Bitter Sweet Harvest

by Chan Ling Yap

  Hussein ran after her. “So you don’t love me enough. My father is right.”

  Tears of self-pity gleamed in his eyes. An Mei halted mid-stride. She brought her hand to his face, wiping his wet face with her palm and whispered, “It is you who do not love me sufficiently.”

  “Please don’t say no. Think about it,” he pleaded.

  The anger in her was fast subsiding and pity grew in its place. He was not as strong as she had thought. She would have to be strong for the two of them. She realised that deep down she still felt Hussein was part of her.

  “In England, people do not necessarily marry to be together. Can we not adopt this attitude, so that we can be together at least? I love you,” he pleaded.

  “This is not England,” she replied, but with each word her will weakened and when he put his arms around her and clasped her to him she felt her resolve losing ground.

  “Let me think about it.” Pushing him away, she walked back into the restaurant.

  *****

  “No! No! Don’t do it. I have some hope of persuading your father to accept the situation if you were to marry, but I have no hope at all if you just live together.” Nelly was furious with Hussein and frustrated by An Mei’s seeming inability to defend herself against him. She wanted to shake some sense into her. She wanted to take Hussein by the collar and slap him. Her voice, normally low and quiet, rose. She brought her fist down on the table like a cleaver.

  Jenny, startled by Nelly’s unaccustomed violence, stood up, toppling her seat behind her. “I am going to speak to Hussein. But please keep your voice down,” she said before hurrying away to look for him.

  Unheeding, Nelly continued, “What an insult! How could Hussein ask you to hang around, be here for him, while he offers you nothing in return? Think, An Mei, your father will not agree to this and he will disown you. You will break his heart. And what about your mother and me? We will be placed in an impossible situation. I cannot continue with this lie and keep you here for Hussein under such conditions. Will you risk losing your family for someone who does not even want to share his name with you?”

  People turned in their direction, attracted by the loud voice. Waitresses flocked around the table, keen to hear what was being said. An Mei bowed her head with embarrassment. “Please, can we leave?”

  *****

  Once back in the house, An Mei ran up the stairs and into her bedroom. She bolted her door. Abandoning all attempts to hold on to her dress, she let go of the strap. The shift fell immediately to her ankles and she stepped out of it. Pulling the bedclothes off her bed, she draped them around her and went out onto the balcony. The night air was warm, but she shivered as it came into contact with her bare skin. She sank down on the floor, the tiles cold against her buttocks. Cross-legged, she sat covered by the clothes she had gathered around her and inhaled deeply on the night air. A rich, almost over-powering perfume of Jasmine filled her lungs.

  She sat there for a long time, upright, her face turned upward to the night sky, eyes closed, oblivious to the pounding on the door and Nelly’s anguished voice asking her to come out and talk with her. The pounding ceased. There was a scuttle of footsteps as she went away. Then, she returned and she spoke again, but much softer this time, “I am sorry. I spoke too harshly. I’ve left a glass of water for you outside the door. I will be in my bedroom, when you are ready to talk. Yeong-yeong to yow tuk seong leong. All things can be discussed and solved.”

  An Mei heard her footsteps receding, and then all was quiet except for the sounds of the night. The humming of insects filled her ears, interspersed by the chik-chak calls of the geckoes. She dropped her head to the palm of her hand and wept, the hot tears seared through her skin.

  “God, please help me. What shall I do?”

  She sat still, her face wet with tears that just would not stop flowing. The darkness grew, lights faded as households went to sleep. Still she sat there. Hours passed. Dawn broke. The first glimmer of sunlight peeped through the strata of clouds on the horizon, breaking into thin wavelengths of colour: orange, mahogany red against a background of clear bright blue. In the distance, a cock crowed, dogs barked. Then imperceptibly, almost without notice, the cool dampness of the night air gave way to the growing heat of the sun. An Mei got up. Her legs could hardly bear her weight after the long hours of being twisted in a wedge under her body. She made her way to her bed, crawled into it and fell asleep.

  Chapter 15

  An Mei opened the door of the study quietly and peeped into the room. Nelly was sprawled on an armchair; her head lolled to one side of the backrest. Her eyes were closed and her arms hung loosely on either side of the chair. The maid had warned An Mei that Nelly had been up the whole night waiting for her to come to speak to her. When morning came and there was still no sign of An Mei, Nelly had tried to break open An Mei’s bedroom door. Failing that, she then tried positioning a ladder on the flowerbed below to climb up to the balcony to check on An Mei. Finally succumbing to the restraints of the cook, she had run from one room to the other like a mad woman, until, exhausted, she had fallen asleep on the armchair.

  An Mei tiptoed to her aunt and knelt down beside her. She placed an arm around her aunt and laid her head on her knees. Nelly woke up and immediately clasped An Mei to her, bending her head to kiss An Mei’s.

  “I know what I should do,” said An Mei. “I will keep myself occupied with work, as you suggested. I will stay on in KL, help you out in the evenings and get a job during the day. I need that to be independent. That way, we will fulfil our commitment to father. I won’t be Hussein’s mistress because that is essentially what he is offering me. Instead I will wait for him to find himself and change his mind about marriage. Until then, I will not be his.”

  “Dear girl, you are not proposing to wait for him forever, are you? You have a whole life before you.”

  “I am taking things one step at a time. I cannot give him up at this point. But, who knows, I might give him up with time. Until then, I will just wait.”

  Nelly drew An Mei to her feet and stood up. “I am sorry for all those harsh words. I know I was wrong to try to force you into my way of thinking. I was so angry with Hussein. I was so frightened for you. I have such hopes for you.”

  “I know. You are right. Malaysia is not England. I will not be able to start again to find a life partner here if I were to so freely and publicly give myself away. I am not sure that this might not be true even in England amongst the Chinese community. The Age of Aquarius has certainly not arrived in this country. I feel tainted, dirty. Perhaps in a few years’ time, things might change. All I wish to do for the moment is to achieve something for myself.”

  “You are not tainted,” protested Nelly. She lowered her gaze briefly, recalling her conversation with Mei Yin when she had voiced her fears about society’s views on sex before marriage. “You are right. Perhaps, time will solve things for us.”

  “Can we talk to your son, Jeremy, about the job?”

  Nelly’s face brightened. “Yes. He has already offered to help.”

  “Does he know about Hussein and me?

  “That has not entered into our conversation.”

  *****

  A uniformed, turbaned footman, complete with gold-fringed epaulettes, opened the huge glass door. Jeremy stepped aside to let An Mei enter before following her into the foyer. A black marble floor tinged with woven gold and red stretched from one end of the room to the other.

  “It’s on the first floor. Let’s take the stairway,” he suggested, pointing to a central staircase that wound upwards hemmed in by ornate railings to the next floor.

  They walked up the steps in silence, the tapping of her high heels echoed in contrast to the soft fall of his leather shoes. She felt a sense of vertigo. Everything was huge, enormous even, in the building. Two years away from Kuala Lumpur and things had changed. Buildings seemed to have become bigger and the high rise blocks even higher. Wealth it seemed was measured by size, and succe
ss by the ability to dwarf neighbouring buildings.

  “This way,” he said pointing to an exquisitely carved door to the right of the stairway. “I have spoken to them about you and they are expecting us. I am sure you will be fine. I had a look at your curriculum vitae and it was impressive.”

  Nervously, she acknowledged his encouragement.

  “After the preliminary introductions, I will not be taking part in your interview. I will not be involved in the final decisions.” He felt the need to explain as Nelly had said how keen An Mei was to get the job. “It is an American bank and the board’s decision is solely theirs.”

  “Yes, I would not expect otherwise. Thank you,” An Mei replied, slightly amused at his discomfort.

  *****

  “We’ll meet up with Kai Min and her husband Tek San tonight. Kai Min is An Mei’s aunt, her father’s youngest sister. I’ll introduce you, Jeremy. I am sure you will like them. They are very forthright and keen to meet you,” Nelly said, leaning forward from the back seat of the car to pat Jeremy on the shoulder. He was driving.

  She turned to An Mei, at her side, “And we must also tell them about your new job, An Mei. Gong hei, gong hei! Congratulations! It is such a pity that Jane cannot be with us.” Bending closer to An Mei, she whispered in her ear, “We have to make an extra effort with your uncle Tek San. Relations between your father and Tek San are still a bit awkward because of past misunderstandings and business rivalry. Your mum’s failure to ask for their help when you fled from Oxford has only added to the tension. Kai Min has always considered your mother, Mei Yin, as her best friend so she is miffed. She is coming around though. I have primed her about your decision to stay and have extracted a promise that she will keep it between us.”

  “Where are we going?” asked Jeremy, unaware of what was being said. He steered the car through the congested streets. “It would seem that things are beginning to settle down at least in this part of Chinatown. People seem to be going about their day-to-day business,” he observed.

  “Tek San said to meet at his favourite kopitiam. I have forgotten its name. He said it has been five months since he has eaten there. It is a coffee shop in Chinatown, near the Rex cinema. It is a grotty place in an old alleyway. Do not be surprised to see rats scuttling by,” she teased. “Tek San is always going on and on about the good old days and the flavour of food in the past.”

  They turned into a brightly lit street. A neon display with the caption Rex Cinema loomed large.

  “Look, we have arrived. Park over there.”

  They got out of the car and walked over to the corner coffee shop. Bright neon lights lit up the ‘open-plan’ eatery. Where there should have been walls, individual food stalls were set up instead, separating it from the roadside. Wooden tables with rickety stools were set in the middle of the coffee shop as well as by the roadside. Jeremy looked at the stained floor and walls.

  “Where should we sit? Inside?” he asked, looking at the tables in the room and the slowly revolving fans on the ceiling. He could feel the simmering heat from the hot cauldrons and pans in the stalls. “Perhaps not. Outside?” he asked turning to look at the tables by the roadside.

  “Not much of a choice. It seems to be between smouldering heat inside or car fumes outside,” said An Mei. Despite herself, she could not help but smile at his discomfort. “But the food will be good, perhaps not as hygienic as one might have wished, but Aunty Nelly will see to it. Just watch.” Nelly had told her of Jeremy’s fear of getting food poisoning.

  “I am not worried,” he replied pretending indifference. “When you are in Singapore, I’ll take you to Bugis Street and you will see that I am not at all unfamiliar with such set-ups. Singapore may have had a big clean-up campaign but there are still lots of the old places left.”

  “Bugis Street! What are you thinking off? Don’t you dare take An Mei there. Ham blan do hai kai tai, hang lei, hang hui! It is full of transvestites, men dressed as women walking here and there,” cried Nelly.

  Both An Mei and Jeremy laughed. “That is why it is worth a visit! Plenty of entertainment and eating stalls.”

  “Choi! Choi! Bad luck! Bad Luck! Who wants to eat in such a place?” muttered Nelly darkly. But she was pleased. It was the first time since her return to Kuala Lumpur that she had seen An Mei really smiling.

  “Well, let us take this table on the kerb. It is cooler here,” she suggested and drew up a stool and sat down. An Mei and Jeremy followed suit. Immediately, youngsters, dressed in ill-fitting shorts and tee shirts, some no older than twelve, and all in various degree of grubbiness, surrounded them each demanding that they order food from them.

  “Char Hokkien mee, fried Fukien noodles,” one shouted. Another, not to be outdone, proclaimed, “the best Chui yuk chok, pork balls congee!” This was followed by another loud voice coming from the back, “Sui gow tong, prawn dumpling soup!” The children gathered around the table, repeating their offers by rote until Nelly told them, “Wait. We are meeting someone. Just bring us tea, a big pot and it must be boiling hot, and also a small basin and some bowls. Then, we’ll order.”

  An Mei looked at Jeremy, her eyes twinkling, and mouthed, “Just watch.”

  A big enamel pot, chipped in places, arrived with small China teacups and bowls. Nelly immediately poured the boiling hot tea into the basin and rinsed the bowls and chopsticks that had been set earlier in a holder in the centre of the table. Satisfied that they were clean, she then fished out tissues from her bag and wiped each utensil carefully before placing them back on the table. “Germs,” she said very seriously. “Can never be too careful. Another pot of tea, please,” she added to the urchin waiting for her order,

  An Mei placed her hand over her mouth to stifle a giggle.

  “I’m no stranger to such treatment of germs,” Jeremy said, keeping a straight face and determined not to be outdone. “In Singapore, Mary does much the same thing.” He mimicked Nelly’s vigorous cleaning of the chopsticks. More children gathered around the table. They too laughed. No one was offended. “Yes,” they chorused, “germs.”

  An Mei looked away. A shadow crossed her face. Thoughts of Hussein intruded into her mind. He would not have been able to join in such revelries in a place like this, she thought, looking at the meats and poultry hanging at each stall. Every dish had pork, that essential meat for Chinese dishes. Even the fat used was likely to be pork lard. And, of course, nothing was halal. She did not know how she could have deluded herself into believing that they could be together when so many things, even common everyday things, divided them.

  Nelly saw the sadness on An Mei’s face. She wanted to reach out and comfort her but refrained. Distraction would be the best remedy. She saw two figures walking towards them. Her face brightened. She stood up and placed a hand on An Mei’s shoulder.

  “They are here. Kai Min and Tek San!” Nelly took two more stools from a neighbouring table for them. “Please sit. Let us order first. I’ll introduce everyone later. The poor children are getting impatient. You know, they have to go to school tomorrow and probably need to find time to squeeze in some homework between serving guests.” Turning to An Mei, she explained, “They are probably the stall owners’ children. They work hard to earn enough money to send their children to school. Some even manage to send them overseas for education. But the children are expected to do their share.”

  “Hokkien mee for me,” said Tek San promptly as he hitched up his trousers to sit down. “I love the dark-sauced, fat noodles fried with pork, prawns and squid. Black paradise!”

  “I’ll have the same,” said Kai Min, “but with white rice vermicelli, please. Less fattening than those thick yellow noodles that my husband likes,” she continued, patting Tek San on his girth before turning to Nelly. “Tell me, is this Jeremy, the son you spoke of on the phone?” she asked quietly, her eyes examining him. “You have still to introduce us.”

  Jeremy heard and looked at Nelly expectantly. With a quick glance around the table,
Nelly introduced Jeremy immediately. Her face was filled with a mixture of pride and apprehension. She had already explained over the phone to Kai Min about her rediscovered family after she had called Ming Kong. Kai Min, taken by surprise, had demanded detailed background and explanations, exclaiming that she had no inkling of Nelly’s past. Nelly had told her then and had no wish to dwell on her affairs in public again. Instead, she told them of An Mei’s success in getting a job with Citicorp.

  “Congratulations!” Tek San said. “So you will stay on in KL. What about...?”

  “Kai Min will tell you later,” Nelly cut in. “Do you want to hear about An Mei’s job?”

  “Yes, tell us,” said Kai Min, kicking Tek San’s shins under the table.

  Chapter 16

  Mimi walked into An Mei’s office. She was flustered.” It’s that Mr. Hussein again,” she announced. “He has called you three times this morning. He is now waiting in reception. He insists on seeing you, even when I said that you were busy and that he needs to make an appointment. He would have barged in if I had not stopped him.”

  An Mei feigned a nonchalance she did not feel. “Give me five minutes and then send him in please,” she instructed her secretary and continued with what she was doing, her head bowed low over the desk. Mimi opened her mouth to speak, but checked herself. It was not her business, but the man had been calling persistently every day this week. She walked out of the room to do as she was told.

  An Mei kept on with her writing until the door closed behind Mimi. She put her pen down and leaned back in her chair. It had been some ten months since she had taken the job with the bank and in the last couple of months she had begun to take some of Hussein’s telephone calls. But she had not answered them this week. They intruded too much into her peace of mind. She was settling in to her job and her boss was full of praise. “A hardworking, capable and trustworthy employee with a quick and innovative mind,” he had written in the last review.