Sins & Mistrust

by Lucero, Isabel

  “You sound too calm about this.”

  “What can we do, Thalia? We both knew he hadn’t officially quit. I guess it can’t be too surprising.”

  “We’re all together, though, aren’t we? I mean, I thought we were committed to each other.”

  “We never had the conversation about what was going on. You two had your time together, and that seemed fine. When he came to see me at my house, we slept together, and then the following night we were at your place. Since then, we haven’t really discussed relationships or anything. We only have time to be together at night, usually, so it does seem like it’s just about the sex.”

  “There’s no way it’s just about the sex!” I screech. “Marc and I have developed a relationship. I know we have, I can feel it.”

  “Maybe you’re right. The three of us don’t do anything together publicly. When we’re able to be together, it’s at night, and we have sex. That’s it.”

  “I know you have feelings for him, Lincoln.”

  He blows out a breath. “Let’s just wait to hear from him after his date. We’ll see what happens.”

  “How fucked up does that sound? Let’s wait to hear from him after his date? Really, Linc? Maybe I should go have a date. Maybe you should. This is such bullshit.”

  “We all need to sit down and talk about this relationship—if that’s what this is—together, and figure out what the hell is going on.”

  “Yeah,” I say softly.

  “When are you coming home?”

  “I’ll probably leave here in a couple hours. I might be back by noon.”

  “Okay, good. I’ll meet you at your hotel. Text me when you land.”

  “Okay, Linc.”

  “I love you, T.”

  “I love you.”

  I just wish someone else loved us both as well. Isn’t it obvious that we love him?

  Thalia and I pull up to her hotel around two o’clock, and we go straight to her room to talk.

  “Lincoln, I’ve been thinking about this whole situation,” she says, stretching her legs out on the couch.

  I sit on the opposite end and lift her feet and place them in my lap. “I’m listening.”

  “Maybe we should let him do whatever he needs to do. Let’s just not commit to each other right now. I’ll still be committed, because I have no plans to go out and meet anybody else. I know that I want you and that I want him. But maybe he needs time to see this client, quit his job, come out to his friends, and all that. He has a lot on his plate, and I understand his stresses, so I don’t want to be another one.”

  “So, it’ll just be me and you?” I ask.

  “If that’s okay with you,” she responds with a small smile.

  “It’s okay with me, but you and I both know that we enjoy having Marc around. It won’t be the same.”

  “I know. I want him to be a part of us, but he’s still an escort, and his friends don’t even know he’s bi. That means we’ll never go out with him. We’ll never meet them. Not until he’s ready. So, we will continue to stay indoors and only have sex. It’s like we’re his hidden secret, his double life that he doesn’t want people to know about. That’s not fair to us.”

  “I understand.”

  “So, I think we need to tell him.”

  “Now?”

  “The sooner the better, I suppose. Maybe it’ll give him a push.”

  “Okay, then.”

  A couple hours later, Marc arrives at Thalia’s room. The atmosphere is tense, awkward, and uncomfortable.

  Marc doesn’t even sit down before he starts talking. “Look. I’m sorry for not telling you before that I had a client scheduled. At first I wasn’t sure what was even going to happen with us. Everything was so experimental. Nathalia, you and I had a great time together, and I knew we’d have a great relationship. I never gave Lincoln the same chance, because after the first night of his and my time together, we were here and started being a threesome.

  “Then I figured I would have more time to figure out how to tell you about the client, but she showed up early. I know I’m still in the wrong, and I accept that.”

  Nathalia steps forward. “Marc, I get it. Okay? Lincoln and I talked about it, and we realized that even though we were all being committed to each other, we never really had a discussion about it. Nothing was laid out and put in stone. So, officially, we aren’t really anything. We have sex, and that’s been fun. However, I know I have feelings for you. My problem is, you’re still an escort, and while you weren’t practicing for a while, you’re back at it again. Also, your friends don’t even know who you really are. That means we’ll never be able to hang out with you when you’re with them. We won’t go to work functions together, we won’t be a part of your life, and that hurts. I don’t want to be your dirty little secret. I understand you have to work out things with your boss and friends, and I don’t want to add more to your plate. So, I think it’s best if we just give you a break, and let you take care of what you need to take care of.”

  Marc looks between us both for several seconds.

  “Okay.”

  That’s all he says.

  “Okay?” I repeat.

  “Yeah. I get it.”

  “You don’t have anything else to say?” I question.

  “What am I supposed to say here? I’ve apologized. I understand this shit is on my shoulders. I’m the bad one here, right? I keep you a secret. I keep myself a fucking secret. I suppose I’m just used to keeping my personal shit personal. I never had to take into consideration other people’s feelings. It’s new to me, but I get it. I do need to figure shit out.”

  “Okay,” I nod.

  He steps close to Thalia and cups her cheek in his hand. She nuzzles into him, closing her eyes. Their mouths connect for a few seconds, before he backs away. He looks at me, and we stare into each other’s eyes while he takes the several steps to get to me. When we’re toe to toe, his hand goes to the back of my neck and he pulls me forward until our foreheads touch. We stay like there for a moment, and then he raises his head, studies my face, and kisses me. It’s not as soft and tender as Thalia’s kiss, but I don’t want it to be. My hand cups his scruffy jaw, and I kiss him forcefully until he pulls away.

  Giving us both a sad smile, he turns and walks out of the hotel room, and we don’t know when we’ll see him again.

  That night, Thalia and I lie in bed together and just talk. Since the first time all three of us had sex, Thalia and I have been together alone twice. Any other time was the three of us, and then it became scarce because of work. However, tonight neither one of us feel up to having sex.

  She falls asleep in my arms feeling sad about what happened.

  November

  November goes by fast. I go back to Oregon for Thanksgiving and spend time with my family. My parents were happy that I didn’t take forever to go back. My brother is still contemplating coming out to Las Vegas sometime, and my mom is quick to lecture me about making sure he stays out of trouble.

  My time with Jordana was cut short after I told her about Nathalia and Lincoln. She wasn’t appalled that I had a three-way relationship; she seemed happy to see me happy. I didn’t bother telling her we had also broken up right before my date with her, because I knew I didn’t want to sleep with anybody else whether I was with them or not. She didn’t hesitate to let me know that she was disappointed we wouldn’t get a chance to “roll around in the sack again,” but she topped it off with a wink.

  Jordana was always fun to hang out with. She was a ball of energy, full of life, always laughing, and she was very pretty. Her long blonde hair complimented her fair skin, and her large hazel eyes were probably her best feature. But she had nothing on Nathalia.

  December

  December is here before I know it, and I’m staying busy with a new project. I’ve only heard from Lincoln and Nathalia once. They each sent me a message on Thanksgiving, but other than that, I haven’t spoken to them. I’m not going to rush into talking
to them again until everything is settled. A small part of me worries that they may develop a stronger relationship together and not need me to be part of it anymore. Another part worries that they’ve broken it off all together.

  About the second week of December, I meet up with the guys for a guy’s night. I’m the last one to show, as usual, but I also live the furthest away.

  When I walk up to the bar, I hear Troy say, “Speak of the mother fucking devil!”

  “You talkin’ about me, boys?” I ask with a smile.

  “If you’re a drug-dealing pimp, we are,” Troy answers blandly.

  “What?”

  Troy shrugs. “Nico thinks you have a secret life.”

  They have no fucking idea, but I play it off.

  “Well, if I had a secret life, I think I’d pick something better than a drug dealer or a pimp.”

  “Nico’s also drunk,” Jace says from the bar.

  “Ah.”

  Nico’s always drunk when we go out, however he isn’t too far off on his suspicions.

  As we sit there, I think about telling the guys about my relationship with Nathalia and Lincoln, but Troy informs me that his ex is back, and it doesn’t seem like the right time.

  The girls show up, and Troy and Emilie end up disappearing somewhere.

  “Haven’t seen you around much lately, Marc,” Adrienne says, sitting in Jace’s lap. “How ya been?”

  “I’ve been good,” I lie.

  “He’s been busy going out of town with clients,” Jace chimes in.

  “Oh?” she asks. “Where to?”

  “Not too far out of Las Vegas, actually.”

  It’s not really a lie. I have been going out of town, but on my own and not with clients. It’s all a part of the project I’ve been working on.

  “I hope you’re going to come over for Christmas.”

  I smile at her. “I’ll be there.”

  “Good.”

  We all end up dispersing not too much later, and I end up back at my place sooner than I had planned. I wish I could just talk to Nathalia or Lincoln right about now, but I can’t. Not yet. So, I just go to sleep and wait for another day.

  Christmas Day

  I have to be at Jace’s house tonight for dinner, but first I have to do some extremely last minute shopping. Needing to grab something for the girls, I end up going to a few places to grab gift cards. I go to a spa that stays open all year, and then go to a boutique the woman at the spa told me about and grab a couple more gift cards.

  As I’m walking back to my car, I pull the collar up on my jacket to shield the wind from neck, and keep my head down.

  “You better watch where you’re going, or you might ram someone from behind again.”

  Lincoln’s voice stops me in my tracks. I look up and see him standing there smirking at me.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey.”

  An awkward silence surrounds us.

  “What are you doing out here?” I ask.

  “Grabbing some coffee before heading to the office.”

  “You’re working today?”

  “Yep. No rest for the wicked, and I’m the wickedest of them all,” he says with a grin.

  “What about Nathalia?” I ask.

  “She’s out of town with her dad.”

  “Oh.”

  “What are your plans?” he asks.

  I can’t help but admire him standing there looking like a fucking model who just walked off the runway. He’s wearing a brown leather jacket with the collar pulled up. His goatee, beard, and mustache have grown in more, but he has them trimmed to perfection.

  “Um. I’m going to a friend’s house,” I finally answer.

  He nods and then takes a sip of his coffee. “Sounds fun.”

  I suddenly feel terrible. This was one of the issues; me not being able to invite them to be with me and my friends. And now here I am about to go celebrate Christmas with friends while he’s going to his office alone.

  “Yeah,” I respond quietly, not really knowing what else to say.

  “Last minute shopping, huh?” he asks with a laugh, gesturing towards the small bag in my hand.

  “Oh. Yeah. Women like gift cards, right?”

  He chuckles. “It’s always worked for me.”

  Time stands still as we stand in the middle of the sidewalk and look at each other. He doesn’t ask why I haven’t called, or ask if I’ve made a decision yet. I’m both relieved and worried about that. Relieved because I don’t know what I’d say just yet, and worried, because maybe he just doesn’t care anymore.

  “Well, it’s cold as shit out here,” he says, breaking the silence. “I’m going to my office at the club just down the road. You want to come with me? We can drink a glass of scotch. I guarantee that’ll warm you right up.” He says it lightheartedly, but I can feel the hope in there. “Unless you have to go right now. I don’t want you to keep your friends waiting.”

  “No, no. It’s fine, it’s not for a little while. I can go with you.”

  This probably isn’t the smartest idea, because we both know when we get together, things get explosive. I just can’t let him go back to his office alone on Christmas. It doesn’t seem right to not spend the holiday with someone you care about.

  Ten minutes later, we pull up to his building. I drove myself since I have to leave in a while, but we’re both able to park right up front along the curb.

  When we get inside, we walk through the main dance floor and to an office in the back corner. It’s a good-sized office with two chairs on one side of his large desk, and his leather, wing-backed chair on the opposite.

  He takes his jacket off and then walks to the small table on the other side of the room and grabs two highball glasses and pours about two fingers of scotch in each.

  “Cheers,” he says with a smile as hands me my glass.

  “Cheers,” I repeat.

  The dark liquor burns a path down my throat, but it certainly warms me up.

  “So, how’s business?” he asks, leaning against his desk and crossing his feet.

  I wonder briefly if he means the escort business, but I assume he means club business.

  “Good. The club has been surprisingly successful.”

  “Not too surprising. It’s a great club.”

  “You’ve been?” I ask, surprised.

  “Of course.”

  “Huh. Well, I’m glad you liked it.”

  “I’m going to be moving my sex club to another location soon. You can still let me know if you want that property, you know?”

  “Yeah, thanks. I’ll talk to the guys about it.”

  He takes a drink and then sets the glass on the wood next to him. I watch his hands grip the edge of the desk on either side of his body. I can’t help my drink in the sight of him, because I’m not sure when I’ll see him next.

  “Are you mentally un-wrapping me?” he asks with a lopsided grin.

  Typical Lincoln with his sexual jokes. I’ve missed them. I’ve missed him.

  “I miss you,” I say aloud, shocking me and him both.

  The smile drops from his face and he straightens up. “I miss you,” he says softly.

  I gravitate towards him, placing my glass next to his. He spreads his legs, giving me room to stand between them. His hands still rest on the edge of the desk, and all I can think about is how I want to feel his hands on me. Instead, I look down and let my eyes roam over his handsome face. The hair on his face is begging me to rub my palm against it. His lips are begging mine to kiss them. His eyes are pleading with me to give into what I’m feeling.

  “Lincoln,” I say in a whisper.

  I know if I kiss him, I won’t be able to stop, and I need to be able to stop. He wants me when I’m out and open with my friends, and when I can bring him and Nathalia around, but I’m not yet. I will be soon, but I’m working on something else first. Something else I hope will prove to them what they mean to me. On the flip side, it could be a total and complete
mistake.

  Lincoln stands up, his body brushing against mine. I can feel his breath on my face. He smells of coffee and scotch, and I want to suck the taste right out of his mouth.

  “What are we doing, Marc?” he asks quietly.

  I lean my forehead against his. “I don’t know.”

  He sighs and then forces me to look in his eyes. “I know I don’t want to be without you anymore.”

  My heart races and words fail me.

  “I know we said we’d wait until you figured things out, but I was ready to take that back the next fucking day. I don’t know what you’ve been up to, or if you changed your mind, but seeing you now…Fuck. I can’t remember why I ever agreed to let you go.”

  My brain checks out and my heart takes over. Every feeling I have for Lincoln rushes forward and nothing else matters. I grab his face between my hands and press my lips against his forcefully. His mouth opens automatically and my tongue doesn’t hesitate to plunge inside.

  He pulls me into him roughly, our growing cocks grinding against each other while we devour one another’s mouth. I bite down on his bottom lip, earning the sexiest growl I’ve ever heard. I pull hard on the hair on the back of his head, and then my mouth goes to his neck. I lick a patch of flesh and then bite down hard.

  “Ah, fuck, Marc!”

  My cock hardens even more.

  He grips the back of my neck and brings his mouth to mine again. I grind my cock against his leg and we both moan.

  “I want to fuck you so bad.” My voice rumbles against his mouth.

  “I’m not stopping you,” he breathes heavily.

  Lincoln pulls the shirt from his body in a single fluid motion, and the sight of his hard, muscled body takes me to the point of no return.

  “I don’t have anything,” I say in a husky tone as I watch him undo his pants.

  “I don’t care.”

  Slamming my mouth against his once more, I undo my pants and let them and my boxer briefs drop to my knees. I force him around and press my cock against his ass.

  “I’m going to fuck you so hard, and you’re going to feel every inch of me deep inside of you.”

  “Fuck,” he growls.