Mrs. February

by Karen Cimms

  I hadn’t seen him since that Saturday morning when I showed up at his house to find Callie Stankevich quite at home. I’d have to face him tonight when he picked up the kids, but in the meantime, I deserved to relax. I contemplated opening a bottle of wine, but two thirty in the afternoon seemed a little early.

  Still, lying around doing nothing for an hour sounded a little like heaven. I slipped into the skimpiest bikini I had—tiny triangles of hot pink held together by string and something I wouldn’t dare wear out in public anymore—and covered myself in oil. I had just settled myself on an oversized beach towel in the back yard and was struggling to screw the cap back on the bottle of Hawaiian Tropic when the doorbell rang.

  “Crap!” I’d left my top unfastened, assuming I’d be undisturbed. I tried to hold the bottle between my knees and wipe my hands on a towel, but the bottle slid slowly from between my thighs. I grabbed it just in time as the bell rang again.

  “Just a minute,” I yelled. This had better be important. I held the ties of my top closed with one hand and snatched my towel with the other.

  The bell rang again. “Coming!”

  From the front window, I could see Chase’s black Dodge Ram parked in the driveway. For a moment I panicked. Then I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over the sofa. Screw it. I pulled the scrunchie from my hair, knowing the ends would be coated with oil now, but I didn’t care. Callie Stankevich on her best day was no competition.

  I loosely tied my top in place, then pulled open the front door and greeted Chase with a big smile.

  “Hey! C’mon in. You’re a bit early, though.”

  He stared, mouth open, but didn’t move.

  “What’s the matter? Cat got your tongue?” I held the door open wider, and he had to squeeze past me to step inside.

  He was trying his best not to stare, but as my eyes adjusted to the darkness of the house from the brightness of the back yard, that’s all I could do. The shoulder-length hair he’d worn as long as I’d known him was gone, as well as the ever-present scruff I’d loved so much.

  “You cut your hair. And shaved.” My eyes devoured his clean-shaven face as my mouth stumbled on. “Why?”

  He mumbled a few words that I totally missed. As had become his habit, he was looking everywhere but at me.

  “I mean,” I said, swallowing before I could continue. “You look great, really, but I’m surprised.” His silence was getting to be a little uncomfortable.

  He took a deep breath. “Thanks. I, um, I need to talk to you.” His expression was so serious it scared me. I forgot all about Callie or trying to look sexy.

  “Is it something to do with the kids? Are they okay?” I looked around for my phone. Maybe I’d left it on silent.

  Chase snapped out of whatever he was going through.

  “No. They’re fine. I guess. Can we sit down?”

  “I’m kind of oily.”

  He looked me over and nodded.

  “Is the back porch okay?”

  He kept nodding.

  “Can I get you something to drink? I think I’m going to have a beer, myself.” I had a feeling I was going to need it.

  “No.” He followed me into the kitchen. “Yeah. Maybe.”

  “You’re going to have to be more specific.” I should have opened that bottle of wine after all.

  “Yes, please.”

  I pulled out two cold Heinekens, his favorite, which I still kept on hand even though I preferred Yuengling lager. My hand trembled as I searched for a bottle opener. I knew exactly what he was going to tell me. With my back to him, I slid my sunglasses on to hide the tears stinging my eyes, then led the way out the back door.

  I felt more exposed and vulnerable than I ever had in my life. Part of me wanted to tell him to leave, that I didn’t want to talk to him. That I suddenly remembered an important appointment. That I wasn’t done loving him yet, and I didn’t want him to tell me what he was about to tell me. But I didn’t. I just motioned to a chair next to the picnic table.

  “So, I’m guessing this has something to do with your new look.”

  He shrugged, and took a sip of his beer.

  “I’m not the only one with a new look.”

  “I needed a change.”

  “You needed a new job too, I see.” It was amazing how he could speak with his jaw clenched so tightly.

  “I did. And thank you for the extra money, but you’re already more generous than you have to be. I can’t accept.”

  He shook his head. “It’s already arranged with my attorney. Don’t worry about it.”

  I looked around the yard. Waiting.

  He cleared his throat. “Things are getting serious with me and Callie.”

  I couldn’t look at him. I just listened.

  “I wanted you to know that she’s going camping with us this weekend. I want the kids to get to know her.”

  I snorted and rolled my eyes. I’d always disliked Callie, even more now that she thought she could take my husband.

  “Why? Is she going to be their new stepmother?” I looked at him, expecting him to react to the utter ridiculousness of that statement, but his face remained earnest.

  “I don’t know. Maybe.”

  What was left of my heart split into pieces and plummeted into my stomach. I couldn’t breathe. I was trying, but something so heavy was pushing down on my chest that I couldn’t take in any air. The yard undulated before my eyes, blending the image of Chase’s hairless face with wide black streaks. If I didn’t take in some air soon, I was going to pass out. I made one more effort and sucked in a large gulp of air.

  “Are you okay?” He set his bottle down and leaned forward, taking my hand.

  I yanked it away.

  “I’m fine. I think the heat’s getting to me. I was lying in the sun too long. What were you saying?”

  I really didn’t want to hear it again, but I didn’t want him to know my reaction was over what he’d said, either—not that he was that stupid, but still. He repeated himself and I listened, as painful as it was, and nodded slowly.

  “And the hair?” It was all I could think of to say.

  “Callie took me to meet her parents last weekend. I wanted to make a good impression.”

  I forced my gaze to widen and let me see all of him, although it killed me to do so. “You’re a great guy, Chase. You don’t need to change one thing about yourself to give anyone a good impression. If they can’t see that for themselves, then fuck ’em.” I took a long swallow of my beer. Once a barfly, always a barfly.

  “Still.” He shrugged, set his beer on the table, and stood. “I guess I should be going. I still have some packing to do. I’ll be back around six.”

  He didn’t move. He just stared down at me.

  “You okay?” he asked again.

  Some tiny, angry part of me wanted to lash out and tell him not to flatter himself. Instead, the needy little girl spoke up first.

  “What did I do, Chase? I still don’t understand.”

  He looked at me sadly. “Don’t. What’s the point?”

  “I think it’s only fair you tell me.”

  He looked around the yard, maybe remembering the fun we’d had here, playing with the kids, making love under the stars. Or maybe he just wanted to get the hell away from me. His eyes settled on my face before he spoke.

  “You just never loved me the way I loved you.”

  I opened my mouth, stunned that he would think that. It wasn’t true, but I couldn’t try and justify myself to him one more time.

  In my refusal to refute his statement, he drew his own conclusion. The look on his face threatened to tear the rest of me in two, and I reconsidered, but it wouldn’t have mattered. Instead, I reacted from a place of anger instead of pain.

  “Whatever. You’re going to believe what you want to believe.” I stood as well. “I thought that out of everyone I’ve ever known, you saw the real me. Guess I was wrong. You only saw what you wanted to see and heard what you want
ed to hear and believed what you wanted to believe. Somehow, the truth and I suffered. You never really heard me. You were always too busy listening to your family and your friends and thinking I was up to something, rather than just letting me love you.” I motioned between us. “You and I suffered. What we had was great while it lasted.”

  I turned and walked into the kitchen, Chase trailing behind me, and tossed the bottles into the sink.

  “I guess that’s all there is to say. Lock up on your way out, will you? I need to get in the shower.”

  “Rain …”

  I waved my arm in the air dismissively.

  “I’m done here.”

  I slammed the bedroom door behind me and threw myself on my bed. I wouldn’t have thought it possible, but I proceeded to cry harder than I could remember ever crying before, including the night my dad had been hit by a train.

  I couldn’t imagine hurting any more than I did right now if I’d been hit by a train myself.

  Chapter Forty-One

  I watched her walk away, aching to go after her. I wanted to believe that nothing had happened with Preston, but I couldn’t. And while I’d seen no indication that he was still in the picture, I didn’t think I could ever get beyond her cheating. I’d seen him with my own eyes. Pulling out of my street. Not to mention, he’d left behind his calling card—those fucking red roses. The bastard knew he was rubbing it in my face. What truly stunned me though, was that I never would’ve believed Rain could be so cruel.

  I gripped the steering wheel so tightly, my hands began to ache. I loosened up, punched a few buttons on the radio until the sound of Avenged Sevenfold fill the cab. I cranked up the volume up just shy of earsplitting, and tried to drown out the sound of my own thoughts.

  It didn’t help.

  Things were going too fast with Callie, at least for me. She’d been pushing to meet the kids for two months now, and I’d put her off. But after that night with Rain, and then once she went back to tending bar knowing how much I’d hate it, I knew I had to move on or I’d be in limbo forever. Callie was a nice girl and really good to me, but she wasn’t Rain. Now that I’d planned this trip and agreed to introduce her to the kids, I was having serious second thoughts.

  I debated calling her and canceling. I could just take the kids, give this thing a few more months and see where it went.

  But when I pulled into the driveway, Callie was already waiting for me.

  “Hey, honey.” She greeted me with a kiss as soon as I climbed out of the truck. “You look so handsome. God, I want to eat you up. Is there time?”

  I patted her arms and released her gently. “I have to finish packing and get the rest of the equipment together. Plus, I’d like to jump in the shower before we go.” I pulled my lunchbox out of the truck. “I thought I was picking you up after I got the kids.”

  She made a face. “I know. I thought I’d save you the trip. And this way, I can go with you when you pick them up.”

  “I haven’t spoken to them yet. I need some time alone to tell them about you.”

  “Please? It’ll be fine. They’ll love me just like you do.”

  I wasn’t so sure about that. Although I didn’t expect a scene, I knew my kids. They weren’t going to welcome Callie with open arms. Not that they weren’t friendly, but they loved their mother, and they still believed we were just going through a phase or something. I expected them to be polite, but that might be the best I could expect.

  I yanked open the garage and started to gather up the equipment I’d aired out last night. “You’ll just have to wait here when I go get them.”

  “Are you ashamed of me? Rain already knows. What difference does it make?” She pulled her pouty face. This was beginning to irk the crap out of me.

  I dropped the tent and my toolbox into the back of the pickup with a loud clatter. “I need to talk to my kids alone. I need to know they’re okay with this.”

  “And if they’re not, what? Are we just going to cancel the weekend?”

  “Then I guess you won’t be going.” I walked past her into the house.

  To her credit, she changed tactics. I guess she knew I’d leave her behind before I’d ruin the kids’ weekend or upset them.

  She caught up to me in the kitchen and slipped her arms around my waist. “You’re right. I’m just excited to meet them. Can you blame me?”

  “It’s okay.” I twisted around and gave her a quick kiss on the forehead. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

  I’d said it, but I wasn’t sure I believed it.

  When I pulled into Rain’s driveway, Zac was waiting on the front porch, bouncing a basketball. He tossed it to me as I climbed out of the truck.

  “Hey, bud. Ready for the great wilds of northern New Jersey?” I aimed for the basket from where I was standing. Nothing but net.

  “Yep, my stuff’s on the porch. Izzy’s still getting ready. I’ll go get her.”

  I secured his duffel bag and backpack in the back of the pickup and came back for his sleeping bag.

  “Hi, Dad.” Izzy walked out the front door, her hair still wet.

  “Hey, sweetheart. You almost ready?”

  She nodded, but I could tell something was wrong.

  “What’s the matter?”

  She nervously toyed with the hair tie woven around her wrist and glanced back at the house. “I don’t know. I’m just worried about Mom.”

  “Why?” My chest grew tight. “What happened?”

  “Nothing. I haven’t seen her since I got home. She’s in her room with the door locked, and she hasn’t come out.”

  “You want me to check on her?” I hoped she wouldn’t say yes.

  She shook her head. “I’ll do it.”

  Just then, Zac came bursting out again. “Let’s go!” He charged toward the truck.

  “Hey, come here a second.”

  He raced back toward me.

  “First of all, don’t leave without saying goodbye to your mother. And second, both of you sit down. I want to talk to you.”

  They sat on the edge of the steps, eyeing me suspiciously.

  “Is something wrong?” Izzy asked.

  I shook my head. “As you guys know, your mother and I have been divorced for a while now.”

  Zac giggled. “Are you getting re-divorced?”

  “Shut up,” Izzy hissed.

  “Iz, none of that.” I gave her a warning look. “Zac, I don’t even know what that means. It’s just that it’s been awhile, and a few months ago, I started seeing a very nice lady named Callie.”

  “Oh god,” Izzy whispered under her breath.

  I lost some of my nerve, but I pushed on.

  “You guys are the most important people in my life, and I want you to meet her.”

  “What about Mommy?” Zac was no longer smiling.

  “Mommy knows, if that’s what you mean.”

  It was not what he meant. “You said we’re the most important people in your life. What about Mommy? Isn’t she important?”

  “Of course she’s important.”

  “Don’t you love her anymore?”

  “Of course I do. It’s … it’s just complicated. We’re not in love anymore.” What a lie. I was as much in love with Rain now as ever. “But it doesn’t mean I don’t love her or care about her. It’s just that things are different now.”

  Zac glanced at Izzy to gauge her reaction. She sat stone-faced, staring straight ahead.

  “Is Callie going camping with us?” Zac asked.

  “That’s up to you.”

  “If she goes, I’m not going,” Izzy said.

  “Me either.”

  “Look, guys. Don’t you want to give her a chance?”

  “No.” Izzy’s eyes were hard blue slits.

  “Hey!” The front door opened. “I thought you guys had left without saying goodbye.”

  If I’d been much older than thirty-two, my heart would have stopped. For a split second, I thought a young Pamela Anderson had walk
ed out the front door. Rain had played up every asset she had, and there were many that could bring a man to his knees.

  She was wearing a pink spandex dress so tight that I had to assume there was nothing underneath it. She’d pulled it low off the shoulder to show more than a fair amount of cleavage. Her tan legs were bare, and her heels had to be at least six inches. Her hair hung in waves over her shoulders, and she had played up her eyes and that mouth. I had shivered the first time I saw those lips—and every time since then. At that moment, I not only wanted to shiver, I wanted to cry.

  I also wanted to demand that she turn around and get the hell back in the house.

  “Wow!” Zac said.

  I was tempted to echo that.

  When she leaned forward to kiss Zac goodbye, I could see almost to her navel. She reached for Izzy, who leaped up and started toward the house.

  “You don’t need to kiss me goodbye, Mom.” She shot me a dark look over one shoulder. “I’m not going anywhere.”

  Rain whirled around. “Izzy, you come back here this instant. Is that any way to treat your father? I assume he’s just told you about Callie. You should be happy for him, just like I’d expect you to be happy for me when I decide to settle down again.”

  “Settle down?” Izzy cried.

  I rubbed my hands together. “Whoa, no one said anything about settling down.”

  “Whatever.” Rain gave me a benign smile. “You owe it to your father to meet Callie and judge for yourself what you think of her. Now go finish getting ready. I have plans myself tonight, as you can see.” She did a little turn, mostly for my benefit, I’m sure. “So scoot.”

  The kids grudgingly got up, each of them shooting me a look I’d never seen from either of them before they headed into the house.

  “Thank you.”

  “Oh, don’t thank me,” she said, blinking those big blue eyes. “They should meet Callie and make up their own minds. They should see for themselves what an evil, conniving bitch she can be.”

  And she smiled, turned, and strutted her stuff back into the house, taking another piece of my heart with her.