“Whoa! Aunt Mary, hold on, too many questions all at once. Yes, the war is over I’m sure. The Rebs have nothing left to fight with. Yes, I came on the train and the postman brought me. Here’s my letter letting you know I was coming. It was in his bag to be delivered today. Looks like I’ve interrupted your laundry day. Maybe we could sit a bit and have a cold drink of water or something. I’m that thirsty and sure do hope you have a cake or two tucked away in your pantry for a hungry man.”
Mary paused to catch her breath and with her faced wreathed in smiles attempted to twist her hair back into its pins and straighten her skirt. “You know me well enough, you rascal… of course there’s cakes in the pantry. I’m sorry I should have realized you’d be tuckered out and hungry.” She stopped in the doorway and took a good look at the young man who was no longer the boy she knew. Gently touching his arm, she looked up into his tired face. “Thomas, you look splendid in that uniform but I’m sure you’d like something more comfortable to wear. You’ll have to let me see what your uncle has that might fit you. The trunk of your things that Granny left for you is in your old room but I doubt anything in it will fit the man you have become. I hope you don’t mind that Orin and George have been using the room since we moved in?”
For the moment Thomas winced remembering the space he and Asa had shared as growing boys. Orin and George were just pesky little kids in his memory. At that moment the back door flew open with a bang and he grinned to himself as the two boys came barreling in with shirttails flying.
“Boys,” their mother said, “this is your cousin Thomas just back from the war. It’s not been so long that you have forgotten him. I know,” she laughed, “but he is all grown up and does look a bit different. We were just about to have some cakes. You might shake hands and then go change. Your chores are waiting you know. Pa has been busy all day and has things he needs help with at the smithy.”
The older of the two looked up at Thomas with interest and offered his hand, “I’m Orin,” he said softly while George sidled up beside him with a look of awe at the uniform. “Pleased to see you again, Orin,” Thomas answered gripping the boy’s hand firmly. “You’ve grown up a bit too while I’ve been away.” He bit his lip and attempted a smile. May you never have to do or see what I have just been doing, he thought to himself looking at their eager and innocent faces and their proud mother with a sudden understanding of what war meant to the women who waited.
“I’ll have that coffee and cake now, I think, if you don’t mind?” He said. “Let them get changed and ready for their chores. I don’t want you to have to upset your routine for me.” He tugged off his tie and unbuttoned the high collar on his shirt. The corporal’s insignia looked out-of-place in this homey kitchen and for the moment Thomas remembered how proud he’d been upon receiving the promotion. Here, he suddenly realized, it meant very little to anyone.
Pulling out a chair he took a seat at the well-scrubbed table and tried to acclimate himself. He’d entered a different world and had no idea of where he fit into it. Just as he lifted the welcome cup of coffee to his lips another bang of the kitchen door as it hit the wall startled him and he reached instinctively for his weapon until he realized where he was.
“Winfield!” Aunt Mary scolded, “How many times do I have to tell you not to fling the door like that when you come in.”
Thomas coughed, nonplussed, and looked the newcomer up and down before setting the cup on the table and offering his hand to the excited child who looked to be about ten years old. “Well there, you must be the little fellow that was barely out of nappies when I left and now look at you.”
“You be Cousin Thomas or Cousin Asa?” the boy asked taking in the strange man’s uniform with shining eyes. “Are you done with the war? The boys at school say the shootin’ is over now. Did you shoot lots of those dirty rebels?”
“Winfield!” His mother warned. “This is Cousin Thomas and he is to be treated with respect.”
Both Thomas and Winfield grinned as they studied each other. “The boy meant no harm, Aunt Mary. You sound just like Granny used to when I needed scolding from time to time. Now I’m beginning to believe I’m really home. There for a few minutes I thought maybe I was dreaming. Could I have a bit more of that wonderful coffee, please?” He held up his cup and looked, for all the world, like he wasn’t more than a ten-year-old himself. Mary laughed and fought back tears while she refilled it.
By evening Justus and Mary had managed to ease Thomas into their household but he felt awkward despite their warm welcome and good intentions. He had to visit the Kunkles before too much longer and that made him anxious as well. Freshening himself up after supper he debated whether he should wear his uniform or go in the clothes Justus has found for him to wear. One way or the other this visit would be painful for all he knew. How Rebecca would receive him he had no idea.
He finally decided the occasion called for a certain formality so carefully brushed and donned his uniform for one last time, he hoped.
Crossing the familiar field behind their houses brought a rush of memories to Thomas’s already heightened nerves. He made his way to the front door feeling that was the proper thing to do under the circumstances. He found it draped in black crepe and other signs of mourning and knocked with some trepidation. Rebecca’s father answered the door and offered his hand which reassured Thomas to a certain degree, but as he was ushered in he was surprised that none of the rest of the family was in the parlor except Mrs. Kunkle clad completely in black who sat by the fireplace with folded hands in her lap and a far-away look in her eyes
He supposed the older daughters were busy elsewhere and the little ones had been put to bed. The Kunkles’ oldest son, Jeremiah, was nowhere to be seen and Rebecca’s other brother William was apparently also absent. Thomas was suddenly concerned that Rebecca wasn’t going to be there either until he could hear that she was busy in the kitchen. He took a deep breath, paid his respects to the grieving mother and accepted the seat he was offered.
“Well,” John Kunkle cleared his throat, “welcome home, young man. It’s good to know that some of you have survived. You may or may not know that we’ve had some losses.”
Thomas heard Rebecca draw in her breath as she came into the room, but managed to avoid her eyes. His heart fell to see she was also dressed very sedately in something gray. Her father went on without waiting for a reply. “No doubt since you were in the same outfit you know we’ve lost Wesley and recently also Jacob. We’ve not heard from Jeremiah recently so as far as we know he is well, but as for George, no word has come as yet. We’re told he was captured again at some place called Petersburg. I don’t suppose you know anything about that or do you?”
With shaking hands Thomas set down the coffee cup Rebecca had passed to him and searched his mind for words to salve the bitterness in the man’s voice. He’d expected this meeting to be difficult but not quite this raw. Mrs. Kunkle still sat with lips compressed and eyes downcast.
The stilted and distressing interview continued until Rebecca rose to bring more coffee and Thomas climbed to his feet offering to help. Following her into the kitchen he ached to take her in his arms but didn’t dare. She composed herself and said that perhaps it would be best if he took his leave and she would meet him tomorrow down by the creek in one of their favorite places.
He painfully agreed. Returning to the parlor he retrieved his hat, offered his condolences as best he could and bid the stricken family good night.
Waking up the next morning to the sounds of the boys still sleeping Thomas slipped from the bed he felt he’d usurped and made his way to the outhouse. Finding Justus up and about he lent a hand with the morning chores and returned with him an hour later to the warm kitchen. The smell of freshly baked bread almost overcame him. The grateful smile he gave Aunt Mary almost brought her to tears and she bustled around frying up bacon and homemade sausage to go with the eggs gleaned from the henh
ouse just that morning. Surely I have died and gone to heaven the bewildered man told himself.
Justus had a job at the smithy that morning so Thomas accompanied him into town and treated himself to a shave and haircut feeling like the king himself. Anxious to meet with Rebecca he skipped the noonday dinner and made his way along the creek to their rendezvous. He felt stiff and strange with the new clothes and clean-shaven face.
Somehow he was expecting the sprightly mischievous girl he’d known for years and despite having seen her just last night was surprised to find a mature young woman waiting for him. She sat perched on the flat rock they used to call theirs with a handful of violets in her lap. She did not get up as he approached so he eased down beside her and both silently watched the stream go by. The sunlight glinted on the burbling cold water and Thomas’ mind wavered as he tried to absorb the reality of the present. She finally looked at him and spoke.
“It’s so good to see you alive and well, Thomas. I’ve been so worried about you and the others of course and had begun to believe nothing was ever going to change back to the way it was. I guess in a way I was right, wasn’t I? Nothing ever will change back to the way it was. We must go forward into a world quite different from the one we have known. I want to apologize for my parents last evening. I’m sure you understand how devastated they are at the boys dying and in such awful ways, but Pa was not fair to you. You’re living and their dying is not something you could do or have done anything about.”
Thomas felt tears of anger rise in him at the fate that had been so cruel to this lovely young woman he was sure he loved. How could he not. She was everything he’d dreamed of in a woman and there she sat bravely holding back her tears. The feeling of not being able to help in any way was almost more than he could bear and he stood and started to walk about a bit. She rose, letting the flowers fall from her lap into the water and came to him. Slipping her hand in his she let him lead her along the banks of the stream until they came to the small still pool that used to be their favorite spot to fish.
“Miss Becky,” Thomas said his heart pounding, “I would do anything in the world to make you feel better, but I can’t. You have lost brothers and I have lost dear, dear friends. It’s over, they say and I can only pray we never have to do anything like that again. Now we have to move on. I don’t expect it will be easy. I’ve only been home since yesterday but it’s very obvious that Uncle Justus and Aunt Mary have moved in to Granny’s house to stay and I am just an extra person. My heart is torn between going to Michigan to join the others and staying here with you. Staying here would be too hard on your folks, I think. I could not be a substitute for Wesley or the others. I was surprised to hear your father mention Jeremiah. Has he joined up too? I wouldn’t have thought him eligible with that condition that he has.”
“Well, apparently the Army wanted every man they could get,” she answered. “Jeremiah registered for that draft, and was taken despite what we always thought of as his weakness. He is still away and we’ve not heard from him. Now that you say the war is over perhaps he will be home soon.
I will be glad when he is back. We need him here.”
Thomas heard the despair in her voice and took a deep breath but decided if he was ever going to say what he wanted to say it would be better said now than later. “Becky? I know this is probably way too much for you to even consider since I have just arrived but I have to say it now. I feel I must leave here and join the others in Michigan. My heart’s desire is that you will marry me and come with me. Would you at least think about that for a while? I don’t mean to rush you or anything. I would wait as long as you would want but I just feel I must move on. This place has too many memories for me and I don’t know where I fit in anymore.”
Rebecca’s eyes welled with tears and they spilt over her cheeks as she sank down on the rock to catch her breath. “Thomas, dear, dear Thomas,” she whispered. “I can’t say I’m surprised since you have hinted at something like this from time to time in your letters but as much as I deeply care for you I have to say I could not leave here. I think to do so would more than double my parents’ grief. I have been preparing myself to go to Annapolis to see what I can do for George. I’m hoping against hope that with proper care we might save him. But, no matter what, I just can’t see myself going to Michigan with you and having them lose me as well. I certainly understand how you feel about Justus and the family living in what was your house and I’m sure they would make you more than welcome but those you love most are in Michigan and it makes sense for you to go there. I’ve heard that your father was pleased to see them and is very thankful that at least some of his family is not so far away anymore. I’m sure he would be more than happy to see you as well. You are aware that your brother David is with them, aren’t you? His wound was not so bad as to prevent him from going. I hear he has met his future wife and will soon be married. I do think your joining them is the right thing to do. I will miss you of course and treasure our friendship for all of my life, but I can’t leave, Thomas. This is my home.”
That evening when Thomas announced his decision to join the folks in Michigan Justus and Mary offered their objections, of course, assuring Thomas that he was no problem for them. Nevertheless, after making the rounds of his old haunts he packed his disappointments and his few possessions back into the haversack and left with the shopkeeper early one morning for the railroad station once again.
Chapter Two
With the 9th Pennsylvania Cavalry
Army of the Cumberland
Lexington, North Carolina
July 18, 1865
Company E had moved into the Courthouse at Lexington awaiting demobilization after escorting Sherman to his meeting with General Johnston. The men felt as if they’d fallen into unknown country with the cessation of hostilities. There had been some sporadic gunfire following the surrender as the disgruntled Confederate troops faded away. From what Asa and his friends could tell there were no procedures available to the defeated troops to get them back to wherever they’d come from.
In many cases they heard that the demoralized rebels were simply dismissed and were taking off on foot to make their way home. Others however were managing to keep their battered but bitter ranks together and were forming renegade resistance groups…hiding out in the hills, the swamps or leaving what had been a civilized world all together and heading west hoping to forge a new place for themselves in the lawless plains.
Now as the sun rose higher above the Stars and Stripes flying from the courthouse flagpole Asa and his company were lined up waiting for the necessary paperwork to be completed making them, from that moment on, simply Mister somebody or other instead of Sergeant or Private as the case might be. They joked around with jabs at one another like boys. Many of them still were, boys that is, although none would admit it. They’d lived through this thing and been shaped and molded into something different than they would have been under other circumstances.
Asa signed his name to settle his account and tucking his papers into his pocket made ready to board the train that would take him home.
“Home,” he mused, I’m not sure I know where that is anymore but I have no great desire to head for another strange place. All I can hope for is that my Uncle will take me in. He sank down into his seat as the train lurched forward and letting the click-clack of the iron wheels lull him, was soon asleep.
The trip took several days with all the switching and changing of cars they had to endure but… first Harrisburg and then Wilkes Barre. When he finally set his foot on the ground there he swore he would walk the rest of the way if he had to. He stepped down from the train with grateful humility believing with all his heart that the chance to take a wife and build a future was a gift he hadn’t dared hope to ever receive. The rows of crosses filling ordinary ground that was now and forever more hallowed by their presence were etched indelibly in his mind’s eye never to be forgotten. To forge
a life of decency and quiet dignity was his goal…to temper the iron of courage gained from the fire of adversity and produce something pure and useful would be his code…honesty and honor. A little embarrassed by his emotions he pulled his hat farther down over his eyes and wiped his face with the calico bandana he carried.
The sun was low over the tops of the buildings surrounding the station and the little mountain town was bustling with folks going to and fro trying to bring their day’s business to a close. He saw no familiar coaches waiting for customers and sank down on a bench to collect his thoughts. Several people noticed his uniform and touched their caps with respect but he saw no one he recognized.
“Well,” he muttered, “I have two choices, find a room for the night or walk like I said I would if necessary. Ha! Fine kettle of fish to be in…” Grumbling under his breath he added, I’m a cavalry man not a foot soldier. ’Course it wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to use my feet to get from one place to another…too bad I had to give back my horse. Sure could use the ole’ girl now.
“Hey, Soldier?” Asa flinched and jumped to his feet to see the stationmaster beckoning to him. “Looks to me like no one is here to meet you?”
“No sir, I guess not. I don’t think anyone knows I’m coming if the truth be known. I didn’t know myself until a few days ago when I’d be headin’ home. I guess I’ll just have to wait for the shopkeeper that picks up the mail for Rush to show up tomorrow morning.”
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