’s here.”

  David scrambled to his feet and jogged toward me. After giving me a tight hug, he led us to a table directly in front of the stage.

  “You get the seat of honor,” he said as he pulled out the chair that was closest to his position on the stage. He sat beside me and leaned in, looking serious. “What were you upset about the other night when I phoned?”

  My jaw dropped. “You’re going to ask me about this now? Aren’t you a little busy?’

  “I want to know. It’s been bothering me.”

  Jenny and I exchanged glances. “I just had to do some damage control, that’s all.”

  “What does that mean?”

  Realizing I couldn’t avoid the topic, I briefed him on the various phone calls, making it clear that I told Rick not to call me again. As I feared, his expression grew dark, and he tensed up.

  “If he calls again, I’ll talk to him,” he said gruffly.

  “No! I’m not getting you involved in this.” Not to mention Rick didn’t know about David, and I planned to keep it that way for now. Rick was already acting like a nutcase.

  “I’m serious, Beth. Give me his bloody number, and I’ll tell him to piss off,” he ranted.

  “Why don’t you worry about getting set up?” I suggested. “In fact, I haven’t met your bandmates.”

  “Alright, but we’re not done with this,” he said firmly, getting up and pulling me over to the stage. They were all looking at us as if they’d overheard our entire conversation. Lovely.

  “Guys, this is Beth.” They each politely nodded in my direction. David went down the line and introduced them one by one. “This is Pete Fox, drummer; Don Morris on bass; and Trevor Miles, lead singer and rhythm guitar.”

  “Nice to meet all of you.” I waved a general greeting to them before turning back to David. “I’d better let you get back to it. You know where to find me.”

  Before I walked away, he touched my arm, “Hey, get yourself a fizzy drink. Just tell the man behind the counter you’re with the band, alright?” He winked at me before returning to his duties.

  I’m with the band? Too much!

  As I sat down with my soda, I studied each band member, matching names with faces so I could save them to memory.

  Pete was shorter and more muscular than David. He had wild, spiky blond hair with emerald green eyes. Pete, green eyes. Don was tall and thin, and I couldn’t help noticing how long his fingers were. His hair was short and wheat-colored, and his eyes were the shade of caramel. He seemed a little shy to me and certainly didn’t strike me as the rock ‘n roll “type,” if there was such a thing. Don, shy. And finally, Trevor. He definitely fit the bill of a lead singer: tall, built, gorgeous steel blue eyes and disheveled dark hair which, like David’s, fell into his eyes, all sexy-like. Trevor, dark and sexy.

  As the four of them worked feverishly to put their sound equipment together, I sat with my chin in my hands and gaped at my irresistible guitar-playing boyfriend.

  About twenty minutes later, after the club had filled to capacity, the band members took their positions on the small raised stage.

  “Good evening, everyone.” Trevor spoke into the microphone. “This is David …” he waved to each band member as he announced their names. “… Don, Pete, and I’m Trevor, and we are Vinyl Fog. Take it, Davy!”

  Without hesitation, David ripped into the opening notes on his electric guitar, looking like he was in his own world as he concentrated on his fingering. My heart raced when he met my gaze.

  And it continued its lovesick dance for the rest of the hour they performed. He was so on fire, jumping around the stage, fingers sliding up and down the fretboard of his black and white guitar. He also sang backup on most of the songs, and I was amazed by his voice.

  At the close of the last song, as the audience roared with applause and whistles, David and Don tossed out their guitar picks. Just as I caught David’s, he summoned me up on stage. I eagerly closed the small gap between us, threw my arms around him, and gave him a big kiss. He held me as close as he could with a guitar between us. The crowd cheered even louder, and I’m sure I turned beet red.

  Later, as the club emptied out, David took a moment from breaking down the equipment to give me a hug. “Thanks for coming.”

  I ran my fingers through his damp hair, which now fell in messy waves on one side. “I wouldn’t have been anywhere else tonight. You were wonderful. I could listen to you forever.”

  He closed his eyes and smiled, “Ah, Beth, don’t ever change.”

  “David, hate to interrupt, but we’ve got to load up here,” Trevor called out.

  “Be right there,” he hollered back. Turning to me, he said, “I need to stay and pack up. I wish we could chat more. Dinner tomorrow night?”

  “Sure. Now go …” I waved him off.

  He bent down and kissed my lips gently.

  Ah yes, I loved my British rocker.

  “I love kissing you,” I whispered, trailing my finger down the back of David’s neck. I leaned in to join our lips again when I caught a glimpse of my mom watching us with a horrified expression. I gasped and pulled back.

  “What’s wrong, angel?”

  “My mom,” I mumbled. I looked over to where she’d been standing, but she was gone. “Well, she was here.”

  “She was watching us kiss?” he asked, confused. I nodded. “Will she be cross?”

  “I don’t know.” Crap!

  “Maybe I should go. What t
ime is it, anyway?”

  I looked at my watch. “Four thirty. I don’t want you to leave. Stay for dinner, please,” I begged, staring into his eyes.

  “I need to get home. Mum is having Aunt Jane over for supper. You understand?” He held my chin.

  “Yeah, sure,” I mumbled. I started to get up from his lap, but he pulled me back into a tight embrace.

  “You alright?”

  “Yes, I’m fine.”

  We kissed again, and then he set me on my feet as he stood up. I held his hand and walked him to the door. He stared down at me with a wistful look. “I’ll ring you this evening.”

  “I’ll be waiting.” I squeezed his hand.

  After he left, I skipped back to the kitchen to get a snack.

  “Beth.” The cold sound of my mom’s voice put me on guard.

  “Yes, Mom?” She was sitting at the table, drinking tea.

  “Can we talk?” She gestured to the chair in front of her. I secretly wished Aunt Ellie and Jenny would walk in from their day of errands.

  “About what?” I pulled out the chair and sat down.

  She paused, appearing to gather her thoughts.

  “Honestly, dear, I’m a little concerned.” She gave me that “mother knows best” look, just like she did the night she told me about England. “You and David are getting pretty serious.”

  “Yeah, don’t you like him?” My voice sounded agitated, in spite of my effort to keep calm.

  “I do like him, very much. But …” she blew out a breath. “I don’t know how you expect this to work.”

  My stomach dropped violently. This was worse than I expected.

  “I just see this ending in lot of heartache. Relationships at your age are tough enough, but a long-distance one? Even harder. I mean, look at what happened with Rick.”

  “Mom!” Now she struck a sore point. “David is not Rick! He loves me and I love him. Plus he’s not going to pressure me for sex.” I had to throw in that fact.

  She softened a bit. “Well, I admire him for that. Again, it’s not that I don’t like him, dear. But I worry about you setting yourself up for a broken heart. Dad mentioned your interest in looking at colleges here, and while I think it’s great that you’re thinking ahead, it scares me that you’re planning your life around a boy you’ve known for less than a month. The idea of moving here, away from all you’ve known and loved, for something that isn’t a sure thing …”

  I froze, blinking back tears.

  “Are you trying to tell me I can’t see him anymore?” I choked out.

  “I didn’t say that.” She sighed. “I’m simply voicing my concern as your mother. I don’t want to see you to get hurt again.” She put her hand over mine.

  “But don’t you want me to be happy? I don’t understand what your problem is.”

  She paused for a second while she tapped her fingers on the table.

  “Oh, I don’t know, Beth. Sometimes I wish you’d meet a nice boy from Garden Valley, or better yet, forget boys altogether. It would make things so much simpler.” She turned away from me.

  “Of course it’d be simpler, but nothing’s ever simple! If Grandma Johnson had settled for “simple,” neither Dad or I or Rachel would be here! Have you forgotten that?”

  “Grandma was older than you.”

  “Not by much,” I countered.

  Just then the door swung open and in walked Jenny and Aunt Ellie. I used this opportunity to make a quick exit up the staircase and into my room. I shut the door behind me, lay on the bed, and wept quietly.

  Even though my mom didn’t forbid me from seeing David, the fact that she didn’t see us lasting beyond the summer was devastating. It also made me have doubts myself. What if she was right? Was I kidding myself to think we’d end up together? Was I just replacing Rick with David? I didn’t know what to think anymore.

  Yet, deep down I knew there was something different between us than what I had with Rick. If only my parents could see inside my heart, they’d find David’s name permanently etched all over. He and I would be together, whether they approved or not. But I desperately wanted their blessing, and I knew it was going to take the rest of summer to convince them we belonged together.

  Once I calmed down, I headed to the bathroom to wipe my eyes, but as I stepped into the hallway, I could hear my parents talking heatedly in their room. Assuming they were talking about me, I flattened myself against the wall and eavesdropped.

  “Sharon, why can’t you just let her be happy? David’s a good kid, I can see that. Much better than Rick. I knew that guy was trouble from the start,” he voiced.

  “I don’t disagree. I like David, too. But this business of planning college around him is just crazy to me.”

  “Really? I actually think it’s brilliant. She’s looking at the big picture.”

  “But what if she gets her heart set on that, and then it doesn’t work out with him?”

  “Then it doesn’t work out, and she goes to college in the States, or here if she wants. She’s seventeen, Sharon. You can’t protect her forever.”

  “And what if it does work out with him? Then we’ll lose her, Mike.” It sounded like she was near tears.

  “I think that’s what you’re really afraid of.”

  There was a brief silence.

  “I know it’s hard, but you have to let her live her life.” He cleared his throat. “Beth is a good girl, and she’s never been one to make hasty decisions. But she’s also stubborn and determined, and if you keep her from seeing David, you’ll only push her away. Is that what you want?”

  “No, of course not. I’m just afraid it’s going to be hard for her when we leave at the end of summer. She’s already so attached to him.”

  “Look, it’s only been a few weeks, Sharon. Let’s just see how things go before we worry ourselves to death.”

  “So you’re saying I should just let it go?”

  “For now, yes. Unless they’re behaving inappropriately, I see no reason to interfere. I’d rather have a good, open relationship with our daughter, and that won’t happen if we try to run her life for her.”

  Yes! Thank you, Dad!

  The squeak of the door alerted me they were coming out, so I dashed into the bathroom. I sat on the edge of the tub and processed my parents’ conversation. My dad deserved a giant hug for supporting me. I just hoped and prayed my mom would learn to accept that I was in love with an Englishman, even if it wasn’t practical.

  She didn’t bring it up again that afternoon or evening, but I was still bothered by her apprehension. When David phoned after dinner, he instantly picked up on my depressed mood.

  “What’s wrong? You’re upset about something.” His tone was urgent.

  “I’m fine,” I said with no emotion, though hearing his voice unexpectedly brought tears to my eyes.

  “Do you want me to come over?” He sounded anxious.

  “No, it’s okay.” My voice broke.

  “I’ll be right there.”

  “David!” But it was too late; I heard a click.

  Not more than ten minutes later, I heard brisk footsteps outside. I flew to the porch to greet him as he reached the top of the steps. He took me in his arms and kissed my hair. “What’s the matter, angel?”

  “Did you run here?” I spoke into his shoulder as he was catching his breath.

  “Yes. When I heard your voice, I had to see you. Please tell me why you’re upset,” he asked, stroking the back of my hair.

  I sighed. “Can we take a walk?” I wanted to tell him everything, but away from my family.

  “Sure,” he said, his brow furrowing.

  We ended up strolling along Regent’s Canal and watched the canal boats heading toward Camden Lock. It was a beautiful evening, yet my heart was heavy. As we walked hand-in-hand I explained what my mom had said, insisting it wasn’t about him, that her concern was for me. Then I told him about my parent’s private discussion.

  “So Mum isn’t keen on you mov
ing here, but Dad seems okay with it?” he echoed my findings.

  “Apparently.”

  He focused on the ground as we walked, looking deep in thought.

  “Are you worried that we won’t last once we’re separated?” he asked, unable to hide his distress.

  “Not really, are you?”

  “Not in any way.” He looked directly at me. “But I agonize over the thought of being away from you.”

  Before I could stop them, a few tears escaped.

  “Oh, Beth, no. Please don’t.” He reached up and gently brushed moisture from under my eyes. “We’ll work this out somehow.”

  “I know.” Of that I was certain. I just wasn’t looking forward to the inevitable pain awaiting us at the end of summer.

  After that day, I tried shoving aside my mom’s doubts and my dread over the end of summer so I could live in the moment with David. But still, they lay in the back of my mind, reminding me of the heartbreak that was barely three weeks away. David disguised his emotions well, probably to protect me from falling apart, but I knew he dreaded it just as much as I did.

  As summer progressed, so did our relationship, and we spent every afternoon or evening we could getting to know each other. We talked about everything, from our favorite ice cream flavor to more serious topics, like our dreams for the future, and each passing day we fell deeper in love.

  Rick never called again, thank goodness, but my friends wrote that he still hoped we’d get back together. It angered me that he was arrogant enough to believe that, but because of the great distance, I found myself detached from those concerns. For the time being, I was having too much fun living in my bubble with David, who was truly the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

  Time passed like a marathon runner in his final stride. My family packed a lot into the last few weeks, mostly out-of-town excursions like Stonehenge, Windsor, and Bath, which we did with the whole family. And while I tried to enjoy these day trips, all I could think about was how quickly time was slipping away from me and David.

  A week before we were to leave, David borrowed his parents’ car and drove the two of us out to the countryside for a private picnic. He didn’t have anywhere particular in mind, just an out-of-the-way spot to simply enjoy each other.