Bitter Sweet Harvest

by Chan Ling Yap

  “Are you sure? I am not particularly keen to go for a walk at this time of the evening.”

  “No, I am not sure, but this was the only way I could explain why we are stepping out. We are not really going for a walk, just somewhere to talk. I thought that the playground with the swings and see-saws at the end of the path would be as good a place as any. It is far enough not to be in view of the house. I could not tell Ming Kong that we are going to a child’s playground. I was surprised that he did not ask why we would want to walk along the river at this time of day. I had my answer ready though. I would have told him that we always took a stroll after dinner when we were at home, I mean in Kuala Lumpur, as it is the coolest part of the day. He is so distracted. I doubt that he has even noticed that it is not just getting cooler in the evenings here but really cold.” She drew her heavy cardigan closely around her. “Imagine! Such a cold wind! If this is summer, I am not sure how I can survive the winter,” Nelly complained as she huddled further into her cardigan.

  “I like it. I don’t mind the cold. You need to wear warmer clothes. A light cotton samfoo is just not warm enough in the evening if you are not used to this weather, even if you wear a cardigan over it,” said Mei Yin. She tugged at Nelly’s sleeve to cover her arms. “Let’s sit on this bench.”

  Both women sat down, Mei Yin turned to look at Nelly. The flood of light from a nearby street lamp lit her face. Nelly saw the creases of worry on her forehead and the anxiety in her eyes.

  “Should we help An Mei to go back to Malaysia with Hussein?” asked Nelly, mixing English and Cantonese in one breath.

  Mei Yin opened her eyes wide with surprise. “Why the change? I thought we had decided that we should persuade her to stay on here with us.”

  “She pleaded with me. I was against it at first. Of course, I wanted her to stay here with us. After all, it would be the first time the whole family could be together again. The boys are still at school and university, but during the holidays they can come home. Also, having An Mei here with us would be such a help. We don’t know the country and its ways. Ming Kong will find comfort in her presence. And, I thought that she could be weaned off Hussein. I assumed it to be puppy love. But, I am not sure now. You know,” she stuttered. “I told you...”

  “That she has slept with Hussein, you mean?” asked Mei Yin, indicating together with hand gestures to her ears that there were other people around and that they should stick to Cantonese. Three women with a pushchair sauntered passed. One stopped to light up a cigarette. She glanced at the two Chinese ladies, curious, and then turned away to resume her stroll with her friends, talking softly.

  “Aiyah! Chan hai mm gong tak chut. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud. Surely, it means she should, must marry Hussein?”

  “Virginity might not be a big issue like it was in our days. I pray that it is not. Remember my wedding day? My mother-in-law insisted that I lie on white sheets and have them delivered to her for inspection after our nuptials so that she could be assured of my virginity. I hope, I am sure, it is not done like that in Europe.” Mei Yin nodded vigorously to emphasise her conviction.

  “I suppose we should not let it cloud our decisions,” Nelly conceded. She let out a huge sigh. Then, her voice changed suddenly from one of resignation to one of indignation. She burst out, “I am angry, angry that he has taken advantage of her and I am so cross that she has done the very thing we warned her against; all the time I spent warning her of the danger of being alone here has gone to waste. For once in my life, I feel like giving her a good shake.”

  “Nelly, Nelly fan do suk le. The rice is cooked, there is little to be done. The thing that we should consider is if Hussein is the right person for her and whether they would be happy together.”

  “Dim chee? How can we tell? Relationships change. They look very much in love now, but it could be just sun so-pah! A new broom sweeps well! How can we tell?” Nelly repeated. “All I know is that although I am cross, my heart bleeds for An Mei. The poor girl is distraught. She is terrified that her father will find out.”

  “Then should we tell Ming Kong?” asked Mei Yin. “If we do, would you do it? He listens more to you than me.” She blushed at her own cowardice; after all she was An Mei’s mother.

  “Me? No! I can’t.” Nelly stopped to consider. She pulled her cardigan even tighter around her like a protective cocoon. “But if we don’t and we help her,” she continued, “it would mean deceiving him. Perhaps I should go back with her. She will have to see for herself how things are in the country and may be then she would come to her senses.”

  Nelly’s voice was now little more than a whisper. Mei Yin had to bend close to hear her. She placed an arm around Nelly’s shoulder. The two women huddled together for comfort and warmth.

  “We have to give her space to think and decide for herself,” Nelly concluded. “If we force her to stay on in the UK, she’ll resent it and she will be always hankering for what might have been. She has to make the decision herself. I remember how when we were young, everything was decided for us. We were told to swallow our bitterness. We cannot ask An Mei to do the same. She has an independent mind; she has been taught to think for herself. Just the other day, she told me that at her University, marks are not awarded for just regurgitating facts, but for expressing thoughts and opinions. Think! When were we ever asked for our views when we were young? If we force her, she might succumb to our pressures now because she loves us, but she will resent and might even hate us later.”

  “Yes, I agree,” replied Mei Yin. She thought of her past and how she had to obey every single instruction given to her by her mother-in-law. She would not wish the same fate on her daughter. “But how will you convince Ming Kong to let you go with her? What justification can you offer him? I am sure he will want you to stay to help him set up his business. After all you are his right hand in business. And what if it backfires and she decides she’ll remain with Hussein?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Both women fell silent. Night drew in and the shadows lengthened over the playground; the silence of the night was broken only by the distant sound of a barking dog.

  *****

  “Casey?” An Mei grasped the phone tightly. She angled her body so that her back faced the street. The phone booth reeked of cigarette smoke. Graffiti adorned the glass panes. Outside the booth, people hurried by loaded with shopping bags. There were brown paper bags, green, yellow and red ones, each advertising the shop that had supplied them. Students on bicycles weaved their way through traffic and pedestrians. “Mayhem,” Nelly had commented the other day when a young man pushed past her on a bike.

  “Casey, I need your help. Would you cover for me? I am going to tell my parents that I have to meet up with you early this evening. I have to see Hussein. We have to work things out. It is his last day, he is leaving for Malaysia.”

  A pause followed. An Mei fidgeted, worried that Casey might refuse. “Please,” she whispered urgently into the phone.

  “Just this once,” Casey replied. “Don’t get me into trouble. Otherwise, I’ll be in trouble with your mum. Remember your mother was my mum’s best friend when they were children and I am supposed to be looking after you in Oxford. Not helping you to have secret trysts with your boyfriend.”

  “Thanks a million. Will you call me at home? That way, they will be more likely to be persuaded to let me go.”

  Casey laughed. “I didn’t know that you were that scheming. All right. I know how it is. Even though I have been on my own here for so long, the minute my mother comes to visit, she thinks that she has to know my every move. So out of pity, I’ll cover for you.”

  Chapter 3

  “Where is she?” Ming Kong demanded. He pushed away the array of bowls and chopsticks that had been carefully laid out before him.

  Mei Yin and Nelly sat silent. They stared at the clock on the wall. Its ticking seemed obscenely loud. The clock-hand edged slowly round the dial, but there was still no sign o
f An Mei. They looked at the dishes in front of them, dishes that they had prepared together, their first home-cooked meal in Oxford. During their first week they had eaten nothing except takeaways and hastily made sandwiches until finally Nelly complained. Clutching her tummy, she protested against the grease and the sweetness of the food. “Sweet and sour! Everything sweet and sour! Everything with mayonnaise! We have to have something simple. Let us have something steamed, ching-ching. We’ll cook this evening. We will be able to now. We have almost completed the unpacking and cleaning.” So she and Mei Yin had gone to the small Chinese grocery next to the Chinese restaurant in Hythe Bridge Street to stock up with tofu, choy sam, lotus roots, ginger and spices. Now the dishes of tofu and bowls of lotus root and spare ribs soup lay cold.

  Nelly got up and gathered the bowls and crockery together. “Better get these out of the way,” she said, stealing a look at Ming Kong’s face. His expression alternated: sometimes thunderous, sometimes fearful. It was nearly ten o’clock!

  “She probably forgot. She has not been out with her friends for the entire week. So maybe she is just catching up,” Mei Yin consoled. Inside her, fear was brewing, a fear that was so strong she felt her stomach contracting into a tight ball. “It cannot be that An Mei has done something silly. I spoke to Casey myself,” she whispered to Nelly as they both made their way into the kitchen with the various trays and dishes. “Should we call Casey and ask her again. I called earlier and asked to speak to An Mei. She said she had already left for home.”

  “You wait here. I’ll pop out to the phone booth.” Hastily, Nelly untied her apron, grabbed a jacket from the kitchen door and went out.

  Mei Yin went back to the dinning room. Ming Kong was cradling his head in both hands, his elbows dug deeply into the felt lining of the tablecloth. He looked up, his eyes weary. “What is wrong with An Mei? She is not herself. Is she in trouble? She seems so out of sorts, so distant some times and so affectionate and tearful at other times.”

  Mei Yin busied herself at the sideboard. Cautiously, she ventured an explanation. “She might be anxious. She wants to find a job here now that she is not going back to Kuala Lumpur. She does not want to be dependent on us, especially since our economic circumstances are not what they were. She knows that her brothers still need to go to university and there are fees to be paid.” She lifted her head to look at her husband. His head was still buried in his hands. She prayed that Ming Kong would not ask any more questions. What she said was true up to a point. An Mei had initially appeared reconciled to staying in Oxford, but she had not been herself since the day Nelly met Hussein.

  *****

  An Mei stood to one side. She watched Hussein make his way to the check-in desk, wheeling his luggage on the red carpet for first-class passengers. They had been talking for hours and still nothing had been resolved. She had argued her case fervently. After days of talking with Nelly and her mother, she had reeled off all the reasons why they could not, and should not, be together. Now, close to the final moment of his departure, she was filled with doubt. “Have I made the right decision? How can I live without him?” The pain in her heart felt like a physical wound. She stared at his back. She shrugged deeper into her anorak and dipped her hands into its pockets. With a shock, she came into contact with a small booklet. Her passport! The passport that she had grabbed unthinkingly before she left home from the drawer at Hussein’s persistent urging to bring it with her. Her fingers tingled as they closed over it.

  Hussein turned and looked at her beseechingly. “Come with me,” he mouthed silently. Then, almost half running, he reached her and gathered her in his arms. “Come with me, now,” he repeated urgently. She felt her resolve — to break-up with Hussein and remain with her parents — crumble. Without thinking she nodded vigorously. He caught hold of her hand and ran back to the check-in desk ignoring the indignant remarks of other passengers. “Two seats,” he said retrieving the open ticket that An Mei had so firmly pushed back into his possession two hours ago. “Two seats,” he repeated, his voice triumphant with joy.

  *****

  The doorbell rang. It was still early in the morning, just 8 o’clock, but the summer sun was already a bright ball of light. Mei Yin rushed to the door. She opened it. A woman with a girl of An Mei’s age stood outside.

  “Mei Yin?” the lady asked hesitantly. “Mei Yin? Is it really you? I am Siew Lin, Casey’s mother. Don’t you recognise me?”

  Mei Yin did not answer. Her face crumpled in disappointment. She had hoped and prayed that by some miraculous intervention it would be An Mei coming back.

  “I know we have not met each other since we were children, but we have been in touch these past few years by phone and through letters and photographs. Can’t you recognise my voice at least?” she asked the distraught Mei Yin.

  Mei Yin nodded. Her eyes were so swollen that she could hardly see, her voice, so hoarse from crying that she could hardly speak. It was near midnight when she had received a call from An Mei telling her that she was boarding the plane for Kuala Lumpur with Hussein. Then a muffled sob and the line went dead. She had stood for what seemed like an eternity holding the phone until Nelly wrested it from her and made her repeat what had been said. Ming Kong had stood at the dining room doorway, hands clutching his hair, his face grey with anguish as he struggled to understand just who Hussein was. Finally he had turned and headed upstairs shouting, “I have no daughter. Don’t mention her name in this house again.” The house reverberated as he slammed the bedroom door shut.

  Mei Yin moved to one side and motioned Siew Lin to come in.

  “I am so sorry,” Siew Lin said embracing Mei Yin in a tight hug. She felt the tension in Mei Yin’s body; every muscle seemed to have contracted into a tight knot.

  “Casey told me of her part in this terrible, terrible...” Words failed Siew Lin as she tried to calm a sudden trembling in Mei Yin’s body.

  “I have tried squeezing every word out of Casey when she called me from college last night. I brought her with me to apologise to you. What a shame to see you after all these years in such circumstances. I only flew back yesterday and I have come to see you as soon as I could.”

  Nelly came forward. She could see the distress on the lady’s face. “Mei Yin, you should ask your friend to come in and not just keep her standing here,” she said softly.

  “Sorry, sorry to make you stand in the hallway,” said Mei Yin. “Please come in.”

  “Yes, do come in. Don’t stand in the hallway,” reiterated Nelly. She had followed Mei Yin to the door in response to the sound of the doorbell. She too had hoped against all odds that it would be An Mei. She still could not believe that An Mei had left. Hiding her disappointment, she continued, “Come into the kitchen. I’ll make you a cup of tea.”

  “Aunty Mei Yin, I am truly sorry,” said a contrite Casey. Anxious to make amends, she followed the ladies into the kitchen. “I did not know, when I covered up for An Mei, that she was going to run away with Hussein. She told me that she only wanted some time with him to talk before he left. It did not seem so unreasonable. Please forgive me.”

  “How could you do such a thing!” scolded Siew Lin. “You were supposed to look after An Mei, not lie for her.”

  Turning to Mei Yin and Nelly, Siew Lin asked, “So what will you do?”

  “What can we do? Ming Kong won’t let us get in touch with her. He has disowned her. We don’t even have an address or telephone number to contact. We don’t know much about Hussein. Nelly met him just once.”

  “Where is Ming Kong?”

  “Upstairs. He will be down any minute.”

  “I am already down,” said Ming Kong coming into the kitchen. He too had come down in response to the doorbell and the murmured conversation that followed it. “And you? Who are you?”

  “I’m Siew Lin, Casey’s mother.”

  His face grew red, suffused with blood. Two deep ruts appeared in the area between his eyebrows, pushing the eyebrows together. “So
what do you and your daughter have to say? I want to have nothing to do with either of you. If she,” he said pointing at Casey, “had not lied, we would not be in this dreadful predicament.” He found it difficult to bring himself to say An Mei’s name. He could not forgive his daughter for leaving without so much as a word when the family was already dealing with so many problems. “Mo sum kon. Heartless wretch! And all for a Malay boy! The very people we are fleeing from!”

  Mei Yin went to her husband; she laid a hand on his arm. She could feel the rage coursing through the muscles of his arms.

  “Please Ming Kong, Siew Lin was my very best friend when I was a child. Her mother sent me to school. It was her mother who introduced me to your family. Had it not been for her, I would certainly not have married you. So for that at least, please hear what she has to say.”

  “Yes, yes! Do not come to hasty conclusions. We are all upset and tend to say things we do not mean and will regret afterwards,” cautioned Nelly. “I’ll get you a cup of tea, why don’t you sit down,” she said ushering him towards the kitchen table before rushing to pour out a cup of green tea for him.

  Mei Yin sat down next to Ming Kong. She took his hands in hers, caressing them gently until they relaxed their tight hold. “Remember, when we were young, we too were rash in our actions. The most important thing now is for us to help An Mei, to make sure she knows that she can come back. What would cutting her off from the family achieve? Nothing! Not for her, not for us. Please reconsider. Jenny will be coming soon. Let’s see what she can do. At least through her, we’ll be able to trace An Mei’s whereabouts.”