Flutter mba-3

by Аманда Хокинг

  “He left?” Peter growled, his green eyes glowering at me.

  “He said everything’s going to be fine!” I insisted desperately.

  “Bullshit.” Peter tossed the towel aside and immediately started searching for a shirt.

  “Okay, Peter, you can’t go!”

  “Watch me,” Peter snapped as he tore through one of Ezra’s dresser drawers.

  Since I couldn’t think of any Peter that shouldn’t go except that Ezra implicitly told me not let him, I hurried over and put my hand on his arm, stupidly attempting to physically stop him. Some part of me still half-expected that electrical jolt I always got from touching him, and when there wasn’t one, I felt oddly lacking. His skin still felt warm and soft under my hand, but it was nothing to write home about.

  “Alice.” Peter rolled his shoulder and gently pushed my hand off.

  “You can’t go!” I repeated and let my hand fall to my side.

  “You keep saying that but you’re not telling me why!” Peter exclaimed wearily.

  “Because of me!” I shouted randomly.

  It got his attention, which is all I really wanted. He was holding a shirt in his hands, but instead of putting it on, he turned back to look at me skeptically. The shower, along with eating and sleeping, had done wonders for him. He hadn’t shaved yet, and there was that thick stubble on his face, but it didn’t look horrible. In fact, he actually looked really good, but Peter always looked good, even unshaven with longer hair.

  “What do you have to do with anything?” Peter continued eyeing me dubiously.

  “Well, okay, let’s say you go after Ezra, leaving me here,” I fumbled with an answer. “And you’re going because he’s going to get himself killed. If that’s true, like you say it is, you won’t be able to change that.

  They’ll be all pissed, and they’ll just kill you both. The odds of the both of you being able to take on and defeat an entire pack on your own… they aren’t good.”

  “If he’s going to die, then I’m going to die,” Peter said, and that wasn’t really disagreeing with me, which was rather disheartening.

  “That’s very noble of you, but if you go, then I’d go with you. Because there would be no reason for me to wait here.” When I said it, I realized it was true, and that did nothing to ease the nerves in my stomach.

  “Even if you didn’t want me to. If I stay here, I’m just a sitting duck. As soon as you walk out that door after the lycan, I’m as good as dead anyway. They’d just come back and kill me. There’s no way that I can fight them.”

  From the look in his eyes, I knew he wanted to refute me, but he couldn’t, so he just looked away. He chewed the inside of his cheek again and furrowed his brow, trying to think of a better plan or a way to prove me wrong. In a way, I was hoping he could too. I liked scenarios where we didn’t all end up dead.

  “I can’t just let him kill himself like this!” Peter shook his head, refusing to see the logic.

  “Look, if you go, they will definitely try to kill you, and he wouldn’t stand for that. They will almost certainly kill you both, and then me, and that’s not a road I want to go down,” I explain as calmly as I could when talking about my own demise. “But by himself, he at least stands a chance of reasoning with them. Right now, this is the only chance we have of all three of us getting home alive. But if you go after him, we’re all dead, and you know it.”

  “But if they kill him, over me-”

  “Then we’ll come up with something else!” I cut him off, ending that train of thought as soon as I could. “I don’t want him to die anymore than you do! But maybe he won’t! Okay? Maybe… he’s right.”

  Peter scoffed and rolled his eyes, but he seemed to be conceding to my way of thinking. He sat back on the bed, tucking his hair behind his ear and staring at the floor. Unsure of what else to do, I leaned back against the dresser and just watched him. I was afraid that if I did or said the wrong thing, I would accidentally change his mind, and he would rush out the door after Ezra.

  “It’s ridiculous how much influence you still have over me,” Peter muttered at length.

  “What are you talking about?” I narrowed my eyes at him.

  “I shouldn’t even be listening to you!” He said it like it should be incredibly obvious, and he was very deliberately not looking at me.

  “Yeah, you should. Cause I’m right and I have a valid point.”

  I wasn’t sure what he was insinuating, but it made me feel strange inside. Like somehow after all of this, broken blood and all, he managed to have feelings for me. And somehow, that seemed to matter to me, when it most definitely should not. I cared about him on some level, which was why I came on this rescue mission, and I hoped that he reciprocated similar feelings, but I didn’t want or need anything more.

  “Maybe.” Peter shrugged and absently rubbed his eye. “Not that I can even tell if that’s why I’m listening to you.”

  “What does that even mean?” I demanded.

  “Nothing.” Abruptly he pulled on the tee shirt and stood up. “I should go after him.”

  “What? Why?” I asked nervously. “What does that have to do with anything?”

  “I don’t know!” Peter sounded just as exasperated as I felt, and he rubbed his temples. “It just doesn’t feel right! Sitting here, with you, while he’s out there.”

  “I agree with your sentiments, except for that random dig at me. Thanks for that, by the way,” I said dryly.

  “Oh, come on, I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant that I should be out there, with Ezra!”

  “And not sitting around acting like me, with your thumb up your ass,” I finished for him.

  “Yeah, yeah, I get it.”

  “Being impossible doesn’t make me want to be around you more,” Peter grumbled, casting me a look.

  “Who says I want you to be around me?” I countered.

  That was silly, because I did want him around me. Not in any naughty of sort of way, but I definitely didn’t want to drive him away when the plan was to try and convince him to stay with me. I sighed and decided to redouble my efforts on being nice to him. After all, I really didn’t want him to end up dead.

  “Why are you here?” Peter asked honestly, looking at me.

  “Um, well…” I stammered. “Ezra told us that you were in trouble, and um… I offered to go with. He thought it would be a good idea, and here we are.”

  “Jack let you go?” Peter raised a skeptical eyebrow.

  “Well, he didn’t know where we were going, and he wasn’t thrilled about it. But there’s not much he can do.” I shrugged.

  “Hmm,” he sounded bemused. “So, Ezra thought you would convince me to come back home?”

  “I wouldn’t go that far…” But really I would. That’s what we were both hoping, anyway.

  I felt Peter start appraising me for the first time, and I pulled the blanket self-consciously around me.

  Sure, my body was hotter than it used to be, but it was never confidence boosting when somebody was actually looking me over, like they were judging me. Although, he seemed pleased with what he saw, and I wasn’t sure how to take that.

  “You look really good,” Peter admitted, sitting back on the bed. “So you weren’t the worst choice to send after me, I guess.”

  “Thanks. But I don’t think he thought I’d be good because of how I looked,” I squirmed a little at the idea. “It’s because of what happened, between us. I mean, that’s why I came.”

  “I don’t understand,” Peter looked at me quizzically. “Aren’t you bonded with Jack now?”

  “I am, yeah.”

  “So what are you talking about?” Peter shook his head.

  “What do you mean?” I returned his confusion.

  “You can’t still care about me,” Peter said, but he didn’t sound convinced off the fact.

  “Of course I do! Not like before, but I still care!” I insisted. Then I floundered, feeling embarrassed.

  �
��I mean, don’t you? Like… a little bit?”

  “I don’t know that we were ever truly bonded anyway,” Peter answered brusquely, ignoring my question entirely.

  “What?” I gaped at him.

  It was such a ridiculous statement, like saying that the sky was purple, I didn’t even know how to argue with it. There was no other to describe what we had gone through together, and he knew it. I couldn’t understand what he could possibly gain by denying it, but he was shaking his head and looking at the ground.

  “Why did you come out here then?” I demanded, once I had gotten my mind wrapped around what a gigantic ass Peter was being.

  “I like Finland!” Peter met my accusatory glare evenly.

  “Yeah, right.” The blanket had started slipping off my shoulder and I readjusted it. “You came out here to join a crazed pack of vampires cause you like Finland? That sounds a lot more like you were trying to get yourself killed.”

  “Why would I wanna do that? Over you?” Peter stood up quickly, smirking down at me.

  “That’s what you think, right? That I couldn’t possibly live without you? That’s a little bit of an ego trip you’re on, isn’t it?”

  “Well… no… that’s not what…” I started to stammer out some kind of response, then I straightened my shoulders. I didn’t like the idea of blubbering in front of him. “After you lost Elise you almost-”

  “Don’t talk to me about Elise!” Peter snapped and turned away from me. “I don’t feel anything for like you like I felt for her!”

  “I never said you did!” I said, and rubbed my temples. This certainly was not convincing Peter to stay and live, but I was caring less and less for his safety. “Peter, I am just trying to help you! I don’t know why you’re so angry with me for that!”

  “This is you helping?” Peter laughed darkly.

  “How do you want me to help? What do you want me to do?” I shouted at him, frustrated.

  “Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it!”

  “I want you to-” Peter started, looking pained and surprisingly vulnerable, but then he stopped and shook his head. His face fell and he collapsed heavily back on the bed. “I don’t want anything from you. Not anymore.”

  On the night stand next to my bed, my phone started ringing, distracting me from whatever argument I was attempting to build in my head. The ringtone was familiar to both of us, and Peter eyed up my phone with a hint of disgust. I had been hoping that their mutual distaste would evaporate, but by the look on Peter’s face, that was not going to happen any time soon.

  “Aren’t you going to answer that?” Peter asked snidely.

  “Not right now. I’m busy.” To avoid the surprise in Peter’s eyes, I looked down at the floor and tucked my hair behind my ears. It was Jack calling, and since I didn’t really have anything helpful to tell him, I didn’t want to answer.

  “Doesn’t he have you on some kind of string?” Peter asked pointedly after the ringing finally stopped.

  “You mean like you did?” I tried to give him a harsh look, but he just stared back at me, unaffected.

  “Yeah, I do,” Peter nodded. “If I had called you before, you would’ve answered no matter what you were doing. It just seems odd to me that if you’re bonded-”

  “That I’m capable of still thinking for myself?” I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I still can. And I did with you too, otherwise I never would’ve been able to do things with Jack.” His eyes flashed hard again, and I wondered why I kept trying to set him off. “But I thought you said we weren’t really bonded anyway.”

  “I don’t know what to think,” Peter relented, lowering his eyes. That whole thing with us had been a horrible, peculiar mess, but it was behind us. It was time to move on.

  “Why did you come here?” I asked gently, attempting to really talk to him. “If it wasn’t because of what happened-”

  “Of course it was because of what happened,” Peter sighed, sounding irritated. “Of course it was because of you.” He looked back up at me, his eyes uncertain and exposed. “Is that what you want to hear?”

  “I’m just trying to talk to you and reason with you! I don’t want anything from you except the truth!”

  “That is the truth!” Peter growled, and then instantly regretted saying it. Almost apologetically, he added, “I’m not blaming you.”

  “I know you’re not,” I admitted.

  That didn’t mean that I wouldn’t feel guilty about everything that happened. It had been hard not to paint Peter as the bad guy through everything that had happened, but he really wasn’t. He was trapped in the same web as Jack and I, but unlike us, he had to fight to get out on his own. We were still together, and his only option had been a botched suicide attempt in Finland.

  “I know that we screwed up, or rather, I screwed up,” I attempted an apology. “I’m not gonna say that you didn’t make mistakes, but we all did. The way that Jack and I were sneaking around, that was kind of unfair to you, and I’m sorry. I never wanted anything bad to happen to you. I never meant to hurt you. I just… I didn’t know what to do. You weren’t around. I couldn’t talk to you and try to sort this out with you.”

  “Oh, like the outcome would’ve been any different if you had?” Peter rolled his eyes.

  “Yes!” I insisted emphatically, and my intensity surprised him. “Things would’ve turned out so much better! You fought me on every turn with this! If you had just sat down and had a reasonable conversation, do you think it really would’ve come to this?”

  “Everything with you has always been so complicated.” Peter ran a hand through his dark hair, which looked amazingly silky after the shower. “I didn’t know what to say you. I didn’t even know what I wanted.”

  “What do you want now?” I asked him directly.

  Peter chewed his lip and stared off at my empty bed. He was actually thinking about his answer and that reassured me. Everything bad happened when he or Jack did something rash. If they actually took time to actually consider things, we could’ve avoided a lot more messes. Ezra probably wouldn’t be out there, trying to barter with lycans for Peter’s freedom.

  “I don’t want Ezra out there right now,” Peter said thickly, and his green eyes were swimming with regret. “I wish you weren’t here.” He shook his head before I could get offended. “I don’t want you to get hurt. This is dangerous. I don’t want anyone to get hurt. I was just pissed off and I wanted to… I don’t know.

  But I just want to fix this.”

  “Ezra is the best chance for keeping us all alive. We have to just let him work his magic and hope for the best.” I wished I had something more convincing to say, but that was all Ezra had left me with. “But when this is over, assuming that Ezra makes it all go away, are you gonna come back home with us?”

  “Do really think that’s wise?” The way Peter looked at me, I knew there was nothing rhetorical about it. After the month he had, he probably wanted nothing more than to just come home. That didn’t necessarily mean that was the best decision for him, though, and he was checking to see how Jack and Milo would react.

  “It’s your home. We’re your family. All of us,” I told him honestly, and that seemed to satisfy him into almost smiling.

  He might’ve actually smiled if my phone hadn’t started ringing again, and I knew that I had to do something about it. If Jack was calling repeatedly in such a short time frame, that must mean that he wants something. Or that something was wrong. Either way, I didn’t feel right about just letting it ring.

  “I should probably get that.” I pointed to the phone sheepishly.

  “Don’t let me stop you,” Peter nodded, but his expression had gone stony.

  I had barely even hit the answer button when I heard Jack yelling anxiously, “What the hell have you been doing, Alice? Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been trying to reach you for days!”

  “I’ve been busy, Jack.” I tried to sound irritated, but the sound of his voice melted away
any hint of annoyance I could possibly muster. My heart ached for him, and I was desperate to be with him. This had been the longest week and a half of my entire life. With Peter sitting on the bed behind me, I didn’t want to let any of that on. It felt rude somehow. “We’ve been looking for Peter. Remember?”

  “Why can’t you call? Or answer a text message? Or let me know that you’re still alive?” Jack demanded. He was trying to sound mad, but the relief was all too audible.

  “I’m sorry.” I had to swallow back tears, and I glanced back over my should to check on Peter. He started to get up off the bed, sending fresh terror through me. “Where are you going?”

  “What? I’m not going anywhere?” Jack was bewildered on the phone.

  “No, not you,” I told him and nodded at Peter, who looked quizzically at me. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to the bathroom. Is that okay with you?” Peter tried to make a joke, but I could tell that he was genuinely distressed over listening to me talk to Jack.

  “Yeah. Just don’t leave the room, okay?” I didn’t really trust him not to sneak away, either to stop Ezra or throw himself in the mouths of the enemy.

  “Whatever you say.” Peter saluted me, then snuck off into the bathroom. A few seconds later, I heard the water running, and I suspected that he was trying to down out the sound of me talking.

  “Who is that?” Jack’s voice had gotten icy, so he knew exactly who it was.

  “Peter.” I sat down on the bed, thankful for the bit of privacy that Peter had given me.

  “You found him?” Jack shouted incredulously. “Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you still there?

  When are you coming home? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

  “I’m fine, he’s fine.” I was tempted to say that Ezra was fine, but unfortunately, at that moment, I didn’t know the current status on Ezra. “We just found him last night. He needed to rest, and now we’re getting some things sorted out. We should be leaving soon.”