by Penelope Sky
I ignored him, my eyes still on the stairs where I’d last seen her. I moved my arms so he could get the coat off me, but I was barely aware that he was there.
“I don’t mean to intrude…” He lowered his voice to a whisper, even though Muse was so far away she couldn’t overhear us anyway. “But be a little more patient with her, Conway. She’s just scared right now. Comfort her and make her feel safe…and she’ll open up.”
My eyes flashed to his face, the suspicion entering my gaze. “You know?”
“No…but I have a hunch.”
“Why don’t you just tell me, Dante? You work for me, not her.”
He folded my jacket then draped it over his arm. “Trust me, it would be much better coming from her instead of me.”
Before I stepped inside our bedroom, I dropped my insufferable attitude and tried to adopt a new demeanor. Sometimes I was suffocating because I needed to be in control of everything. I knew how overwhelming I could be. She was the object of my fascination, so naturally, I was obsessed with every thought that came across her mind.
I stepped inside and found her sitting on the couch. She was still in the same clothes she’d been wearing, and her legs were crossed, as well as her arms. The TV was off, so she sat in silence, her thoughts her only entertainment.
I stripped off my tie and draped my suit jacket over the back of the chair at the desk. I was tempted to pour myself a scotch to calm my nerves, but alcohol didn’t seem appropriate in that moment.
I came around the couch and sat beside her, doing my best not to stare at her so openly. My hand moved to her thigh, and she didn’t flinch at my touch. “Muse, I didn’t mean to come off so aggressively. You’re my whole world, and I’m just worried. I want you to know there’s nothing you could say to me—to change us. There’s nothing you could do to change my love for you.” She could even tell me that she’d slept with Nox, and it still wouldn’t change where we stood. I loved this woman more than I could ever fathom, and there was no way I was ever letting her go again. Maybe this was forever, but the idea of a lifetime didn’t scare me—not when it came to Muse. “Whatever you’re keeping inside is obviously bothering you. It’s killing you. Tell me what the problem is, and we can get through it together.” I squeezed her thigh.
She was unresponsive, staring at the coffee table.
My jaw clenched and I wanted to start screaming again, but I took Dante’s advice and remained calm, understanding that quiet confidence was preferable to hostility. My fingers moved gently over her thigh, touching her lightly. I stared at the blank TV screen and waited.
And waited.
Finally, Muse took a deep breath. “I’ve been scared to tell you because…I’m not sure how you’re going to react.”
“I’ll tell you how I’m going to react, Muse. I’m going to be right here—no matter what you say.”
“You say that now…”
I kept massaging her, doing my best to be calm. “You have to tell me anyway, Muse. You may as well get it over with. All I know is, I love you. No matter what comes our way, we’ll make it work. I didn’t treat you right in the beginning, but the last three months has taught me how terrifying my life is without you. I don’t want to feel that way again…”
She gave a slight nod.
Maybe we were making progress.
She lowered her arms, and in one of her hands was a plastic rod. She placed it on my knee then pulled away.
It took me a second to figure out what it was. I’d never seen one in the flesh. I raised it toward my face, seeing the word written in blue.
Pregnant.
It took me another few seconds to absorb what I’d just read.
Pregnant.
Muse was pregnant.
There was a baby growing inside her at this very minute.
I leaned forward and held the pregnancy test in both hands, staring at the blue letters with even more attention. I needed more time to process this, to understand that my world had changed in an instant.
She’d only been with me for two weeks, but I knew I was the father. I didn’t need to ask if she’d lied about Nox because she wouldn’t do that to me. Muse was always honest with me.
I was going to be a father.
I was going to have a son or a daughter.
A little Barsetti.
Jesus Christ. It hit me then. My world had completely changed, had flipped upside down. In a few months, I would be responsible for another person. I would worry about them just the way my parents worried about me. Until the day I died, this child would be the biggest thing inside my heart.
I nearly forgot Muse was still sitting beside me, watching every single reaction.
“I don’t know how it happened,” she whispered. “You gave me that shot when I first got here, and I know it lasts twelve months. I didn’t mean for this to happen, and I want you to know that you’re the father. I was never with—”
“Shh…” I set the pregnancy stick on the table and grabbed her hand. I pivoted my body toward her and looked at the terror in her eyes. She was on the verge of tears, afraid of how I would react. When she first told me she loved me, I threw her out of the house and told her to leave.
I didn’t blame her for being so worried.
It was my fault.
I brought her hand to my mouth and kissed all of her knuckles. “Muse, it’s alright.”
“You aren’t mad?” she whispered.
“Mad? No, not at all. And I know I’m the father. There was never a doubt about that.”
“I just…I know you said you weren’t ready for marriage and kids. I don’t want you to think I did this on purpose, that I’m trying to trap you.”
“I don’t think that at all, Muse.” My hand moved into her hair, and I cupped her cheek. I tried to erase the fear in her eyes by enveloping her in my confidence. “No, I’m not ready for marriage and kids. I wanted more time for it to be just us. But it was going to happen anyway. I was never going to let you go, so if you ever demanded I put a ring on your finger, I would do it…because I can’t live without you. This baby doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t make me love you less. It makes me love you more.” I pressed my forehead to hers. “I want you to relax now. I promise I’ll always take care of both of you. I will be the best father I can be, and I will be the best husband I can be.”
“I’m not asking you to marry me, Con. Just because—”
“I do want to marry you.” I tilted her head, forcing her to look up at me. “I want us to be a family. I want both of you to have my last name. I’m never going to feel this way about another woman as long as I live.”
She finally smiled, the fear slowly dissipating from her eyes.
“It’s sooner than I wanted, yes. But it doesn’t mean I don’t want it.” My hands moved to her flat stomach. There was no sign of life, not even a small bump. But just knowing a piece of her and me was deep inside was enough for me.
“Con…there’s always the possibility that the baby won’t make it to full term. So maybe we should wait…”
The sentence offended me, deeply. I’d barely accepted the fact that I was going to be a father, and now I was already attached to the idea of us being a family. I was already scared of losing the life growing inside her. “Don’t talk like that.” My hands rested against her belly, protecting her from everything. “I want to spend my life with you no matter what—because I love you.”
After a long session of lovemaking, Muse passed out under the sheets. The long nights of stress had caught up with her, and now that she knew everything would be alright, she finally got some rest.
I went into my office. It was nine in the evening, and I’d skipped dinner. Dante seemed to understand we didn’t want to be bothered that evening. I opened a brand-new bottle of scotch, poured a glass, and thought about everything that had happened in the past few hours.
Shit, I was gonna be a father.
No, I wasn’t expecting it.
And fuck no,
I was not ready for it.
But my fear wouldn’t change the future, so I needed to accept what was to come and man up.
When Muse was so afraid of what my reaction would be, that forced me to be strong for her. It forced me to be the rock that she needed me to be. She already had all the stress on her shoulders because the baby was living inside her.
My job was to make her calm.
Mission accomplished.
But now, it was my time to freak out.
When I grabbed the phone, I debated who to call first. Carter was my best friend, but for some reason, that didn’t feel right. The only person I really wanted to call was my own father. When my mother was pregnant with me, he said he wasn’t ready to start a family. But the accident ended up being the best thing that ever happened to him.
So I called him.
Despite the late hour, he answered almost immediately. “Con, are you alright?” Protective and serious, he was ready for the worst possible news. He’d lived a life of crime before I came along, and old habits died hard.
“Yeah, I’m alright. But I need to talk to you…in private.”
“Give me a second.” He turned to speak to my mother in the background. “I’ve got to take care of some business, Button.” The sound was then muffled as he walked to his office in a different area of the house. Once the door clicked behind him, he spoke again. “I’m here.”
“Well…I’m not sure how to say this. I guess I’m just going to say it.”
“Alright.” He turned quiet, letting me have the floor.
“Sapphire is pregnant.” I said the words out loud, and once I heard them, they felt even more real. She was having my baby. I would be a father. We would be a family. Just yesterday, all I cared about was my lingerie show. Now that seemed so damn insignificant.
My father was quiet for a while. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that, son.”
“I wasn’t expecting her to say it to me either.”
“I hate to ask…but is it yours?”
“No doubt.” I wasn’t going to get a test done. If Muse said she didn’t sleep with anyone else, I believed her. Just as she believed that I hadn’t been with anyone else either. There was no reason for either of us to lie. Even when we were apart, we were committed to each other…because we loved each other.
My father didn’t press that topic any further. “How do you feel about it?”
“Kids were the last thing on my mind…” I knew I could be honest with my father. He wouldn’t judge me for anything I said.
“That was how I felt when your mother was pregnant with you.”
“I’m not ready for any of this, but that doesn’t matter. Sapphire was really scared to tell me. She was afraid of my reaction, not that I blame her. But seeing her so scared made me want to make everything better. So I told her it would be alright, that it would be okay.”
“It will be okay, Con. Once the shock wears off, it’ll get easier. Every man is afraid to be a father. Every man is afraid he won’t do a good job. Any man who thinks fatherhood is easy and simple obviously hasn’t put much thought into it.”
“Yeah…”
“Did you offer to marry her?”
My dad would punch me if I didn’t. “Of course.”
“And did she say yes?”
“Not formally. She said we didn’t need to get married if that’s not what I wanted.”
“She doesn’t strike me as a woman who would try to trap you. She seems like she genuinely loves you…for who you are.”
“She does.” I had no doubt of that. “Which is why I want to marry her. I’ve never felt this way about another woman before her. When she told me she was pregnant, it made me think of what you said to me…that just because I wasn’t ready didn’t mean it wasn’t already happening. Maybe I wasn’t ready to love her…but I do love her. Maybe I’m not ready to be a father…but we’re a family. And maybe I’m not ready to be a husband, but I’ve already committed my whole life to her.”
“Exactly.”
“I don’t want another woman as long as I live.”
“So this is a blessing.”
“It is,” I whispered.
“Congratulations. I’m very happy for you. It’s hard to see now, but having children is the greatest joy you’ll ever know. When they’re young…when they’re old. It’s like having your heart live outside your body. I didn’t think I’d love anyone more than your mother…and then you were born. Then Vanessa was born…and your mother moved to the bottom of the list. It’s strange…hard to understand until you experience it yourself. Right now, this seems like the most stressful day of your life. But when you look back on it, you’ll realize it’s the happiest.”
“You’re always right, Father. So I believe you.”
“And I’ll always be here if you need advice.”
“Yeah,” I said. “I’m lucky that I have you as a father. Most people don’t have what I have, so I can ask the best of the best. Makes it a little easier.” I didn’t realize what I’d said because it tumbled out of my mouth so quickly. I was speaking from the heart, unfiltered.
My father didn’t say anything for a solid minute. He just sat on the phone, letting the silence stretch between us. “One day, your son or daughter is going to say something like that to you…and you’ll know it was all worth it.”
I took the day off from work because the show didn’t seem important to me anymore.
Nicole was both pissed and confused. It was unlike me to drop the ball like this.
But I didn’t care what she thought.
I lay beside Muse in bed while I waited for her to wake up. She must be catching up on sleep because she should have been awake a while ago. But she kept sleeping, hooked into my side like a child holding a teddy bear.
When she finally woke up, my face was the first thing she saw. “Con…”
My fingers moved through her hair, and I placed a kiss on her forehead. “Morning.”
She stretched beside me before she buried her face in my neck. She hugged me as she woke up slowly, her arm squeezing my waist.
My fingers drifted down her back, feeling the smooth skin.
She took her time waking up, her breathing slowly increasing until she was finally awake. Then she pulled away and propped herself on one elbow. “What time is it…?”
“Nine-thirty.”
“Shit, really?” She squinted at the clock on my nightstand to make sure I was right. “We’ve got to get to work.” She scooted herself to the edge of the bed.
“Whoa, come back here.” I grabbed her by the elbow and gently tugged her back toward me. “We aren’t going to work today.”
“You want me to stay home?”
I pulled her back into my side and placed a kiss at her hairline. “We’re both staying home today.”
“But why?” she whispered.
My hand moved to her flat stomach. “I don’t want to work today. I want to spend time with you.” My fingers felt her tiny belly button and the small abs underneath her skin.
“I know you have a lot of work to do for the show…”
“I don’t give a shit about the show,” I said seriously. “I’m staying here—with you.”
Her eyes softened in a way they never had before. “That’s so sweet…”
“I thought we would try to make breakfast together.”
“In Dante’s kitchen?” she asked in surprise.
“Yep.”
“And you think he’ll be okay with that?”
“I told him to take the day off.”
“Do you know anything about cooking?” she asked.
“Nope.”
“This should be fun,” she said with a laugh.
“You can teach me. And then we can eat what’s edible before we order a pizza.”
“I’ve never seen you order a pizza before.”
“I used to before I could afford a guy like Dante.”
“I can’t even picture that.” She rubbed h
er hand up my chest, in a much better mood than she was last night. Now, she couldn’t stop smiling. She couldn’t stop looking at me like she was a very happy woman.
“Looks like you’re about to see for yourself.”
“Have more faith in yourself than that. I’m sure you can make some breakfast. But I admit…I would love to see Dante’s reaction when he opened the door to a pizza delivery person.”
“Me too.”
Muse and I made a mess in the kitchen as we prepared pancakes, eggs, and bacon. I burned the first batch of eggs, so I had to make a second one. Muse took care of everything else since she was a lot faster than me.
We left a tornado of dishes behind.
Dante wouldn’t be too happy.
We stood at the counter as we ate, pancake batter on our clothes and spots of grease on our skin.
“Pretty good,” Muse said.
“Just as good as the stuff you made me in New York.”
“Maybe we should cook more often.”
I glanced at the dishes and shook my head. “No thanks.”
She chuckled. “It’s not so bad. The dishwasher does most of the work.” She dragged the pancake through the syrup then popped it into her mouth. It was the most I’d seen her eat in days, and now I was glad her appetite had returned. “I feel like I owe you an apology.”
“Me?” I asked. “Why?”
“I should have told you sooner. I shouldn’t have assumed—”
“Don’t apologize.” I set my fork down and inched closer to her, my face almost touching hers. “You had every right to be afraid. And it makes me very happy that you aren’t afraid anymore.”
“Well…you took the news a lot better than I thought you would.”
I kissed her forehead, smelling the syrup on her lips. “I’m a very happy man. I’m successful, rich, and now I have a woman who’s giving me a family—a legacy. To be anything but happy would be an insult to all those people who have nothing. And I certainly don’t have nothing.”
14
Vanessa