Me Myself Milly

by Penelope Bush

  ‘Have you ever been to England before?’ I said to cover my confusion. God! I sounded like someone out of a Jane Austen novel.

  ‘No,’ said Devlin. I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t. Then again how could he? What else was there to say? Then I remembered the library book. It said, Don’t ask questions that have a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer. Ask ‘leading questions’ that need more than a one word answer.

  ‘So, what do you think of it, then? Do you like it?’

  Devlin looked out of the window.

  ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘Oh.’

  ‘I haven’t been out yet.’

  ‘Ah.’

  Why was Mum taking so long? Then, as if she knew what I was thinking, I heard them coming down the hall. Thank God! I stood up. Mum and Mrs Wade came in.

  ‘It’s so nice that Devlin’s got someone his own age to talk to,’ said Mrs Wade. ‘I’ve been trying all week to get him to go out. I was hoping that you could show him round, Milly. We’re so lucky to be staying in this city, with all its history. Would you mind? How about tomorrow?’

  ‘That would be lovely,’ said Mum.

  What? I glared at her, but she refused to look at me. Lily would have said she had other plans if she were here. She wouldn’t have let herself be railroaded like this.

  I saw Devlin glaring at his mum, but she just glared right back without blinking until he said, ‘It was lovely to meet you, ma’am,’ and shook Mum’s hand. Then he shook mine.

  ‘I’ll be looking forward to tomorrow,’ he added and I could have believed him if he’d smiled. The grown-ups seemed satisfied, though, and when the front door shut behind us Mum said, ‘Americans have such lovely manners.’

  When we got back downstairs Mum was in a sombre mood and I didn’t want to talk about what had just happened so I got my homework out, which is code for ‘Don’t talk to me, I’m busy’, even though it’s a Friday night and nobody does homework on a Friday night.

  Of course, when we were in bed Lily wanted to know all about him.

  ‘He’s got brown hair, blue eyes and he’s really fit,’ I told her.

  ‘Ooh, so you fancy him, then?’

  ‘No, I mean “fit” as in tanned and slim and muscly. Other than that he’s just ordinary, nothing special.’

  She wanted more details, like did he have a funny accent and did I think he fancied me?

  ‘No,’ I said and turned over, ending the conversation. I didn’t want her to know that when he’d fixed his blue eyes on me I’d stopped breathing and my heartbeat had doubled in speed, or that when he’d shaken my hand the same thing had happened and I could swear that I’d felt a jolt – like an electric current had passed between us. I decided I’d been reading too many romantic novels and that Devlin had hardly even noticed me. I tried to think up a simile to describe his eyes, like they did in books. His eyes were as warm and blue as the Aegean sea and she wanted to swim in them forever – sort of thing. But all I could come up with was that his eyes were as blue as the cover of my English exercise book, so I gave up and got my journal out.

  The summer before last, when Lily and I were thirteen, Mum decided to take us to the seaside for the holidays. At least that’s what she told us, but really she wanted to go and visit an artist friend of hers who lived on the coast in Wales. There wasn’t much for us to do and we took to walking to the nearest village, which had a shop and a pub and a castle. Most of the time we just sat on a wall eating ice cream and watching the tourists.

  Then some boys turned up. They were local boys and after they’d driven past us a few times on their BMXs, showing off, doing wheelies and things, and looking at us out the corner of their eyes, they got a bit bolder and looked at us properly and made jokes about ‘buy one get one free’, which I thought was really insulting but Lily laughed anyway.

  The next few times we went to the village they were always there, either messing about near us or talking to Lily. Then on the Friday of what was our last weekend in Wales they said there was a party on Saturday night and we had to come. It was going to be a barbecue on the beach; they had one every year.

  It was all Lily talked about for the next twenty-four hours. I didn’t want to go and spent all of the time trying to persuade Lily not to go. Mum gives us way more freedom than most girls our age get, but somehow we both knew that it was best not to mention the party to her.

  Which was why, the next evening, I heard Lily telling Mum that we were going for a walk because I wanted to see if we could find any bats. This was typical of Lily. She’s not stupid enough to say she wanted to go looking for bats because that would definitely have made Mum suspicious. But by saying ‘Milly wants to find some bats,’ in an ever so slightly ‘I’m humouring her’ voice, Mum didn’t think anything of it. So we set off for the village and the party. There was never any question that I wouldn’t go with Lily, even though I really didn’t want to. For a start, if I’d refused, Lily couldn’t have gone on her own because Mum would have wondered where she’d gone without me. Lily kept telling me not to be such a drag and I really tried not to be, but it didn’t help that all the way there Lily kept going on about how Laura Barker had done it with Keiran Scott at Daisy’s birthday party. Who cared what Laura Barker had done? I didn’t believe it anyway.

  The party wasn’t too bad at first. We played some frisbee on the sand with a load of other people, which was good because you don’t have to talk to anyone when you’re playing frisbee due to the fact that you have to stand miles apart. But then the food was ready and the boys from the village came over and sat with us. They were drinking lager and they gave me and Lily cans. I wanted to tell Lily not to drink hers, but I knew she’d never forgive me if I said it in front of them. Lily had told them we were sixteen and they seemed to believe her. I took a sip out of mine but it tasted vile so I put it on a rock and hoped no one would notice. Lily was slugging hers back and talking to Alec, which left me with Sam. The sun had gone down and it was getting cold. I made the mistake of shivering and Sam saw it as an invitation to put his arm round me. I suggested we played some more frisbee but Sam ignored me. He smelled of lager and sausages. I decided I hated Lily.

  When it got dark Lily and Alec moved away. I wanted to follow them but I knew how pathetic that would look. Sam tried to put his hand up my jumper. He hadn’t even tried to kiss me. I don’t know much about these things but I would have thought a hand up the jumper came after a kiss. I hit his hand away and stood up. I was really panicked now; I couldn’t see Lily anywhere. The light from the fire only travelled so far. Why hadn’t I brought a torch? Sam gave up on me and moved away to join the others.

  There were some sand dunes between the beach and the road and I decided to go and hide in them until Lily came back. I’d just climbed the first dune when I heard voices over to the left. I froze. Then I realised that one of the voices belonged to Lily. I stood uncertainly for a while wondering what to do. I didn’t want to go back to the fire where I didn’t know anybody but I couldn’t stand around within earshot of Lily and Alec without letting them know I was there because that would be like I was spying on them. I decided the best thing to do was to go and tell Lily that I wanted to go home.

  But the voices had stopped and I had trouble locating the dip where I knew Lily and Alec must be. Which was why I nearly fell over them. They were lying in the sand and the first thing that struck me was that Lily didn’t have her top on and her white bra was practically the only thing I could see in the dark. I must have accidentally kicked Alec when I came to an abrupt halt, otherwise I don’t think either of them would have realised I was there because they were too preoccupied.

  He broke off long enough to turn round and say something in Welsh which I was pretty sure meant that I should go away. Then Lily saw me.

  ‘For God’s sake, Milly, go away!’ she hissed.

  ‘Yeah,’ said Alec. ‘Either go away or come and join in.’

  Lily laughed. I clenched my fists. I was trem
bling. I wanted to turn and run but I couldn’t.

  ‘You do know she’s only thirteen?’ My voice came out way louder than I’d intended.

  Alec sat up. ‘You said you were sixteen.’

  ‘I am,’ said Lily. ‘She’s lying.’

  ‘I’m not. I should know, she’s my twin sister and I’m only thirteen. You could end up with a sex offender’s record.’

  Alec swore and stood up. Lily grabbed his trouser leg. ‘Come on,’ she said to him, ‘just ignore her and she’ll go away.’

  ‘Forget it!’ said Alec and he stormed away into the darkness.

  Lily grabbed her top and pulled it back on. I didn’t need to see her face to know that she was furious.

  ‘God, Milly! You’re such a retard!’ and that was the last thing she said to me for three whole days.

  Chapter Eleven

  Early on Saturday morning I sat at the top of the stairs listening in to Devlin and his mum. I had to climb over a load of stuff to get up there. When Jeanie locked the door at the top, Mum started to use the stairs to store things on, like a set of giant shelves. There were books stacked up the side, a basket of washing, a heap of files and letters and some random objects like a cheese grater, a packet of fly papers and a clock which was waiting for a new battery. Anyhow, I managed to clear a path and I settled on the top stair with my ear pressed to the door.

  ‘Are you going to go to the basketball club?’ That was Mrs Wade.

  ‘I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet. Basketball’s not really my thing, you know that. Why can’t there be a baseball club?’

  ‘I know, honey, I’m sorry.’ There was a short pause. ‘You could always try something new: soccer or cricket or rugby, even.’

  ‘Rugby?’

  ‘It’s sort of like football, except here they call soccer “football”. I don’t know. When we’ve got Sky Sports installed you could watch the television and find out.’

  The reason I was listening in to the conversation was that How to Make Friends said, Find out what the other person likes and strike up a conversation on that subject. So I thought this would be a good shortcut to finding out what interested Devlin because he wasn’t exactly the most talkative person. Now I knew he was into baseball, but that was no good because I knew nothing about baseball except it’s a bit like rounders and you wear a big glove.

  ‘What are you doing?’ Lily was peering up at me through the banisters.

  I made mad, shushing mimes at her.

  ‘You total perv. You’re stalking the new boy!’

  ‘I am not,’ I hissed at her.

  ‘You are too. You’re not in love with him, are you? Please tell me you haven’t got a gigantic crush on him.’

  ‘You’re a fine one to talk. You were doing this last night!’

  ‘That was different.’

  ‘Go away!’

  ‘Weirdo,’ said Lily, but she went away. She’d already dismissed Devlin as a loser, which was fine by me because he’s going to be my friend – not hers.

  I held my breath and kept listening, terrified that they’d heard me but I needn’t have worried. They were in the sitting room, though, so I could hear them clearly enough.

  ‘I thought if you joined some sort of sports club you might make some friends. You’re not going to meet anyone shut up in the house all the time,’ Devlin’s mum said.

  Except ME, I wanted to shout through the door.

  ‘What’s the point?’ said Devlin. ‘It’s not like I’m ever going to see them again once we go back home.’

  ‘You never know,’ said his mum. ‘I met my best friend Helen at summer camp. We didn’t see each other again for twenty years but we kept writing during all that time.’

  Mrs Wade’s voice was suddenly louder. She was in the corridor right outside the basement door. I held my breath. ‘Don’t be long,’ she was saying, ‘the girl from downstairs will be here soon. I’ll be in the kitchen,’ and I could hear her little kitten heels going off into the distance.

  When I got back to the bedroom Lily was lying on her bed.

  ‘So, what did you find out about lover boy then?’

  ‘Don’t call him that! Nothing much – except that he’s missing playing baseball. I didn’t have him down as the sporty type.’ Although I suppose that was why he was so muscly.

  ‘No, he’s more the “stay home and bake some cookies with Mother” type.’

  ‘Don’t be mean. How would you like it if you had to go and live in a strange place?’

  Lily didn’t say anything to that, though her injured silence spoke volumes.

  But being Lily meant that the silence didn’t last long.

  ‘I reckon he’s gay,’ she said. ‘You’re wasting your time.’

  ‘Of course he’s not gay!’

  Lily just smiled. ‘I’m not coming with you.’

  ‘You weren’t invited.’

  ‘You’ll be on your own – with a boy.’ I knew she was trying to wind me up so I didn’t reply.

  ‘Don’t go pretending I’m there. You know, in your head.’ How did she know that’s what I do? I hate her for knowing that.

  I know I’m getting better at being Emily though. On the walk to the bus stop in the mornings I don’t pretend Lily’s with me any more. Instead I use the time to change into Emily. By the time I get on the bus and start talking to Effy I’m a normal person. Emily Pond, going to school with her new friend.

  I knocked on the front door upstairs and Mrs Wade answered it. I really wished she’d tell me her first name because Mrs Wade is a bit of a mouthful. Maybe it’s an American thing, calling adults by their surname.

  I’d got butterflies in my stomach, I don’t know why. I was only showing someone round town, how hard could it be? There was no sign of Devlin, though, and Mrs Wade looked a bit nervous as she ushered me into the front room.

  ‘Milly,’ she said, ‘your mum told me about what happened to you – you know – recently.’ She fiddled with the zip on her cardigan. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, her or me. ‘Anyway, the thing is, I’d rather you didn’t talk to Devlin about it, if you don’t mind. It’s just that he’s . . .’ and then Devlin walked in and she shut up.

  Devlin looked angry, like he knew she’d been talking about him. I know I must have looked angry as well. How dare she? I wasn’t going to tell Devlin about it, but that was my choice. How dare she tell me what I could and could not say about anything?

  So we both left the house in a temper and marched down the street in silence. Now his mum had told me not to mention anything about what had happened, it was all I could think about and I felt like I was about to blurt it all out, just because she’d told me not to.

  ‘Where are we going?’ asked Devlin, sounding almost as miserable as I felt.

  I snapped out of my own self-pity and said, ‘We’ll cross the bridge and go into town.’

  I glanced at him. He didn’t look happy; he had his shoulders hunched and his hands in his pockets. He looked like he’d rather be anywhere but here with me.

  ‘What are you into?’ I asked him. ‘Romans or Jane Austen?’

  Devlin looked completely blank. He obviously hadn’t done any research before he came here.

  ‘They’re the two main things this city is famous for,’ I explained. ‘Unless you’d rather go shopping.’

  ‘I don’t know much about the Romans,’ said Devlin, like he was really making an effort. ‘Mum’s into Jane Austen.’

  ‘Well, the Romans invaded us in AD43, or some time around then, and they came here because there were hot springs and they built some baths around them. I suppose they must have found it cold after Italy.’

  Actually I know loads about the Romans and about the pagans who were here before them, but I didn’t go on about them in case I sounded like a tour guide. Besides, I didn’t want Devlin to think I was some kind of history geek.

  ‘Where’s this bridge then?’ said Devlin.

  ‘Bridge?’

  �
��You said we were going across a bridge.’

  ‘Oh!’ I said. ‘We just crossed it. You wouldn’t know because it’s got shops built on it.’

  ‘Right,’ said Devlin.

  ‘I could show you, if you like. From the other side, above the river.’

  ‘No, don’t bother.’

  This was going to be even harder than I thought. We carried on up Bridge Street and I thought it would be all right when we got to the Baths, because you can’t visit Bath without visiting the Baths, that would be mental. But I was wrong. We went in to pay; it’s not cheap but Mum had given me loads of money so I could show Devlin all the sights. Devlin was looking around and he’d picked up a leaflet about the Baths. It had photos of the main pool in it and I wanted to snatch it off him because I thought he was spoiling the surprise.

  ‘Is this it?’ he said.

  ‘That’s part of it,’ I told him. ‘There’s loads of other stuff. Come on, I’ll show you.’

  ‘I’ve changed my mind,’ said Devlin. ‘I don’t want to go in.’

  ‘What? But I thought . . .’

  ‘I don’t want to go in there, okay.’

  What the hell? We fought our way out. There was a whole bunch of French school kids queuing up outside. Mum says there used to be a tourist season and, when she first came here, the summer and the spring were the times when the town was full of tourists. Now it’s full of them all the time. And a lot of them are American. And I was stuck with the most reluctant one in the world. Who wouldn’t want to see the Baths?

  So then I began to wonder what to do with him. I didn’t want to suggest the Abbey, because that seemed like the most boring thing and he didn’t look like a religious type of person. The Pump Rooms were right next to us but there’s not much to see in them. I could insist he tried ‘taking the waters’. That would serve him right, because they taste foul and the last time I tried them I nearly puked. I was pretty sure he wouldn’t appreciate the Fashion Museum or the Jane Austen Centre, or the art galleries. I was trying to think of something more exciting.