by Sara Hantz
“Well, don’t bother. You can see she’s not interested in talking to you.” Blake’s eyes narrowed, and from the way his fists were clenched by his sides, Drew braced himself for a hit. It wasn’t like Blake to get violent, but then again, Blake had never blamed someone for the death of his girlfriend before. Drew knew that if Blake took a swing at him, he’d just take the punch. Blake deserved at least one chance to lay one on him.
But instead, Blake turned on his heel and headed back in the direction of the football field.
Chapter Fifteen
Blake pushed past Ruby on the stairs at home, not even acknowledging her presence.
“Hey,” she called out, rubbing her arm. “That hurt.” It hadn’t really, but she wanted to shake him up a little.
He didn’t reply. Didn’t even turn to check if she was okay. He just headed toward his bedroom, slamming the door behind him once he reached it. With a sigh, she continued up the stairs and went into her own room. Ever since their confrontation about Drew the previous evening, her emotions had been all over the place, going from totally getting where Blake came from and feeling extremely guilty for inflicting more pain on him, to being really annoyed with him and wanting to drag him out of his rigid, narrow-minded, unforgiving perspective.
It wasn’t like she had asked him to be best friends with Drew again, or for him to act like nothing had happened between them. All she wanted was a chance to explain everything and for him to realize that it didn’t change the fact that he was her brother, and she adored him.
Pointless.
All this fighting was pointless, since Drew no longer wanted to see her. Blake would get over it, and in the meantime, she would keep her distance from him. Just like she’d intended to with Drew. She’d immerse herself in her studies and forget about everyone else, because her time with Drew had definitely affected her grades. And not in a good way.
She glanced around her room. It was small and oppressive. She needed to get out of there, to breathe in some fresh air. She checked her reflection in the mirror. After combing her hair, putting on some lip gloss and pulling on her jacket, she ran downstairs and poked her head in the kitchen where her mom was cooking.
“I’m going out for a walk, Mom. No dinner for me, thanks.”
She knew she was treading on thin ice by wanting to boycott dinner, but she just couldn’t hack sitting there as a family pretending everything was okay when it so obviously wasn’t.
“But—”
“I’ll explain later,” Ruby interrupted.
She ran down the hall and bumped into her father who had just come down the stairs.
“Sorry, Dad.” She went to step around him then caught sight of the blank expression in his eyes. “Come on.” She took hold of his arm and guided him into the lounge and to his chair, which stood next to the couch and directly in front of the TV.
She crouched down in front of him. “Do you ever think of what it was like before your accident?”
He frowned. “What’s the point?”
“To realize that it wasn’t perfect then, either. I’m sure you had problems that you dealt with. But this. For nearly twelve years, since the accident, you’ve acted like it’s the end of your life. And it isn’t.” She’d never confronted her father before. But seeing Drew headed down the same path had jolted something in her, made her want to at least try to shake her father back into the land of the living before it was too late.
“What do you know?” he muttered.
“Plenty. I know that you’re destroying Mom. She does everything for you, and more. And you never show any gratitude.”
“What do you expect me to do? Jump up and down and kiss her every time she makes my dinner?” Anger flashed across his face.
His words might have been negative, but it surprised Ruby how animated he was. She couldn’t remember seeing him show that much emotion since the accident. It encouraged her to go on.
“Of course not. All I want is for you to try and live your life instead of wallowing in self-pity and being so self-absorbed that you are oblivious to the feelings of those around you. Just like Drew.”
She could bang their heads together.
“What’s Drew got to do with it?” Her fists clenched in frustration at the blank expression on his face. He so didn’t get it.
“The pair of you are so similar, I could scream. And while I’m at it, I don’t suppose you’ve been taking the new anti-depressants the doctor prescribed, have you?”
“What’s the point?”
“What’s the point,” she mimicked. “The point is so that you start to feel better. That you start to have a life.” She locked eyes with him, until he broke the stare and looked away. She jumped up. “I’m so tired of the pair of you.”
She strode out of the room and to the front door. As she stepped outside a gust of wind blew. She shivered and wished she’d picked up her scarf and gloves on her way out. For a moment, she debated going back to get them, then decided that if she walked fast she’d soon warm up. She opened the wooden gate, stuck her hands in her pockets, and stepped onto the sidewalk.
Without thinking, she started to walk in the direction of Tiffany’s house, then realized she didn’t want to see her friend. She just wanted to be alone to try and process everything that had happened. So instead she decided to go to a nearby park. She turned and stepped out onto the intersection.
“Ruby, watch out!” a voice shouted from somewhere behind her.
She froze and heard the car before she saw it. It whizzed past, and she felt a sharp, agonizing pain as it clipped the side of her body, twisting her around. As if in slow motion, she was knocked sideways off her feet, arms flailing, and thrown a few feet into the air. She landed on her arm, and then her head shot backward, cracking loudly against the asphalt.
Pain ricocheted through her entire body, and she fought to catch her breath. In the background, she heard the sound of screeching brakes. She attempted to lift her shoulders off the ground, but the pain was too intense. She dropped back and closed her eyes, allowing everything happening around her to drift away.
“Ruby, are you okay? Ruby. Ruby!”
She forced her eyelids open and was puzzled when she saw Blake’s face only a few inches away. He was devoid of any color, and his eyes looked worried.
“Blake?” Her voice was hoarse and barely above a whisper. The slightest movement made her head spin.
“You’re alive. Thank God,” he gasped, tears running down his cheeks.
“What?” She attempted to sit up, but with his hands on the tops of her arms, he gently kept her still.
“Don’t move. We’re waiting for the medics.”
Everything seemed fuzzy, and she desperately dredged her mind for clues as to what had happened, but it was too hard. She gave in to his demand and tried to focus on her breathing, hoping it might help relieve the pain.
“Is she okay?” she heard a woman’s voice close to her head. In her peripheral vision, she could see her brown shoes.
“She’s alive,” Blake snapped, looking up at the woman. “No thanks to you.” He took hold of Ruby’s hand, and she noticed how cold it felt.
“She stepped out in front of me,” the woman said, her voice cracking.
Did she step out? She couldn’t remember. She guessed it was possible, since she’d had so much on her mind after what happened with Drew. A dark feeling washed over her.
“I don’t blame him,” Ruby murmured.
“Who?” Blake asked, taking one of her hands in both of his and rubbing it vigorously like he was trying to help her regain circulation.
“Drew,” she said, guessing that she wasn’t making a whole lot of sense.
Blake closed his eyes as if trying to regain his patience, and then opened them again. “Really, Ruby? You want to talk about Drew?”
She tried to shake her head, but it made the world around her spin, so she held herself as still as possible. “No,” she admitted.
Blake s
werved his gaze upward, to the owner of the brown shoes near Ruby’s head. “You would have seen her if you hadn’t been speeding,” he snapped.
“I wasn’t. I don’t think.” The woman’s voice faltered.
“The police can deal with it. Maybe you should wait over there.” Blake pointed off to the side of the road.
“What happened?” Ruby croaked, struggling to look at her brother, as his face kept going in and out of focus. The whole thing was so surreal. If it wasn’t for the pain, which was most definitely real, she’d think she was in the middle of a nightmare.
“I saw you through my bedroom window,” he said. “You were about to cross the road. I called out to you.”
She had a hazy recollection of someone shouting out to her. She didn’t remember it being Blake, though. Ruby nodded then wished she hadn’t. “I remember. Thanks. Where’s Mom?” More than anything she wanted to see her. She needed her mother to make things better like she always did when Ruby was hurting.
“She’s over there, talking to the police officer who just pulled up.” He nodded to the side of the street. “She’ll be back in a minute.” He stroked her hand and gave a reassuring smile as a pair of paramedics greeted her and started assessing her injuries with gentle touches.
Ruby tried to smile back, but her lips didn’t want to work properly. But she was glad that Blake was being Blake again. It had been a long time coming, and she hadn’t realized quite how much she missed him. “I’m so sorry about Drew,” she said, hoping that he would want them to be friends again, like they used to be.
“Forget it. It doesn’t matter. What’s more important is you getting better,” Blake said. Then the paramedics asked him to step to the side so they could get her ready to go to the hospital.
She closed her eyes to try and cut herself off from the pain and everything that was happening around her.
Drew stared at Ruby sleeping and his fingers ached to touch her pale skin to make sure that she really was okay. His breath hitched in the back of his throat as he watched her chest rise and fall with every rhythmic breath. It scared him shitless to think that he could have lost her. And she would have gone without knowing how deep his feelings were for her.
When Mrs. Davis had called earlier that morning to tell him about the accident, he’d been desperate with worry, and he had raced over to the hospital, breaking all speed limits on the way. He wasn’t normally religious, but he thanked God that all Ruby had sustained was a broken arm and a mild concussion. By all accounts, it could have been so much worse. He shuddered just thinking again that he could have lost her forever. And then how would he have coped?
Not well. Simple answer.
He was grateful to Mrs. Davis for letting him sit with Ruby while she went home to take care of Ruby’s dad and make him some lunch. Blake hadn’t been around when he’d arrived, not that he cared. He didn’t want to annoy Blake intentionally, but Ruby was far more important than their differences, and he was sure Blake would agree with him. And too bad if he didn’t. It wasn’t up for negotiation.
Mrs. Davis had said that Ruby was going to be out of action for a while, as the surgeons had to operate and put a pin in her arm. One thing was for certain, Drew would do everything he could to make life easier for her during her recovery. Nothing would be too much trouble. Whatever Ruby wanted Ruby would get, with bells on.
He worried that she might be shocked at the sight of him sitting by her bed when she woke up. But as long as she didn’t order him away, it would be okay. The main thing was that he had to talk to her.
To tell her he was a jerk for dumping her.
To admit that he had totally screwed up.
And to beg her to take him back.
“Drew?” Ruby’s shaky voice crashed into his thoughts.
His heart skipped a beat as he saw that her eyes were wide open—and staring at him. She looked tired, but her warmth still shone through. He felt an overwhelming urge to hold her tight, but he didn’t want to hurt her. He also didn’t know how she would respond to it, either.
“How do you feel?” he asked, smiling at her.
“Sore. What are you doing here?” she replied, the corners of her mouth turning up slightly until she winced.
Drew’s insides clenched. He hated to see her suffering like that and wished there was something he could do to take away the pain. “More to the point, what the hell were you doing walking out in front of a car like that? You could’ve been killed.” His tone was sharper than he’d intended. “Sorry, I don’t want to get on your case, but when I heard what had happened, I nearly lost it. I…” His voice cracked as memories of what happened with Reese flashed across his mind, and he shivered. The thought of it rocked him to the core. That was one déjà vu he didn’t want to contend with.
“It’s okay,” Ruby said softly. She waved the hand of her arm that wasn’t bandaged. “Ouch,” she groaned, her face twisted in pain.
“Should I call the nurse? Do you need pain meds?” He felt helpless seeing her like that and not being able to do anything about it.
“I’m fine. Don’t worry. It will stop hurting in a few seconds. I just have to remember not to move at all.” She gave a shallow laugh and winced again. “Or laugh. Have you been here long?”
He noticed the lock of hair that had fallen across her forehead, and he wanted to brush it away, except he wasn’t sure she’d want him touching her. “About forty minutes. Your mom called to tell me, and I came right over. I took over from her sitting here as she had to go back to see your dad. She said she’ll be back later this afternoon. Is that okay?”
“Of course it’s okay. Dad needs looking after.”
Fleetingly, disappointment flashed across Ruby’s face, but it disappeared so quickly that Drew almost thought he’d imagined it. He didn’t know whether it was because her mom had gone, or because her dad wouldn’t be coming to visit.
“Are you upset because your father isn’t here?”
“No. Yes. No. Well, sometimes I wish he was more like a regular dad. And then I feel terrible for having those thoughts.”
She talked about having a regular dad, but Drew wondered exactly what a regular dad was. It certainly wasn’t his. And it wasn’t Ruby’s. Maybe it was just something conjured up by the media. “You know, I hadn’t thought about it before but my dad is a lot like yours.”
“How do you figure?” Ruby frowned.
“Your dad checked out a long time ago. So did mine. Admittedly it was through alcohol, but the results are the same.” He couldn’t believe that he’d never thought about that before. It seemed important that Ruby should see it, too.
“Hmmm. Maybe. Except your dad could change. He could stop drinking. My dad’s always gonna look like that, so not a lot of hope.” A look of horror flashed across Ruby’s face. “I didn’t mean…” Ruby stammered, looking flustered.
Drew witnessed in her eyes exactly what she had meant. That he’d think the same applied to him because of his burns. “I know what you meant. That his scars aren’t going away, so he may never choose to accept them. It’s okay. I’m not like your father,” he tried to reassure her.
She averted her gaze and stared down at her lap. That wasn’t the reaction he’d expected. She couldn’t have looked guiltier if she’d tried. Which probably meant she did think he was going down the same road as her dad. He didn’t want to press her on it. Not yet. And in a way it didn’t matter.
“Please could you get me something to drink?” she asked.
He poured her some water and handed her the plastic cup, then took a breath. “I’m sorry for what happened between us. I shouldn’t have ended it with you.” He paused for a moment. “Forgive me?” Drew wished he could work out what she was thinking. Most other times, her face was so expressive that he always knew. This time, for some reason, she was giving nothing away.
“What do you mean, exactly?” she asked, taking a slow drink of her water. There was a flash of…something in her eyes. Optimism? Hope
?
“That I want to keep seeing you,” he replied, allowing himself just the tiniest bit of hope in return.
“Like boyfriend and girlfriend?” She widened her eyes.
That felt right. “Yes, like we were before,” he answered.
“But do you still want to keep it a secret?” she asked, her voice suddenly less soft.
He hadn’t even thought about it, and it surprised him that she had. He didn’t see the importance of it in the grand scheme of things. “Yeah, I guess.” He wanted things exactly as they were before.
“Because of Blake?”
He nodded. “Partly, yes. I want to protect you from his anger and the gossip that would result from it being out in the open.”
“You said partly. Why else do we have to engage in this subterfuge?”
This wasn’t going at all as he’d planned. He’d hoped Ruby would accept his apology, fall back into his arms, and laugh at how stupid he’d been. “Because I don’t want to rub anyone’s face in the fact that I’m happy. You know that. Nothing has changed in that respect. I don’t deserve it, but I can’t let you go, either.”
She put her glass down on the bedside table, wincing at the movement, and traced a line along her arm cast. “Then my answer is no. I’m sorry, Drew. I could just about go with your plan if it was because of Blake or the gossip, although I’m not totally convinced it’s the right thing to do. But, you thinking that you’re not worthy of happiness is crazy. It’s self-obsessed and reminds me too much of my dad. I’m not prepared to be part of it.”
“But—”
“Sorry, no buts.” She lay back against the pillows and closed her eyes. “I think you better leave now,” she said drowsily. “I’m feeling really tired.”
Chapter Sixteen
Tears stung the back of Drew’s eyes as he stormed down the hospital corridor, narrowly missing slamming into someone being pushed on a stretcher. He had to get out of there before he broke down and made an absolute idiot of himself.
He’d given more of himself to Ruby than he’d ever done to anyone else. She knew his innermost feelings. The things that haunted him. His anxiety about what had happened. Yet it wasn’t enough, and now he was back to where he’d started. Alone. But was he surprised? No. He’d had his head in the clouds when thinking that he could be with Ruby and forget everything that had happened in the past.