by Elin Peer
Athena wasn’t laughing, so Hans explained his joke to her. “You know because she’s a girl and she never had a penis.” He dried away a tear and gave another snort of laughter. “But the boy didn’t know that.”
She rewarded him with a smile that never reached her eyes before she looked at me.
“Do you know any jokes about men who can’t show their feelings?" she asked.
“Did you say can or can’t?” I asked.
“Never mind.” Athena pointed to Hans. “Should we do our meditation before the kids get here?
“Sure.” The two of them moved to the floor, without a second glance in my direction.
“Hey, aren’t you going to invite me to join you?” I asked.
“No, not today. You are off the hook.”
That bothered me because even though meditation wasn’t my favorite thing to do, I was beginning to not hate it, and I didn’t like the idea of Athena bonding with the sparkly turtle instead of me. “Oh, I see, because you are upset with me for not showing enough emotions?”
Athena placed the mat on the floor, all her movements mirrored by Hans, who looked uncomfortable with my confrontational manner.
“Well, here’s the thing, Athena, if you wonder where all the kind and considerate men are – you know, the ones that will share their feelings with you over a cup of herbal tea – then I have the answer for you,” I said with a sugar-sweet smile.
She sat down on her mat and gave me a steady glance. “Do tell.”
I delivered my answer with a dose of sarcasm. “Those men are all busy fucking their boyfriends.”
Taking in a deep sigh, Athena pointed to my jacket on the wall. “I know it’s snowing, but I would appreciate it if you took your curse words outside.”
Having anticipated her reaction, I tore my jacket from the wall and stalked to the door, throwing a last comment over my shoulder before I slammed it. “Have fun bonding, you two.”
Athena was right, it was really cold, but my blood was pumping and I started running without any specific direction. My head was exploding with confusing emotions, hopes, and regrets.
Athena was already disappointed with me, and yet she didn’t know half of what I was hiding.
Would the pacifistic priestess be forgiving and loving if she knew I was a murderer?
Picking up my speed, I sprinted until my lungs were hurting and every particle of my body was screaming in protest – just like it had that night, seventeen years ago.
Johnson’s threats about making me his bitch and cutting his initials into my skin had me screaming in panic. Not that anyone would help me, because for all the times he had tortured me in this room, none of the other mentors had ever dared interfere. We students weren’t the only ones scared of the violent psychopath.
I was fighting with everything I had, wriggling my body and squeezing my butthole to avoid his raping me.
“Listen you little shit,” he sneered. “I’ll tie you down or knock you out, but either way I’m fucking you tonight.”
He would do it, and being knocked out by Johnson was no joke. Last time I had ended up with a concussion.
“Stand still and take it, do you hear me?”
I heard him, but this was a matter of more than fear. I had taken his violent abuse for years, but this was different. My pride and self-respect was all I had left, and I would rather die than become his sex toy.
Pinning me down, and cussing at me, he opened the drawer in his desk and pulled out a choker and some rope. “It’s okay, you keep fighting, boy. It only makes it more satisfying when you finally submit to me. Ben used to fight me too, but in the end, I had him trained like a sweet little pup…” I never heard the last of his sentence, because at that moment the door flew open, and Johnson started shouting for whoever had entered to get the fuck out.
Still pinned down, I couldn’t see who was in the room, but when Johnson was jerked away from me, it was like a thousand pounds had lifted. I pushed up from the desk and spun around to see him scream at his attacker. The scene was bizarre with Magni, a boy almost three years my junior, punching Johnson in the face and ribs with pure rage emanating from him.
“I’ll kill you,” Johnson roared at Magni and tried to defend himself, but Magni was no normal twelve-year-old. Already more than six feet tall and a trained fighter, he fought with ruthless determination.
“It’s not what it looks like.” Johnson spit out one of his teeth, and dried away some of the blood with the back of his hand. “Finn likes it. It’s a game we play.” He was trying to pull up his pants with frantic movements.
Magni didn’t say a word; instead he channeled all his physical power into kicking Johnson with such force that the man went flying backward, hitting his head hard on the floor.
Johnson curled up and groaned in pain, and only then did Magni turn to look at me. With his hands curled into fists, his face hardened, and his chest pushed out in his fighter stance, he shouted, “Come on, what are you waiting for?”
The thought that Johnson must have knocked me out and I was dreaming the whole thing occurred to me, since the likelihood of Magni beating up our mentor was too unreal.
Johnson tried to push up from the floor but Magni showed no mercy and kicked him down again. “Don’t you want to get even with this sick fucker?” he encouraged with fire in his eyes.
I did! This time, my brain scrambled into gear, and while closing my pants, I walked over to stand in front of the man I hated most in the world.
Where Magni had kicked him in the stomach I went for his face. Hearing the cracking sound of his nose and his deafening howl of pain was satisfying.
Looking to the door I worried some of the other mentors would react to Johnson’s screams, but Magni read my mind and walked over to lock the door, nodding to me to go on.
With Johnson holding his hands up to protect his face, I directed my second kick at his crotch and took pleasure in his body curling up in excruciating pain.
“You two are dead,” Johnson growled and it made me kick him in his face again, and again, until I was so far gone in my blood rush that I stopped counting. I kicked him for Ben Hur, who he had molested and killed when the boy fought back. I kicked him for Jack, who he had driven to suicide. I kicked him for all the times he had tortured me and all the other children who he was supposed to protect and care for.
I kept kicking full force, unaware of the tears of anger running down my cheeks. In the beginning Johnson groaned and threw threats at us, but for every kick to his body and head, his responses turned from groans into whimpers, and weak whispers of mercy.
The hatred that I had for this man was fueled by the tsunami of memories running through my mind. The days spent in the infirmary in excruciating pain, all the pride that I had to swallow over the years, the countless humiliations, and emotional abuse I had suffered from him. I had no room for sympathy for his pain, and ignored his pleas.
Putting all my bottled-up hatred and fear into it, I kept kicking with screams of anger until Magni pulled me away.
“Stop it, it’s enough now,” he shouted through my haze of violence.
By then, Johnson was in a pool of blood pouring from his nose, mouth, and ears. His awkward position of self-protection did little to hide how messed up his face was, and I didn’t recognize the man on the floor as my tormentor. Unable to let go of my rage, I broke free from Magni’s hold and kicked Johnson again. He didn’t move or blink.
“He’s already dead. You killed him!” Magni shouted at me.
But I couldn’t stop kicking or crying, and Magni had to pull me away again, holding on to me and carrying my weight when I collapsed in his arms.
We fell to the floor together, my body trembling with the emotional shock I was in, and Magni holding on to me, stroking my hair with soothing sounds.
“He can’t hurt you anymore, it’s over, Johnson is dead,” he said. So am I resounded in my brain.
Killing a mentor would no doubt cost me my life. I co
uldn’t hide what I had done and being fifteen, I was old enough to stand trial in an adult court of law. I would be sentenced to death for my crime and there was nothing I could do about it.
“They’re going to kill me,” I whispered, with snot and tears making my voice break.
“Probably, but they’ll have to kill me first,” Magni muttered and leaned his forehead against mine. “He had it coming. We did the world a favor, don’t ever forget that.”
CHAPTER 20
Genetics
Athena
“Now I see it,” Hans said and nodded to Tristan and Finn, who were laughing together. “They do look alike.”
He was right. Tristan was a mini version of Finn, although much more polite and polished. But unlike me, Tristan seemed fascinated whenever Finn dropped the F word.
Through my kitchen window, I watched Tristan and three of his siblings playing in the snow. It was much too cold for my taste and I had gone back inside with the excuse that I would prepare some hot cocoa and homemade cake for us all. Hans had been quick to offer his help.
“I hope he doesn’t drop them,” Hans said with a nervous smile when Finn squatted down and lifted Samuel and Charlotte up to pose for a picture that Tristan was taking. The five-year-old twins were grinning widely when Finn stood back up with each of them sitting on one of his shoulders.
“He’s very strong,” Hans muttered.
“Yes, he is,” I agreed as those unwanted butterflies took flight between my ribs again.
Tonight was our last night together. My big visions for bringing Finn enlightenment and peace had failed. He showed no interest in meditation or other types of spiritual work. And he was as closed off to sharing his secrets now as he had been when he first arrived.
Every time I thought about Finn leaving tomorrow, disappointment and sadness descended on me. I blamed it on my naïve ambition I would be able to grow his empathy in five days.
Tonight, I would lift the fake curse for the last time and he would seek out the first female who would let him sleep with her.
I would never know if he actually did find satisfaction with her, because I already knew there would be no further contact between us after tomorrow.
There it was again, that pinch in my heart.
“You can call them in now,” I told Hans. “The hot chocolate is ready.”
Two minutes later, the four children’s excited voices mixed with Finn’s laughter as they took over my small home, dropping shoes, jackets, hats, and gloves in every corner, and went to get their cake and cocoa from the kitchen table.
“But if your friend is that tall, he would have to duck his head just to go through this door,” Tristan said in the middle of a conversation with Finn.
“For sure,” Finn confirmed. “I’m telling you, I’m small compared to him.”
“But you’re so tall,” Tristan said with awe in his voice.
“I know, but Magni is much taller. I’m six foot two while he’s almost seven feet.”
“Wow, how tall is this ceiling?” Tristan asked and raised his hand up to see if he could reach it.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged.
Tristan and his younger sister Reva started looking for a measurement app on their wristbands and were soon measuring the height to my ceiling.
“It’s two meters and thirty-five centimeters,” Reva said and looked down again. “That’s seven point two feet.”
“And how tall was Magni again?” Tristan asked.
“Almost seven feet tall.”
“That’s two meters and fourteen centimeters,” Reva said and widened her eyes. “That’s crazy.”
“Not at all, we’ve many men taller than that in the Northlands.”
“But why are you Northmen so tall while we’re normal height?” Reva asked with curiosity.
“Meat!” Finn said. “It’s because we eat a lot of meat. And we have good genetics too. All our boys are fathered by Nmen and each generation seem to grow taller and stronger.”
“We’ve got a few tall boys at our school too,” Tristan said. “I’m one of them. We even have a girl who’s almost my height.”
Reva spoke up. “I know, and it’s strange because I heard a teacher say she’d never seen so many tall kids in the school as these past few years.”
Tristan looked at me. “You’ve been to the Northlands, Athena, did you meet Finn’s friend, Magni?”
“I did,” I confirmed. “He was the one who kidnapped me.”
Tristan and his siblings grew silent.
“How did he kidnap you?” Reva, who was eleven, asked.
I gave her a sad smile. “It’s a scary story, are you sure you want to hear it?”
All the children nodded and because there were no more seats left, Finn sat down on the floor leaning his back against the wall, sipping on his hot chocolate with a content smile on his face.
“Well, I should start by saying that it didn’t happen here. We’re too far from the border for any Nman to ever come here and kidnap you,” I said and looked straight at Charlotte. “So you shouldn’t worry, sweetie,” I said and continued. “Every year in May, there’s a gathering for the priestesses here in the green area. It’s a chance for us to learn from each other, and to celebrate the progress each priestess has made. It is also at these yearly gatherings that we are rewarded with the honor of another tattooed symbol on our forehead, to signal our level of wisdom within certain theological areas.”
Samuel spoke up with impatience. “But how did you get kidnapped?”
“This year, the gathering was up north, about two hours from here, and I was on my way to meet some of the others for dinner. That’s when out of nowhere I was attacked by a giant.”
“A real giant?” Charlotte said and moved closer to Tristan, who placed an arm around the five-year-old.
“When I say giant, Charlotte, I simply mean a really large man.”
The little girl nodded with a serious expression.
“I was terrified of him, and tried to get away, but he was so big and strong that he lifted me without any trouble and just carried me with him.”
“Where to?” Tristan asked with eagerness. “Did you get to see the Northlands?”
“Some of it, but it was night when we arrived and I couldn’t see much in the darkness. Also, I think I must’ve fainted, because parts of the journey I don’t remember at all.” I took a sip of my cocoa and nodded to Finn. “It turned out that Magni, the man who had kidnapped me, was the brother of Khan Aurelius.”
“Who is he?” Samuel asked.
“Khan is the ruler of the Northlands and it was he who asked Finn to look after me.”
Finn lifted his cup. “You’re welcome, honey,” he said with a smile. “And what a good time we had together.”
The children looked from me to him and back again. “Was it fun being a hostage?” Reva, who I knew to be a very quiet child, asked.
“Hey, Reva sweetie, let me ask you this,” Finn said. “Did you have fun playing in the snow?”
The girl nodded. “Lots of fun.”
“Did Athena look like she was having fun?”
“Not so much, but I think she was just cold.”
“But probably not colder than the rest of us. So, would Athena be the right person to ask if playing in the snow is fun?” Finn asked Reva.
“No, I guess not.”
“Which proves that Athena doesn’t know how to have fun. She’s much too serious for that, but you know what?”
“What?” Samuel asked.
“I bet if one of you had been my hostage in the Northlands, we would’ve had a ton of fun together.”
Tristan and Samuel nodded before they munched on their cake.
“Being a hostage is not fun!” No one dared challenge me on that except Finn, who mimed a large yawn to the children, and pointed to me, mouthing the word “boring.”
None of them had ever seen such rude behavior from an adult. It was obvious that they were fascinated t
hat he broke all the rules of proper communication.
“But why did the giant kidnap you?” Charlotte asked.
“He was looking for his wife,” I explained.
“Did he think you were her? Do you look alike?”
I nodded to Finn. “You’ll have to answer that, since I have never met her.”
“Well, you both have red hair, although Laura’s has a more orange tone to it. But I don’t see how he could confuse you two, since she’s much taller than you.”
“Then why did he take Athena?” Reva asked.
“He didn’t mean to hurt Athena,” Finn said. “He just wanted back his wife, who had gone missing in the Motherlands.”
“How can someone go missing?” Tristan asked with a frown. “Doesn’t she have a wristband? All she has to do is use the GPS function to find her way.”
I cleared my throat. “When Finn said missing, what he really meant was that Laura ran off to the Motherlands.”
“Oh…” The children nodded in understanding.
Finn stretched his feet in front of him. “You have to understand that Laura got confused when she spoke to a woman called Christina. Somehow the woman convinced her that the Motherlands was a better place to live.”
“It’s not, is it?” Tristan asked.
“Not by a long mile,” Finn said and laughed. “I’m sure Laura has realized that by now. The problem between her and Magni is that she left him without saying goodbye. As you can imagine he’s kind of pissed about it.”
“Is that why he took you?” Charlotte asked. “Because he lost his wife and he needed a new one?”
“He didn’t want a new wife,” I assured her. “But he had this silly idea that if he took me, our Council would give him back his wife in exchange.”
“And did they?”
“No, she’s still here somewhere.”
“Do you know where she is?” Tristan asked me.
I had heard rumors, but I wasn’t willing to discuss them with the children or Finn, so I simply shook my head.