by Sara Hantz
All very understandable from his perspective.
“So different reasons from your dad, but same outcome.”
“What do you mean?” Ruby frowned. She had no idea how her mom had come up with that, when they’d just decided the two cases were totally different.
“They both want to keep themselves separate from everyone else. They both are fixated on what happened to them. They both put themselves first. Can you see the similarity?” her mom asked gently.
“That’s not true. Drew isn’t like that, he…” Her voice trailed off because it was exactly what she had thought about Drew earlier. He did put himself and his guilt first.
“Are you sure?” her mom pressed.
Ruby swallowed. “I don’t know.”
She suddenly remembered the conversation they’d had about him not wanting skin grafts. What would her mom make of that? She wasn’t going to mention it now, especially since she hoped Drew would change his mind down the road.
“Well, I hope he can get through it. As much as I love your dad, you know how hard it’s been for me over the years. For all of us. Can you really see yourself going through it all again?”
“He’s not like Dad,” Ruby said quickly. “Okay, there are some similarities. Agreed. At the moment he does seem more focused on himself than on anything else. But that’s understandable. I can deal with it. I can.”
Ruby wished she felt as confident as she sounded. But she had to have hope. Without it, what would be the point?
Drew walked out of the class and headed down the corridor toward the cafeteria. He hadn’t seen Ruby all morning since he’d had Spanish, and she didn’t take that subject. He wanted to see her, to explain why he’d walked out on her and her mom yesterday.
He’d spent the entire night going over what had happened and feeling guiltier by the minute. He’d had virtually no sleep at all. He’d thought about texting her first thing in the morning and then decided it would be better if he could talk to her face to face, and then hopefully she would understand. Or at least accept that he hadn’t meant to hurt either of them.
It beat him why he couldn’t have accepted Ruby and her mother being nice to him, instead of getting all worked up about it. Everything they had done, they’d done out of kindness. Even if it wasn’t going to change how he felt about himself and the fire, he should have kept his feelings to himself.
He pushed open the double doors and scanned the cafeteria, which was heaving with students. He finally spotted Ruby in the corner sitting next to Tiffany, their heads close, deep in conversation. He paid for a soda and a sandwich, and then he headed in their direction.
Ruby had her back to him, so she couldn’t see him making his way over. In an ideal world, he hoped that she would ask Tiffany to give them some time alone so they could talk. But he guessed she probably wouldn’t, which meant he had to make up some reason for persuading her to leave her friend. He supposed he could mention the science project. The good old science project, where would they have been without it? Except that excuse wouldn’t work for much longer, since they’d all been handed in for assessment.
As he got within a few feet of them, he could hear Ruby talking.
“It’s awful,” Ruby said.
“I feel so sorry for you,” Tiffany replied. “And for him, obviously.”
Drew stopped dead in his tracks. Were they talking about him? He shook his head. He was leaping to conclusions. It could be anyone. Blake, for a start.
“Yes. And that’s what’s so painful about the whole thing. I doubt he’ll ever come to terms with looking like he does. It sends shivers down my spine just wondering what he’s thinking when he sees a reflection of himself. That’s why I always have to be there for him. He needs me.”
Drew’s jaw clenched. They were talking about him. Who else would have a hard time looking at his own repulsive reflection? And Ruby as good as admitted that she was only with him out of pity.
He had really thought that their relationship meant something to her. She had acted as though it did. Even though they hadn’t talked about their feelings for each other, he’d just assumed they both felt the same. But obviously, he’d been wrong. And she was one hell of an actress.
An actress who couldn’t keep her mouth shut. It was bad enough she’d told her mom, but now she’d told Tiffany, especially after he’d specifically asked her not to. He wondered who else she’d told. It was just more proof that she didn’t think that much about him, other than her damned pity. And apparently revulsion when she looked at him.
Part of him wanted to confront her, but he knew that if he didn’t get out of there, he’d lose it.
He turned to leave before she had time to notice him.
“Drew?” He stopped and saw Ruby beckoning to him to join them. “Sit with us,” she added.
Typical. He couldn’t even get away from there without being spotted. “No thanks. I’m just leaving.”
A puzzled expression crossed her face. “But you haven’t eaten your lunch.”
He glanced down at the sandwich he’d been clutching so tightly in his hand that it was squashed beyond recognition. “I’m not hungry.” He shrugged, tossing it in a nearby garbage can.
“What’s wrong?”
His jaw clenched, and he drew in a sharp breath, trying to keep himself from shouting. “Nothing.” He turned and made his way toward the door.
He had to stop himself from actually running, because he didn’t want to stand out. When he finally made it out of the cafeteria, he went through the door leading outside. He then crouched down, leaning against the school wall, and buried his head in his hands. He could have kicked himself for being so stupid for not realizing that Ruby didn’t care for him. Not like he cared for her.
“Drew.”
Ruby. Of course she’d followed him. He glanced up and saw her standing by him. He felt a flash of annoyance. It wasn’t hard to realize that he wanted to be left alone. So why hadn’t she? “What?” he snapped.
She might get the hint and leave him alone if he made it difficult for her.
“Why are you being like this?” She started to crouch down next to him, but he jumped up and faced her. He noticed the redness as it gradually crept up her cheeks and fought back his feelings of guilt for upsetting her. He wasn’t going to back down. Not now. Now that he knew the truth.
“Being like what?” he asked coolly.
“You know what I mean.” She tentatively reached out her hand to touch him, but he stepped away so she couldn’t. She dropped her arm back down to her side.
“Yeah, I know. Your pet project. Someone you can discuss with your best friend to make yourself feel like a caring person.”
Her eyes widened in shock as he spoke, and the blush that had been creeping up her cheeks turned into a full-face red flush. “What are you talking about?”
He had to hand it to her; she was making a very good show at not understanding. It was easy to see how he’d misread everything between them. She was a talented actress, and she’d been playing him for a fool the entire time. His whole body tensed at the thought. “Don’t play dumb with me, Ruby. I heard you in the cafeteria talking about me to Tiffany.”
He couldn’t spell it out any more, so surely now she would have to admit everything and then she could go and leave him alone.
“In the cafeteria?” she confirmed.
“That’s what I said.” He watched her face change as she realized what he’d been talking about. “But we weren’t talking about you,” she said, shaking her head.
“Of course you weren’t. And I suppose you’re now going to say that Tiffany doesn’t know about us.” He couldn’t believe that she could take him for such a fool. She’d been found out, so why didn’t she come clean and admit it?
“I didn’t say that. I admit she does know we’ve been seeing each other, but she hasn’t told anyone, I promise.”
He knew it. “And who else have—”
“But we weren’t talking about you,” Ruby
interrupted. “We were talking about my dad.” She stood with her hands on her hips and glared at him.
“So you say.” But some of his anger had left him as he processed her words. Because it was entirely possible that he’d misunderstood. She could have been talking about her dad, who did need her and probably always would.
Whether or not what Ruby had said was true, he still knew deep down that he shouldn’t be in a relationship with her. He was covered in scars, practically a monster on the outside. And it just matched what was on the inside. After what he’d done, it wasn’t fair to Blake or to Reese’s memory for him to carry on as if nothing had happened. And it wasn’t fair to Ruby to let her think that they could have something serious between them. He was stupid for letting things go as far as they had.
“It’s true.” Her voice softened with understanding he didn’t deserve. “Tiffany asked me to go shopping with her this weekend, and I said it was my turn to sit with Dad. Then we got talking about how he hasn’t been away from the house for nearly a year.”
Drew shrugged, his thoughts far away. “Okay.”
“So you believe me?” Ruby touched him on the arm, and this time he didn’t stop her. He knew what he had to do, but he wanted to feel her warmth and for them to be close one last time.
“Yeah. But that doesn’t change anything.” He pulled his arm from under Ruby’s and stared into her dark, expressive eyes. A huge mistake because he almost backed out of what he wanted to say. “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.”
Chapter Fourteen
Ruby stared up at the ceiling while tears streamed down her face and dripped onto her comforter. She hadn’t moved from lying on her bed since she’d arrived home from school.
Tiffany had asked if she wanted to go back home with her, but she’d said no. She wanted to be alone, to try to work out what had happened. She didn’t understand it at all. Okay, so he’d thought they’d been talking about him, and she could see why, but once they’d cleared up the mistake, why wasn’t everything good? She’d wondered if it was because she’d told Tiffany about them, and he’d found out. But again, why would he want to dump her because of that?
She’d always known that being with him would be complicated, a complication that she totally didn’t need. Plus, she hadn’t even planned to date anyone during junior year because she’d wanted to focus on keeping her grades up. So, really, she should be happy that they weren’t together any more and that he’d finished it.
Maybe it was better this way. Since his accident, her father had withdrawn into himself, so mired in his depression that he threw the love she and her mother gave him back in their faces. Maybe this was a sign that Drew was headed down the same path. And she definitely didn’t need two people like that in her life.
So ending their relationship was a good thing.
A. Good. Thing.
If only her heart could be as rational as her head.
A knock on the door pulled her away from her thoughts. “Ruby, are you in there?” Blake called.
She really didn’t want to speak to anyone and was tempted to ignore his knock, except knowing Blake, he’d look inside to check and then moan at her for not answering.
“Yes,” she replied.
The door opened, and he poked his head around it.
“Mom wants you to get the plates out and set the table for dinner.”
Ruby’s mom always insisted they eat together in the evening. No TV dinners for them but always a proper sit-down meal, with no phones and plenty of conversation. Not that her dad ever joined in, but at least he sat with them for the meal.
“I’m not hungry,” she said.
Blake walked into the room and closed the door behind him. “What’s wrong?”
His concern surprised Ruby, since they’d hardly spoken recently. Which was something else for her to feel bad about. She’d been keeping her distance a bit so that she didn’t accidentally say something about Drew and upset him even more.
“Nothing.” She glanced at him and then looked back at the ceiling.
She felt the mattress sink as Blake sat down on the edge of the bed beside her. “Truth. Even I can see you’ve been crying.”
Ruby desperately wanted to confide in him. They’d always told each other nearly everything in the past. Plus, if he knew that it was over between her and Drew, maybe he wouldn’t mind so much. She sat up and swung her legs around, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.
“You’re right. I have been crying.” She sniffed.
Blake leaned across and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, giving them a squeeze. “Tell me.”
“Okay, but don’t get mad.” She started picking at an imaginary piece of fuzz on her white comforter.
“Why would I get mad?” He shook his head.
“You won’t be happy.”
“Just tell me,” Blake replied, starting to sound exasperated.
Gently shaking off his arm, she stood up and walked over to her desk. She leaned against it so she was facing Blake and could gauge his reaction. “I’ve been dumped.”
The words stuck in her throat, and tears welled in her eyes again. She blinked them away, wondering if she’d ever get over it.
“I didn’t even know you were seeing anyone. Who is it? Do you want me to punch him in the face?”
A hollow laugh escaped Ruby’s lips at the thought of Blake punching anyone in the face. He wasn’t violent by any stretch of the imagination. Then again, he’d probably want to do more than that when he found out the truth.
“No. I don’t want you to do anything, thanks.” She took a step toward the door, involuntarily mapping out an escape in case things got more awful than she thought. “Drew. It’s Drew.”
She shuddered as Blake’s dark eyes went black and his face turned as red in anger as hers did when she was embarrassed. She’d never seen him look like that, ever. She instantly regretted telling him and wished she could take it back, except now it was too late.
“You’ve been seeing Drew Scott?” He enunciated every syllable, his tone cold and deliberate.
A shiver ran down Ruby’s spine. She wished the floor would open up and swallow her whole. Anything to get her away from the tirade of abuse which she suspected was just about to come from Blake’s mouth. “Yes.” She could barely make her voice go above a whisper.
“After everything he did. You went behind my back and went out with him?” His icy tone was scaring the crap out of her. She couldn’t face getting into a full-on fight with him.
“It wasn’t like that,” she pleaded while clenching her fists by her side.
“Really? From where I’m standing, that’s exactly what it’s like. You’ve put your feelings for that little shit above your own family. What sort of a sister are you?”
His words stung so bad, she was stunned into silence. She’d never deliberately done anything to hurt anyone in her family. She leaned against the closet for support and wrapped her arms tightly around her middle.
“He’s sorry, Blake. He’s really, really sorry,” she said. “He seemed so alone, I just wanted to be nice to him when we got assigned to the same science project group. And then…I don’t know.” She shrugged and focused on the floor.
She hated that she seemed like a pathetic mess, but how could she try and explain her actions, when she’d known all along the effect they would have had on Blake once he’d found out? Maybe he was right. She did put her feelings for Drew above everyone else’s. So she deserved everything she had coming to her.
He started pacing across her room, restless and angry. “I don’t get you, Ruby. I really don’t get you. You know what he did to me, and yet you chose to ignore it. You think Mom’s going to approve of what you did when she finds out?”
“She already knows…” Ruby slammed her hand in front of her mouth, smothering her remaining words. The last thing she wanted to do was get her mother involved. “I mean…”
Before she could finish, Blake flung open her
door and stormed out of her room. She could hear his footsteps as they thumped down the hallway, and then his bedroom door slammed shut.
Ruby dropped to the floor, wrapped her arms around her knees, and sobbed.
Drew sat on the bleachers watching the football team practice. He used to be on the team but hadn’t bothered to rejoin since returning to school. It would be impossible, anyway, with his burns; he’d be in agony every time someone tackled him. He missed playing, though.
Missed the adrenaline rush.
Missed the camaraderie.
Missed feeling normal.
Blood pounded in his temples, and he turned to walk away. No way did he want to go home yet because he knew his mom would be there, so he decided to go to the library to do his homework instead.
As he walked along the outside of the main school building, heading toward the side entrance, his stomach plummeted as he caught sight of Ruby and Tiffany walking in his direction. Even though he was the one to end their relationship, it didn’t make coming to terms with it any easier. He still wanted to be with her. To do everything a normal couple would do.
But that wasn’t gonna happen. Because they were far from being a normal couple. He had no right to contaminate Ruby’s life and stop her from being happy.
He’d managed to avoid Ruby all day. Not that he thought she’d make a scene, he just didn’t want to distress her. Then again, the way she was talking and laughing with Tiffany, she seemed to be dealing with their breakup just fine. Maybe he was the only one who found it hard.
She didn’t seem to have noticed him, until she got to within a few yards in front of where he was walking, and then she said something to Tiffany that he couldn’t hear. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could, Ruby turned abruptly to the side and walked away, with Tiffany following.
Drew stopped dead in his tracks. “Ruby,” he called out before he could check himself.
“Leave her alone,” a voice growled from behind.
Drew swung his head around and saw Blake and his friend Tom advancing on him.
His jaw clenched. “I was only saying hello,” he retorted, annoyed that Blake had caught him in this situation.