by Betsy Anne
He’s snoring again beside me, but this time it’s softer. He seems more content. My body is exhausted, two orgasms in one night - been way too long - but my brain is spinning. So much makes sense to me now. He’s experienced homelessness, or at least his parents have with him. He didn’t mention if he was homeless much beyond birth, but his behavior indicates that he’s had firsthand experience. I’m honored that he chose to tell me that. It’s encouraging that he may deem me worthy to share more. Jason must know his full story, that’s why he defends him so much. He’s a loyal friend, and Brian must feel safe sharing that part of his past with him. He stirs a little, and squeezes his big arms around me tightly. I’ve never felt so safe. His eyes open, and he notices that I’m staring at him.
“I’m sorry, was I sleeping long? You really relax me. I’ve never done drugs, but if I did I would want one that gives me that feeling around the clock. I’m an addict to the sensation. I feel addicted to you. Wanna go again?”
He raises his eyebrows up and down like a dirty old man. I laugh and playfully swat his chest.
“I’m already going to walk funny after twice. Three times just may hospitalize me. Let’s just say I’m a bit out of practice.”
“All I know is that I can’t feel any pain in my leg. I’ll tell Jason what really helps. He’ll prescribe you to me.”
He kisses the top of my head, as he stands up to stretch. Ooh. Adonis. He pulls his pants back on, and disappears out of the room. He comes back with a big T-shirt and pajama pants that I could swim in, assuming they’re meant for me.
“Can you stay tonight? I swear, I’ll keep my hands to myself. Don’t need you waddling out of here, unable to stand up straight. Your boys are at their dad’s, right?”
I have to think for a minute. I can get Katie to go over and let the dog out, and feed him. The boys won’t be home until tomorrow after school. Other than propriety, long out the window, there’s no reason I can’t stay.
“You wouldn’t think badly of me, would you? I mean, geez, we just met. Sex is one thing, but spending the night, that’s big.”
His face falls, and I fear he thinks I’m being serious.
“I’m just kidding!!”
He grabs me and swings me around his living room. I’m thankful he doesn’t have much furniture, because I make a full round trip without breaking anything. I put on my jammies, and he pours us more wine. In vino veritas, as the Greeks would say. I hope he’ll continue to open up to me. I understand his take on the world, coming from a place of uncertainty. To be thankful for the bad times as well as the good, because they could end up leading you to the best decision of your life. If Jeff and I had worked out, I would have been bored out of my mind. I never would have met Chris, and had my three beautiful sons. If Chris had never cheated on me, I wouldn’t be sitting here with this amazing person. Life is like a seesaw. When you’re down, wait and you’ll rise back up. Just takes patience and faith.
I tell him about my past, and now I want to hear more from him.
“OK, What’s your story?”
He looks like he’s been shot. His face contorts, and I can feel him shutting down. Too much, too soon? He seemed so relaxed; I thought he would open up. He gave me that bit of information before so freely. Maybe I should change tactics.
“…I mean, your football story. Other than the fact you were, quiet with the media, how was your time at Georgia?”
“It was OK. Not much to tell. I went to class; I played my game. I didn’t go to any parties, or bars. I dated occasionally, but just for the sex, honestly. I had no interest in getting serious with anyone. See, I told you, pretty dull, huh?”
He’s locked the vault, and chained the doors. No access granted tonight. Just give me time.
Chapter 16
I called Katie last night to have her check on Benny, but I kept the conversation brief. She was asking questions as fast as they could leave her mouth, but I didn’t give anything away. When I check my phone this morning, I have twenty-five new texts, twenty-three of which are from her. Brian hears me laugh while I’m looking at my phone.
“What is it?”
“It’s Katie. She’s going to explode if I don’t call her this morning. Look…”
I show him my phone, and all her messages. He rubs the sleep out of his eyes, and giggles.
“Well, we don’t want that. What are you going to tell her?”
“I’ll think of something.”
He looks confused by my answer. If he thinks for a second I’m going to tell a man I barely know and whom I’ve just slept with what I perceive the status of our relationship to be, he’s crazy.
“I need to go. I need to clean up the house before the boys get home. I’ve been so busy all weekend, I didn’t get much done.”
I find my clothes; he kindly laid them out over a chair. I quickly get dressed. I suddenly feel very self-conscious about what we’ve done. I hurry and gather my things so I can get out of here. He admitted that the girls he “dated” in college were only for sex. Is that what this is? Just sex? It certainly didn’t feel that way, but God knows I have a history of picking the wrong guys. Every gut instinct I have is trying to tell me that this is different, that he’s different, but I’ve been burned too many times.
“Thanks so much for the tickets, Brian. I hope we can do it again sometime.” I say as he’s struggling with one good leg to get his pants on as I’m running for the door. I turn back to wave, and he has a blank look on his face. Is he hurt? Pissed? Upset? I really don’t know him, so I can’t read him that well. All I can think about is how I’m going to explain this to Katie.
I make it home in decent time, the Monday morning rush hour is over so I sail up north quickly. Katie is outside with Benny on the leash when I pull up to the house.
“Well, look who it is, Mr. Benny, it’s Mommy! She’s a slut, Benny. Say it, s-l-u-t… “
She’s staring at the dog, ignoring me.
“Don’t teach my innocent dog bad words! And, for the record, we could have been reading scripture together all night for all you know.”
I can’t even finish saying that without breaking into laughter. Katie joins me, and pulls me into my house with the poor dog being dragged behind us, grudgingly going back inside.
“OK, you don’t answer texts, so you must have a great explanation. It better be mind-blowing sex because all other forms are disqualified. Go.”
She plops down at my kitchen table and drops her chin into both hands looking eager for the details.
“Well, as you know, after the game he asked me back to his place. I didn’t want to think much…”
A squealing Katie interrupts me.
“Stop! What is this??”
She’s pulling my necklace close to her face to get a good look. Oh, yeah, I’d forgotten about that.
“Brian had to go back to Georgia recently, I guess y’all knew that, and he brought it back for me. Wasn’t that sweet?”
“Did he tell you why he went back?”
She lets the necklace drop to my neck, and has a serious look on her face.
“No, he just said it was a family emergency. I’m really confused, Kat. He doesn’t tell me much. I really like him, and I want to know him better. He did tell me he was homeless when he was born.”
“Well, that’s big for him. Nothing else though?”
“He did mention that he used girls in college for sex, no interest in relationships. Did you know that?”
She shakes her head slowly, like she’s thinking about something else altogether.
“We had a beautiful night, Kat. Worthy of the record books. Problem is, this morning I felt weird. I don’t know what it is, but I think I’m worried I have feelings for him that won’t be reciprocated. My guard is up. You know I always worry about making the same mistakes I’ve made in the past. We didn’t even use protection! That was so stupid of me! The moment, moments, felt so right I didn’t even stop to think about it. What could he possibly think of
me now? I ran out of there like a bat out of hell. He looked like a deer in headlights, not knowing which way to go. What the fuck is wrong with me?”
I feel my cheeks dampen as tears start to flow. Kat looks momentarily stunned by my admissions. I hear my cellphone “ping” with a new text message. It’s from him: Did you make it home OK? You seemed agitated when you left this morning. Hope everything is OK. Please let me know you’re home.
*
I made it back in good time. Kat is here, she was taking care of Benny for me. I’m OK, thanks for asking.
I don’t know how to explain my feelings this morning, especially not by text. The truth is, the fact that he seems like he has so much he’s not telling me is a red flag. I feel like I just have to wait for the other shoe to drop because it always does. Right on my head. Kat looks upset with me.
“Things aren’t always going to be perfect, Mel, because people aren’t perfect. I know I don’t have to tell you that if you’re waiting for trouble, it’s going to happen. You’ll create a drama even if there isn’t any because you’re jaded. I know how shitty your relationships have been, I get it. Just don’t make the mistake of letting one of the good ones get away. Trust him, he’s worth it.”
She’s looking at me with the most serious look I think I’ve ever seen on her. I trust her and Jason as excellent judges of character; I just can’t move forward yet. I need to know more.
“I know, Katie. Right now I just have to listen to my instincts, OK? No pushing.”
She throws up three fingers in a Boy Scout salute.
* * *
Katie
“Oh, Jason, I just don’t know what to do. She’s in a really weird place right now. Clearly, she likes him, a lot, but I think she’s trying to push him away. She’s finally regained self-confidence this year working with Jill, and I think she feels like she doesn’t want to slip into bad habits. Don’t give me that look, you know they’re perfect for each other.”
Jason is staring at me with his “Don’t butt in and ruin this” look I’ve seen too many times. I can’t help it, though. I haven’t told anyone that I’ve had quite a few more dreams about her, and I know the guy in them with her is Brian. I haven’t seen a face, but I just know it’s him.
“Katie, sweetheart, I know you want what’s best for your friend, and so do I. I love her and Brian as if they were family. You have to let them figure things out for themselves. As I recall, you and I found each other on our own, and we’ve done pretty darned well.”
His eyes darken, and he approaches me with that deadly look on his face.
“Oh, no, Jason Weber. You’re not distracting me right now, I want to talk,” I say, fully aware of the fact that I can’t resist this man. Ever.
After we put the kids to bed, we sit holding hands in the quiet of our living room.
“Hey, you interrupted me earlier. Can we continue our talk about Mel and Brian for a minute?”
He rolls his eyes and smiles, knowing that I know his best distraction technique. It works every single time.
“All right, you know I hate talking about other people, but I’ll humor you. Tell me again what happened.”
I go through the details of their evening together. Jason sits quietly as he takes it all in. I mention the necklace, just in passing really, and his head pops up.
“Wait, what? He gave her a necklace? A peach?”
I’m shocked. When has he ever cared about the jewelry another man gave someone, especially that necklace. It didn’t seem like it cost very much.
“Yeah, why? What’s the big deal, other than the fact that he thought of her?”
“OK Katie, I agree with you. I didn’t realize he was quite in this deep with her. We have to help them get together.”
I can’t believe that just came out of his mouth. The same man who lectures me not to butt in, now wants to do just that? Something’s up.
“All right, spill, Jason Weber. There’s something you’re not telling me and before we proceed I have to know what it is.”
I cross my arms across my chest for emphasis, not that it matters. I couldn’t intimidate the man with an entire army behind me.
“I shouldn’t Katie, but I will. This is the one circumstance I think will benefit everyone if you know a little more. Don’t get used to it, though, I don’t like gossip. OK, have a seat and I’ll tell you his story.”
Tears are spilling down my face as Jason tells Brian’s story. I can’t believe everything I hear. I knew a couple of details before, but it was nothing compared to the whole story. It explains so much about him, and reinforces how he must feel about Mel.
“OK, I get it now, I really do. How can we pull this off?"
Chapter 17
Katie’s been acting strangely the last couple of weeks. Not a word about Brian. No questions, no pushing, nothing. If she thinks I’m buying this act, she’s as crazy as I know her to be. Brian has texted me a few times since the last time we saw each other, but I’ve only given him short responses. He’s asked to see me over and over again, and so far I’ve managed to put him off. I know that when I see him again, I’ll be officially head over heels. I think of him every minute of the day, and dream about him every night. I haven’t taken off my necklace since he put it on me. My fingers are constantly drawn to play with the small peach; it’s a little reminder that he’s out there. Right now things are perfect. We shared a beautiful night, and I haven’t said or done anything to ruin it yet. Of course, the longer I put off seeing him, the chances are he’ll give up on me.
The shelter is running like clockwork with Jill at the helm. She focuses all her attention to running the day-to-day operations, so the rest of us are busy trying to get the second location up and running. This spot didn’t need as much renovation, just some updating. It had once been a church, so we are lucky that it has most of the facilities we need in place. Brian has been hard at work pushing to get it completed. I know he’s met with Katie and Jill separately, but he’s giving me my space. I haven’t run into him once. I saw his truck in the parking lot of our offices one morning, but by the time I made it in the door, he was gone. Katie seems to have amnesia about him, but Jill does nothing but bring him up to me every chance she gets.
“Boy, that sweet Brian Eyre sure does talk about you a lot. Always asking lots of questions. Have y’all dated? If not, the poor kid would clearly like too. Throw him a bone, will ya, Mel? Ask him out.”
She doesn’t know our history, but she knows something’s up. I guess he’s not too shy to inquire about me. My heart skips a beat when she tells me that. Then it breaks a little because of how I’m treating him. He deserves so much more than a messed up chick like me with all my baggage. I should do him a favor and cut him off completely. Selfishly, that thought makes me want to vomit. I can’t imagine him with another woman, sharing a night like the one we had. Even as he told me his college stories with other girls I felt more than a little pang of jealousy.
“Yeah, yeah, Jill. Whatever. That guy can have his pick of women. He doesn’t need someone like me.”
Her face drops when I say that. She is such a positive person that she doesn’t tolerate speaking ill of someone, even if that someone is me.
“That’s nonsense, Melanie. You are a bright, beautiful person, and so is he. Enough with the “poor me” talk, you know I don’t like it.”
She huffs off to find someone else to talk to. Ouch. She has never reprimanded me. It was the gentlest of condemnation, but point received. The pity party is over.
Next weekend is the dedication of the new shelter. I’ve been doing most of my work at home to help. I don’t want to run into anyone, and Jill scares me a little. I won’t be able to hide come Saturday. Katie and I are in charge of ribbon-cutting once again. Brian sends me a text the Thursday before, to check on me: Hi Mel. I just wanted to touch base and make sure you were going to be there on Saturday. Sounds like you’ve been really busy lately, I miss getting to see you. I really hope I didn’t
upset you in some way, and if I did I would hope you would tell me. Katie hasn’t said anything, so I guess no news is good news. Take care, B
Man, I’m a world-class, fucked up bitch. Things were simple when I had someone like to Chris to hate. I was always the good guy. With Brian I feel like I’m trying to take that first leap, but my foot is paralyzed in mid-air. He’s too good of a guy to hurt, and that’s all I seem to know about relationships. I type out ten responses to his message, but I don’t send any of them. I’m just not ready.
Saturday arrives, and it’s a cold, wintry day. The sky is dark, and the smell of snow hangs in the air. No matter how long I live in the Midwest, the southern girl in me will always hate this crap. I should be happy today, but the weather and my nerves about seeing Brian have put me in the foulest of moods. Katie even told me she would drive herself when I snapped at her on the phone this morning. She was being sweet, and I just couldn’t take it. To make matters worse, Brian sends me one last text this morning: Good morning, Mel. I just want you to know that I get the message, and I’ll stop bothering you. Today is a special day and I don’t want to ruin it for you. You don’t have to feel pressure to talk to me, I understand.