Piper's Journey (Into Submission 1)

by Breanna Hayse

  Tanya obeyed, facing the floor. "I have a bad habit of being rude and impolite. I don't edit my words and just blurt out what I think, without caring how I can hurt others. Because of this, I have caused a lot of pain to people, including my husband and my kids. It was as if I could not control myself. I needed to do something to change, to save my marriage and stop making my kids feel like crap. When I started acting this way at work more and more frequently, my boss gave me an ultimatum. He said that I either get some help or get a new job. Work is hard to find in this hole in the universe, so I didn't have much real choice."

  "But this … school thing? Why would anyone have you do something like this? Couldn't you just do regular therapy? You know, like the alternative activities Jeoff said he suggests?"

  "That, uh, method is useless for me. I've tried it. You might think its silly," the word was bitter as she repeated Piper's comment, "but it works for me. It lets me pay the price for my actions, a price I remember for a few days."

  "But being beaten …"

  "I am not beaten, I am disciplined. Lessons seem to have a greater impact on me if delivered via my backend. The lifestyle is referred to as domestic discipline, or DD. It's how I am wired, and I'm not ashamed of it." The woman sounded angry. "You can judge me all you want, and I don't care."

  "I'm not judging you! I only asked a question. Why are you so pissed off? I didn't do this to you."

  "The looks you are giving me make me feel like an idiot. Punishment is humiliating and painful, and I hate that I need it. You have no fucking idea about those of us who ..." Tanya's voice began to rise.

  "Tanya, you agreed to talk with her about this. Calm yourself," Jeoff warned. "Take this opportunity to work on your temper and defensiveness. You are angry with me, not Piper. And don't look at me with that tone of voice."

  "Sorry," Tanya muttered.

  "That did not sound very sincere or contrite, missy."

  Piper was silent for a moment, taking in the scenario. She tried to change the subject. "How did you meet Jeoff?"

  "My boss knew Jeoff from college and thought that he could help me. They had played hockey together, and Jeoff worked with the sports therapist in reinforcement training," Tanya answered, avoiding looking in Jeoff's direction.

  "What's reinforcement training?"

  "He helped injured players find ways of redirecting their thinking and go forward to heal. I can't explain it."

  Jeoff took over the explanation. "You are explaining it fine. Like Tanya here, many people give up when they are faced with things that seem to be too big to handle. I just find a way to make it more palatable. It is like eating an elephant."

  "Pardon me?" Piper looked at him with confusion. "Eating an elephant?"

  "It is an expression to illustrate something insurmountable. You eat an elephant one bite at a time. In Tonya's case, one spanking at a time." He smiled gently at the blushing woman.

  "That makes no sense. Tanya, you are an adult woman …."

  "I have needs that don't recognize my age or intelligence. I need strong boundaries to feel safe. Something inside of my beady little brain doesn't respond to normal conventions. Jeoff made me try this stupid outfit to take me back to a place where I never learned respect. I loathe it, but it serves its purpose."

  "Don't you feel, well, demeaned?"

  "Not when I am in that mindset. In front of you … well, yeah. It's degrading."

  Piper blushed. "I'm sorry. I really didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I'll go …"

  "No, you won't. Don't run. Piper, what do you think you need in your life?" Jeoff asked, grabbing her arm before she left.

  "I don't need anything, Jeoff. Or anybody. I'm doing just fine on my own. I really am. Please let go of me."

  "Why do you lie to yourself, Piper?" Tanya asked, gruffly. She raised her hand as Piper glared at her. "I can sense that intrigue in you. You want to feel safe, right? To be cherished and feel like you belong?"

  "Not like this I don't!" Piper shouted.

  "Why are you yelling? Did I hit a sore spot? You wouldn't be here, if you had your shit together and could do it on your own. When you get your head out of your ass, you will understand. You aren't any better than the rest of us, you know. You are just as fucked up as I am. Maybe even more. The only difference is that I am not afraid to admit it, and you are."

  "Tanya! Apologize," Jeoff scolded as Piper's eyes filled with tears, the reflection of her mother's words slapping her across the face.

  "For what? Telling the truth? You told me to comment. Maybe she just wants you and not this life. He won't do vanilla, Piper, so don't even try to go there," Tanya said, coolly.

  "Edit yourself, young lady. There was no reason for that statement."

  "You don't even know me! How could you think ... I need to go. Excuse me," Piper said, running from the room and slamming the door behind her.

  Chapter 3

  "Piper? Where are you, honey?" Jeoff called, entering the main house. "Piper?"

  Piper ignored him, pulling herself into a tight ball in the window seat overlooking the large picture window in the loft. She scrunched down to make herself invisible; it failed.

  "There you are! Please don't try to hide from me. I'm sorry Tanya was so rude to you."

  "It's no big deal. I'm fine."

  "It is a big deal and you are not fine. Those red eyes prove it." He sat down next to her and placed a large hand on her thigh. "Tanya had the opportunity to educate you about the lifestyle, and instead she made you cry and chased you out of the room. Her comments stem from petty jealousy and are completely unnecessary. I had hoped she would outgrow this behavior. She acts like this every time I introduce a new client."

  "I'm not your client. Why would you introduce her to anybody, if you know she was going to be so mean?"

  "She knows that you aren't a client, which is probably why she feels threatened. She is very insecure and very demanding. I had hoped she would feel less so if she met people I worked with. I should have thought this out more. It was my mistake."

  "Not really. I mean, I would probably want to know whom you were involved with if I felt insecure. I can't really blame her. I also provoked her by calling her silly," Piper mumbled, avoiding his eyes.

  "You did not call her anything. You asked a reasonable question."

  "She knows nothing about me or why I am here. I don't understand how she came to such a horrible conclusion about me," Piper sniffed, looking out the window, with her chin buried against her crossed arms.

  "Because most submissives have this uncanny ability to sniff each other out and form a bond with one another, much like a pack of wolves ...."

  "Bitches, you mean," Piper said, sullenly.

  "I will not argue there," Jeoff agreed. "Some of them have nasty fangs attached to their tempers, especially when they feel possessive over their leader. I have been in the lifestyle since I was nineteen and have discovered that the submissive needs are pretty much the same across the board. Every sub I have contact with is seeking a safe place to belong—a place with boundaries, rules and consequences. They all were also looking for someone to care for them in a special, unique way that the vanilla world can't understand."

  Piper shook her head. "I want to go home, Jeoff. I don't belong here, and I am not interested in this … domestic discipline. It is too restrictive, and I can't let myself be trapped like that again."

  "There is so much more than domestic discipline than what you are seeing, darling. I'm sorry this happened this way. Hey, I'll make a deal with you." He patted her hand. "Since you have no heat at your place, how about you stay here and just hang out? No more discussion about DD, your needs, or issues. We go one-hundred percent vanilla."

  "Promise?" her voice was tiny as she peeked out at him.

  "I promise," he answered, a slight smile on his lips.

  "No more oatmeal?" Piper asked, slyly.

  "Don't push it. How does ice cream sound to you? We can go grab a cone and the
n go to Pioneer Square for a while. Not a date, of course."

  Piper's eyes lit up with excitement. "I love the mall. Ice cream is not on my diet, and …"

  "Listen up, kiddo. I want some ice cream and am not eating it alone. Now go finish drying your hair and put your sneakers back on. Don't forget your jacket, either. Hurry, now."

  Piper lifted her head and sighed. Slowly, she rose to obey his firm order. Despite her internal struggles, she found his demeanor non-threatening and his orders easy to obey. Her natural response to him confused her and left her wishing that this lifestyle came with some sort of a primer that could answer her questions. Well, that was what the Internet was for, right? What if the answers she found were wrong? What if her research steered her in a direction away from him? Piper bit her lower lip, knowing she would have to talk with Jeoff directly, but where would she find the courage to address something so awkward?!

  Piper found herself absently holding Jeoff's hand as they walked through the large mall. His size and mannerisms made her feel small and delicate, and oddly enough, very feminine. She could not remember the last time she felt this way and grew very quiet as she lost herself in thought.

  "What is bringing a frown to that pretty little face, Pip?" Jeoff asked, gently elbowing her.

  "Nuthin."

  "'Fess up. You aren't very good at hiding your feelings. What's eating at you?"

  "I was just trying to remember the last time I felt this."

  "Like what?"

  "Girly. Feminine. It makes no sense to me."

  "It does if you are feeling safe, cared-for and protected. Is that it?" His hand squeezed her a tiny bit tighter, and she automatically drifted closer to his body.

  "Yeah. It's almost like this whole DD thing and how you treat me so different from someone who wasn't into this lifestyle. What I mean is," she sounded frustrated as she attempted to choose words that applied to feelings she had never before experienced, "that I am treated better here than I have ever been in my entire life. I can't recall feeling safe or cared-for by the ex or my own father. I don't know how to process it. I am so confused."

  "I thought we weren't going to discuss domestic discipline," Jeoff said, casually.

  "I changed my mind. I have questions."

  "Very well," he said, hiding a smile, "what is there to process? Talk to me, baby."

  "Everything. The mentality of this lifestyle goes against everything a modern woman is taught to believe. I was going to try to find answers on the Web, but realized that they might not be coming from the same direction that you are," she confessed.

  "That was a wise decision. It is always best to ask directly and be selective with whom you talk about this. The first rule is to seek out a relationship that is appealing to you and then explore how to model it."

  "I thought you would say that. It's like raising kids. You don't ask for advice from someone whose children, or their lives, are out of control, right?"

  "Exactly. I always tell my client to go to the source. For example, if you want to know what a party is like, you ask the ones who go to parties. If you want to know how to immerse yourself in the lifestyle, ask the ones who do. Also be specific regarding the types of activities you are interested in exploring."

  "Does everyone do the school role-play thingy? It's just weird."

  "We are very careful not to judge between normal and weird because every person has a different perspective. What is play to some is very real to others. Let me explain." He offered her a seat at a remote table near a loud water fountain. "There are different aspects of the lifestyle: Domestic Discipline, which we call D&D, is entirely based on cause and effect. It is the most fundamental lifestyle within the BDSM community, and is an accepted practice among many vanilla Christian households."

  "No way! My parents claimed to be Christians. I could never imagine their being involved in anything like that."

  "Is that because they were your parents or because of their religious practices?"

  "Honestly, I avoided everything that they were involved with through the church. It was so hypocritical in my eyes," Piper said bitterly. "They openly ignored what my father was doing and told my mother to pray for him. He slugged her once …."

  "Oh, Pip…"

  "Yeah, well, they told her to repent and pray, like it was her fault. I remember when she sat there in front of this woman's group and accepted all the responsibility for what he did to her. They said she failed in her duties as a wife and deserved what she got."

  "You know that is a lie, baby. From what you have told me about your folks, I have to question the sincerity of their faith and the church they attended. You cannot compare them to those people who truly love God and want to show His love to others."

  "I didn't mean to offend you. Sorry," Piper cringed. "I just have some issues about religion and the people who push it at you."

  "Sweetie, you can't measure everyone in this world by how a handful of fools behave. Like you, my offense lies in hypocrisy. My personal peeve is when someone boldly claims to be one thing, and their actions show the opposite. Unfortunately, those types of people take DD and use it as an excuse to be abusive. That is not what the lifestyle represents. It has to be built on unconditional love and a selfless desire to improve. If it doesn't mimic God's love, then it is all for nothing."

  Piper looked horrified. "You aren't going to start preaching and making me do church, are you? I refuse! I will not …"

  "No, Pip. Calm down, and don't be so quick to jump to conclusions. Your spiritual needs are personal choices, and I will support whatever you desire. I am strictly opposed to façades, that's all. My true interest lies in D&S, which is dominance and submission. I desire the situation where the relationship goes beyond the aspect of corporal punishment for transgressions committed and extends into greater personal growth and even play."

  "Are you trying to tell me that you have a majorly kinky side?" Piper asked, as she gently elbowed him.

  "Um, I guess you could say that …" Jeoff stammered, obviously caught off-guard by her comment.

  "I can't believe I actually made you blush! I'm just teasing. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, as long as it's consensual, right?"

  "Correct. I love to play session, which is a process that combines pain and pleasure into a single unit and always results in my partner having a nice hot, red bottom. What's that? Oh my, now you're blushing, aren't you?"

  "You did that on purpose, you beast."

  "Payback, brat. I am also interested in AP, but have not found my Little yet. I suspect that might be an area you are heading for, from the things you have said and your reactions to certain events."

  "What the hell is AP? And, why would you think I am heading anywhere? I am just curious, damn it."

  "Sit still," he said sternly, as she began to fidget. "I know this makes you uncomfortable, but you are the one who brought it up. There is no reason to be defensive. Oh yes, and one more thing: I am not going to warn you about your swearing again, either. It is not acceptable. Understood?"

  "Yes," Piper whispered, looking down at the table and feeling abashed. "It's not fair, though. You swear sometimes."

  "I know I do, but I am responsible for setting a good example, so it is something I have to work on. That does not give you leave to do it anytime you feel like it or mean that you are absolved of the consequences. My girls call D&S a 'consensual dictatorship'."

  "That is SO not fair," Piper repeated.

  "Nope, it sure isn't." Jeoff patted her hand. He continued, "AP stands for age-play, and it involves the voluntary and conscious reversion back to a time where adult decisions and responsibilities did not exist."

  "That sounds more like regression. Is it like role playing?"

  "Role playing implies a game, and for some people that is all it is. For others it is much more serious. I use the term reversion because it takes the ability to reclaim and embrace the inner child, while regression implies falling back without purpo
se or thought. The reversion for a real APer is serious, and they often revert to the time when they felt a loss of control or their innocence was marred. They permit themselves to behave in a manner appropriate for that age group and learn what it is like to be a child that is loved, wanted, and cared-for. The entire focus is to achieve trust, love, and a true sense of caring."

  "Are these 'Littles' spanked? A lot of people have issue with spanking children, and if they are pretending to be kids …"

  "Many APers do not advocate corporal punishment for children. But to answer your question, yes, many AP households engage in corporal punishment." Jeoff explained, "Other forms of discipline are also used and often reflect what is more appropriate for the age category the Little is settled in. Also, in a true AP relationship, there is absolutely no sexual involvement if the Little is in her child role. It is considered poor form and disrespectful to the Little, and the non-play community. It is viewed as a violation of the innocence of the Littles' role and is an antithesis to the purpose."

  "That's good to know because my first thought was that these people are closet pedophiles."

  "Not at all. Children are to be loved and protected. That sense of nurturing is why many of us engage in the lifestyle."

  "Why would anyone need to do this?" Piper asked, skeptically.

  "A true reversion for a Little allows reformation of the mind and spirit and usually results in a strong sense of security, confidence and hopefulness that should have developed during their formative years. While some Littles reenact a happy and secure childhood with their Big, it is sad to say that the majority seems to comprise those who were unloved or unwanted by parental figures. These sweet creatures were raised in an environment where being small meant being abused—mentally, physically or emotionally. Even spiritually, when the idea of a God figure was hurtful, demeaning, and disapproving. In their hearts, they desperately desire an opportunity for a second chance for a happy life. AP allows a safe, nurturing, and supervised environment for that to occur."

  "It sounds a lot like that rebirthing therapy stuff," Piper remarked.