Good-bye, with Love

by Niquel

  “Johnny, you’re so good to me. You know you don’t have to be here every day.”

  “I know, but it makes me feel better seeing your face. I promise you, when we get out of here, I’m going to do something special for you. “

  “Johnny, can I tell you something?” I looked at her in the bed and she was so fragile looking. Her skin was pale, she still wore her knit hats, and she was hooked up to a bunch of different machines.

  “What is it?” I asked, grabbing her hand.

  Mickey admitted to me that she’d never gotten a chance to celebrate her thirteenth birthday because she’d gotten sick.

  I can throw her a birthday celebration. This is perfect.

  My mom had given me my own cell phone since I’d been hanging with Mickey so much. It was just in case something happened so I could call 911 if I needed. Mickey’s mom got her one too, and all we’d done since was text when we weren’t together. It was nice not to use our parents’ phones any more.

  I shot her a text after last period and told her I’d grab all of her homework for her while she recovered in the hospital. She told me she might be released that day if she could keep all her liquids down, and I was crossing everything that she could.

  Me: Hey, I got all ur homework.

  Mickey: Thanks. I’m coming home today, please be at my house when I get there.

  Me: Of course, I’m on my way now.

  “Mom, it happened again!” I yelled, wiping the fresh puke from my lips. I hate my life.

  “Oh honey. You need to lie back down.”

  “No. I wanna go home already! I miss my bed.”

  “I know, but you’re very sick.”

  “Mom, they can’t keep me here any longer. I’ve been here almost two months already. I want to go back to school and I want to see my other friends!”

  School was literally the last thing on my mind, but I wanted to make a point. I couldn’t stand being cooped up in that place any longer. I’d been there so long I’d been talking to the paintings on the wall to pass the time.

  “Let’s check with the doctor first. I’d hate to bring you home and then have to bring you right back here.”

  “Fine.” I rolled my eyes.

  Nurse Sydney came in the room before my mom got out of her seat. “How are you feeling, Michelle?”

  “Better.”

  “Are you sure? The puke on the floor indicates otherwise.”

  “My stomach was a little upset, that’s it.” I tried to look deep in her eyes, silently begging to be set free from this place.

  “Mom, what do you think? If she goes home she’ll have to keep this IV attached to her all day and she’ll need another one tonight. She’ll need to finish all of her antibiotics so she won’t get an infection. I can show you how to change it, it’s very easy,” Nurse Sydney explained.

  “I guess I can handle it. I used to be a CNA.”

  “Okay. Please make sure that everyone that comes in contact with her wears a mask if they’re sick and washes their hands thoroughly before contact. We don’t want her to end up in here again.”

  “Thank you so much, Mom! You won’t regret this, I promise.”

  The truth was I wanted to go home because I felt like I was going to die in there.

  As I sat in the front seat of the car with my detached IV bag in my lap, I looked out the window and cracked the glass. There was a light coating of snow on the ground and the air was so cold and refreshing.

  “Mick, I know the real reason you wanted to get out of there.”

  “What?”

  “You felt like you were going to die, didn’t you?” Dang she’s good. I forget she knows me better than I know myself most times.

  “You’re right, and I felt so alone there. At home I have you, Dad, and—”

  “Johnny,” she said for me. He came to visit me every day, but it wasn’t the same. We couldn’t go anywhere or do anything. I felt like we were both in prison. I felt like I was ruining his life. As much as I loved his company, I hated feeling like I was a burden on him. He always seemed happy to be by my side, but I felt like he shouldn’t have been. I felt like he could have been doing so much more than sitting beside a sick girl’s bedside.

  Once Mom put the van in park in front of our house, I practically jumped out and ran to the front porch. I sat down on the cold wooden swing and rocked back and forth. Man I didn’t think I’d miss this thing so much.

  “You okay, Mick?” Mom asked.

  “Yeah. I’m just gonna sit out here for a few minutes, then I’ll come back in.”

  “Okay, don’t stay out here too long. I don’t want to have to take you back to the hospital tonight.”

  “You won’t have to, I promise.”

  I crossed my legs and looked out at the snow-covered yard. It was nearly dark and it was getting colder, but it felt so good to be home. I also wanted to be out there when Johnny showed up.

  I looked over at the big bare tree in the yard with the tire swing Dad had made for me a few years before. I hadn’t been on that thing in so long and I had the sudden urge to climb inside and swing.

  Being sick made me appreciate life so much more than before. I had never cared about my appearance, boys, love—anything. I just wanted to do my own thing and go through life without a care. Being sick taught me that no matter what plans I set for myself, there was always something that could change them whether I was ready or not.

  “Mickey, you need to come inside. It’s freezing out there!”

  “No. I’m waiting for Johnny!”

  “Did he say he was on his way? He should have been here by now.”

  “He knew I wanted him to be here, maybe something happened.”

  “Call him and see where he is.”

  I pulled my cell phone out of my jacket and dialed his number—no answer.

  Me: Hey, r u still coming? I’m outside freezing my lips off waiting.

  Nothing. Ugh don’t do this to me Johnny.

  I dragged myself in the house and up the stairs to my room. I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach and I wanted to be left alone. How could he do this to me? Why wouldn’t he show up? He knows how much I need him to be here with me.

  I turned the light on and saw the purple hippo from that night at the fair. I ran over to it and started punching it, letting go of all my frustrations. Left. Right. Left. Right. You stink Johnny Gates!

  There was a light knock on the door, interrupting my hippo assault. “Whoever it is, go away!”

  “Mickey, it’s me.”

  “Especially you!” I heard the door creak open behind me and then shut.

  “I’m not going anywhere. Will you turn around please?”

  “No. You weren’t here when I got home. You promised you’d be here. I sat outside in the freezing cold waiting for you!”

  Suddenly I felt a pair of arms wrap around the back of me and spin me around. We were nose to nose and I saw he had tears in his eyes.

  “Why are you crying?”

  “Because I had a huge surprise for you and it was almost messed up.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I wanted to bring you some flowers, but when I went to pay for them, my wallet was gone. Someone bumped into me while I was outside and I didn’t think anything of it until it was time to pay.”

  “Okay, but you still never called me or answered my text.”

  “I know, I was on my way here and didn’t get it until after that happened. That place has crap signal.”

  “Whatever.”

  “Mickey, why would I lie to you? I hang out with you every single day. I’m here more than I am at my own house. You really think I’d make this all up just to cover my butt? No. I thought after all this time, you would know me better than that.”

  I did know him better than that. I knew he would never intentionally hurt me.

  “Close your eyes,” he said with a smile. I didn’t want to, but I did it anyway.

  “Okay, now what?”<
br />
  “Open them.” In front of me was a huge vase full of beautiful dark purple flowers. They were unique because they had white trim around each of the four petals.

  “How did you pay for these?”

  “The owner of the shop let me have them. I told him the reason I was buying them and that my wallet had been stolen. He must have felt sorry for me or something.”

  “Well whatever the reason is, these are the prettiest flowers I’ve even seen. What kind are they?”

  “Lilacs.”

  “Do they have any special meaning?”

  “They do, but I’m not telling you. I’m sorry I was late though. I truly wanted to be here before you got here.” He wrapped his arms back around me and I felt like I was going to melt through the floor.

  When I first saw the flowers through the window of Skylar’s Boutique & Rose Garden, I felt like they were calling out to me. Some jerk bumped into me before I went inside, but I couldn’t stop looking at them through the glass.

  The owner greeted me as soon as I came into the store and I pointed them out. He told me they were a good choice because they represented first loves, and I knew I had to get them. He grabbed a bunch and asked me what kind of vase I wanted. I picked a nice simple clear one and he wrapped it up in a light purple paper before he wrapped the flowers up.

  I reached into my pocket and noticed my wallet was gone. “Crap!”

  “What’s wrong, son?”

  “Someone stole my wallet!”

  “I’ll tell you what. Tell me who you’re buying these for and maybe I’ll cut you a deal.”

  “I’m buying these for a friend. She’s very sick and going through chemo right now. Since the first day we met, she’s been nothing but nice to me. She never looked at me like I was some delinquent or thug in a leather jacket, she saw me for who I really am. I’ve been repaying her by being by her side through it all.”

  The owner smiled at me and said, “Aw, young love.”

  “I’m not in love with her. We’re just friends.”

  “Okay, son. Anyway, they’re yours. Go and make your friend happy.”

  “Really? Thanks!”

  I grabbed my phone as I walked out of the store to let Mickey know I was on my way and saw a missed call and a couple of texts. She was already home and I could tell she was ticked.

  The look on her face when she saw the flowers made everything that had gone wrong worth it. It upset me that’d she been crying, thinking I wasn’t coming, but her beautiful smile proved she forgave me.

  “Do you forgive me now?”

  “No,” she said, punching me in the shoulder. She got up and walked over to her desk with the flowers in hand and placed them down by the window. Her room was huge and filled with stuffed animals, quotes with butterflies painted on white canvas, and other random artwork. She also had pictures of boy band members all over her walls and a small desk with her laptop on it.

  “This is the perfect spot for them, right by my bed, and they’ll also get plenty of sunlight.

  “Nice.”

  “Hey Johnny?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Wanna do something crazy?”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “Follow me,” she said with a creepy smile on her face. She bundled herself up in a huge coat with a hat, gloves, and a scarf.

  I followed her down the stairs and out the front door. She ran out into the darkness and I stopped on the porch. “What are you doing, Mick? It’s freezing out here.”

  “Come over here you big baby.” I followed her into the snow-covered grass and over to an old tire swing.

  “You can push me first, and then I’ll give you a turn.”

  “Are you crazy? It’s like ten degrees out here!”

  “So! You never know when you’ll take your last breath. I plan on expanding my lungs for as long as I can,” she said, sliding in between the rubber on her stomach.

  I pushed the top of the swing and she giggled, telling me to push her higher and higher. I could see my breath in front of me, but I wanted her to enjoy this.

  “Okay, it’s your turn.”

  We switched places and then she pushed me. At first I’d thought she was crazy, but as she pushed me higher and higher, it felt like I was flying. I couldn’t see anything besides the tree, snow, and streetlights, but it was still fun being out there with her like that.

  “Michelle Rose Dawson! Are you insane? It’s freezing out here. Come back in the house this instant. You’re supposed to be hooked up to your IV medication!”

  The swing stopped and we both ran back into the house, laughing. A small fireplace was lit in her living room and we both sat in front of it as her mom went to make us some hot chocolate and get something to attach her IV to.

  “Johnny, your mom called. She said she’s on her way.”

  “Okay, thanks.”

  Mickey and I sat in front of the fire, not saying a word. I looked over at her; she was wearing a purple and black sweat suit without her hat on her head. She kept tucking her short hair behind her ear and staring at the flames in front of us. At that moment I knew I was in love with her.

  After an unwelcome break from school I was finally heading back for the first time in almost two months. We’d had a nasty snowstorm over the weekend, so Johnny’s mom made him stay home so he wouldn’t get trapped over my house. I wouldn’t have minded, but my parents would have had a fit if a boy was stuck over here. I knew they liked Johnny, but it would have been kind of awkward.

  “Mom, do I look okay? I tried to wear something that didn’t show how much weight I’ve lost.”

  “You look fine honey. The purple sweater dress looks great on you, and I’m not saying that just because I’m your mom. Here, take these pills. They’re your antibiotics.”

  “Okay.” I took the medicine and then looked at myself in the mirror before I left.

  My dad wasn’t feeling well that morning, so Mom dropped me off at school.

  “Mickey! I missed you!” Sarah said, squeezing the life out of me.

  “I missed you too!”

  “Are you okay? What happened? Me and Marceline were so worried. Johnny hinted at what was going on, but he basically left us in the dark.”

  “Let’s just say chemo sucks.”

  “Oh no, did you have a bad reaction?”

  “Yeah, but I’m okay now. Since I am here today let’s not talk about me being sick, okay?”

  She linked her arm through mine and dragged me down the hall to homeroom. “Okay.”

  I felt like an idiot, but I was so anxious to see Mickey that day. I hadn’t seen her all weekend because of the stupid snowstorm and my mom was being all cautious and didn’t want her baby getting trapped over at someone else’s house. It wasn’t all bad being home though. Mom and I binge-watched movies on the Xbox and ate frozen pizza and wings the entire time. I did miss Mickey though. It was so weird not hanging out with her for two whole days.

  As I walked down the hall to our science class, my heart started pounding in my chest and my hands started to sweat. Dude, what the heck?

  People were still walking into the room and I slipped in line between a few before I took my seat. Mickey walked in after me and smiled once our eyes met.

  “Hey! I missed you!”

  “Ooo Johnny and Michelle sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g,” some of the girls started chanting on the other side of the room.

  “Ignore them, Mickey. I missed you too! Stupid snow.”

  “Right. I totally forgot to do the homework you brought over. I was kind of hoping to do it with you, but that plan went right out the window.”

  “It’s all right. You have plenty of time to work with me. That is, unless you’re busy.”

  She slapped me on the shoulder before taking her seat. Mrs. Small took attendance as usual and I slid beside Mickey and followed along like any normal day.

  When the bell rang, we were given our homework assignments and went our separate ways, promisi
ng to meet up after school as usual.

  I was on my way to my locker after the last period of the day and saw Sarah standing in front of it, frowning at me. “What?”

  “Ever since Johnny has been around, I feel like I’ve lost my best friend. We haven’t had a chance to hang out in months, and no I’m not counting the hospital stuff, I mean before that. The last time we did get to hang out, Johnny was there, and he’s nice and all, but I miss our girl time!”

  Crap. She was right. I had been so wrapped up in Johnny that I’d totally neglected my other two best friends. Plus, being away for two extra months didn’t help. “I’m sorry, Sarah. It’s just that—he’s kind of been there throughout my entire treatment and I didn’t feel like you guys wanted to be bothered with that.”

  “Mickey! How could you say that? I care, I just—didn’t want to push, ya know? I was scared so I didn’t know how to handle any of this. I never expected my best friend to get so sick!” She started crying in front of me and I put my arm around her. I’d only seen her cry one other time, and the first time had been over a stupid boy.

  “I’ll tell you what. We can go to the mall later. Go home, change, and call me when you’re done. I’ll ask my mom if she can drop us off.”

  “Yay! I have so much to tell you.” She squealed after she squeezed me so tight I could hardly breathe.

  I opened my locker and tossed all my books in. As I grabbed my winter coat and slid it over my shoulders, I felt a tap on my back while I started to button it up. “Uh, did you forget about something, Mickey?”

  I turned around and Johnny was standing there right in front of me. He wasn’t wearing his leather jacket and had on his skull and crossbones t-shirt. His messy brown hair was covering his eyes and I couldn’t tear my eyes away. “I, uh, sorry Johnny. Sarah guilted me into hanging out with her later.”

  “It’s all good. Landon has been on my back about hanging too, so maybe it’s a good thing. Besides, we always have tomorrow to hang out. Text me later, k?”