by Betsy Anne
That was the last time I had seen the woman. She and Beth stayed friendly, in the same way that Beth and I have. It’s not his sister’s fault that he’s a cheating asshole. Beth had confided to me that she was happy that he found me, even if it was a less than perfect start. She always said that he just needed the right person and family life to settle him down. Guess I thought so, too. Boy, were we wrong. Well, that’s the end of going to that gym. Now I have to talk with Caleb. The look in his eyes broke my heart. His wife had cheated on him with one of his closest friends. The betrayal had affected him so much, that he often spoke of how he just couldn’t understand infidelity: Just be honest and leave if you’re unhappy. I pray to God that he’ll let me explain. I send him a text just to let him know I’m ready to talk whenever he is.
Caleb. I hope you’ll give me a chance to explain. Please call me as soon as you feel like you’re ready to listen. I love you. M
Two hours, no response. Five days go by, and still nothing. Even if he wants to stay away from me, which I understand, I just need some closure. I need him to understand that yet another cheater didn’t dupe him like his ex or his dad, but that I was lied to and cheated on as well. I don’t need his forgiveness, but I don’t want to add more bitterness to his life. Too many people have let him down. I wish I had told him my full story upfront. That would have saved me this drama, and, potentially, our relationship.
Day Six, he finally sends me a text.
We need to talk. Can you meet me at our coffee shop around 11?
It sounds encouraging. Our coffee shop. He still thinks of us as our. I reply and say I’ll be there. I leave early; I want to be the first one to arrive so I can watch his face when he comes in. It may help to decipher his mood. I pick a spot in the back corner so we can have a little privacy. This place is really busy and loud, and that’s good. Less chance of someone overhearing our conversation. I’m already a bundle of nerves, so I get a Zen tea decaf so I’m not shaking like a heroin addict on Day Two of rehab. I see his car pull into the parking lot; he’s right on time. It’s too crowded by the door to see him walk in. Damn! I finally catch sight of him, and he’s looking around for me. Total poker face, he’s not giving anything away. I have no idea what he’s thinking. He catches my eye, and doesn’t flinch, just calmly heads for my table. My stomach flips; I’ve missed him so much all I want to do is stand and run into his arms. He doesn’t bother stopping at the counter to buy anything, I wish I knew what was in his head. I guess I’m about to find out.
“Hi, Melanie. Thank you for meeting me. I appreciate your patience; I needed some time before I could face you again. I found out some things about the woman who accosted you in the parking lot. A friend at the gym knows her, and she knew her story. I know it’s one-sided, so I need to hear it from you. I’m ready to listen.”
He takes a sip of my tea nervously and hands it back to me. I start all the way back to Jeff. I tried my best to convey how much I understand the position he’s been in, because I, too, have been the victim. Yes, I broke up a marriage, but I didn’t do it on purpose or even knowingly. Chris never actually lied about being married because I never asked. No ring, no evidence of a wife or family, so the assumption was that he was single. He’s sitting very quietly, playing with a coffee stirrer like it’s the most important item in the world right at this moment. I end my story, there’s nothing left to say. Jeff cheated, Chris cheated, I helped break up a marriage and then Chris cheated some more. The ball is in his court now. We sit for a long while in a cold silence. His face looks tired, and sad. After what seems like an eternity, he lifts his head to speak.
“I’m so sorry that those things happened to you. I really wish I would have known just how hurt you’ve been by those who claimed they loved you, too. I never thought you could understand what I went through. This ordeal has put a lot of things in perspective for me. I’ve realized that I’m not fully ready to commit to anyone right now. I thought I was ready to move on and start trusting again, but that has been shattered. I love you, Melanie, but I need time. Time to learn how to trust again. I think you need the same thing. Your self-esteem has nothing to do with your weight, but instead how you view yourself, as you think others see you. You didn’t say a word back to that woman. You hung your head in shame and let her attack you because you felt like you deserved it. Until you gain some strength to fight for yourself, you’re not ready to move on either.”
He stands up, kisses me long on the top of my head, and walks out the door. He’s one hundred percent right. I didn’t even stand up for myself just now and fight for the man I thought I loved. That’s it, karma, you fucking bitch, I’m done with you. I’ve paid my dues. Fuck you. I’m angry. I’m angry at him for not standing by me, I’m angry with myself for putting up with everyone else’s bullshit for so long, and I’m angry so that I don’t have to hurt. I gather my things, and leave. No tears. I’m done with it all. Fuck men, and the fucking horses they rode in on. They all thought I was weak; well, I’ve just grown a backbone of steel. I feel a false sense of calm and strength, like I’m standing a few inches taller. Yup, fuck them all.
Chapter 9
“You don’t look right, Mel. You’re freaking me out.”
Katie is watching me clean the house for the second time in three days. I’ve scrubbed my house from top to bottom over and over again. It feels good to have my hands busy. I’ve never really done much of this before, having had a housekeeper, but I’m determined to reclaim my life. My boys are a bit worried, too. They haven’t asked about Caleb, but they know something’s up. I’ve been home and awake early everyday. I’ve packed lunches, and ironed their clothes. I go for a run, which I hate, every afternoon. I’m determined not to cry over one more man in my life except for my sons. I want them to see their mother as strong and independent, not someone else’s fool. I’ve lost more weight and gained muscle tone as well. Fuck Caleb. I don’t need his help; I can do it on my own.
“I’m fine, Katie. This helps me feel better. I haven’t had a house this clean in years. Our housekeepers sucked but I never had the guts to tell them. It feels so good to have a little control in my life.”
“A little control is fine, but you have turned into Melanie the Robot. Where’s my carefree, sweet southern belle gone?”
“I’m here, but that soft outer layer is gone; too easy to be penetrated by bad stuff. I sat back for too long, and was a passive participant in my own life. Not anymore, Kat. I deserve better. I realize that now. Men can wait; it’s all about my kids and me. “
“Well, I agree about letting people take advantage, you’re too nice, but life is short, Mel. You need and deserve love, too. Don’t become so bitter that you lose sight of that. You and Caleb have been broken up for weeks now, and I haven’t seen you cry once. It’s not natural.”
“Caleb wasn’t right for me. I thought he was, but he’s not. If he had been the one, he would have fought for me. I need someone willing to go to the ends of the earth for me, and guys like that don’t exist. That’s why I’m off of dating. My kids and my friends are all I need.”
I pat her on the leg and keep sweeping. I love to sweep even when there’s nothing there. It feels so cosmically satisfying to mindlessly move the broom from one side of the room to the other. Keeps me from thinking too much.
“Speaking of friends, guess who I talked to this morning? Colleen! She called me early and we chatted for an hour. I filled her in on what’s been going on, and she invited us up for a girl’s weekend. We’ve talked about it for so long, but now’s a great time to do it, don’t you think?”
Colleen is Katie’s best friend from high school. She was down here when the shit hit the fan in Katie’s life, and we became friends as well. It would be a lot of fun to see her. She’s a no bullshit kind of gal, and I need some of that in my life right now.
“Chris has the boys next weekend, let’s not screw around, let’s do it.”
* * *
We get to Tom and Colleen’s
house early Friday. Tom took their twin girls to his parents’ place for the weekend so we could have the house. Colleen found a good man too; he’s definitely a keeper. Her house is in an older section of Milwaukee, and it’s adorable. So her. She starts screaming when she opens the door.
“Oh my God, I’m so glad you guys are here! I felt so antsy last night; I thought Tom was going to throw me out into the backyard.”
She and Kat crash into each other for a big bear hug. Katie had told me that they didn’t see that much of each other before her “shitty life event” as she calls it, and it really woke her up. Friends provide such an important support system, through good times and bad. Now they talk almost every day on the phone, and see each other as often as they can. Colleen grabs my hand and the three of us walk together into her house. She gives us the five-cent tour before heading back to the kitchen, where they have a wet bar attached. She opens up a cabinet and grabs three pilsner glasses, etched with her and Tom’s last initial. She opens and stares into a mini-fridge, and selects three bottles of some kind of beer I’ve never heard of.
“Beer? Really, Coll? It’s 10:00 in the morning.”
Katie is laughing as Colleen hands her the full glass.
“If I had poured you wine, you wouldn’t have said anything. Girlfriend, this is Milwaukee this is how we roll up here.”
She clinks glasses with us and downs about half of hers. I’ve never been a big beer drinker, so it’s going to take me a while to catch up. I take a sip, and it’s really bitter. Yuck.
“Oh, don’t make that face. I know you’ve tasted worse things in your life!”
I catch the double meaning and feel myself blush. The last sexual experience I had, with a living person, was with Caleb in the massage room, and I did just that. Of course there’s no way for her to have known, but I gave myself away.
“See?? Obviously I’m right! So just stop your grimacing and drink up. I have a fun afternoon planned for us. First brewery tours, then lunch at my favorite local dive for some burgers. Your bellies will be full, but you’ll love me even more than you do now. Anyway, Mel, you look like you need a good burger or two. You’ve wasted away to nothing!”
I love this chick. We finish our beers at the house, and head out for our day in the city. She was right. Best beer and food ever. I’ve had more beer, cheese and beef in the last four hours than I have in the last four years, and it was freaking worth it. I feel like I should at least be buzzed, but I’m not. I think my blood stream is trying to digest the fat I’ve consumed; it’s not even bothering with the alcohol. We do a little sightseeing after lunch, even though we’re moving at a snail’s pace, and decide to head back to her house around 5:00 p.m.
“Holy hell, Coll, are you trying to kill me? I won’t digest that meal until next week. Look at this!”
Katie grabs her belly and wiggles it. What little belly she has is poking out from her lunch.
“Hey, I didn’t force you to eat that second batch of onion rings!”
We all start laughing and grab our sides. It hurts too much.
“What’s on the agenda for tonight?” I ask hopefully; I’m ready to party. After a little nap, of course.
“I didn’t think you guys would want to go out after that. I thought we could hang here and watch some movies.”
She and Katie look exhausted. But from weight loss and energy stored up from the last few years of doing nothing, I’m ready to party.
“Come on, old ladies! Get your asses in gear!”
They want a project; I’ll give them a project. I’ll wear them out. Colleen calls Tom and asks him where we should go. He mentions some bar downtown, and I don’t care. Just get me out among the living. I instantly regret it when we get there.
“You begged us. We’re going in there, sister, like it or not,” Katie says with a no nonsense look. We all spent time doing our hair and make-up for this “hot spot” that Tom knew about. Clientele is young, but not too young for us to feel out of place. The music is thumping loudly as we approached the block. The road is closed off, so the cabbie drops us off as close as he can. We have to walk three blocks, in very high heels to get there. My feet hurt already. I don’t dare complain or they’ll throw me in there and run away. The bouncer likes us, I think we’re probably the same age, and he lets us right through, no waiting in the block-long line. Tom probably called first, I bet. Love that guy. I haven’t been to a nightclub like this in a long time. Things don’t seem to change much though. Girls in way too little clothing, guys standing around in groups watching and everyone very drunk. I don’t know how she managed it, but Colleen disappears and comes back quickly with three shots in each hand.
“Compliments of the two guys at the end of the bar. I went to buy us a round, and they were being poured for us already. Three MILFs ready to shake it!”
Oh God, she’s really woken up. She downs her first one, and looks at us impatiently.
“Seriously? Miss ‘I can’t wait to party,’ you better take these.”
Knowing Katie’s low tolerance for alcohol, Coll helps herself to a third, and gives Kat only one. She stands holding the last two out for me to take.
“What the hell.”
I down them one after the other. Yikes, tequila. Historically, not a friend. We shuffle our way through the crowd to the dance floor. I’m trying my best to feel comfortable, even in my new thinner skin, but it’s hard. I’ve never really been a club person. Never had the opportunity. The shots are kicking in, and help a lot. I feel warm all the way down to my toes. I can’t help but bump into a guy next to me who’s dancing very closely with another woman. I turn to apologize, but my fuzzy brain has a different idea when I see how hot he is. I grab his butt and wiggle my body between him and his dance partner. They must not know each other well, because she doesn’t seem to care. She backs off and starts to dance with another guy. He immediately reciprocates, and grabs my ass. He pulls me against his body forcefully and begins to grind on me. The tequila in my blood thinks it’s a great idea to grind back. We’re essentially dry fucking on the dance floor, and I don’t care. It feels fucking great. My head is spinning and pulsing with the beat, which adds to the experience. He leans in close to my ear and says, “You’re fucking hot. Follow me.” Tequila Tina agrees excitedly, and lets him take my hand and lead me to a back room. I see Colleen and Katie staring at me, mouths touching the floor.
He seems to know this place pretty well; he’s making a beeline for a curtained-off area. It’s so dark, only small candles on tables in front of puffy sofas. If I were thinking clearly, this would seem weird. Couples are having all different kinds of sex in here. One guy is propped up on a couch with his fly open and a girl down on her knees in front of him. Another guy is guiding her head up and down helping her give the other guy a blowjob. There is a fully naked couple next to us going at it hard. She’s bent over the arm of the sofa, and he’s up on his knees giving it to her from behind. The music seems even louder in here, if that’s possible, and it adds to the anonymous feeling of it all. You can’t hear or be heard. It’s like being in an X-rated music video.
My stranger wants a little more privacy, so he shakes his head and keeps walking to the back of this odd room. He’s done this before, duh. There’s a circular couch with a long arched floor lamp over it. The light is still dim, but it’s enough to see what you’re doing. He sits down first, and pulls me onto his lap. Fuck, he’s even hotter than I thought seeing him this close. We begin to make out furiously, all hands and mouths exploring each other. He has a hard erection that I’m perched on. He unzips his pants, then slides my skirt up my thighs so I’m sitting directly on top of him; only my panties are between us.
Am I really doing this? My gummy brain is sending me signals to take charge of the situation. I grab his face with both hands and plunge it into my cleavage. My flimsy top falls to the side and exposes my sheer black-lace bra. I bought this to wear for Caleb, he loved hot lingerie, but he never got to see this one. He pu
lls down the scant fabric of my bra, and finds my nipple with his mouth. God, it feels so good. I’m grinding on his dick and I know that I’m moaning, I just can’t hear it. His hands are assisting my hips as I ride up and down his full length. Everything goes black. What the hell? Did I pass out? I reach up to my face and I feel a silky blouse. He must have pulled it over my head. I feel a strong grip on my upper arm, but wait; his hands are still on my ass. That’s when I hear a familiar voice shouting above the music.
“Put your fucking clothes back on, Melanie!”
It’s Katie. I remove the shirt blocking my vision, and the sight of her is too funny: All five feet, two inches of her, in heels, with one hand on her hip, the other pointing at my body. By the look on her face, I can tell she’s pissed. She drags me off the guy’s lap, and yanks down my skirt like an old school teacher chaperoning a dance. The guy is furious and trying to yell at her, but she’s ignoring him. I shrug at him and let Katie lead me out of the den of sin. I start laughing hysterically. Katie joins in and when we reach Colleen, she starts, too.
“Our cab is here s-lut.”
The way Coll says that makes me laugh even harder. I feel a warm trickle running down my legs and I realize I’m peeing myself. This night couldn’t get any weirder. Too bad I’m bombed; I would love to remember it all. I think I fell asleep on the ride home, because we’re already inside her house. Katie guides me to the guest room we saw earlier, and I hit the bed face first. That’s the last thing I remember.