by L A Cotton
“Has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, he likes you and doesn’t know how to tell you?”
“Hudson Ryker doesn’t like girls; he likes what girls can do for him.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. He’s been different.”
“Different how?”
“I can’t really put my finger on it, but I’m beginnin’ to think there’s a lot more to him than meets the eye.”
“Oh there’s definitely a lot more to him, if you know what I’m sayin’.”
“Uh, gross.” I threw a cushion at her, my nose scrunching in disgust.
“Made you laugh though.” Molly grinned. “Just think, if I’d never entered you into that talent contest we wouldn’t be sittin’ here right now: me pinin’ after a guy who is emotionally stunted and you heads over heels in love with a guy who comes with enough baggage to fill an airplane.”
“We’re screwed.”
“Certifiable,” she added.
“But do you know what?” I said around a smile. “I wouldn’t change a single thing.”
We decided to stay in the suite for the rest of the day. I didn’t feel like going out and Molly was more than happy watching trash TV and ordering room service. It wasn’t exactly rock-and-roll but it was just what I needed after an emotional few hours.
“Hey,” Letty breezed into the suite an hour later. “Where’s Levi?”
“Levi?” My brows pinched.
“Yeah.” She looked around. “He told the guys he wanted to clear the air with you. That was about an hour ago. I figured the two of you were still talking things through.”
Panic flooded me. “I haven’t seen him, Letty. Should I call him?” I asked, glancing at my cell.
Letty’s expression fell. “No, I’m sure everything’s fine. He perhaps needed some time to clear his head first.” She pulled out her cell. “I’ll text Rafe. I’m sure he’s heard from him.”
“How was he… earlier?” I knew she’d been with him down at the bar.
“He was okay. We didn’t really talk about you but that’s Levi’s MO. He bottles stuff up. He did kick my ass at pool twice though, so he wasn’t totally off his game.”
We shared a smile. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”
“Eva, listen to me and listen good. There is nothing to forgive. What you went through, that’s your business.”
“Yeah, but—”
“I told her that three times already,” Molly yelled from the bathroom.
“I’m glad she’s here for you. Those Hunter boys can be intense, and I’m not in the middle of them like you are.”
“I’m not… it isn’t like that.”
“I know. Rafe told me you two worked through things.” A knowing smirk tugged at her lips. “I can’t say I’m surprised. He’s crazy about you. Alistair is going to have a nuclear meltdown when he finds out though.”
My eyes widened to saucers. “Don’t say that. Rafe said—”
“He’s trying to protect you, Eva. It kind of comes with his boyfriend responsibilities.”
I smothered a dreamy sigh. Boyfriend. I liked the sound of that.
“Alistair will get over it eventually, he’ll have to. You’re the label’s next big thing. They won’t want to lose you.”
“See.” Molly appeared. “There’s nothin’ to worry about.”
I rolled my eyes. They were both so honest and yet, oddly reassuring. It was the kind of tough love a girl needed in her life.
Levi didn’t show up at my suite. Neither did he show up for the gig at the club. Alistair had made up some excuse about him coming down with a stomach flu, cancelling the gig last minute, but rumors were already flying around as to the whereabouts of the Black Hearts frontman.
We waited and waited.
We waited until it was clear he wasn’t coming back. The three of us sat in heavy silence. Every hour that passed was more painful than the last. Time offering no solace in the darkness of our hotel suite.
“He’ll be okay,” Molly said. “He’s done this before, right?”
“Yeah.” Letty grimaced. “But he’s never slipped Jake like that before. Usually he hits a bar or finds a dealer, he doesn’t go off the radar.”
“I did this,” I whispered.
“Eva, we don’t know what happened yet. He was okay. He was coming to find you and clear the air, he told Rafe as much.”
People lied all the time though. They looked you in the eye and told you what you wanted to hear, when really, on the inside, they were slowly drowning.
“We should be out there lookin’ for him.” I leaped up, wrapping my arms around my waist. “If I could just talk to him… explain…”
“Eva,” Letty said forcefully and my eyes darted to hers. “We need to wait it out. Jake and his team can handle this. It needs to be professional and discreet.”
Molly grabbed my hand and gently pulled me back down, wrapping her arm around me. “They’ll find him.”
Their attempts at reassuring me did little to ease the knot in my stomach. I felt sick; a sense of dread weighing me down. It was almost three in the morning and Levi had been missing for almost ten hours. Las Vegas was a big place full of vice and temptation; it wouldn’t be hard for someone to remain lost if they didn’t want to be found. Even someone as famous as Levi.
Burying my face in my hands, I smothered the tears threatening to fall. Crying didn’t change anything.
“Maybe you should try to get some—”
The door swung open and Damon rushed inside. “They found him. He’s a mess, but they found him.”
Relief slammed into me as I rushed out, “Where is he?”
“He’s here, they just brought him up to our suite. A doctor is on standby just in case, but it sounds like he’s okay.”
“A doctor?” I gasped.
“It’s just a precaution, Eva. Rafe is pretty good at knowing how to care for Levi following one of his benders.”
My stomach lurched as I stood up on shaky legs. “Where is Rafe?”
“He’s heading back to our suite now.”
“I’m comin’,” I said.
Damon glanced at Letty, the two of them silently communicating. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” Letty gave me a sad smile. “Stay here and give them some space. Once we know—”
“I’m goin’.” Defiance burned through me. I couldn’t explain it, but I had to see Levi with my own eyes. I had to know he was okay.
“Fine, come on.” Damon beckoned for me to go to him, wrapping his arm around me. “You two stay here for now.”
“Of course,” Letty said. “If you need anything…”
“Thanks.”
We walked down the hall to the band’s suite in silence. It wasn’t until we reached their door, Damon dropped his arm and grasped mine. “You really don’t need to be here to see this.”
“Yes, I do, Damon.”
“You really do care for him.”
“Of course I do. He’s Rafe’s brother. He’s important to me.”
“I like you, Eva, I like you a lot, and I’ve rooted for you and Rafe from the start.” He offered me a weak smile. “But you need to buckle down for the fact that this ride is about to get as bumpy as hell.” Damon didn’t offer any more of an explanation as he opened the door and slipped inside.
Leaving me standing there wondering how much worse it could possibly get.
As I stepped into their suite, the first thing I noticed was how quiet it was. The second thing I noticed was the smell. Hudson sat on the couch, his head buried in his hands. Damon went to him, sitting down. “Rafe?
“Already in there.” Hudson’s eyes flicked over to one of the bedroom doors.
“How is he?”
“Covered in his own puke, strung out on the fuck knows what.”
“The doctor…”
“Not yet.” Hudson shook his head. “He was barely conscious, but Rafe managed to get him to drink some water to try and flush that shit out of h
im. I’ve never… fuck.” He slammed his fist down on the couch. “We let this happen, we fucking let this happen.”
Hudson finally noticed me standing there, his eyes narrowing. “You shouldn’t be here.”
“I… I was worried.”
“Seriously, Damon,” he ignored me, “she shouldn’t be here.”
“She has a right to know exactly what he’s dealing with.”
The Black Hearts drummer looked ready to give me my marching orders, but instead he pressed his lips into a thin, disapproving line. Just then, Rafe came out of the bedroom, his expression broken. “I need some more towels and a bowl or some—Eva?”
That single word on his lips shattered me.
“She wouldn’t be left behind.”
“How is he?” I took a step forward.
“You should go.” Rafe’s mask slammed down, shutting me out.
“But I—”
An almighty crash rocked the suite and we all ran to the bedroom. Levi was rolling on the floor, the lamp smashed beside him, trying to clamber to his knees.
“Fuck!” someone grunted, but I could barely hear them, unable to take my eyes off the broken boy in front of me.
“Levi, bro, come on, work with me here.” Rafe crouched down, helping his brother to his feet.
“OUT! He yelled in a strangled, distorted voice.
Damon took my elbow trying to lead me away, but I was rooted to the spot.
“Fuckin’ bitch made me feel something, but it was all lies. Lies, lies, sweet fucking lies.”
Tears sprang from my eyes. A rush of hot unstoppable tears. Levi’s eyes were bloodshot, his pupils blown.
“Get her out of here,” Rafe said without looking at me.
“But…”
“Don’t fucking touch me, little brother.” Levi sneered, trying to thrash out of Rafe’s hold, the two of them stumbling into the wall. “No,” I yelled just as Hudson dived for them. “Liars,” Levi gritted out, spittle flying everywhere. “You’re both fucking liars. Get off me, Raphael, get the hell off me.”
Rafe staggered back, his face drained of blood, and let Hudson take over. I tore from Damon’s grip and ran out of the room.
“Eva, wait,” Rafe called after me. I ground to halt and turned slowly.
“He knows, doesn’t he?”
He nodded, devastation clouding his gray eyes.
“How?”
“I don’t know.”
“I should go.” Moving to the door, I grabbed the handle.
“Eva…”
I glanced back at Rafe and our eyes locked, saying all the things I knew we wouldn’t ever say.
He wanted me.
He loved me.
He’d chosen me.
And in the process, we’d broken Levi.
“You should go be with your brother,” I choked out the words. “He needs you.”
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
“Me too.” The tears flowed freely now. He was saying goodbye. Barely a few hours after he’d told me I was worth it, that our love was worth it, Rafe was choosing Levi.
“Goodbye Rafe.” It came out a strangled whisper as my heart splintered in two.
And the worst thing about the whole messed up situation was I didn’t blame him. How could I when we’d created this mess?
We’d let it happen.
And now we had to pay the price.
I didn’t sleep. Instead, I threw my few belongings in my duffel bag and sat curled into Molly’s side until the sun finally peeked out from behind the high-rise skyline of the strip.
“Are you sure about this?” Letty asked. It was still early, the harsh light of day only reaffirming the decision I’d made after returning to my suite a few hours ago.
“Yeah, I think it’s for the best, don’t you?”
Sadness washed over her as she threw her arms around me. “Take some time, clear your head. Just don’t make any hasty decisions. I’m sure things can—”
“I appreciate your kind words, Letty, but I think we both know I have to do this. I already broke Levi’s heart. I can’t stick around and destroy the group too. If I go now, maybe they can work things out. They’ve done it plenty of times before.”
“This time is different, Eva. They need you. They both need you.”
“I need some space.” I needed to be away from the band. From Rafe and Levi and my intense feelings.
“All set?” Molly came out of our bedroom with her case.
“I think so.”
“Are you absolutely sure about this?” she asked me.
Nodding, I swiped my eyes, drying the tears. “It’s the right thing to do. Alistair agrees I should step back for now.”
“Three days. He said take three days.”
That had been one conversation I didn’t want to relive in a hurry. Not only was I breaking the terms of my contract, and Alistair’s golden rule about no fraternizing with band members, I was putting the entire tour in jeopardy. But if I stuck around, things would only get worse. I knew that and so did he. It’s why, in the end, after a very heated discussion, he agreed to give me some time. I would miss the show in Seattle. But by the time the band hit Salt Lake City, he expected me to be back and ready to go. Whether or not I travelled with the band and continued performing with them was another thing entirely.
Something I couldn’t even think about right now.
“Come on, the sooner we get out of here, the sooner you’ll be able to think more clearly.” Molly hugged Letty. “Thank you for everythin’. I got a little more than I expected with Vegas, but I appreciate you havin’ my girl’s back.”
“Don’t be a stranger,” Letty hugged her back before settling her eyes on me. “Just promise me you won’t hide. It’s bad, yes, but whoever said love wasn’t worth fighting for? You can be with Rafe and still be there for Levi. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
I gave her a small nod. It was all I could muster. Besides, I didn’t want to make a promise I wasn’t sure I could keep.
“Okay, get out of here before I get emotional.” Letty pulled open the door and Travis greeted us. “The car is waiting.”
“Thank you, Travis.” I said, letting him take my bag. “For everythin’.”
“The pleasure has been all mine, Eva.” We shared a sad smile. “If you’re ready?”
I nodded, glancing back one last time. It was just a hotel room; one I would probably never see again in my lifetime. But it didn’t matter. I would take a little piece of the Lyndham with me always.
And in return, I was leaving a little part of my soul here.
Two days later…
* * *
“That is a sight for sore eyes,” Mom breezed into the living room, a huge smile painted on her face.
“Hey, Mom. What’s up?”
“Nothin’ is up, baby. I’m just glad to have you home.”
“Mom.” I gave her a pointed look.
“I know, I know,” she blew out an exasperated breath. “And this isn’t me tryin’ to sway you one way or another. I’m just happy you’re safe and here, that’s all.”
To say my parents had been surprised when I’d turned up on their doorstep two days ago was an understatement. But they’d taken one look at my sore, puffy eyes and pulled me into their arms. I knew their judgment would come, their disproval and disbelief, but in that moment, I’d allowed myself to soak up their comfort and love.
“Has Mr. Portman—”
“His name is Alistair, Mom, and I thought we agreed no band talk yet, please.”
“I’m sorry.” She sat down opposite me. “I can’t imagine how difficult this decision must be.”
“It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done.” And that was saying something.
“The brothers, they’re…”
The brothers was her preferred name for the two guys we avoided talking about. I’d had to tell them something, cherry picking snippets of what had really gone on between the three of us.
�
��Workin’ things out,” I said.
I hadn’t heard from Rafe. Nothing. Not one single text. Part of me wondered if Letty or Alistair had told him to give me space or whether he was too busy with Levi. Or whether he simply couldn’t find the words. But I’d texted back and forth with Damon and Letty a lot. I’d texted Hudson too, but he was giving me the silent treatment after I’d left without saying goodbye. Letty liked to remind me not to check Google, or social media, or the papers. Of course, I couldn’t avoid all the headlines. My favorite so far had been titled: The Rise and Fall of Country’s Newest Sweetheart. It was chock full of speculation about my mysterious disappearance; connecting dots that weren’t there to connect, and a few that were.
If only they knew the truth.
How not one, but three hearts had broken that night.
I knew I had to decide soon though. Alistair and the label were pressuring me for an answer tomorrow. There was nothing more I wanted than to go back and try to fix some of the mess I’d made. But how could I go back now everything was out in the open? Now that Levi knew we’d betrayed him?
It was ironic, but I realized now the issue was never Rafe and me, and me and Levi. It was Rafe and me, and Rafe and Levi. He was the one in the middle, forced to make an impossible choice.
A loud knock at the door startled me, and Mom chuckled. “I’ll get it,” she said, taking off toward the hall. “Eva, sweetheart, it’s for you.”
I got up and traipsed to the door, half-expecting to see Molly standing there.
“Hey, Starshine.”
I sucked in a harsh breath, the ground ripped from beneath my feet. “Rafe? But what are you—”
“I choose you, Eva,” he said with nothing but love and conviction in his eyes. “I choose you.”
* * *
The End … for now
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Look out for Rule (Black Hearts Still Beat: The Finale), coming late March. Available to pre-order now
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