For All Our Tomorrows

by Freda Lightfoot

  She lay with tears sliding down her cheeks, dampening her pillow, remembering the Hugh she had once loved.

  One bright spring morning, Sara was washing up after breakfast when Bette burst into the kitchen all noise and energy, gabbling out her news at record speed since she never did anything quietly. ‘He’s done it. Barney has fixed me up with transport. There’s a freight carrier leaving for the States on the first tide on Monday. It’s going to cost me thirty-seven pounds, ten shillings, plus money for rail fare and meals in the States, but I’m off. It’s going to happen. Isn’t that wonderful? Oh, and that means I’ve got three days to prepare for my wedding.’

  Sara nearly dropped the plates she was stacking. ‘You can’t be serious. You don’t even have the major’s permission to marry, do you?’

  ‘So what? Barney has wangled a special licence, thanks to Sadie and Cory giving their permission, and lending me the money, so by the time the major finds out, it’ll be too late. The deed will have been done.’

  ‘You can’t leave, just like that, so suddenly.’ Sara’s grey-green eyes had quite lost their habitual calm, as they grew round with panic.

  Bette ran to put her arms about her sister and the pair hugged and wept.

  Hugh sat at the dining table with the newspaper spread out before him, covertly watching the two girls. From Sara’s behaviour, chatting to the children, making toast for their breakfast, you’d have thought that she didn’t have a care in the world. Just as if the events of the other night had never taken place. Now here was in floods of tears over a wedding.

  ‘But when will I see you again?’ Sara said. ‘Maybe not for years. How will I manage without you?’

  ‘Oh, don’t say such things.’

  ‘Hugh, tell her she mustn’t leave, that we need her here, with us. Tell her to wait till the war is over when they can go together. Tell her, Hugh.’

  ‘She must do as she wishes.’

  Personally, he’d be glad to see the back of the stupid girl, interfering busybody that she was. Not that he approved of her decision to marry a Yank and run off to America. Craziest thing he ever heard of, except that Sara might behave better without her sister’s troubling influence around. As an only child, he’d had no such soul-mate, had no one to take his side, so he couldn’t understand the fuss Sara was making.

  The maroon went up at precisely that moment. ‘That’s the lifeboat. I have to go.’ He folded his paper with some relief, and quickly left. He really couldn’t bear to witness their sickening closeness a moment longer.

  The call-out involved a rescue mission on a burning ship. It was a Dutch cargo boat with a sizeable crew all in something of a panic, running here, there and everywhere. This, he thought, was the very opportunity he’d been seeking to improve his situation. Being hailed as a hero after some of these missions was all very flattering, but did little to fatten his wallet, and acting as a secret agent for the enemy could prove to be even less profitable, since he had little faith in the promises Iris had made to him.

  Hugh had therefore resolved to use his wits and take advantage of whatever hazardous situation he found himself in, otherwise where was the point in it all?

  If the war really was to be over soon, he needed to secure his future, make certain that he was in the best possible position to look after his family. A fine house on the esplanade perhaps, a new car. He deserved these things for the risks he’d taken. A few spoils of war.

  He managed somehow to be among those who went on board, and in the chaos, while his colleagues were searching cabins ensuring the ship had been properly evacuated before it was sunk, he carried out a swift search on his own account.

  It proved to be most profitable, yielding three gold watches, several sets of fine cuff-links, tie-pins and, from the captain’s cabin, a selection of silk ties. He also found a stamp collection, which surely must be worth a bob or two. Serve the captain right for being foolish enough to bring it with him.

  Pleased with his hoard, he rapidly stuffed them in his jacket pockets and was back shouting ‘clear the decks’ in no time.

  The fire had a tenacious hold by this time but no lives were lost, and for Hugh at least, the exercise had been a lucrative one as he was able to cash in his hoard, taking care to sell only one item at a time, and to different second-hand dealers in various localities so as not to arouse suspicion.

  The two sisters spent a frantic day rifling through wardrobes, choosing and altering dresses, finding something borrowed, something blue. Barney popped into the pub that evening and was informed that he certainly could not see what she would be wearing. Sara smiled as Bette ran to kiss him, the pair seeming to be in a happy daze, at least Bette was. Barney looked more stunned than anything, as if events had overwhelmed him and he couldn’t quite take it all in.

  But then who could blame him, poor boy? One minute he’d been fooling around with a pretty girl, the next he was about to put a wedding ring on her finger and become a father. Probably not at all what he’d expected.

  Sara hoped and prayed that Bette was making a wise choice, that he would make her happy.

  Watching them together, she couldn’t help feeling a pang of envy for her sister’s newfound joy, even if it was clouded by a slight apprehension for her. What wedding didn’t have doubts and anxiety attached? This was a new chapter in her life, a new beginning, but Sara was pleased for her, she really was. Bette was bubbling over with happiness, as if she’d been drinking pink champagne.

  Even so, had her sister been capable of a single coherent thought beyond her coming wedding, Sara would have gone to her, even now, and begged her not to go. The thought of Bette leaving on Monday morning brought a sick feeling to the pit of her stomach. She would miss her so much. Sara couldn’t begin to imagine life without her. Particularly now when her own life seemed to have fallen into the realms of nightmare.

  She longed to pour out her heart, to confide in Bette about what Hugh was doing to her, yet hesitated to do so. How could she spoil her sister’s happiness? It would be too cruel. If they must part, let it be with good, happy thoughts, not troubles and worries.

  Besides, what could Bette do? They were both helpless against Hugh. When he put his mind to it, he could be unspeakably, heartlessly cruel. She’d never known him to be quite as bad as this before, and didn’t quite know how to deal with it.

  Sara put her arms about her beloved sister. ‘Darling Bette, you look so beautiful. I wish with all my heart, that you are granted a happier marriage than I.’

  ‘Oh, please, Sara, don’t. You’ll make me cry all over again.’

  Bette’s excitement was tangible, effervescent. Soon, she would be Mrs Barney Willert, off to a new life in America. She was quite unable to keep still, so when she heard the doorbell ring she ran to answer it, her face a picture of bright hope and happiness. It was Barney, as she’d expected, standing on the doorstep, bearing an expression so solemn that fear doused her joy in an instant.

  ‘What is it, what’s wrong? Oh, no, the major has found out about our plans and is threatening to court martial you.’

  ‘Nothing so simple.’

  ‘Simple? You would call a court martial simple?’

  Barney had reconciled himself to Bette’s rush to the altar on the grounds that she was a sexy little thing, and hell, he might never live to see the kid born anyway. The war might solve the problem for him. Even if he survived, as he hoped he would, it would be a whole new world by then and he could divorce her easy enough, if things didn’t work out. Now something totally unexpected had happened and he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

  He drew in a deep, shuddering sigh, fidgeting with discomfort and glancing awkwardly about him to right and left. ‘I’m not sure how to tell you this, Bette, but I was wrong. I got it all wrong.’ He seemed to lose his voice, or else he was struggling to catch his breath.

  ‘What is it? For God’s sake Barney, I can’t bear it, I . . .’

  He handed her a letter and when Bette looke
d at the handwriting, that was when she fainted.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The wedding was off. Chad’s letter explained how he’d been shipped out of the war, too badly wounded to fight any more. He’d spent the last several weeks in hospital in a coma and had woken up to find he was missing an arm, and his face and body were pitted with burns and sores.

  I don’t know what hit me but it sure must have been a humdinger. Even poor old Mom didn’t know where I was but the whole exercise seems to have been put under wraps. Can’t say much right now but . . .

  The next few lines had been scrubbed out with lines of black ink by the censor. The letter finished with his usual declaration of love for her.

  I’m so grateful that you still love me, that you waited for me. It’s great to be back Stateside but you must get transport out here just as soon as you can. I need you with me, hon, and can’t wait to see you.

  What could she say to that? Reading his loving words, just seeing his handwriting, made her heart flip over. Did that mean she still loved Chad, or was it simply guilt, or fear that she might be about to lose Barney?

  ‘What can I do? What should I say to him?’ she wept to Barney. ‘We have to tell him the truth, that we are to be married. He doesn’t know about the baby yet. Should I tell him that it might be his? Or should I say that it’s yours? He doesn’t know that. . . that we . . . Oh, hell! And the baby could be his. It most probably is, when you come to think about it, check dates and such. But if I go to him, as he wants me to, how could I bear to leave you? Oh, God, what a mess!’ Tears were rolling down her cheeks and her chest felt as if it might explode. It was all so awful, so painful.

  Barney silently gave her his handkerchief. ‘It’s hard, I know, sugar, but we have to do what’s right.’

  ‘Yes, but that’s what I can’t work out. What is right? I love you both in a way. I don’t want to hurt either of you.’

  Barney knew it was important that he choose his words with care. He could at least see a way out of his own dilemma and didn’t want to screw up by saying the wrong thing. ‘I should have told him how I felt about you from the start, instead of playing tricks on him and bragging what a great guy I was. That time we went to the pictures, we should have told him then how things were between us then. It’s too late now. He’s sick, he’s injured. He needs you.’

  ‘But you need me too, don’t you?’

  ‘Sure I do, sugar. I always will.’ But not as a wife, said the little voice at the back of his head.

  Bette sobbed, ‘How could we have told him? He was your best buddy.’

  ‘Still is. He’d give his life for me, I know he would, and all I’ve ever done to him is pinch his girls, and play stupid practical jokes so that I could steal you off him too, the prettiest girl he ever did have. Then they transferred him and he got blown up. I should be the one to lose an arm, not poor old Chad. It’s all my fault.’

  ‘Oh, Barney, don’t say that. You don’t know it was because of those so-called accidents that they sent him to Devon, not for sure.’

  ‘It sure does feel that way. God knows what the poor guy has suffered.’ Barney let out a heavy sigh, and gathering her small face between his two hands, lifted her mouth to his for one last, chaste kiss. ‘We have to do what’s right, ok? You’re carrying his child. Look after him, Bette. He needs you more than I do. No, not more than I do. How could he? Well he does, in a way. Aw hell, I don’t know what I’m saying any more.’

  Bette felt as if her heart were being torn in two. ‘You’re telling me to go to him, aren’t you?’

  ‘I don’t think we have any choice, sugar.’

  ‘Oh, Barney, how can I bear it? I love you so much. I love you both.’

  ‘We’ll just have to be strong, sugar. We’ll just have to be strong. ‘And he put his arms about her, patting her gently as Bette sobbed out her misery on his shoulder.

  ‘So you’re still going?’ Sara gazed sadly at her sister, unable to think beyond that, quite unable to offer any soothing words of comfort.

  ‘I must. It’s the right thing to do. Barney says so and I agree with him. Oh, but I feel so confused, I feel numb inside. I can’t get my head around any of it. Do you think I should go, that I’m doing the right thing?’

  Sara could only shake her head in despair and gently point out that this was one occasion when sibling advice was no use at all. ‘I don’t know what to advise, love, I really don’t.’ Sara had no solution to her sister’s dilemma. Chad was alive and they were all delighted. The fact that his fiancée loved his best mate too and couldn’t decide which of them she wanted to marry, was a problem only she could resolve.

  ‘Poor Bette. What a pickle you’ve got yourself into this time. But you mustn’t marry Chad simply out of a sense of duty. You have to think of your own happiness too.’

  Tears washed down Bette’s face and she swept them away with the flat of both hands. ‘But I am still fond of him, love him to bits really. We had some good times together. He may not be so strong or as good looking, or as dynamic as Barney, but he’s a good, kind man. He deserves better than me as a wife, but I must go to him. You do see that? He needs me now more than ever. How can I let him down? How can I marry his best buddy, maybe live in the same town and let Barney bring up Chad’s child. It doesn’t bear thinking of.’

  A small, farewell reception was held at The Ship Inn with a gathering of family and friends to see Bette off on her new life. Cory, and even Sadie to a degree, seemed unusually subdued, clearly not in a mood for a celebration although they put a brave face on things. At one point Cory took himself out for a walk to the quay, coming back with suspiciously red eyes. His youngest child was setting off to the far side of the world and he feared he might never see her again.

  Sadie kept hissing at him under her breath to buck up and smile. ‘At least the daft tart won’t bring any more shame on us with her trouble, once she’s over there and safely wed. It’s worth handing over half our savings, just to be rid of the worry.’

  ‘Don’t you call my little bird those nasty names, girl. Mistakes do happen, even to the best of ‘em.’

  ‘Which she never has been, the no-good little madam.’

  ‘That’s enough! Do as I tell you for once, and shut your mouth.’

  Sadie gasped, never having heard her pragmatic Cory speak so sharply to her before. She took one look at his tight face and for once, did indeed remain silent.

  Barney did not attend, although he made all the necessary arrangements for Bette to be transported on the freight carrier. This all had to be kept very hush-hush as, strictly speaking, it was quite illegal, avoiding all that hanging around for the necessary permits and paperwork. Bette wouldn’t be the only prospective war-bride on board, several more had apparently arrived and were hidden away in various parts of the town, quietly waiting for Monday’s morning tide. Some of them already married, others engaged and going out to be reunited with demobilised men, as she was. Fowey seemed to be turning into the back door to America for war-brides.

  ‘You will take care, won’t you,’ Sara told her. ‘Write to me every week to let me know how you’re getting on, or if you want me to send you anything.’

  ‘Oh, Sara, you’re the best sister a person could have. Why would I need you to send me anything? I’m not even taking many of my old clothes with me. Chad will buy me all new in this land of plenty he lives in. No war, no rations, no coupons, it will be marvellous. I certainly won’t go without. Maybe I’ll be able send stuff back home to you and the children. Oh, I shall miss Jenny and Drew,’ and she ran to envelope her nephew and niece in a suffocating hug.

  The children got quite over-excited, not understanding the significance of this journey, Drew demanding details about the ship and the crossing and Jenny only interested in what America might be like.

  Only Sara went with her sister to see her off, since Bette declared she couldn’t bear goodbyes. They clung together in a quiet quarter of the docks on a chill morning in earl
y April, before even it was light. They’d nothing left to say, yet were reluctant to let go, clinging to each other as if they hadn’t heard the call from the ship, urging Bette to jump to it and get on board.

  Long after all sight of her sister waving from the deck had vanished in the morning mist, Sara remained where she was, weeping as if her heart would break.

  Sara felt quite alone. Utterly bereft. If it hadn’t been for the children, she’d had gone mad. Even Sadie was going around with a face like a wet fortnight for all she might claim to be glad to have the house to herself at last. Cory was beside himself, grieving for his younger daughter as if she’d died.

  ‘We’ll see her again one day,’ Sara said, hugging her father close, desperately trying to put some conviction into her voice.

  ‘Not till this blasted war is over, at least, and when will that be? Even then, how will we ever find the money?’

  Cory was right. America was the other side of the world, so how would any of them ever be able to afford to go and visit her? Or how would Bette find the fare to come home if things don’t work out between herself and Chad? Such a prospect didn’t bear thinking about, and Sara set it firmly aside. They would be happy as Larry, of course they would.

  She felt lost in a welter of emotion. It was as if a part of her had been physically ripped away. Sara also regretted that she wouldn’t be there for her sister when the baby was born, although at least it would be an American citizen by birth, which seemed to please Bette as it would save such a lot of paperwork and ensure the baby’s future in the new country.

  ‘Who will keep us cheerful now our pretty little maid has gone?’ Cory was saying, his small, pisky face mournful. ‘Who will make us laugh? Who will bring light and mischief into our lives now?’