by Betsy Anne
I throw my phone to the floor. I hear a shattering sound, and I just don’t give a fuck. I got what I deserved; he’s leaving me alone. He needs so much more; he just has to see it. He’s a gorgeous football star; he doesn’t need to be wasting his time with me.
My justifications are fueling my bad mood. By the time I’m ready to leave the house, I feel almost deadly. The bitch is on the loose.
I see Jason, Katie and the rest of the staff assembling inside the vestibule. It’s beginning to snow, so we’re all trying to squeeze into a small space. Brian is up near the podium, speaking closely with Jill. Whatever they’re talking about looks intense. Katie gives me a quick wave of her hand, but she doesn’t move to come and see me. I think she’s scared of me today, as well she should be. Instinctively, Jason puts his arm around her and squeezes her against him. Barf. I don’t think I’ll ever have something like that in my life. The thought just pisses me off even more.
Jill reaches the podium, and begins her speech.
“Good afternoon, friends!”
Ugh. Happy as ever.
“We’re here today, as you all know, to celebrate the opening of our second shelter. We have all been blessed beyond measure to be standing here today. Those of you who helped make this a reality know how much you’ve received in return. Knowing that these women and children who would normally be out on the street are having hot meals and a place to lay their heads helps me sleep at night. We are all responsible for one another in this lifetime, my mother told me as a child, and I watched her live it everyday. Her influence on me is what sparked my fire as an adult. Today I have someone else who would like to share his story. May you find yourself as inspired as I was when I heard it. Please welcome, the Chicago Bears own, Brian Eyre.”
Oh shit. I have a rock in my gut that seems to be growing. I don’t know if I can hear what he has to say.
“Good afternoon, everyone. I’ve never been known as much of a public speaker, so please bear with me. I’ve known Jill for a while now, her husband is my coach and he pushes me pretty hard.” He smiles. “She’s always been the nicest person to me, and she never fails to check on all of us players, especially the single guys, to make sure we’re doing OK. So of course it didn’t surprise me when I found out that she was trying to open a shelter. I knew she would succeed. She has love and tenacity, and in life that combination will get you far.
“I knew another lady with the same love and tenacity. She found herself eighteen and pregnant by her high-school sweetheart. Her minister father threw her out of the house when she told him. The boy’s parents sent him off to the military. She had no place to go or anyone to help her. She gave birth in a gas-station bathroom, on a hot Georgia day. She lived only by the grace of strangers willing to help. She found a shelter for herself and her little baby where she could stay and get healthy. She learned how to cook, and got a job in a restaurant. She was able to save enough money to buy an old, rusted-out car, which doubled as a house. She did all she could to make sure her boy never went hungry. By the time high school began for him, she had managed to get a tiny apartment for the two of them. She struggled through pain and hardship for years, but the boy never knew it. The love from her was so great that he was shielded from the harsh reality of their situation.
“The boy was a talented athlete, and realized that he may be able to provide for his mother one day if he could stay focused and make the NFL. That dream, that goal, is what motivated him every day of his life. His dreams weren’t of sports cars and luxury houses; they were only of his mother and taking care of her. His college career, while successful, was made difficult by rumors about his past. He ignored anyone and everyone who tried to pull him down or away from his goal. He was singularly focused. When his dream came true, the first thing he did was buy his mother a house. She insisted that it be small, she didn’t need much, and that he save his money to help others. She never complained or asked for more, even when her health began to deteriorate. The cancer didn’t care how young she was, or how hard her life had been. The cancer decided that her time was up, and she gave in unwillingly. She fought all her life, it just wasn’t enough to save her.
“The story is, of course, about me and my mother. I made a donation to Jill’s cause that I hoped would remain anonymous, but I wanted to share my mother’s story after she died. I don’t want her to be anonymous. When she learned that her illness was getting worse, she stopped treatment and insisted that I use the money for good instead of throwing it away on a lost cause. In her memory, I would like to match my original donation amount of $500,000 to help toward long-term operating expenses of these shelters. My only request is that it be named for her, Mary Elisabeth Eyre, so that we can remember the beautiful woman who inspired it.”
He backs from the podium, and pulls a cloth away from a large photo propped up on an easel. It’s a photograph of her at a Bears football game, standing next to Brian. She was a waif of a woman, very beautiful, but with a face aged well beyond her years. Both of them have big smiles on their faces. The tears in my eyes cloud the image, but he looks happy. I take a closer look at the photo and notice a small chain around his mother’s neck. I’m a good distance away, but I know exactly what it is. The peach necklace. I feel my heart break in half, so much so that I can barely summon the strength to move. I have to get out of here. I knew he had pain, but I had no idea it went that deep. My heart is breaking for him, not myself, and I don’t want him to see the pity on my face. Katie sees me as I’m walking away, and flags me down.
“Mel, Jason told me all of that. His mom had just passed away when he went to Georgia a few weeks ago. He cares a lot about you, but he feels like this would all be too much for you to handle. Please show him how strong you are, don’t run now.”
“I can’t, Kat, I just can’t right now. I can’t face him knowing how rude I’ve been through the hardest time in his life.”
I run all the way to my car. I get in and can’t turn the key; I break down. I’m crying and can’t catch my breath. I see images of him as a little child. The taunts he must have gotten in school make me sick to think about. No wonder he kept to himself. The vultures out there always seem to look for and find weakness, even in the strongest of people. The crowd is beginning to dissipate, so I force myself to leave and go home.
As I’m driving, one of the things he said in his speech pops into my head. The donation! He was the one! I never even gave him a second thought in regards to that. I thought for sure it was one of the big-time CEO’s who made it. He’ll end up giving Jill a million dollars for this charity. She’ll be able to help so many through his generosity. I can’t see the road. This is ridiculous.
I make it home without running off the road, and my shattered phone is ringing as I enter the house. It’s Katie.
“You and I were supposed to cut the ribbon, Mel! Don’t worry, though, Jill and I did it. Brian was looking for you after everyone left. He asked if you heard everything. I told him you did. He seemed worried that you left. He told Jason he was concerned that it would be too much for you. That’s why he let you go. He doesn’t want to give you more heartbreak. Those were his words.”
“OK, Kat. Thanks for letting me know.”
I hang up on her. What the hell am I supposed to do with that information? I’m tired, cranky and dehydrated from all the crying so I go up to my bed and pass out.
* * *
I don’t hear from Brian. I guess he was waiting for me to make a move, and here I stand, one foot in the air, unable to move. He gave me his mother’s necklace. I still haven’t taken it off; it’s too precious to me.
Jason and Katie have a big Christmas party for his physical therapy practice coming up. I agree to come over and watch the kids for them; I don’t have anything else planned. This is the last time Chris will have the boys before Christmas, so he has them for the whole week. My sadness is profound, deep in my bones. I’ve seen Brian on the sidelines of the games, looking as handsome as ever. He doesn’
t seem quite as brooding as he did. Perhaps telling his story was cathartic for him. Jill names both shelters for his mother, and pictures of her are featured prominently throughout. Her story helps inspire other women trying to go it alone. It is possible to raise a child with love under adverse conditions.
His leg is healing well, according to Jason, and he should be playing again by training camp. Jason says he’s stronger than ever and has put on twenty pounds of pure muscle to strengthen his legs. I can’t even imagine more muscle. My stomach does a little flip thinking about his legs. Georgia was the perfect school for him, since the mascot’s a bulldog. Solid, stubborn and tenacious, just like him. I’ve no doubt this injury will push him to be in better shape than before; if that’s even possible.
Katie tells me to be at their house by 6:00 p.m. I’m so bored, I head over early, around 5:30 p.m. She answers the door, not dressed for a Christmas party.
“Why are you here so early?”
She looks frazzled.
“I’m sorry, I thought I could go ahead and start cooking some dinner for the kids. Where are they?”
“They’re, playing, somewhere. I think at the Miller’s down the street.”
She shoos me in quickly, and slams the door. I see Jason at the top of the stairs, also casually dressed.
“Oh, hey, Mel. Well, you ready to go, Kat?”
He rushes past me and grabs her hand as he heads for the door.
“See you later!” I hear Katie say as she disappears into Jason’s car. They speed out of the driveway and down the street. I’m standing here, a bit stumped. I’m in their house, but no kids and they’re obviously not going to a party. A bad feeling creeps up my spine. Anxious sweat, beads on my forehead. My cellphone, still in my hand, buzzes.
Please don’t be mad. The kids won’t be home. Love you!
Oh shit. Those two sneaky ones aren’t trapping me in a practical joke. I open the door to go home and eat the entire gingerbread house I made this afternoon. Screw the calories. I look up when I open the door just in time to run smack into someone’s chest. Ouch! I know this body well: It’s Brian.
Chapter 18
I stumble back a few feet after running head-on into this brick wall of a man. His hands instinctively grab my upper arms to help me regain my balance.
“Whoa! I’m sorry, I had no idea someone was on the other side of the door. Katie told me to go in, that it was open. What are you doing here?”
He has a mixed look of concern and confusion. Oh that face. I haven’t seen him in weeks, so I didn’t realize how many details I had forgotten: his delectable scent, those gorgeous eyes, his long lashes. He has cut his hair, and he has what appears to be a couple of day’s growth of beard too. This man couldn’t be sexier, even though he doesn’t have a clue that he is. That’s part of his appeal. No conceit. Chris was hot, but he always knew it. Women would fawn over him and he took the bait every time. I don’t think Brian has so much as glanced in a mirror. His appearance is who he is, not something he uses for advantage. His physique comes from working hard for his sport, not vanity. He’s wearing the same sweatpants he had on the night we were together. I remember pulling them off of his body.
“Mel? Are you OK? You seem out of it.”
Oh my God, he’s been waiting for an answer to his first question, and I’ve been standing here in a fog. I’m just praying I wasn’t too obvious while I had wayward thoughts of him.
“Oh! I’m sorry. What did you say?”
Thank goodness, he laughs a little. Maybe to ease the tension.
“I said, what are you doing here? Jason and Katie asked me to babysit for them tonight. They know I’m usually free these days, so I told them I’d be happy to. Where are the kids?”
He’s trying to act casual, but I couldn’t help but notice him checking me out too. My heart has either stopped or is beating so fast I can’t feel it. Either way, I might pass out at his feet. Wait a minute. They asked him to babysit too? I knew it! I knew Katie was up to something. There’s no telling how long she and Jason have been planning this little “accident.” Now I understand what she meant in her text. Well, I have one of two options. I can continue out the door, telling him to leave because we’ve been tricked and go home and pout. Or I can stay here and take advantage of the situation. I may be a bitch at times, but I’m no fool. I gather my wits, and step around him to close the door.
When I turn around, he’s staring at me.
“What’s going on, Mel?”
“Apparently, Jason and Katie set it up for you and me to see each other. They asked me to babysit for them, too. The kids are supposedly down the street, but I’m not buying that. Care for a drink? If they’ve tricked me, then I’m going to drink all their booze. Want to join?”
My equilibrium is starting to normalize. His presence puts me at ease, unless you count that my hormones scream at me to pull off his clothes. I lead him over to the wet bar, so I can check out the goods. Neither of them are big drinkers, but they always have a stocked bar for company. I know my way around it fairly well.
“Beer? Wine? Cocktail? I make a mean Long Island iced tea.”
“Sounds great. I could use a little liquid courage right about now.”
I can’t believe he said that. OK, he’s a bundle of nerves, too. It helps to know I’m not the only one. I take all the necessary ingredients, and a couple of tall glasses. I measure and pour, showing a little finesse, as he watches closely.
“I’m impressed! The best I could do is bite off the beer cap for you.”
It’s hard for me to look him in the face. I can feel his eyes boring through me, begging me to look up. I pretend to be more focused on the task at hand. I know if I engage with him right now, I’ll start crying. He doesn’t need that, so I’m going to do my best to keep the mood light. I find a couple of paper umbrellas for the finishing touch. I give him the pink one with yellow flowers, hand him the drink and hold mine out for a toast.
“To Katie and Jason. May they never stop looking over their shoulder for me.”
He laughs, and understands what I mean. I’m sure he’s just as glad as I am to be thrown together this way, but it could have been bad. What if he had been upset and didn’t want to see me? My heart would have shattered had the look on his face had been any different. I’ve missed him so much. I’ve lain in bed at night thinking about him. His story about his mother has permeated every waking minute of my days. I try to imagine what she must have been like. I have many other questions, too. Has he ever met his dad? His grandparents? I want to know every detail about him and his life. I swallow hard, because I feel a lump rising in my throat, and I don’t want him to hear pity.
“About your childhood, Brian, I’m really sorry. I had no idea what you’d been through. I’m also so sorry for the loss of you’re mother.” Swallow. “I’m so ashamed for not returning any of your messages. I just feel like you’re…too good for me.”
I take a huge gulp. When I set down my glass, it’s nearly empty. I can feel the warmth of the alcohol work its way through my bloodstream. Go faster, I need the help! When I look up at his face, he’s red as a beet. Shit. I’ve embarrassed him. Wait. No, he’s furious. I know I’ve never seen him like this. His nostrils are flaring, and he slams his drink down so hard I think the glass is going to shatter. He rubs his hands over his face like he’s exasperated.
“Is that why you’ve been avoiding me? You think I’m too good for you?”
He’s shouting now. His southern drawl is thick, and if I weren’t so shaken by his reaction, I’d think it was the cutest sound I’d ever heard. He’s aimlessly pacing around the living room exhaling puffs of air from tightly pursed lips.
“Why would you ever think like that? I’m nothing! I have nothing to offer anyone. I have no family, very few friends, not even a true place to call home. I play a sport that, if I’m lucky, I’ll have five good years left. Then what, Mel, huh? What then?”
He looks as if he could cry. I know he won
’t because he’s visibly fighting it with everything he has. He goes on, to my shocked amazement.
“And look at you. You have three amazing boys, close friends and a family in Georgia who misses you. You’re smart, beautiful, and dammit, so fucking sexy…”
He crosses the space between us and grabs my head in his massive hands. His warm lips are all over me before I know what’s happening. He’s kissing and biting my lips and neck like a starved man. My nerve endings snap to attention, and I feel deep warmth all over. I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze him tightly against me. We don’t need any words right now; our bodies are speaking for us. His hands caress my head as he kisses me. The gentleness with every move he makes is humbling. He pulls himself away from me just far enough to look into my eyes. He locks his fingers with mine.
“I don’t want to be here, in their house. Can we go to yours? I’ve only seen your place once, and I’ve had fantasies of going back. There are so many things I want to do to you and Katie would kill me if I did them here.”
That thought makes me laugh, and he’s right. Doing it in someone else’s house is weird. I do a quick assessment of the place, and see our glasses. I won’t pause now to clean up; I’ll have to owe her one. I owe her and Jason a big one for setting this up. I’ll have to come up with a good way to say thanks to them both.
We leave their house and make the cold but quick journey over to mine. Oh God, I hope it’s clean, I don’t remember. Benny greets us at the door; he must remember Brian. He flops over to show his stomach for a belly rub. Brian laughs.
“Hey, bud! I remember you. I must have made a good impression that night, at least on you.”
Ouch. At least he’s smiling when he says that.