Reasonable Insanity

by Cynthia Freeman Gibbs

  “Nope. I called it first,” Simone taunted and elbowed him in the ribs.

  “Mom,” Christian whined. “She rode in the front on the way here. That’s not fair.” He folded his arms, stuck his bottom lip out, and burrowed his eyebrows into a mean scowl.

  “Hey. Stop it.” Olivia grabbed both kids by their arms and pulled them close to her. “Simone in the back. Christian in the front. Both of you had better act like you have some sense in your head. I’m tired of all of this fighting back and forth. I am not in the mood for it today. Do you hear me?”

  “Yes, Mom,” the kids uttered and took their seats.

  “Goodness. Y’all are getting on my nerves. Also, why are you both so ashy to the point you look gray? Didn’t I tell you two to take showers after swimming? My goodness, I can smell the chlorine on you,” Olivia scolded. “As soon as we get home, take a shower before you do anything else and put on some lotion.”

  “But Mom, what about my hair?” Simone asked.

  “I’ll do it later. Just rinse it to get the chlorine out. How many times do we have to go over this each week?” Olivia shook her head in frustration and drove to pick up sandwiches.

  You would think our kids didn’t have any home training. Maybe if their daddy would take some time with them, I wouldn’t have to lose my mind dealing with this nonsense. Something has got to change. Otherwise, I’m running away.

  CHAPTER 40

  “Hey, girl. Whatchu up to?” Olivia asked Savvy. She balanced the phone between her ear and shoulder. She tucked her freshly relaxed hair behind her ear and picked up two potholders. The smell of baked Cornish hens filled her nostrils once she opened the oven door.

  “Hey, Liv,” Savvy replied. “Not much. I’m sitting on the back porch painting my toenails. I’ve gone too long with chipped polish. I thought I could stretch out another week before I get a pedicure. However, my nails look raggedy.”

  “Girl, me too. It’s been forever since I’ve had my nails done. The nail tech will need to use a chainsaw to work on my feet. I haven’t had time to go,” Olivia complained. “One of these days, I’ll have to make myself a priority. What do you think about having a spa day with a couple of our friends?”

  “Oh, yes. Count me in,” Savvy agreed.

  “By the way, did you hear about President Barack Obama running for re-election? I’m so excited,” Olivia squealed.

  “Yes. I’m praying for four more years with President and Michelle Obama. I know it hasn’t been easy being the first African-American President in the White House. I love them,” Savvy exclaimed.

  “Me, too. If he wins again, we have to go to the Inauguration like we did in 2008.”

  “We sure do. I still remember how peaceful everything was in such a large crowd. The galas were off the chain. We must be there. You should bring the kids.”

  “Not a bad idea. It will be a great historical moment for them. Let’s make it happen.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  “Hold up a second. I need to pull this food out of the oven. I’m standing here talking to you with the door open. Let me put my phone down, so I don’t drop it.” Olivia clunked the phone on the counter. She placed the Cornish hens, then the macaroni and cheese, on placemats on the dining room table before closing the oven.

  She put her phone back to her ear. “Okay, sorry about that.”

  “No problem. I know you’re cooking something delicious. I would invite myself over to eat, but I need to run a few errands.” Savvy said.

  “No hot date tonight? I’ve been meaning to ask you if the dating scene has improved around here?” Olivia asked.

  Savvy groaned, “Girl, no. One of my frat brothers even told me, he can’t think of anyone in his fraternity worth introducing me to. He claims they are all players.”

  “Now, that’s ridiculous. Not one?”

  “No, not one. Then, you know I joined the Singles Ministry. I thought, surely, I would meet someone since our church is huge.”

  “Don’t tell me you didn’t meet one potential guy.”

  “Nope. Everyone is either too old, goofy, or not of interest to me.”

  “Hey. I just realized, we never talked about your internet date in Dallas.” Olivia recalled.

  “That’s right. I never did tell you about how that fiasco with Leonard turned out. I think when I called you, you were busy with the kids at swim practice. I totally forgot we didn’t talk about it.”

  “Right. Leonard Wesley Boykin. I remember because I made you text me with his full name and license plate number. This is the one you met on the Rattler Roundup internet site, right?” Olivia asked.

  “Yeah. Never again.” Savvy said.

  “Uh oh. What happened?”

  “Girl, this had to be the grossest date I’ve ever been on.”

  “What do you mean by gross?”

  “Well, you know he flew me to Dallas to go to a Mavericks basketball game.”

  “Right. He gets major points for being generous and creative.”

  Savvy reflected, “Exactly what I thought, too. I mean, no man has ever spent money to fly me somewhere on a first date.”

  “You said you know some of the same people from FAMU, right?”

  “Right. So, I didn’t feel concerned regarding my safety since we had several conversations on the phone the last few weeks. Of course, I checked him out with our mutual friends.”

  “Okay, what’s the problem? What made this date gross?” Olivia pressed.

  “When he arrived at Love Field airport, he met me at the curbside in a light blue, two-seater, convertible BMW with cream colored seats.”

  “I remember from your text message. More points for having a fly car.”

  “So, he gets out of the car to open the door for me, and he hands me this big bouquet of white roses. I thought it was thoughtful of him to bring flowers,” Savvy continued. “His pictures on the dating website didn’t lead me to think he would be short and nerdy though. He told me he favored Emmitt Smith on the Dallas Cowboy’s team. Imagine my disappointment to see he resembled Bishop T.D. Jakes instead. I’m not saying T.D. Jakes is ugly, nevertheless, Leonard wasn’t what I expected from his pictures. I actually think Bishop Jakes is handsome. He just doesn’t look anything like Emmitt Smith, you know?”

  “Yeah, nerds are good these days. Keep going,” Olivia pressed impatiently.

  “I have to build the story Olivia,” Savvy laughed. “Anyway, when he handed me the bouquet, he got clumsy in trying to hug me at the same time. The flowers crushed in between us and some of them fell onto my chest. So, he starts apologizing and tried to wipe them off my breasts. I had to tell him it’s okay, and I could get them off myself. He got really embarrassed and kept saying sorry. Thankfully, they didn’t ruin my dress.”

  “Okay, okay. Get to the good part.”

  “Well, once we got the flowers off my dress, he opened the door for me and we finally got into his car. I noticed he had on a long-sleeved, black, Dallas Mavericks T-Shirt and it had something white on the sleeve. I figured some of the roses must have smeared on his shirt or something,” Savvy said.

  “Okay. Move on please.”

  “So anyway, we headed to the American Airlines Center for the game. I noticed he kept sniffing and sneezing constantly. I guess he must’ve been allergic to the flowers. It got to be extremely bad with him sneezing everywhere in the car. I kept turning my head toward the window and praying he wouldn’t spray me in the face. He began having an allergy attack,” Savvy recalled.

  “Yuck. Now, that’s gross.”

  “Tell me about it. Well, next thing I know, his nose is running terribly bad. He wiped his snotty nose across the sleeve of his shirt,” Savvy exclaimed.

  “No, he didn’t,” Olivia yelled into the phone.

  “Yes, he did. That’s the white stuff on his shirt. This grown man just finished hugging me with that arm. Oh, my gosh. I wanted to throw up.” Savvy gagged on the phone.

  Olivia started laughing. “
I wish I could’ve seen your face.”

  “Oh, and it gets worse,” Savvy continued. “So, we get to the game, and he insisted that we get ice cream before we sat in our seats. He swore they had the best in town. Do you know I couldn’t even eat it without gagging? The white color reminded me of the dried snot on his shirt. Oh my gosh, I can never eat vanilla ice cream again. I’m getting sick thinking about it.”

  “Did you say anything to him?”

  “I did. After he wiped his nose for the umpteenth time on his shirt, I finally asked him if I could get him some tissues for him to use. Do you know he said, no thanks? Can you believe that? It took everything in me to not leave him there and catch a cab back to the airport,” Savvy said.

  “Oh, Savvy. I’m sorry it turned out badly for you. You’re better than me. I would’ve left and told him he is a hazard to the health of other people. A grown man doing that mess ain’t right.”

  Savvy chuckled. “I can laugh about it now. It sure wasn’t funny at the time. Nevertheless, I made it through the game, back to the airport, and safely back home. He’s been calling and I told him I didn’t think we were compatible.”

  “I would say you definitely have nothing in common in any way, shape, or form. Tell the man to go to an allergist and get his allergies treated.”

  “Enough about me. How are my niece and nephew doing? You know it is time for them to come hang out with Auntie Savvy. I will spoil them rotten.”

  “Girl, you can come and get them anytime. You know they love seeing you. All they ask about is Auntie Savvy this and Auntie Savvy that,” Olivia laughed.

  “I’m the best auntie in the world. Maybe I can come to get them on Sunday.”

  “You know what, they’re going to SeaWorld on Sunday with one of our neighbors and her kids. How about you get them the following weekend? You can have them stay with you for a slumber party if you don’t have a hot date,” Olivia offered.

  “Girl puh-leeze. No hot dates for me anytime soon. Let’s put it on the calendar. I’m going to let them eat and drink anything they want. Sugary sodas, cracker jack popcorn, ice cream, cookies, you name it,” Savvy laughed.

  “Noooo. You’ll totally destroy everything I’ve put into place. You know I don’t allow that stuff in this house,” Olivia pleaded.

  “Hey. I’m the auntie and that’s the way it is.”

  “I see I’ll have to put them on a juicing diet to detox when you bring them home. Ugh.”

  “Girl, you’re too funny. You know how Auntie Savvy does it and I ain’t changing no time soon.”

  Olivia groaned at the thought of her kids eating like crazy. “I know, I know. I guess I can let them off their food routine for a night of fun.”

  “On a different subject, how’s Malcolm doing?”

  “Girl, don’t get me started. That man has pushed my buttons to the nth degree. If he seemed like a cheating kind of guy, I would have my suspicions.” Olivia placed tomatoes and cucumbers on a bed of romaine lettuce in four salad bowls. She placed them on the dining room table along with the other food.

  “Suspicions? Why would you even say that? What do you think is going on?” Savvy asked.

  “Well, he’s spending more time away from the house, buying new clothes, and even cologne. He’s acting differently and I can’t quite put my finger on it. Extremely unusual behavior.” Olivia placed four plates on the table along with silverware, napkins, and glasses of water. “It seems like all we do is argue about stupid stuff and we can’t seem to communicate anymore the way we used to. Thankfully, we only sleep in the same bed three times a week.”

  “Wait a minute. Did you say you still sleep separately? Please tell me that isn’t the case,” Savvy said. “I still can’t believe you guys did that the entire time the kids were babies.”

  “You heard me right. I mean, we still get together and have sex. He seems freakier in bed these days. He’s been asking me to try different positions and some stuff I don’t do, you know. I can’t imagine where he gets these ideas. Maybe watching movies on TV or something.”

  “Hmmm, that’s interesting.”

  “Anyway, I got used to not having to listen to his loud snoring every night. I keep telling him, he needs to go have a study done to see if he has sleep apnea. It’s like living with a bear. I have too much to do each day to be missing out on a good night of rest. I got spoiled by having the bed all to myself when the kids were young,” Olivia admitted.

  “It has been ten years. You need to get back in the bed together. Every night, Olivia,” Savvy said. “I don’t think it’s healthy for a husband and wife to be apart like that. I know you’re thinking, what do I know since I’m not married, right?”

  “No, not at all. I get what you’re saying. I’m telling you, it has nothing to do with the issues we’re having. Our problems are all financial and not the fact we don’t sleep in the same bed. Trust me,” Olivia said.

  “Okay, okay. If you say so. Let me ask you this. How often are you making love?” Savvy inquired.

  “Wow, aren’t you the Dr. Phil. I thought I’m the psychologist around here,” Olivia joked.

  “Seriously, how often?” Savvy persisted.

  “Maybe once every other month or so. Something like that,” Olivia said flatly.

  “Are you kidding me? You can’t be serious. Every other month?”

  “Give or take. What’s the big deal? We’re super tired every night and the kids keep us busy. I mean, he would probably like for us to do it more often. With all the financial stuff, I’m not turned on anymore. It’s hard to be in the mood when he gets on my nerves,” Olivia explained.

  “That’s not good. I think you need to find a way to keep your husband satisfied. I’m not saying he’s creeping out there or anything. The problem is, you aren’t giving him enough booty. Plus, you two keep arguing and he leaves the house mad. I would be cautious about a clean-up woman lingering around to comfort your man. You know what I mean?”

  “Well, I appreciate your concern. Malcolm is nothing like Dwain, Ross, or anyone else I’ve dated over the years. I know I tend to end up with men who are cheaters. But this time, I know in my heart, I don’t have to worry about him cheating. He isn’t that kind of man.” Olivia explained.

  “Uh huh.” Savvy sounded doubtful.

  “He wouldn’t disrespect me for not putting out. He loves me too much and he worships the ground I walk on. I never even see him looking at other women. He gets mad when he hears about other guys messing around on their wives. He’s a God-fearing man, who I know will honor our vows.”

  “I see,” Savvy said.

  “Plus, by being in San Antonio, he definitely ain’t looking at any Hispanic women here. He’s not a racist, but he can’t stand seeing interracial couples. He said it goes against the principles of the Motherland. He always says black people need to be with black people. I don’t need to worry about him cheating. Period,” Olivia said confidently.

  “If you’re so sure about him being faithful, then what were you talking about when you said you have your suspicions about him?” Savvy questioned.

  “I said, if he seemed like a cheating guy, then I would have my suspicions. But, I’m trying to explain to you, that he’s not like that.”

  “But what about everything you just said about how he’s acting differently? What do you think he is doing?”

  “Oh, forget what I said about that. I’m just complaining about him getting on my nerves. He’s probably having an early mid-life crisis. Once we work our financial issues out, then I’m sure everything will improve.” Olivia stated.

  “Well, if you think you two are fine, I’ll leave it alone. Hey, I got to get out of this house and get to the grocery store. Tell everyone hi for me.” Savvy said.

  Olivia frowned when she looked at the clock. “Yeah, I need to yell for the kids to come to dinner. I thought Malcolm would’ve been home by now and he’s not here. I need to give him a call. Have a good night my friend. Bye,”

  “By
e, Liv,” Savvy replied.

  CHAPTER 41

  Olivia held the phone in her hand, thinking about Savvy’s concerns. “Malcolm knows everything I’ve been through with Dwain and Ross. I believe in my heart, he would never hurt me the way the two of them did. He’s my husband, and a father to our children. He’s better than they ever will be.” She mumbled and punched in Malcolm’s cell phone number. His voicemail answered.

  Confused, she laid the phone on the table. “Now, that’s strange. He always answers my calls.”

  Memories of calling Dwain and Ross flooded Olivia’s mind. She remembered how they both were with other women whenever she couldn’t reach them. “No way. I’m not about to make myself go insane by thinking those negative thoughts.” Olivia shook her head to clear her mind. “He had better have a good excuse for being late though.”

  Olivia headed to the bottom of the stairwell. “Simone. Christian. Dinner’s ready,” she called to the kids. The rumble and tumble of their feet running indicated they heard her loud and clear.

  “Yay. Mom, I’m starving. I’m gonna pass out from hunger,” Christian yelled, running past her to the dining room.

  “Me, too. Why did we have to wait this long for dinner?” Simone chased after Christian to try to beat him to the table.

  “Hey. Go wash those dirty hands before you sit down,” Olivia yelled at the kids when she entered the dining room. They raced to get to the bathroom and back to the table.

  “I get the big Cornish hen,” Simone yelled.

  “No, you don’t, it’s my turn for the big one,” Christian argued.

  “No, it’s not.”

  “Yes, it is.”

  “Is not.”

  “Is too. Mom,” Christian whined.

  “Y’all, stop arguing or else neither one of you will eat anything,” Olivia scolded. Christian sulked and Simone looked victorious.

  Olivia sat at the table. She searched her cell phone screen for a missed call from Malcolm. Where could he be right now? He didn’t mention he would miss dinner tonight.

  “Who wants to lead us in grace?” Olivia asked once the kids settled into their seats.