by Anne Carol
“Oh, well, I’m afraid he can’t talk at the moment. He’s still in bed, the poor lad has been sick.”
“Sick? What does he have?”
“He’s got a terrible head cold. I’m afraid he might have caught it the other night when he was out late. I’m sorry, dear. I’ll let him know you phoned. He’ll be happy to know you arrived home safely.”
“Okay, thanks, and tell him I love him and I hope he feels better soon.”
“Will do, Beth.”
When I hung up, I was struck with a feeling of deep emptiness. It was bad enough knowing I couldn’t see him or touch him. Now I had to cope with the fact that he was six thousand miles away, lying in bed, sick. So I did the only thing I could do in that situation—I sank to the floor and cried.
When I woke up the next morning, my throat was on fire. One last “gift” from David, you might say. Super.
I spent the next few days in bed with a humidifier practically under my nose and one ear constantly listening for the phone. But the only phone calls I got were from Susie and Melissa. Not a word from David. Unless he was really sick, he either didn’t get my message or was avoiding me. Or maybe he was just being stubborn, holding firm to our agreement, though it wasn’t like him. I knew that if I made any effort to contact him, he would’ve jumped at the chance to respond. That is, if he still wanted me.
The fear that he didn’t want me anymore simmered into a boil as the weekend progressed without a phone call. Sunday evening I almost broke down, but I managed to pull myself together. School was the next day and I didn’t want my friends to know about David and me. At least until there was something to report.
Monday after school I decided to try calling again, just to see.
Mrs. Somers answered the phone, sounding like she was out of breath.
“Oh, hello, dear. David isn’t home. He and his mates are out of town for a few days.”
“Out of town?”
“Yes, I believe they went to see a number of bands in different cities. I’ll leave a note for him, alright?” She spoke faster than usual and I wondered if she was trying to get rid of me.
“Alright. Thank you, Mrs. Somers.”
Click.
I tried not to make too much of the quick dismissal, but it was obvious she was upset about something. She once told me that David was “sensitive for a boy,” hinting that she didn’t want me to hurt him. Maybe she was disappointed in me for pushing her son away.
Was it time to start investigating California universities? Because I wasn’t getting a good vibe from all of this.
*
“How was your trip, Beth? You never really gave us a report,” Susie asked over lunch Tuesday. We were trapped inside the stuffy cafeteria while dark clouds dumped rain outside. I had the urge to poke my nose out the door, because the smell of damp earth reminded me of England.
“Beth? You there?” Susie giggled, popping me back to Fried Burrito Central.
“Yeah, I’m here,” I said. “I had a nice time. Really liked the one college.”
“And how was Mr. Rock Star?” Melissa asked, grinning. “Hot, as usual?”
I shrugged my shoulders, staring down at my yogurt. “We decided to take a break.”
It just came out, even though I’d intended to keep it hush-hush. Of course, they all gasped: Melissa, Susie, Amy, and Laurie, and I think even a few people at the surrounding tables, but maybe that was just my wild imagination.
“Why?” Melissa asked. “Are you having second thoughts?”
I briefly explained the reasons for stepping back—distance and our different goals being the main ones. “It’s not a big deal. If it’s not meant to be, I need to figure this out now, before I commit to college in another country.”
They all looked at me like I had three eyes. “Beth, you were crazy about David before you left. Are you sure there’s nothing else?” Susie asked.
“Nope.” It has nothing to do with my insecurity.
“Well, I predict that this time next year, you’ll be whistling “God Save The Queen” in your sleep. Because there’s no way you’re not ending up with your hot Englishman.” Laurie, who was obsessed with David being English, stated emphatically.
I hope you’re right. I really do …
I tried to distract myself by digging into my schoolwork, which wasn’t a terrible thing, considering this was the final semester of my high school career. But I couldn’t help feeling like a perfectly outlined puzzle with most of the interior pieces missing. By Thursday, the silence was deafening, and I started sinking into depression.
Though my friends knew about the break, they didn’t know how badly I regretted it and that I’d tried calling David a few times to apologize. I guess I was embarrassed because I was the jerk who insisted on the month-long break, and here I couldn’t even last a week.
However, my mom was completely on top of things and easily picked up on my somber mood. She suggested I write to him, just get it all out on paper. So Thursday after school, I sat down and wrote him a letter using every romantic bone in my body. I even dabbed a bit of my perfume on the paper and kissed it with red lipstick. How could he resist that?
Proud of my work, I signed and sealed the letter, and then stuck it in the outgoing mail for the next day. As I was coming back inside, I heard the phone ringing. Hopeful, I ran for it.
“Hello?” I said, praying to hear an English accent on the other end.
“Hey cousin.” Okay, I should’ve specified a male English accent.
“Jenny, what’s up?” I peeked at the wall clock. “It’s late in your neighborhood. Everything okay?”
“Mostly.”
“Just ‘mostly’?”
“Beth, have you heard from David?”
“No, why? Have you seen him?”
“Yes. I saw him today at the pub—the pub, as in the one where you first met.”
“Okay. Go on.”
“I was just strolling by and there he was, sitting with Josephine, having a drink.”
“Dammit. Did he see you? Did you run in there and slap him?”
“No and no. But I could’ve. What is he thinking?”
“I don’t know, but it’s gotta be over.”
“Just like that? Beth, you should at least hear him out. Perhaps it was nothing.”
“I’ve called twice and he has yet to return my calls. Now he’s out having a drink with his ex? It’s over.”
“To be fair, you did ask for the break.”
“Don’t remind me, I’ve been beating myself up for it all week. I’ve been trying to undo the break, but apparently he needed it. I guess I got my answer. It was never meant to be.”
Jenny spent the next several minutes talking me down from the ledge, but it didn’t help. It was like someone was pushing me under water, and I was desperate to come up for air. How could he have moved on so quickly, and with her? Oh, there had to be some other explanation, there just had to be. But even with my storytelling mind, I couldn’t come up with a good one.
It was all I could do to pull myself out of bed the next morning to face a school day. Anti-social was a word that came to mind. And then I saw it—David’s blue shirt, tossed over my desk chair. Grabbing it, I balled it up and threw it in the corner. That stupid shirt. He knew he had me the minute he loaned it to me at the park that brisk afternoon. It may have been before Rick cheated on me, when I was trying to be good, but I’d never forgotten that sweet gesture.
I walked over and picked up the now-wrinkled shirt, bringing it to my nose so I could detect his scent. Ah, yes.
“Mom?” I called out, opening my bedroom door. “I need the iron.”
Well, the color of the shirt did make my eyes pop, and I needed something, anything, to liven me up as I’d gotten zero sleep the night before. Damn my cousin for dumping this kind of news on me on a school night.
“Ooh, nice shirt. A little roomy, but the color’s great,” Melissa declared as she opened her locker next to me.
“Thanks.” I opened my mouth to say it was David’s, but I quickly shut down. This would certainly lead into a conversation I wasn’t ready to have. Heck, I didn’t even know for sure where I stood with David, so it wasn’t right of me to talk about something based on assumptions. My goal at that point was to just get through the day without any emotional breakdowns.
And I almost made it.
Seventh period was a few minutes from starting, and I wavered on whether to walk in the door. I was a mess. During the previous hour, which was my T.A. period, I realized that I never pulled the letter to David from the outgoing mail. That beautiful letter was now on its way to London. What a fool. He probably wouldn’t even care. At least that’s what my pessimistic self was telling me. And I believed that part of me. There was no reason to refute it, after all.
“So are you going in, or not?” Rick was now standing in front of me, gesturing toward the door. “I don’t want to be partnerless.” He playfully poked my shoulder.
He was only being witty, but that last phrase struck me wrong and before I knew it, tears were clouding my vision.
“Beth?” He grasped my chin and forced me to look up. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” I sniffed. “Everything.”
“Well, what is it? Nothing or everything?”
“Oh, Rick …” I wailed, stepping forward and burying my face in his shoulder.
He gingerly put his hands at my back and patted me. “You wanna ditch class and go somewhere, talk about it?”
Figuring everything was ruined anyway, I nodded into his shirt collar.
“Well then, let’s go before the bell rings.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me along. People nearby were looking at us funny, but I didn’t care. I mean, what was so wrong with me cutting class to scurry off with my ex-boyfriend?
We ended up at a little sandwich shop, an old hangout of ours. I sat at a table while Rick ordered a few sodas.
“So what’s with the tears, Bethy?” He sat down, sliding a giant cup in front of me. Guess he planned on being here awhile.
I took a sip of my root beer. “I think it’s over. You were right, this was never going to work.”
“What happened?” he said with a definite sneer.
Despite his obvious lack of warmth over the matter, I sat there and told him the whole story, starting with the arguments in London and ending with my cousin’s discovery of David and Josephine together.
“He clearly doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Oh, Beth. You’re too much.” He shook his head, staring at me with a smirk.
“What? Are you laughing at me?”
“No. I’m just amazed by the way your mind works. I guess that’s what makes you a good writer. How do you know he wants to break up when you haven’t even talked to him?”
“Why hasn’t he called? And why would he be seen with his ex after he said he couldn’t stand her?”
“You’re here with me, aren’t you? If he walked by and saw us, wouldn’t he freak out?”
Oh, yeah. Gosh, I hated being wrong.
“Okay, you got me there. But not returning my calls is kind of a big hint.”
“Bethy, I don’t know…there could be a lot of reasons for not calling you back. Could be he’s just sticking to the break, as you asked, or maybe he never got your messages. You need to talk to the guy before flipping out.”
“Yeah, I guess so.” I paused, weighing his comments. “Wait a minute, are you saying I shouldn’t give up on him? I figured you’d be happy it didn’t work out.”
He leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “Wow, you really don’t think much of me, do you?”
I looked down my nose at him, as if to say, What do you expect?
He flashed his palms, avoiding eye contact. “Okay, I deserve it. But I know you’re crazy about this guy, and I don’t like seeing you hurting. I made some mistakes, yeah, but I’m not a monster.”
I gaped at him, speechless.
“Of course, if things don’t work out with you and Mr. Perfect, we can always try it again.” He gave me a cocky grin.
“I think that ship has sailed.” My eyes circled around the room as I shifted in my seat.
“Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so we just sat there in silence, the sound of the cash register dinging in the background. Running my finger around the rim of my soda cup, I could feel his eyes on me, studying me like he was trying to solve a formula.
“What’re you going to do?” he finally asked.
Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “I’m going to go home, get ready for my babysitting job, play Barbies all evening, and hopefully at some point a solution will come to me.”
“Good luck. I mean it.” He looked me firmly in the eye.
I thanked him for the soda, as well as the advice, and we headed back to school.
There was no hope for me and Rick if things didn’t work out with David, but it was nice knowing we could put our past behind us and get along, at least. And though it was hard to believe, he actually brought up some valid points during our talk. Ironically, he gave me hope that it wasn’t the end for me and David. Who knew such a thing was possible?
“Look, my Barbie has a boyfriend!” Seven-year-old Annie shoved Sun Lovin’ Malibu Ken in my face.
“Oh, goodness. He’s something else.” I was sitting on the pink rug in Annie’s bedroom, lining up doll clothes, while five-year-old Sarah worked on a coloring book.
“Do you have a boyfriend?” Annie the Curious asked me. She was famous for her stream of questions.
“Yes. His name is David.”
“Oooh. I want to meet him!” She jumped up and down.
When I explained to her that she couldn’t because he lived in another country, it opened up another line of questions. By the time I put her and Sarah to bed, I was exhausted. But all the talk about David made me miss him terribly, and I resolved to give him a call the next day. I needed to know, once and for all, if he still loved me.
I walked into the mostly dark house a hair past eleven and nearly crashed into my mother, who was roaming around in her nightgown.
“Honey, you’ll never guess who called.” Her eyes were heavy-lidded, but she spoke with enthusiasm.
“Not David?” My heart was pounding at the mere idea.
“Yes. He said to call back, no matter how late.”
“Well, this could go either way.” I took a deep breath, put my stuff down, and headed to the phone.
“I’m going to bed. Hope it goes well, dear.” Mom kissed my forehead and left me in the quiet kitchen, where I was already dialing the familiar number.
“Beth,” he sighed, pausing for a moment. “Beth, it’s over.”
I sunk to the floor, feeling a stab in my chest. “What?” I choked out.
“This break, it’s over for me, I can’t do it anymore. I know we agreed on a month, but I don’t care … I need you.” He sounded exhausted. “I need you so much.”
I was speechless for a moment, with tears pricking at my eyes.
“Oh, Beth, you would not believe the night I had—”
I sniffed, trying desperately to compose myself, but not succeeding.
“Beth, are you crying?”
My head was swimming as thoughts flooded my mind.
“Oh, David, I’ve been waiting to hear from you,” I wailed, not caring how pathetic I sounded.
“What do you mean? You wanted a break, and I was respecting that, well, until tonight.”
Willing my racing heart to calm down, I went on, “I called you twice.”
“I didn’t know, angel. You know I would’ve called back in a heartbeat.”
Thank God. But—
“Why didn’t your mom tell you?”
“My parents have been away the last several days. Went up to Scotland for a funeral. An old friend of my mother’s died suddenly, and she was pretty distraught about it.”
“O
h.” That explains her distance, but … “What about Josephine? Jenny said she saw you in the pub with her.”
He breathed into the phone. “Oh, sweet girl, that was nothing. I went there because I missed you, and of course the place makes me think of you. I was writing you a letter, and Josephine just showed up. She apologized for New Year’s Eve, saying she was having a row with her fiancé and she was trying to make him jealous.”
“Oh, what a bitch.”
“Yes, he can have her.”
An air of calm was finally taking over, smoothing out my erratic emotions. So I decided to be honest with David.
“I kind of have a confession to make.” I sighed. “I ditched last period today and went for a soda with Rick.”
“You what?”
Uh oh. I calmly explained to David that it was all innocent, that I was upset about us and Rick offered to listen.
“He said I was overreacting and that I needed to talk to you before assuming anything.”
“That’s sound advice. But no more sodas with him, alright?”
“As long as you stay away from Josephine.”
“Agreed. And no more breaks?”
“Uh-uh,” I assured. “I think you’re pretty much stuck with me.”
He laughed, but it sounded stilted. “I hope you still feel that way after I tell you about tonight.”
“Ah, tell me, baby. What happened?” I was so relieved that I’d forgotten he started off the call sounding upset.
“I feel like a bloody failure. I don’t know where my life is going.”
“Why do you say that?”
He let out a heavy breath. “We had a gig last night, and we completely massacred it. I came in on the wrong key, Don was off tempo, and we had some dreadful feedback. It was a disaster.”
“Wow,” I breathed. “I’m really sorry, but I’m sure every band goes through this, right?”
“You don’t understand, Beth. My father was there.”
“Oh, no. What happened?”
“He laid into me, of course. As soon as we got home, he lectured me on how I was wasting my future. He says I have one month to show progress on a record deal, or else.”