“Yes, Miss.”
“I was just thinking how much older Ryan looks in that photograph,” Millie observed, gesturing to the frame on the dresser.
“Oh, that’s not Ryan, Miss. That’s Callum, his father.”
Millie froze. It was she who now received the shock. How could she have been so stupid as to accept Rose’s claim at face value? Never had father and son looked more alike.
“I helped Ryan sort out his grandmother’s things when we moved in here and he insisted we should have that so that young Callum had a likeness of his namesake. Grandmother O’Flynn never displayed the family photos – it upset her to see likenesses of the ones she’d lost, Ryan said. But I like to keep that photograph out.”
Millie didn’t really register what Effie was saying. Her head was a confusion of ideas. “When you say Ryan’s still not well…?”
Effie looked pained to explain her meaning. “He shares a room with Daniel in the Hall. Dan says he wakes with nightmares every night. Dan does his best to comfort him –we all do– but nothing seems to restore him to his old self, Miss Millie.”
* * *
Millie returned to the hospital the following day, leaving Glassnest without seeing either Ryan or her father. A few days later she received a letter from Randolph, chiding her for visiting the estate without forewarning him. This was no surprise to her but the latter part of his missive was: Randolph declared that it mattered little as the war would soon be over and she could then go back to Glassnest for good.
Millie dwelt on his words, pondering the origin of his ideas about the state of things. As soon as possible she checked with Richard to see whether he shared Randolph’s view of the conflict.
“He’s right enough, Millicent: Germany’s running out of steam; it’s looking like the allied forces will win through before too long.”
They could neither of them regard it as a victory, given what they had witnessed over the past four years but Richard was surprised that his words resulted in an expression of anxiety, rather than relief, on Millie’s face. He quizzed her about this.
“Randolph assumes I’ll go back to Glassnest and carry on just as before,” Millie told Richard glumly.
“But that’s not what you want?” he surmised.
“No. But I’ve no idea what else to do,” she admitted.
And then, not for the first time, Richard Sutton came to Millie’s rescue. He said it was Margaret who’d suggested it: with an end to the war finally in sight, they themselves had been starting to make more solid plans concerning Richard’s medical practice, and Margaret had highlighted the need for the business to be managed. “If only Millicent were available to come to work for us,” she had said.
Chapter 19
The war ended – and not so very long after Randolph had predicted it would. But when Millie returned from the hospital to Glassnest, to spend Christmas with her father and Aunt Rose, her reunion with Randolph was neither peaceful nor joyous.
“Your notion of becoming Richard Sutton’s secretary is an outrage, Millicent,” he told her upon her arrival, when she’d barely had time to instruct the servants what to do with her bags.
“Not here, Daddy; not now,” Millie pleaded, annoyed at being treated like a child again.
Randolph escorted her to his study, where the argument could proceed out of earshot of the staff, although he hardly cared who heard it.
Millie had written to her father as soon as the armistice had been declared and she had been able to get a sense of a timescale for an end to her work at the hospital. As far as she was concerned, it was perfect: she would leave the hospital at Christmas, spend a month at Glassnest and then return to London in the new year, by which time arrangements for Richard and Margaret’s practice would be far enough advanced for her to start to work with them. Millie had known Randolph would be furious but it seemed preferable to set out her plans on paper and face his fury on returning home than to spend the holiday looking anxiously for an opportunity to tell him her intentions, in the certain knowledge that whenever she did, he would be furious.
“And, as you Aunt Rose points out, the longer you insist upon this ridiculous campaign of independence, the less likely you are to ever make a good marriage!”
To forestall any threats from Randolph to withhold allowances, Millie had detailed in her letter that she would be living in rooms above the surgery (accommodation that came with her job) and that Richard was to pay her a salary that would more than enable her to enjoy a comfortable lifestyle in London (although she appreciated that her idea of comfort was now very far removed from that of either her father or her aunt).
“I’m afraid my mind’s made up,” Millie explained coolly. “I enjoy working and I like being useful, so Richard Sutton’s offer was one I couldn’t refuse.”
“This is intolerable, Millicent,” was all Randolph could utter in reply and his tone of exasperation convinced Millie that she would encounter little more opposition to her plan, despite his disapproval.
“Please let’s not spoil Christmas, Daddy,” Millie said. “I’m so thrilled to be back home – and at this special time.” Millie looked steadily upon her father as she spoke. It was only now that he really looked at her and she could tell that he found her appearance alien. Millie knew she was a woman now. It wasn’t just that she knew her own mind – she even looked like a woman. Randolph, who hadn’t seen her on home territory in so many years, finally seemed to be realising this fact.
“We’re so lucky to be alive, Daddy,” Millie said in conclusion. She knew that, in that one statement, she’d managed to make her father’s protestations look petty. Millie couldn’t help but smile to herself when she witnessed Randolph’s expression of defeat; she was the adult in this relationship now.
* * *
Millie had been deciding how to regard Aunt Rose, in the light of her discovery of Rose’s attempt at deception. There was, of course, the possibility that Rose truly believed Ryan to be Randolph’s son – but Millie doubted this to be the case.
Millie had avoided seeing Rose since she’d uncovered the lie, but she appreciated that she needed to resolve the matter. Confronting her aunt was pointless; the question was whether she should now eternally hold a grudge against her and this question remained unanswered until Millie actually set eyes upon the grand dame.
As soon as Millie saw Rose, she knew that the approach she should take was to rise above her aunt’s conniving ways. She would behave as if the incident had never happened – she would behave like an adult towards Rose too.
Strangely, Rose made no allusion to Millie’s plans to remain in London in Richard Sutton’s employ – Millie had assumed this would be the subject of her first cutting remark upon their meeting. But nothing was said. Perhaps Rose had decided to leave the matter to Randolph? Perhaps she was full of the festive spirit? Millie neither knew nor cared – she was beyond Rose’s domination.
Christmas progressed in its usual quiet way, apart from a visit from the Suttons en route to spend the holiday with relatives in the Midlands. Then Millie was entertained by Mrs Sutton’s insistence on Effie and Callum being included in the party, with the inevitable suppressed horror of Aunt Rose. Richard was present too but Millie noted how subdued he was – she imagined he would see little of Margaret over the holiday, and she sensed that he was growing weary of keeping up the pretence of his double life. Neither Randolph nor Rose said anything about Millie’s future position in Richard’s practice. Richard’s uncle was too diplomatic to refer to it – and Millie knew from Richard that he was as disapproving of the whole scheme as her own family, believing that a more glorified future awaited his nephew in hospital surgery. Richard’s mother said little as usual. And his Aunt Sutton was, thankfully, so occupied with Callum that she didn’t find time to raise the matter.
Apart from the visit from the Suttons (which had come about chiefly because Richard’s Aunt Sutton had pestered Rose), Randolph made no effort to socialise over the holiday –
he said the war was too fresh in people’s minds for it to be an appropriate way to behave. Millie was quite happy with that. In truth, since her mother’s death, what she had always enjoyed most about Christmases at Glassnest was the way the staff celebrated the occasion: Cook producing mountains of food in the kitchens and singing carols all the while; Mrs Overton’s uncharacteristic jollity and lenience towards the other staff; and that her father was, in fact, a very generous employer whose efforts made the season special for all on the estate. This year the scale of luxuries was not what it had been before the war but Millie sensed the relief felt by everybody in the house that the hostilities had ended, and Randolph had ensured that the Hall was well-stocked with sufficient food and drink for its inhabitants to celebrate as befitted the season.
Millie had been trying to see Ryan since she’d arrived at Glassnest and she had thought it would be easy to seek him out, now that he was living in the house. However, he seemed determined to avoid her and, by the evening of Christmas Day, she had still not managed to set eyes upon him. She’d ridden Kerry on several occasions, hoping this would have resulted in a sighting of Ryan, but each time it had been Daniel who’d saddled the horse for her.
It was nine o’clock and, having finished dinner, Randolph, Rose and Millie were sitting in the drawing room, Randolph smoking a cigar, drinking brandy and enjoying doing nothing, Rose itching –Millie could tell– to play bridge. This she could not do for two reasons and Millie recognised them to be the source of her frustration. Firstly, it was obvious that Randolph was in no mood for gaming. Secondly, a fourth player would be required and Randolph had dismissed the entire staff, including Mrs Overton, to spend the evening as they saw fit. The majority of them were in the kitchens, feasting on a supper of left-overs and indulging in the beer that Randolph had bought in for them.
Millie shared her aunt’s frustration: if only she could escape to the kitchens, she felt certain that Ryan would be found there.
Finally, her opportunity arose. “Really, Randolph, you are too generous,” Rose protested grumpily. “I declare I’m famished and you have not kept one servant up here to attend to my pangs.”
Randolph merely laughed at her complaint but Millie immediately sprang up and offered to go down to the kitchens to alert Mrs Overton to her aunt’s gastric distress.
As she had anticipated, she found the kitchens considerably livelier than the upper levels of the house: some of the youngsters had cleared a space in front of the large fireplace and were dancing, whilst Mrs Overton, John and the cook sat alongside other senior members of staff at the large table, reminiscing about Christmases of old. Entering upon the scene, Millie felt like an intruder but she was heartened by it all the same – so much cosier than sitting stiffly upstairs. At the end of the large table sat Effie, with Callum upon her knee and Daniel by her side.
Effie was the first to notice Millie’s presence and she immediately passed Callum to Daniel and rose to see what Millie wanted. Millie apologised profusely but explained that her aunt was in need of refreshment. She urged Effie to let her attend to the matter and raid the larder but Effie insisted she should do it instead. As Millie waited, she scanned the room more thoroughly than she had initially; there was no doubt about it – Ryan wasn’t there. She followed Effie into the pantries, asking, “Where’s Ryan?”
“He was here, Miss. He ate with us earlier but then he told Dan he wanted some time to himself. I think he went out to the yard.”
“Effie, are you really alright to take this up for my aunt?” Millie asked.
“Of course, Miss. I dare say Sir Randolph’ll be feeling a bit peckish too. I’ll take them up some game pie and pickles.”
“That would be lovely, Effie. Thank you,” Millie said before drifting out of the pantry, gliding through the kitchens unnoticed by the revellers and exiting the Hall via the back doors.
The stable yard was silent and completely dark, save for a small light in one stall – it was Kerry’s stable. Millie smiled to herself as she sauntered over to it. She wasn’t sure why she felt so serene, given the obvious mess that now existed between her and Ryan. She knew very well his avoidance of her had been intentional.
When Millie reached the stable door, she found him, standing beside the horse, stroking and patting it devotedly. He spoke softly to Kerry, the words indiscernible to Millie’s ear. It was only when Millie went to enter the stall that Ryan’s attention was arrested. He turned to face her.
“Happy Christmas Mr O’Flynn,” Millie said, approaching him with an unavoidably melancholic look in her eye. It saddened her that he felt unequal to the high-spirited goings on inside the house.
“Miss Millie,” he replied, rather coldly.
“How are you?” she asked, for want of a better question.
“As well as can be expected,” came his well-worn response.
Millie now stood beside Ryan, their hands close as they both stroked Kerry’s sleek coat.
“I’m glad to see you,” Millie said.
“Really?” Ryan replied somewhat confrontationally.
“Of course. Aren’t you pleased to see me?”
“I don’t know,” Ryan admitted bitterly.
Millie looked him in the eye. She was uncertain what to say next but Ryan spoke for her.
“The way you were with me in the hospital led me to conclude you didn’t care for me any more,” he said.
“But I do care for you Ryan–” Millie insisted.
“You don’t love me,” he maintained. “You don’t want me as a lover.”
Stepping forward, Millie took hold of his hands, and said, “I do though, Ryan. I love you more than ever.” She reached up and kissed his cheek, allowing her cheek to linger against his as she whispered, “And I want you more than ever.”
There was no point in trying to explain why she’d behaved the way she had in the hospital – or maybe that was an explanation for another time. All that mattered now was to let him know that she loved him. “And I want our future to be together,” Millie said.
“Which is why you’re going to live in London,” he replied cynically.
Millie looked at him quizzically, unsure how he knew about her plans.
“Your Aunt Rose was only too pleased to reveal that fact to me,” he said.
“But, don’t you see, you’ll be able to visit me in London and we’ll be able to go about like any other courting couple–”
“Only that ours will be a courtship that will never result in a marriage,” he complained.
“Why are you being obstructive?” Millie asked, sensing there was more to this than his obvious objections.
Ryan hung his head. “Millie, I’m not sure I’m fit to be anyone’s husband these days, let alone yours. I mean, look at me.”
Millie shushed him gently as she kissed him once more – this time his lips. “Then I’ll just have to remain a spinster, won’t I?” she said light-heartedly, before kissing him again.
Drawing back from that kiss, Millie was glad to briefly see a smile on Ryan’s face; it was a brief glimpse because, no sooner had she witnessed it, than she was swallowed by his embrace.
* * *
“I wonder, Daddy, whether it would be possible for Ryan to have a couple of weeks’ leave at the end of the month,” Millie said casually in the aftermath of Glassnest’s New Year celebrations.
“Why?” Aunt Rose asked pointedly.
Millie addressed the answer to her father.
“Richard has a number of jobs that need doing around the house and I thought Ryan would be just the person–”
“Surely other handymen are available in the capital,” Rose interjected caustically.
“And Ryan’s never visited London–”
“One wonders why an equerry employed on a country estate would,” Rose observed sarcastically.
“Ryan is due a lot of leave,” Randolph observed.
“And I think the break would do him good,” Millie urged.
“
It’s quite out of the question, Millicent,” Rose said, shooting a disapproving glance at Randolph, “unless, of course, you yourself remain here whilst Ryan is in London – or you come and stay with me.”
“It’s all perfectly within the bounds of propriety, Aunt Rose,” Millie replied calmly, “Richard will be in residence by then – and Margaret.”
“Who, pray, is Margaret?” the grand dame asked.
“The practice nurse,” Millie said, adding, “and there are plenty of bedrooms in the house.”
Aunt Rose rolled her eyes and tutted.
“Well Daddy?” Millie repeated.
“I can see no reason to deny your request,” Randolph replied.
“Thank you Daddy.” Millie smiled graciously, while Aunt Rose sighed in exasperation.
Chapter 20
By the time Ryan was due to visit Richard’s new medical practice in late January, the elegant London town house purchased reluctantly by Richard’s uncle, with the intention to convert it into a building fit for purpose, was still in a certain degree of chaos. The consulting rooms were in a state of transition from domestic rooms; the rest of the house was full of commercial and personal clutter. But its inhabitants were happy.
The surgery was on the ground floor of the house; the kitchens in the basement. On the first floor were a day room and a dining room, together with Richard’s private apartment. Margaret and Millie had bedrooms on the second floor and the cook and maid –when they were engaged– would reside in the attic rooms. At present, since the surgery was not yet up and running, Margaret was carrying out domestic duties, while Richard managed the fitting and provision of the surgery. Millie helped them both, as required. Despite certain misgivings she had held about being there alone with Richard and Margaret, she felt very far from a spare part and was glad to be spending her days engaged in purposeful activity again, having languished for over a month at Glassnest.
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