Reasonable Insanity

by Cynthia Freeman Gibbs

  “But the TSUF campus police arrested her and the other girl out of their class this week. I also heard they may get kicked off the cheerleading squad,” Savvy reminded her.

  “Yeah, they were arrested. I found out all they got is a scolding with only having to do 200 hours of community service. That’s all they got after almost ending my life,” Olivia said with tears welling in her eyes. “Two criminals are roaming free on the streets and I have to deal with that every single day. I’m scared to be outside by myself not knowing if they’re going to do it again. I can’t sleep at night and when I do, I have nightmares about them hitting me in the head and seeing my blood everywhere.”

  “That’s all? Community service?” Savvy asked in shock. “That can’t be right.”

  “Yes, that’s all. I had to manage things my own way since I couldn’t depend on law enforcement or the university to do anything. Savvy, you don’t know all the things I could’ve done to her. You have no idea what it’s like to be attacked the way I was. To make things worse, seeing her with Dwain put a dagger in my heart. It hurts me to deal with this,” Olivia cried out clutching her stomach and bending in agony.

  Savvy couldn’t think of anything else to say. Olivia became overwhelmed with grief and wailed uncontrollably so Savvy tried to hug her. When she reached out to her, she noticed red paint on Olivia’s jeans, which she didn’t see earlier. “How did you get paint on your jeans?” Savvy asked.

  Olivia glanced at her jeans and sniffled. “Well, Dwain is going to find a nice surprise when he leaves the club tonight,” she explained.

  “What do you mean by a nice surprise?” Savvy asked, studying her friend.

  “Well, you know, I decided after everything he did, it’s time to let him know he can’t cheat and expect me to look like a fool to everyone. He took a piece of me I can never get back.” Olivia quickly swiped away tears with the back of her hand. “I called him a million times after I found out about him being with Isabella, and he’s never returned my calls and ignores me. It’s like I don’t even exist in his mind anymore. After all I did to make him happy, this is how he treats me.”

  “What did you do Olivia?” Savvy dreaded the answer.

  “Since he loves his black Saab, I decided I would help to decorate it.” Olivia suddenly had a sly smile on her face and her tears mysteriously disappeared.

  “Decorate it? How?” Savvy asked nervously.

  “His favorite color is red. He wants to become a member of Kappa Alpha Psi Fraternity like crazy. He even wears their colors like he already pledged. I figured, he should have a car to match,” Olivia explained. “I happened to have a can of red paint on hand.”

  “Go on,” Savvy prodded.

  “I followed him to Club Faces and waited for him to go inside. Once he walked in, I strolled past the Saab with the can and pretended to trip on a rock in the parking lot. When I fell, I threw the paint all across the front of his car.” Olivia laughed in a sinister way that scared Savvy.

  “No, you didn’t,” Savvy exclaimed and put her hand to her mouth. “Who goes around with a can of paint in a club parking lot? Please tell me you didn’t do that.”

  “Yup. I sure did and he can’t prove I did it. He’s hurt a ton of women. It could be any one of them he scorned like me,” Olivia said and pranced around in the parking lot like she’d won the lottery.

  “You know what? You need help,” Savvy said and stared at Olivia in disbelief. Her friend’s drastic swings in mood were frightening. “You need some serious counseling.”

  “Counseling? For what?” Olivia asked. “I did what any other woman who’s been cheated on would do. Dwain and Isabella are lucky I didn’t do what I thought about doing.”

  “I don’t even want to know what you’ve thought about doing,” Savvy said. “I think with all of the things you’ve been dealing with, it wouldn’t hurt for you to find someone to help you get through this. You know, the same way you want to be a psychologist one day, you can get help from one.”

  “You’re kidding me, right?” Olivia asked astonished and stopped moving to stare at Savvy.

  “No, I’m not. I don’t want you hurting anyone and I don’t want you to get hurt,” Savvy explained.

  “So, you think I’m crazy? You think I’m cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs or something, even though, I’m the one who’s the victim?” Olivia glared at Savvy and stood in front of her with her arms folded. “You know what? I’m going to drive you home now cause you think I’ve lost my mind. You’re supposed to be my friend.” Olivia jumped into the car and Savvy reluctantly got in on the passenger side.

  “But you’re doing it all wrong, Olivia,” Savvy said. “Do you realize how much trouble you can get into for vandalizing their cars? What if there were security cameras at Club Faces? They will know you poured the paint on Dwain’s car.”

  “I’m taking care of what the police can’t seem to. Nothing happened to them for what they did to me. Nothing. There’s no way they can say anything to me,” Olivia cried out and sped down the street, weaving in and out between cars.

  “Okay, okay. You’re driving too fast, Olivia,” Savvy exclaimed. “Don’t get us killed right now. Slow down.”

  Olivia laughed wickedly when she realized she’d frightened Savvy. “Girl, I’m good. I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  She drove into Savvy’s lot and Savvy frantically got out when she parked, afraid of what Olivia might do next.

  “Olivia, I want you to get counseling. In the meantime, we need a long break from each other. I can’t handle this emotional roller coaster with you right now. I need to focus on getting my education without landing in jail or dead. You have to make some changes in your life. I pray you’ll listen to me, and go see a psychologist to help you before you do something you’ll regret one day,” Savvy said sadly to Olivia and closed the car door.

  Olivia glared at Savvy and sped off into the darkness.

  PART 3

  LOVE THE WAY

  YOU LIE

  CHAPTER 21

  1999

  “Dr. Maxwell,” Malia, the receptionist, poked her head into Olivia’s office. “I wanted to inform you the last patient on the schedule called in to cancel.”

  “Oh, thanks for letting me know. I am tired after seeing Miss Ortega. She wore me out.” Olivia sat at her desk and fanned herself. Sweat poured from her pores despite the cool room.

  “Are you okay, Dr. Maxwell?” Malia scrunched her brow with concern. “You don’t look well.”

  “I don’t feel well either. I wonder if there’s a bug going around or something.” Olivia stood with shaky legs. “My heart is racing like crazy. It’s like I just finished running a marathon.”

  “Well, sit and let me get you a glass of water,” Malia instructed and turned around to exit the room.

  Olivia felt as though the room was spinning in a dizzy twirl. Her ears started to ring. She clutched her chest with one hand and used the other to try and steady herself on the desk. Everything appeared fuzzy and in slow motion. Her lungs seemed slow to fill and she began taking quick, shallow breaths.

  “Dr. Maxwell,” Malia screamed and ran to Olivia. She felt Malia’s hands under her arms right before she slumped to the ground and blacked out.

  Olivia awakened to the sound of a siren and sensed movement. Something sat on her face and she became aware of cool air going in and out of her nose. She groaned and opened her eyes only to see two men, which startled her.

  “It’s okay Dr. Maxwell. You’re in an ambulance right now. I’m Roberto and this guy is Dino.” He pointed at the other man.

  “An ambulance?” She realized she had an oxygen mask on her face and lifted it to talk. “What’s going on? Why am I in here?”

  “Ma’am, your receptionist called us because you passed out. She told us you complained of your heart beating extremely fast right before you fell. We’re monitoring it and sure enough, you have quite a race going on in your chest,” Dino replied.

  “Where are you
taking me?” Olivia asked still holding the mask and beginning to panic.

  “We’re taking you to one of San Antonio’s finest hospitals. Right now, I’m going to have you put this thing back into place. It’s there to help you breathe. Relax. Dino and I will handle everything to get you safely to the emergency room.” Roberto lowered the oxygen mask to her face.

  “Okay, we’re going to give you something to help you feel more comfortable. Is that all right with you?” Dino questioned.

  Olivia nodded her head. A prick from a needle going into her arm made her flinch. The next thing she knew, the sound of the ambulance siren faded out and the paramedic's faces begin to appear fuzzy. She struggled to keep her eyes open and couldn’t.

  She woke in a hospital room with an IV tube attached to the inside of her elbow with a white bandage holding it in place. Lights flashed and the heart monitor beeped next to her bed.

  She groaned and groped in the dark to find the bed remote to ring for a nurse. After pushing a button to raise the top part of her bed to a sitting position, she pressed the red alert key. Immediately the door opened and a woman with blue scrubs entered the room.

  “Hello, Dr. Maxwell. I see you are finally awake. My name is Avryl and I’m your nurse until 7 am. How can I help you, Sweetie?” She walked to the bed to straighten out the blanket on Olivia and adjust her pillow.

  “I didn’t realize I had fallen asleep. The last thing I remember is riding in the ambulance,” Olivia croaked. “Can I get a glass of water. My throat is dry.”

  “Sure. No problem.” Avryl poured ice water into a cup from a pink pitcher on a metal tray and placed a straw in it before handing to Olivia.

  “What time is it?” Olivia cleared her throat and coughed after sipping on the water.

  “It’s four in the morning.”

  “Four? Oh, my goodness. I have been here a long time. What all happened to me?” Olivia asked.

  “Well, you had quite a night. You came in with a rapid heart rate. That is what we call tachycardia. It is a condition which raised it to more than 120 beats per minute at rest,” Avryl explained. “To convert it back into a normal rhythm, the emergency team had to use a defibrillator on you.”

  “No way. You have got to be kidding me,” Olivia exclaimed. “How in the world did that happen?”

  “I don’t know. The hospitalist will come in later and can explain more to you about what is going on. In the meantime, you should simply rest. Is there anything else I can get for you?” Avryl asked.

  “No. Nothing, I can think of. Thank you.” Olivia heard the door closing behind Avryl and dozed off.

  She heard a familiar voice gently saying her name, which aroused her from her sleep. “Olivia? Olivia? Can you hear me?”

  She slowly opened her eyes and squinted at the light. Her father’s face, wrinkled in concern, startled her. “Daddy,” she cried, overwhelmed from the shock of seeing him.

  “Olivia, yes it’s Daddy,” he responded with tears in his eyes.

  “Daddy. I’m terribly sorry. I know you’re disappointed in me. I failed you, Daddy. I failed you and I’m sorry,” she wailed uncontrollably.

  “Olivia, don’t cry. It’s okay, honey.” He leaned toward her and hugged her tightly. “I love you and it’s going to be okay. You haven’t failed me. Not at all. You’re sick and it’s okay.”

  Hearing him say he loved her caused Olivia to cry even louder. He rocked her and stroked her hair while she clung to him.

  “You love me, Daddy?” Olivia blubbered.

  “Yes, I do,” he whispered and pulled back from their embrace to gaze into her eyes. “I love you and I am glad to see you are okay.”

  “Daddy, you don’t know what it means to me to hear you say that you love me. You and Mom have never said that to me. I didn’t think you cared anything about me,” Olivia sobbed.

  “I know and I’m sorry. I apologize for not being there for you. Ever. I should’ve been there. When I got the call from Malia about you being in the hospital, I caught the first flight here. I thought we almost lost you,” he said.

  “Thank you, Daddy.” Olivia sniffled and scanned around the room. “Where’s Mother?”

  “She uh, she uh, she couldn’t come,” her Dad stuttered and dropped his eyes to the floor.

  “Do you mean she wouldn’t come?” Olivia felt anger creeping into her body.

  “Honey, you know she doesn’t like to fly. She’s nervous enough from knowing you are in the hospital,” he tried to explain.

  “Dad. Stop. Don’t try to cover for her. We both know she wouldn’t be able to stand seeing her less than perfect daughter laying in the hospital being even more unperfect. She would’ve jumped on a plane in a heartbeat if Sheree lay here in my place. You know it and I know it. Please, don’t try to make excuses for her.” Olivia’s heart monitor showed her rate increasing.

  “Please don’t get yourself stressed out right now. It’s not good for your heart. You’re right, I shouldn’t cover for your Mom and I’m sorry she isn’t here,” her father apologized.

  “Why did I have to be on my deathbed for you to come and see me? What happened to my graduation from undergrad and my Master and Doctorate degrees in psychology? None of you cared enough to be there. That’s why I haven’t bothered to go home to see any of you. Now you think I’m dying and you want to lay your eyes on me?” Olivia became agitated. Her heart beat rapidly and her blood pressure kept rising.

  “I understand you’re angry with me and all of us. Again, I’m sorry for not being there for you and I wish I could change that.”

  Years of pent-up frustration started boiling over. Olivia ignored the increasing beeping of the heart rate machine and continued lighting into her father.

  “Why did you always let Mother treat me bad? How could you let her be cruel to me just because I’m dark skinned? I can’t help the skin I’m in. She put those bleaching creams on me, which burned me. She thinks I’m black and ugly. Why does she hate me the way she does when I am her child? Please tell me why?” Olivia pleaded.

  “She doesn’t hate you. She kind of associates you with her father since you resemble him. He used to be a tall, dark-skinned man.”

  “But what does his skin color have to do with me?” Olivia questioned.

  “I don’t know if you remember the story about how he tried to kill his whole family in a house fire. They all got out except for him. Your mother never got over what happened.”

  “And?” Olivia prodded impatiently.

  “She looks at you and sees him. You are a spitting image of her father. Your mother feels the same way about all dark-skinned people. It jogs this bad memory for her.”

  “Do you know how ridiculous this is? A hatred for me and all dark-skinned people because of her suicidal father? I have nothing to do with him. How can she blame me for his sins?” Olivia stared at him in disbelief and began to feel weak from too much exertion of emotion.

  “I know, it wasn’t right. Believe me, throughout the years, I’ve tried to get that out of her head. I can’t control her actions, Olivia. I’m sorry I haven’t been a strong enough man to handle the way she treats you.” He hung his head in guilt.

  Olivia sighed and noticed the sorrow on his face. She didn’t mean to take all her anger out on him. She took a deep breath and softened her voice. “Daddy, I didn’t mean to mention that and blame it on you right now. I’m glad you’re here.”

  “Baby, you are beautiful no matter what color your skin is. I love you no less than I love your sister. I know I haven’t seen you in a long time. I can tell you aren’t healthy. What is going on with you?” He sat on the edge of the bed and gazed at Olivia with love. She choked with tears again and hung onto him.

  They heard a knock at the door and a short man entered the room wearing a white lab coat and a stethoscope around his neck. He shook Olivia’s and her father’s hand. “Hello, I’m Dr. Rodriguez, the hospitalist on duty.”

  “Hello, I’m Olivia’s father, Oliver Maxw
ell.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Maxwell.” Dr. Rodriguez turned to Olivia. “I would like to share your test results with you.”

  “Yes?” Olivia said anxiously.

  “You are fortunate to be here right now. There has been a lot of damage done to your body and to your heart. I need to ask you a few questions to help me understand your condition.” He glanced at Olivia’s father. “I have sensitive information to review with your daughter.”

  “I can leave the room so you two can talk.” Mr. Maxwell began to stand from his chair.

  “Please stay Dad.” Olivia grabbed his hand. She looked at the doctor and nodded. “It’s okay for him to hear whatever you have to tell me.”

  Dr. Rodriguez pulled up a chair. “Have you ever been told that you have an eating disorder?” He studied Olivia squarely in the eyes.

  “No, well, n-not exactly,” Olivia stuttered. “I mean, a friend in college asked me more than ten years ago. Of course, she had me all wrong.”

  “Okay, let me say this a different way. Here is what I am seeing from the results of our examination of you and the testing we did. What brought you here to the hospital is you passed out due to an irregular heartbeat. Your heart rate measured at 120 beats per minute, which is what we call tachycardia. If prolonged, this can lead to heart failure.”

  The doctor paused and continued. “On top of that, you’re dehydrated, which can lead to kidney failure. Fortunately, your kidneys are fine. We are giving you fluids now in this bag that is hanging behind you. For someone your height, a weight of 105 pounds is dangerously low. Also, you have an inflamed esophagus, raw gums, and swollen glands along your jawline,” the doctor continued. “Olivia, from what I am seeing, you have an eating disorder called bulimia nervosa.”