by Niquel
I nearly choked on my soda when he told me she was dating. I guess I haven’t even crossed her mind.
“Sounds like she’s doing real well.”
“You sound so bitter right now, bro. Have you talked to her since you’ve been back?”
“No. I figured it was better this way.”
“You’re joking right? Everyone knew she was the love of your life and you were the same for her. Y’all need to quit the crap and talk.”
“I’ll talk to her when I’m ready.”
“Okay. If you keep avoiding the problem you’ll never be able to give another girl a fair shot.”
“What do you mean? I’m giving a girl a fair shot right now.”
“Right. Keep telling yourself that. Anyway, I have to go, I have so much homework to do. I’ll see you this weekend.”
“Later.” Wow, I never thought I’d be getting relationship advice from Landon. I’d created such a mess by not talking to her and it felt better to just keep avoiding it.
Okay Mickey, you can do this! You’ve been practicing for months!
“All right, ladies!” Coach Sweeney said as we laced up our cleats. I loved the way the uniforms looked and felt: deep navy blue with orange and white stripes going down the side. We all could choose whether we wanted to wear white, blue, or orange socks, and I chose to wear one orange and one blue. “Tonight we’re facing the Old Spring High Cavaliers. Last year they killed us, but I believe this team has what it takes to dominate the division this year. Finish lacing up and meet me on the field in five minutes. Tonya will remind you of your positions.”
I ran into the bathroom and tried to psych myself up for the game. I jumped up and down, shook my hands, and stretched in the large stall. I had been assigned the short stop position and I felt like I’d practiced for that position all my life. Now that it was here I didn’t want to let my family down.
Sarah told me that she and the twins would come for support and that added to my nervousness. I didn’t want to embarrass myself in front of Gordon.
We joined coach on the field and she gave us a quick pep talk before we had to take our positions on the field. The Cavaliers were up first, and then it was our turn.
It was the top of the sixth inning and I was standing in between second and third base. We were in the lead, two to one, and the Cavaliers were up. This field was much different from a normal field. There were two painted rectangles surrounding home plate and it felt like the field wasn’t as deep as the baseball field; I felt closer to the stands.
The pitcher tossed the ball underhanded to the blonde on the Cavaliers and she missed. Our pitcher Elizabeth had a cannon on her and struck a lot of girls out that night. She had one more out to get and then it was our turn. She shook her hand and looked at the catcher behind home plate. Once they agreed on a pitch, she wound her arm up and let the ball fly. The batter hit the ball and it was coming straight to me. I took two steps backward and stretched my arm into the air as far as it could go. The ball popped into my glove. My teammates cheered and we quickly ran to our dugout to change.
My team got two more runs, securing our lead, and I was responsible for one of them. I knocked a homerun on my first swing of the inning. The Cavaliers had one more chance in the seventh inning to score, but they didn’t. We completely shut them down.
“Ladies, I am beyond impressed with your first game of the season. If you keep this momentum going, we’ll secure our spot in the playoffs for sure. I’ll see you tomorrow night for practice. Now hit the showers!”
“Mickey, you were pretty much unstoppable tonight!” Shannon, the team captain, said to me. It was her second year on the team and I’d heard she was the best player we had.
“Thanks, I hope I can keep it going.”
“Us too!” a few of my other teammates said together.
I grabbed my clothes out of the locker and ran to meet my parents on the field so we could go home. “Michelle, I am so proud of you. I guess all that practice was worth it huh?”
“Yes it was Dad. I’ll never take what you taught me for granted!”
“That’s my girl,” he said, pulling me into a side hug and kissing me on the side of my forehead.
Mom looked at me with tears in her eyes and hugged me. “Let’s go out and celebrate tonight!”
“Mom, I need to change!”
“For what? You’re a winner; you don’t need to change. You can get cleaned up when you get home. I’m sure the restaurant has seen worse!”
Age: Fourteen
Diary Entry: Winning
Dear Diary,
Tonight was our first regular season game and it was awesome! We beat the Cavaliers four to one and it felt amazing. I hit my first homerun tonight and my teammates made sure they gave me the game ball to take home. I’ve never been so excited for something in my life. I also got to play shortstop, a position I’ve always wanted to play, and I didn’t disappoint. I slid, dove, and did whatever I could to get that ball in my glove tonight. Oh and I heard this team was hard to beat last year, but it didn’t seem like it was the same team this year. Coach has a lot of faith in us and I have it too.
Mom and Dad took my friends and me out for a victory dinner at the bistro. I couldn’t get enough of their endless shrimp and chicken pasta dish.
Gordon and I shared our first real kiss tonight and it was nice, but I didn’t feel anything when it happened and it made me sad. I thought I’d feel it in my heart, but I didn’t. I don’t think my heart is really in this with him, but we’ve been spending so much time together that I thought letting him be my boyfriend would make me feel different. Oh well.
Anyway, I hope the rest of the season goes well and we go straight to the playoffs.
Mickey
It was my fifteenth birthday and I didn’t feel any different than any other day. Mom had been slaving away in the kitchen all night, doing meal prep and baking. I asked if I could help but she kept kicking me out of the kitchen. It was the first birthday she’d gotten to cook for in a long time. My father never made a big deal about birthdays; most of the time I’d never even get a cake when he was around. Mom would occasionally sneak me a cupcake when he was at work, but it made me feel bad. I knew she’d get hurt if he caught her doing it.
Dawn wanted to take me out for breakfast at her dad’s bakery, but she couldn’t because he needed her help. It was an extremely busy morning for them because they had a buy one get one sale on bagels and coffee.
So, since it was my day, I decided to stay in my room in my boxers until Mom yelled at me to come downstairs.
Even though I hadn’t seen him in a while, I still remembered it was Johnny’s birthday. I tried to forget it by keeping myself busy so I wouldn’t think about it, but I couldn’t. I wondered what he was doing to celebrate.
Gordon had asked me out the night before and said he wanted to hang out with me. It’d been a long time since we’d hung out with just the two of us. George and Sarah were always tagging along. We didn’t even tell them about our plans because we didn’t want them to crash it. I told him I’d meet him at the park after I got dressed.
I slid into a navy blue sweat suit and brushed my hair into a tight side ponytail. There was no point of getting all pretty just to get dirty later. I had softball practice at three and asked him to walk me there after we ate.
As I made my way to the park, I had a weird feeling in my gut. Gordon told me to meet him at the swings and I wanted to surprise him by showing up before the time he asked. I took a different route to the park and saw him standing in front of the tall metal pole of the swing set. I smiled thinking about how much fun we’d have until I saw a girl kiss him on the cheek.
“Who was that?” I said, storming toward him and crushing leaves underneath my sneakers.
“Hey, that was my cousin Darcy. I haven’t seen her in over a year and ran into her here.” I felt like a jerk thinking he’d hurt me and realized I wasn’t ready for this. I wanted to focus more on school and softb
all.
“Gordon, we need to talk.”
“Is everything okay?”
“No. I don’t think I’m cut out for this. I think we should remain friends for now. Maybe in the future we can be more, but for now I just need a friend.”
“Okay. Well I’d still like to hang out and grab a bite to eat with you, if that’s cool?”
“Sure.” He took that better than I thought.
Dawn was late to my party and it upset me a lot. I was excited to have her come over because she’d never been to my house before. Landon, Shawn, and Jake showed up and we had fun playing baseball in the backyard while Mom finished cooking in the kitchen.
“Hey Johnny, where’s Dawn?” Landon asked.
“She said she couldn’t make it, something about her father not letting her leave work.” I lied.
“Where does her father work?”
“At Bagels N’ More downtown.”
“Hmm. I was there earlier today and I didn’t see her at all. Mom dragged me there for their stupid buy one get one deal.”
Where the heck could she be?
“Oh. Well then whatever. It’s my birthday and I don’t have to care where she is. If she’s lying, then she’ll find herself alone. I don’t need this kind of crap in my life right now.”
“That’s the Johnny I know.” Shawn laughed.
“Guys come on in, dinner’s ready!” Mom yelled through the kitchen window.
I pushed through the group of guys and beat them all up the back stairs. I walked through the door and the smell of hot sweetbread hit me. Mom had the kitchen table full of fried wings, barbeque wings, potato salad, green beans, sweet potatoes, and macaroni and cheese. She had two bottles of my favorite root beer sitting at the head of the rectangular table and orange soda for the guys. “Wow Mom, you’ve really out done yourself this time.”
“Happy birthday, JJ.”
She had a stack of paper plates, spoons, and forks on the granite counter and yelled at us all to wash our hands before we touched her food.
After my party was over, the guys left and I helped Mom clean up.
“JJ, where was your friend, Dawn?”
“I don’t know, Mom, but I’m over it. If she was too busy to hang with me today, I’m too busy to hang with her at all. I’m breaking this off. I’d rather hang with my friends at the gym and hit the arcade than worry about a girl who doesn’t have time for me.”
“Good for you, JJ. The right girl will come along, don’t you worry.”
I ran up to my room and sat down on my camouflage sheets. I tried to call Dawn but she wouldn’t answer, so I sent her a text.
Me: I don’t know where u r, but since u were 2 busy 2 talk to me on my own birthday, we’re done.
I never heard from Dawn or saw her again after that. It was like she disappeared off the face of the earth.
Two Years Later
The past two years had been pretty consistent for me. I went to school, worked out with Shawn, hung out with a few different girls, and then came home. Sometimes I’d volunteer at the gym as a maintenance repairman so I could make a few bucks and get the employee discount.
Sometimes Shawn would get on my nerves while we were working out. He was always bragging about the different girls he’d been sleeping with since he’d hooked up with Rochelle, the head cheerleader, over the summer. I was happy for him, but when he constantly threw it in my face, it annoyed the piss out of me.
At first I wanted to save my first time for someone special, but since so many girls were after me, I stopped caring. I just wanted to get it over with since I knew it would be horrible. I wanted to learn now so it would be special for the one that mattered, whoever she may be. I refused to have rumors going around about me, saying I looked good but sucked in the sack. I’d finally turned seventeen and I figured it was time to become a man.
Two years had passed since I’d first started high school and I felt like I’d grown so much. I was promoted to softball team captain and Meghan was promoted to co-captain. A few guys from the basketball and baseball teams took notice of me and it really boosted my self-esteem. I was still cool with Sarah, but George had become her life ever since they’d started having sex. Gordon and I remained friends, but I stopped hanging out with them as a group because he’d brought a new girl, Marcy, along and it made me feel like the fifth wheel.
I was on my way to the gym when Sarah called me.
“Mickey, do you want to go to the movies with us later?” Sarah asked.
“Is Gordon’s girlfriend coming?”
“I don’t know, maybe?”
“No thank you. I’ll just head home and finish my paper.”
“Come on Mickey. I know things didn’t work out with you guys, but I miss hanging out together.”
“Sorry Sarah. It’s freaking weird. I always feel like I’m butting into the conversation ever since Marcy joined the group. Go and have a good time. You and I can go to the mall tomorrow if you want.”
“Deal.”
Most of my friends had boyfriends or girlfriends now and all they cared about was hooking up, but I wasn’t ready for that yet. I wanted my first time to be special, not just some random hookup with a hot guy from the baseball team.
I was talking to a guy named Ryan from the soccer team, but I didn’t feel a real connection with him. To be honest I hadn’t felt a real connection with any guy in years. I thought Johnny had permanently damaged that part of me. Ryan was nice to talk to, but that was about it. I hadn’t even kissed him yet. He was really tall and had long blond hair and blue eyes. His skin was the perfect shade of tan and his body was gorgeous. I’d seen him take his shirt off on the soccer field many times. He was chiseled to perfection.
I started working out in the school gym after school on the days we didn’t have games because it was free. Sometimes the other athletes would join me, but they all did their own thing and I did mine.
I always started on the treadmill to warm my legs up before I spent an hour working them out. I’d gained so much muscle from running that I wanted to maintain it when I was off the field. My stomach slimmed down and I was starting to see definition there as well as in my arms.
I slipped my ear buds in my ears and tried to shut the world out as I listened to my favorite group, Nearly Empty.
After an hour of working out, I cleaned the machines, and as I tossed my stuff in my gym bag, a guy I’d never seen before walked through the doors. Looking at him almost took my breath away and that was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. He walked right toward me and I froze in place.
“Hi.”
“Hey.”
“I’m Ramous. I just transferred here from Northbound High school. How long is this gym open?”
“It’s open until six.”
“Thank you. Are you leaving so soon?”
“Yeah, I’ve been here over an hour.”
“Aw, you should stay a little longer and keep me company.”
Ramous was pretty charming. He had long, dark, curly hair, hazel eyes, and deep dimples in his cheeks. His smile was infectious and when he took his shirt off, I found myself unable to tear my eyes away. He didn’t have an ounce of fat on him.
He laughed at me when I placed my bag back down on the floor. “So you’ve changed your mind?”
“I guess I can stay a few more minutes.”
I stayed at the gym until closing time. Ramous and I stayed until we were the only ones left. The janitor came in and gave us a five-minute warning that he’d lock us in there until the next day, so we scrambled to get our things packed up and left. We exchanged numbers on the way out the door and I texted him as soon as I got home.
Me: It was nice to finally have a gym partner.
Ramous: I’m glad you had a good time. I hope to work out with you again.
Me: Me too
Ramous: See you later. Maybe you can show me around the school tomorrow.
Me: Sure.
After dinner and a shower I wa
s finally ready for bed. I finished my paper before midnight and as I went to shut my lamp off, my phone buzzed on my nightstand. Who is bothering me at this time of night?
Ramous: Have a good night beautiful.
Me: Goodnight.
Although it was a sweet gesture, I still had to keep my feelings in check. I didn’t want to get all goo-goo eyes over him and ruin another part of me that I’d never recover from.
Ramous picked up on things pretty quickly for a transfer student. He memorized his entire class schedule and mine within the first week, and he told me he wanted to try out for the soccer team that spring, so I encouraged him to go for it. I’d never tell someone not to go for their dreams or something that would ultimately make them happy.
A few months passed and we’d been spending a lot of time together. We had one class together and then I’d meet him in the gym after school on the days I didn’t have practice. Sometimes I’d meet him there before I had practice just to get a warm up in.
Things were moving pretty fast with him and for some reason I wasn’t afraid. I felt like it was right. He was who I was supposed to be with. Being athletic was one thing I loved about us because we had a different bond than other guys I’d talked to. I didn’t feel like things were forced.
“Hope you have a good game tonight, beautiful.”
“You too. Let’s meet at the salad bar later okay? Win or lose.”
“Okay.” He kissed me on the forehead and I felt like I was going to melt into a puddle on the gym floor.
I ran into the girl’s locker room and switched into my softball gear, sporting a permanent smile on my face. “You’re in a good mood,” Meaghan said.