My Boyfriends' Dogs

by Dandi Daley Mackall

  A few weeks before school let out for summer, Went got himself a car. It wasn’t much to look at, but it was his. He picked me up for school every morning. I missed our walks, but riding to school with Went and walking in with him had to make it clear to people like Carly and Meagan that Went Smith was taken—by me.

  Sometimes at night we took long drives and parked on country roads. We’d sit together, close on his not-bucket seats, and kiss. Or we’d climb up on the hood of his car and lean back against the windshield. Those were the times when things got tense. We didn’t come out and talk about “it,” but I knew Went wanted to steal second base, race past third, and slide home. And he knew I didn’t. Or wouldn’t. Eventually, he’d get frustrated, and so would I, and he’d drive me home in silence.

  Things were getting pretty frustrating at school, too, especially in the cafeteria.

  “Bailey, can’t you tell your boyfriend to tell Carly to eat somewhere else?” Amber complained. “I’m so tired of having the whole Dave Crew, plus Carly, invade lunch.” She grinned at Darius, who was sitting next to me. “No offense, Darius.”

  Darius laughed. “None taken.” When Darius laughed, I could still see through the shaved head and arm tatts to the kid who’d sat by me in Sunday school. “Don’t let it get to you, Bailey.”

  I wasn’t sure what he meant by “it,” but watching Carly with Went, I had a good idea. “They’re doing it, aren’t they, Darius?” I whispered.

  He shrugged. “It doesn’t mean anything to either of them.”

  “How could sex not mean anything?” I whispered back. I could see Amber straining to hear us.

  “See?” Darius said. “That’s why he has sex with Carly and not you. It would mean too much to you.”

  “That doesn’t make any sense!” I said it too loud. Amber’s eyes got huge, and Dave looked over at us. But Went was too busy talking with Carly to notice.

  “Makes perfect sense,” Darius said, like we were talking about math problems. “Look, a guy’s got needs, right?” This time he lowered his voice and leaned down so we were eye level. “And you’re a virgin, right?”

  I felt my face heat to blood red. “Darius!”

  “I’m just saying. Carly supplies that need. You supply the rest. No big deal, girl.”

  But it was a big deal. It was a huge deal. I guess I knew in my heart that Carly and Went were . . . I couldn’t even say it to myself. Suddenly dizzy, I got up from the table.

  “Bailey? Are you okay?” Amber’s voice mixed with the buzzing in my head.

  “I have to get out of here.” I ran out of the cafeteria, leaving my lunch, leaving Went there . . . with Carly. I couldn’t live like that. I couldn’t share my boyfriend. And now that I knew—really knew—what was happening, what was I going to do about it?

  When Mom got home from work, she found Adam and me curled into a fetal position on my bed. She sat on the bed with me. “What’s the matter, honey?”

  I shook my head. I wanted to tell her. I wanted to talk to her. She was my best friend, even more than Amber was.

  “You can talk to me, you know?” she said. “Something tells me this has to do with Went.”

  Tears flooded my cheeks. Poor Adam was wet from the spillage.

  “Did he do something to you?” she demanded.

  “No!” I sat up. “He didn’t do something to me. That’s just the point.”

  She got up and paced the room, then came back to the bed and tugged me to my feet. “Come on, Bailey. I always think better when I’m saling.”

  “You want to go to a garage sale? Now?” It wasn’t even a weekend.

  In minutes we were trolling the streets of Millet in search of garage sales. Neither of us said anything about Went for at least fifteen minutes.

  “There’s one!” Mom slammed on the brakes like we were on a safari and had spotted our first tiger. She wheeled into a driveway with a GARAGE SALE sign stuck in the lawn. Nothing was set up outside. The sign looked old, and the garage door was shut.

  “Mom, they’re not even open.”

  “They will be.” She shut off the engine and got out.

  “I’ll wait here.”

  “Coward,” she muttered. Mom ran up to the front door and rang the bell.

  After a minute the door opened, and a woman appeared. Mom pointed to the sign. The woman shook her head. Mom begged. Finally the woman disappeared inside the house. Mom gave me a thumbs-up sign, and the garage door opened.

  In a few minutes she walked out with a giant, gaudy picture frame and a bright yellow wicker shelf that would have been perfect in a hut in the South Pacific.

  She waited until we were in the van and cruising again before she started prying. “Okay, Bailey. So what’s up with Went? Is he pressuring you to have sex? Is that it?”

  “No. He’s never asked me that.”

  “And he knows you’re a . . . that you haven’t . . .” She glanced at me and didn’t even seem to notice the GIANT GARAGE SALE! sign on the lawn we were passing.

  “The whole world knows I’m a virgin, okay?”

  “Don’t say it like it’s a disease. It’s a gift.” Her voice softened. “And you only get to give it once.”

  “I know. But I love him, Mom. I’ve never felt like this.”

  Her fingers tightened on the wheel. “You may love lots of guys before you find the guy, Bailey. Are you going to have sex with all of them?”

  “Some people do,” I muttered, thinking of Carly.

  “You’re not one of them,” she said simply.

  “Well, maybe I wish I were.”

  Her head snapped around. “Bailey Daley, you don’t mean that! Do you want to go around leaving pieces of yourself with every guy you think you’re in love with? Is that what you want? Because that’s what happens.” She made a sharp U-turn and headed back toward home.

  “Maybe I don’t know what I want.”

  “Well, I know what you want!” She was getting crazy. This wasn’t “Big D.” She was screaming at me like regular moms—and I didn’t like it one bit.

  “You don’t know what I want!” I shouted back. “How could you?”

  “I know that you want to be happily married. I know—”

  “I’m not talking about marriage! I’m sixteen. I’m talking about keeping the only boyfriend I’ve ever had. I’m talking about doing what everybody else is already doing.”

  “Bailey!” Mom screamed. “Do you hear yourself?” She almost missed our street and had to turn so sharply the tires screeched.

  “Yeah. I hear myself. And it’s a good thing because nobody else in this van does.”

  She pulled into the driveway and slammed the brakes. “Bailey, don’t you dare have sex with that boy! Wait until—”

  But I didn’t let her finish. “You didn’t wait, but you want me to?”

  “Bailey!”

  “Well, it’s true. So what gives you the right to tell me to wait?” I stumbled out of the van before she had the engine off. I should have known better than to think she’d understand. She wasn’t my sister or my friend. She was just my mother.

  The next few days, Mom and I were painfully polite. I apologized for the crack about her not waiting to have sex. She’d always been straight with me about “having to get married,” but she’d never let me feel like I’d been an accident or a regret. She’d convinced me that I was God’s gift to her, no matter what the route.

  But even my apology and her acceptance couldn’t wipe out the tension between us. Something had changed. Maybe it had changed the day Went walked into my life, the instant I’d stepped over that invisible line and convinced him to run away from Carly with me.

  And now, I couldn’t help but think that there was another invisible line I had to cross to keep Went away from Carly.

  12

  Sunday night with only a week of school left, Went and I sat on the hood of his car, a thick blanket beneath us and a blanket of stars above us. His arms locked around me, we melted into each o
ther, into our own world. I leaned back against his chest and listened to his heart beat. “Went?”

  He pressed his cheek to mine and stroked my hair. “Hmmm?”

  “Could we do something this weekend? ” The last two Saturdays I hadn’t even seen him. He’d hung out with Dave’s crew . . . and Carly, although he never mentioned her when he gave his brief reports on his weekend activities.

  “Why? Did Big Barry get a new movie in?” he teased.

  “We could go into Larkfield,” I suggested, snuggling even closer. The night had grown crisp, but I felt warm in his arms. I could have stayed like this forever.

  “Sure. We could take in a Larkfield flick Friday night.”

  My chest tightened. Friday night. “If we went on Saturday afternoon, we’d get a discount. Then maybe we could go to the zoo. We should celebrate the end of school.”

  “I told Dave I’d go with the guys to Cairo Saturday.”

  Everybody knew there was nothing in podunk Cairo except free-flowing, no-ID-checking beer. Most of the rumors I’d heard about Went and Carly involved that slimy excuse of a town. I turned and faced Went. His green eyes glowed in the moonlight, and I almost couldn’t stand how handsome he looked. “Went, don’t go there.”

  “It’s no big deal, Bailey. We can still do Larkfield on Friday. We could leave right after school lets out and—”

  “Carly will be there, right? In Cairo. That’s where you and Carly meet, isn’t it?” I sounded so calm, even to myself. But inside stars and planets were exploding.

  Went took my face in his hands. “Bailey, that doesn’t have anything to do with you and me. It’s not a big deal.”

  “Making love—or having sex, or whatever you call it with Carly—that’s not a big deal?”

  “Babe, it doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Would it mean something . . . with me?”

  He sat up straight. “Whoa. I didn’t see that coming.”

  “I know.”

  “What are you saying here, Bailey?”

  I looked into his eyes, and a calm passed over me. “I’m saying that I don’t want you to be with Carly. I want you to be with me.”

  His eyes narrowed. “Let’s be clear here. By ‘be with me,’ you’re saying . . .”

  I laughed. “Have sex! Make love! Do the deed.”

  He put his hand over my mouth. Then he took it away and kissed me, hard and deep, soft and gentle, a kiss filled with passion and promise and love.

  Neither of us wanted my first time to be on top of a ’95 compact car. Went said he was going to make this something I’d always remember, we’d always remember.

  The last week of school, Went ignored Dave and Carly and everybody else. On Tuesday, he was waiting for me when I walked into the cafeteria. “We need to talk.”

  Amber took the hint. “If you two will excuse me, I’ll go see if they’ve got anything good at the salad bar . . . like brownies and ice cream.”

  “Thanks, Amber,” I whispered as she took off. She and I had avoided the topic of Went Smith since that day in the garage. It had cut down on our conversations, but saved our friendship. I turned to Went. “So, what’s going on?”

  “I’ve got a plan for this weekend.” He looked like he could burst into song. “Are you free? Saturday and Sunday?”

  “Let me check my date book.” I mimicked paging through an imaginary book.

  “Bailey, I’m serious here!” Went gripped my shoulders and peered into my face. I don’t think I’d ever seen him like that, as excited as Christmas. He reminded me of Adam when I’d been gone too long and finally came home to him.

  “I don’t have anything going on this weekend, Went.”

  “You do now. It’s all worked out. I want you to go with me to my mom’s in St. Louis. We can even go to Six Flags if you want to.”

  I hugged him. “That’s a great idea! I love Six Flags.”

  “You think your mom will let you go? ”

  I thought about it. “Mom has to work this weekend.” I knew she wouldn’t care if I went to Six Flags. I’d done that with friends before. The overnight thing was something else, though. “She’ll probably want to talk to your mom about having me spend the night. But I don’t think she’ll have a problem with it.”

  His head dropped. Then he grinned at me. “Bailey, Mom won’t be there. That’s the whole point.”

  I got it.

  “She’s going away on business, and I have a key to her apartment. Mom doesn’t mind if I stay there when she’s gone. We’ll have the whole place to ourselves, babe. It will be perfect.” He threw his arms around me and hugged me.

  “Whoo-hoo! PDA!” somebody shouted.

  We un-hugged and stared at each other.

  “You still want to do this, don’t you?” He looked like a little kid, afraid he was going to be let down.

  “Of course I do, Went.” I kissed him and said it again. “I do.”

  “What’s the big deal?” I was arguing with my mother—again. Poor Adam trotted between us like he was chasing tennis balls. After school, I’d waited for Mom to get home so I could hit her with Went’s St. Louis proposal. Well, not all of his proposal. So far, things weren’t going well, and all I’d said was that I wanted to go to St. Louis Saturday . . . and come back Sunday. “It’s not like I’ve never been to Six Flags with a bunch of kids before,” I insisted.

  “You’ve never stayed all night, though, Bailey. That’s the part that worries me.”

  “When we didn’t stay the night last summer, you worried because we had to drive home so late,” I reminded her.

  “I know.” She might have been thinking it over.

  “It’s really safer to stay the night,” I pressed.

  “So who all’s going?”

  “You want a signed invitation list, Mom? I’m sixteen, not six.”

  “That’s also what worries me.”

  Here is where it would get tricky. I didn’t want to lie to her. Lies of omission maybe. But not outright lies.

  “Is Went going?” she asked.

  I tried not to react. “Yeah. I told you a bunch of kids were going. Males and females. Six Flags was coed last time I checked.” All true.

  “I don’t know, Bailey. I need details. I need to know where you’d stay. Whose mother invited kids to spend the night there?”

  I was hoping she wouldn’t ask that question. I’d told her, truthfully, that one of the moms had a place for us to crash. I’d just withheld the name of that mom in order to protect the so-far innocent. “Mrs. Smith,” I muttered.

  “Went’s mother? No wonder you didn’t happen to mention that little detail.”

  “Because I knew you’d be like this! And it’s not fair that you’d judge her because she’s divorced and Went’s living with his dad. He used to live with her, you know. And now they’ve moved so he can spend time with his mother. And she wants to get to know his friends. And so she does this nice thing and invites us to her home, and what do you do? You automatically prejudge her that she’s unfit to chaperone.” Words were coming to me at warp speed, and I was spitting them out just as fast, even though I knew as I said them that part of my speech stretched the truth so thin even Adam could see through it.

  I stopped talking and picked up Adam. He felt heavier than when he’d come to us. Tears were leaking down my cheeks. I wasn’t sure where they’d come from or why, but holding that terrier never failed to comfort me.

  Mom walked over to Adam and me. She petted the dog for a minute. Then she put her arms around me. “I hate fighting with you, Bailey. Man, nothing wears me out more.”

  I cried harder, but no sound came out. “Me too.”

  She sighed. “You’re right. As soon as you said it was Went’s absentee mother, I got this image in my head of a wasted, mini-skirted, leather-skinned bleached blonde, a cigarette in one hand and a can of Schlitz in the other. I’m sorry. That was wrong.”

  I forced myself to look at her. “Went says she’s great.”

>   Mom looked like she was trying out for the Face Olympics. Her lips forced a weak smile that wouldn’t stay up. “I’m sure she is. And I know I can trust you, Bailey.”

  I turned to her, not sure I’d heard her right. “Are you saying . . . ?”

  “I’m saying please be careful. I love you too much for you not to be.”

  “I can go?” I still couldn’t believe she’d come around. I thought . . . well, I wasn’t sure what I’d thought. “I can go to Six Flags on Saturday and stay over?”

  She laughed a little. “Yeah. But you better get out of here before I change my mind.”

  I threw my arms around her. “Thanks, Mom.” Tears flooded my eyeballs again. I didn’t know if they were part of the relief, the surprise, the excitement, the guilt, or the reality. I was going to St. Louis with Went to cross that next line.

  13

  Time either crept by like woolly worms crossing the highway or flew like eagles. There was nothing normal in my life—not time, not anything. On the last day of classes, Amber and I sat in study hall, but there was nothing to study. All I could do was stare out the window and try to imagine what was about to happen.

  “So do you want to talk about it, or what?” Amber asked.

  “Talk about what?” I knew she had to know. A few kids I didn’t even like had come up and asked me about my St. Louis trip.

  Amber raised one eyebrow. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about St. Louis, Bailey.” She sounded hurt, not angry.

  I felt lousy for hurting her. “I’m sorry. I wanted to, Amber. I’ve missed talking to you. I mean, I know we’ve talked. But not talk talked.”

  She shrugged. “Yeah. Not talking about Went kind of sliced the topics, huh?”

  “I know you’re not crazy about Went.” She didn’t deny it, so I went on. “I didn’t feel like I could talk to you about him. But you have no idea how much I wanted to.”