“What’s wrong Dr. Fuller?”
“Well, I’m going to send off your bloodwork to confirm so don’t be alarmed. When was the last time you had a cycle?”
I blanched at the question. It had been a while but I was never regular. I thought about it and pulled out a calendar.
I looked up at the doctor. “A while. Maybe the end of September? But I skip a bit. My grandmother did too.”
He nodded. “And sex? Anyone you’ve been with around that time or since then?”
I laid down the calendar. “What’s going on? Do I have some disease?”
Logan had been with escorts and we had unprotected sex. It had been something that I had thought about more than a few times but had been ignoring out of fear of knowing what the truth might be. It had been stupid of me not to ask him about a condom in the first place but in the heat of the moment it hadn’t occurred to me.
I could have picked up anything from him. I probably had some STD. This was going to be the most embarrassing thing to discuss in my life.
“You’re pregnant kiddo. Do you know who the father is?”
Everything got very still and quiet inside. I didn’t have any coherent thought. I just stared at the doctor and nodded once.
He gave me a sympathetic look. “I’ll refer you to that doctor and set up an appointment. You’ll want to see her as soon as possible. Do you know a date roughly when that happened?”
“October seventh. The day before my birthday.”
“Without knowing specifics, I would say you’re about eight to ten weeks along. You’ll have a July baby.”
I blinked a few times and took in a deep breath.
A baby. Not just any baby. Logan’s baby.
Crap.
Chapter Twelve
Bells was pawing at my arm the next morning to wake me up. I rolled over and scratched her behind her neck.
“Looks like you’re going to have a new friend soon Bells.”
She tilted her head at me and began pawing again.
Rubbing her ears, I informed her, “Yeah and you might not like it. The baby will probably pull your tail a few times.”
Bells sat back on her haunches, yawned and looked bored.
I looked over at the full-length mirror on the wall beside my bed and saw myself reflected back. I had some circles under my eyes and looked sleepy even at a distance.
When I had gotten home the previous night after learning my strange news, I had sat on the couch staring through the window for a very long time.
Shocked and a little afraid, I had watched the sun go down while my overly affectionate cat tried to purr me to death. Other people processed this every day in their own way. Perhaps I was just being dramatic. It wasn’t so much that I was pregnant, although that was frightening enough, it was that I knew nothing about children.
They were fun sometimes when I had been around them, but I had no idea what it was going to be like raising one on my own. I had every confidence that I could do it. I was capable. After recent events, I also knew I was resilient in the face of difficulty, and it was going to be difficult, I had no doubt.
My one remaining question, that lingered with me until I fell asleep, was whether I should tell Logan or not. If I did, what would he do?
I kept thinking back to all the bad luck that seemed to be directly related to him and I almost had to laugh at this point. Maybe I had given too much credence to the events.
This was definitely not bad luck. This was a baby and it deserved a mother who saw it as a blessing. I wondered if my own mother had thought the same way.
My hand reached blindly out for my cell on the nightstand and finally found it.
I hit the internet and started researching.
Hmm. Books about raising babies. One million.
Articles about raising babies. Too many to count.
My baby is an alien. Odd.
Baby names. Let’s not go there yet.
Stages of pregnancy. My kid was the size of a kumquat, whatever that is.
Pictures on birth.
“Ahh gawd!” I grimaced, causing Bells to jump.
I needed Andi. And Jules and Liv but I really needed Andi right now.
Problem was, Brock had been known to monitor Julia and Liv’s texts. Since he pulled his “magic” on getting my new number I was afraid to text her. This news had to stay between us.
I decided a phone call would be best.
“Helloo,” she answered.
“Hey you. Are you working today?”
“Yeah but I’m just getting my coffee. How’s life?”
I heard the chatter of the breakroom over the phone. Everyone lived on coffee up there and I missed the social interaction every morning.
I made a face. “Well it’s supposed to dump a shitload of snow at some point if it hasn’t already. I haven’t been up to look because I’m being lazy. Work is good, Becca still isn’t pulling her load. I’m pregnant and Bells is currently pawing at my arm because she wants breakfast.”
I heard clattering in the background and a muffled sound came over the phone.
“Shit! Sorry, I spilled my coffee! You’re what?! Did you say pregnant?!” she practically yelled.
“Andi, keep it down you cow. I don’t need everyone up there knowing.”
She started whispering, “Yeah but, is it Logan’s?”
I rolled my eyes and huffed angrily. “No of course not, I’ve joined a prostitution ring and I’ve cornered the local market. Of course, it’s Logan’s baby! You know I haven’t been with anyone else. And I mean of course, right? The one guy I really don’t want to see and who did what he did and of course it’s his. My life apparently isn’t going to work out with the picket fence mumbo jumbo. Not that I ever liked picket fences, because I think they block too much of the yard but GAWD this seems like just another crazy unlucky thing. Right now, I want to beat Logan with a picket fence and tell him he’s an asshole. What if I screw up? I don’t even know how to change a diaper!!”
“Wow. You haven’t had breakfast yet have you?”
“GRR.”
“Just calm your panties. It’ll be okay. If nothing else I’ll come up there and help for a while. Hell, maybe the brat brother and I will just move. I’m sure Julia and Liv would love to come up there to visit. Course you may be dealing with a caravan of meatheads and guns if they do. Well, maybe not with Julia so much.”
“Andi.”
“I mean Holden seems like he could take care of himself. Still, you only have the loft and the bedroom.”
“Andi!”
“Yeah? Sorry I was just thinking about the baby’s room. When are you having this genetically perfect child? You and the doc are going to have the cutest fucking kid.”
I ran a hand down my face and sighed. “Yeah apparently I’m eight or ten weeks. I have some appointment that Dr. Fuller is arranging.”
“What are you going to do?”
“Have the baby, start a garden in the spring, and fix my shed. Really a no-brainer.”
“I meant about Logan. He looked really good the last time I saw him. Not like good as in attractive, I mean like better. He’s working out or something, looked healthier. You know what I mean.”
I stared at the ceiling for a moment. “Yeah that is the question, what am I going to do. I don’t know. I think I’m just going to have the baby and keep it quiet. I mean--ugh. Andi it’s not like we were, you know, dating. And I don’t want anything from him and because he’s nice, he would feel obligated to do something, probably. Maybe not, hell, I don’t even know him really, I guess. I don’t want to see him at all. It would just be too hard.”
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” I frowned.
“That he did a number on your head. I guess there’s always one of those guys in your life that will really fuck it up. I feel bad that I kind of encouraged it.”
“It’s not your fault. I made my own decisions. Life is good. And it’s going to be better.
Uh, speaking of which. I have no idea what I’m doing with babies. What am I supposed to do?”
Andi laughed. “Feed, change, sleep, repeat. If you don’t mind, I’ll ask Liv if she has any books you can read. I’ll ship them up to you.”
“Okay. Just don’t tell her they’re for me. Tell them all hello.”
“I will, hang in there Kate. It’s going to be okay.”
“Will do.”
She hung up.
Bells crawled onto my chest and stared down at me.
“Okay, okay, I’m getting up.”
When I stood up I looked down at my stomach. I was getting a little pudgy. Maybe it was my imagination. It wasn’t much, but I had noticed over the last month that my middle wasn’t as flat as it normally was.
I hadn’t thought about it really. Hell, the first month I was here and drowning my sorrows, I had lived off ice-cream. And cookies. And a whole host of bad food for the body, but comforting for the emotions.
I ran a hand over my stomach. “C’mon kumquat. Let’s eat something.”
Bells followed me out into the kitchen after I changed into some sweats and a t-shirt. I felt lethargic and my hair was probably a mess from tossing all night.
I scraped out a can of cat food for Bells and the first whiff of it had my stomach rolling. Quickly laying it on the ground, I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and took a few sips.
There was a knock at the door.
I grumbled. Sam was probably here to plow the driveway. I looked through the kitchen window and saw large, lazy flakes drifting down.
Still sipping on my water, I went to the door and opened it.
The bottle slipped out of my hands.
“Shit.”
Logan was standing on the porch with his arms crossed over his chest. He was wearing a black coat with a pair of jeans and some sturdy boots. He looked great but had a deep frown on his face.
His blue eyes pierced me with their usual intensity. He took in my face and clenched his jaw like he was in pain. He had gotten bigger in the chest and shoulders. Bigger everywhere and he even seemed to be taller. His jaw was no longer sporting the stubble of a beard that he had the last time I had seen him. His face was clear and he had an alertness to him.
I took in a staggered breath of air and my stomach rolled again. I was going to vomit.
Turning, I ran back to the bathroom, slammed the door shut and locked it.
“Kaitlyn?!”
I heard his approach to the door just as I heaved into the toilet.
“Go away!” I yelled in between retching.
“Kaitlyn, are you okay?” he said, as he rattled the door knob. “Let me in.”
“No, it’s gross, go away.”
I took several deep breaths.
“It’s not gross, do you know how much puke I’ve cleaned up in my life?”
I flushed the toilet and sat down on the floor.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on keeping my stomach settled. “No, how much?”
He laughed softly. “When the guys and I weren’t out doing things, we used to drink quite a bit. Not so much Cade, but Holden, Aiden and I would tie a few on. Brock was the worst. He used to drink until he either puked or got in a fight. Then there was medical school and working as an intern. I haven’t seen so much puke in my life.”
I listened to him on the other side of the door and heard him slide down the wall to the floor.
“There was this kid once. I swear Kate, he must have had the world’s largest portion of Italian food before he got up there. Complained of his stomach hurting. His mom was freaking out because she thought he had eaten one of his toys. I go to look at him and he puked an entire five course meal all over the front of me and a nurse. I’ll never forget it. Took me years to eat lasagna again.”
I chuckled. “I’m not sure I’ll eat it again for a while now.”
“Yeah, it was pretty disgusting. Are you sick?”
I thought about my response and opened my mouth a few times. Just because he was here didn’t mean I wanted to tell him anything.
“Kind of. Why are you here?”
“Are you going to let me in?”
“No.” I said firmly.
“Okay. I’ll sit out here in the hall and talk to you. I have plenty of time.”
“Logan, what are you doing here?”
“I’m not going to answer that question until you come out. Do you need some tea? I’ll pass it through the door and you can lock it again if you want.”
Tea sounded great right now. Crackers. Something to calm my stomach.
I could hear a knock at the front door again. Great. Who was it now?
I heard Logan get up from the floor.
“Expecting anyone?” he growled.
“Not that I know of.”
The heavy fall of his feet went around the corner and I could hear two people talking. Then there were two sets of voices coming back.
“Kate? Feeling okay in there?” Sam asked from the hallway.
“Yeah Sam, just not feeling so great this morning.”
“Okay, well, Dr. Fuller asked Peg to check on you, but I had to come over this morning to plow your road anyway. We’re going to be snowed in this afternoon. That storm that was supposed to hit last night is finally coming. Thought I might clear a little now then come back over tomorrow morning to do some more.”
I sighed. “Oh, Sam, if it’s going to get that bad you should go home.”
“Well, I could do that but Mr. Matthews here wants to learn how to work the plow. Peg is making some casserole at home for later so I would just be sitting around the house. You get to feeling better and we’ll be outside. Do you still have that wood we chopped in the shed?”
I stood up and unlocked the door. Sam had a look of concern on his face when he saw me. I probably looked like death warmed over.
Logan was leaning against the wall behind him looking equally worried.
“Yeah, it’s in the shed. I can get it.”
Logan stood up straight. “No, I’ll get it. Eat and get some tea. We’ll handle it.”
My eyes narrowed at him. He didn’t need to be handling anything for me but the look on his face cut short my response. His eyes gave me a challenging look like he didn’t want any arguments and he was willing to do something about it if I did.
I nodded and turned back to the bathroom, shutting the door behind me.
Their footfalls carried through the house along with their fading conversation about snow drifts. I brushed my teeth and took a shower.
After I put on some decent clothes, I wandered into the kitchen. Bells was at the front window watching Sam and Logan. It was the most entertainment we’d had in a month since the racoons had been relocated. I ate some bread and tried not to think about why Logan was here, much less acting like he was going to be here for a while.
He could sleep in his car.
Logan came back in with an armful of wood and placed it by the fireplace. He gave me a quick look then went back out.
Sam came in after dusting himself off on the porch.
“That James guy on the plow for the county came by. He was at our house yesterday. Strange man. I sent him away and told him I could get it. Damndest thing though, the plow is having a few issues now. Wish I had let him do it. I’ll pick back up in the morning if I can get back over here. If it’s too deep I’ll get out the snowmobile.”
My eyebrows shot up. “It quit working? Was it before or after Logan touched it?”
Sam gave me a funny look. “Eh, after but it’s needed some work for a while kiddo.”
The noise that came out of my mouth sounded like a hysterical “hmpff”.
“Of course, it did. He’s bad luck,” I muttered.
“Sorry?” Sam asked, as Logan came back in the door with a larger pile of wood than the last load.
“Nothing Sam, thank you.” I gave him a half smile.
He turned to Logan and shook his hand. “We�
�ll see you soon. Come by for some dinner sometime. Peg likes to cook for guests.”
Another hysterical “hmpff” came out of my mouth and I turned back to the fridge for some juice. They would probably all get food poisoning if he went over.
I heard the front door close as I was pouring myself a glass of apple juice.
Without turning around, I asked, “Have you eaten Logan?”
“Uh, yeah I did. I got in last night and ate at Liddie’s Diner in town. Meatloaf was terrible. They had a lot better breakfast.”
For once, someone with sense. The meatloaf really was horrid.
I heard him come up behind me but ignored him as I stared through the kitchen window.
“Where are you staying?”
“Here,” he said with a voice of absolute certainty.
I turned around and nearly knocked into him. His chest was nearly against mine and I backed up to the counter.
“Oh no, no, no. No. You can’t stay here.”
He hadn’t moved an inch but I felt like he had gotten closer as he tilted his head and really gave me an all-around look. It wasn’t head to toe, he didn’t even move. But it felt like he was trying to see into me, see every molecule, every unrealized dream, every thought down to its basic core. I felt laid bare under that look and it terrified me.
I blinked several times and took an unsteady breath.
“I’m staying here. We’ll roast marshmallows. I brought some with me.”
I arched an eyebrow at him. “You travel with marshmallows?”
His face scrunched up like I was crazy. “Uh, yeah. One of my favorite mountain desserts. I also brought some other groceries. So, I’m going to go get those and bring them in. Are you feeling better?”
Picking up my juice from the counter and taking a sip, I asked, “How long are you staying Logan?”
He gave me his mischievous smile I was more than familiar with.
Ahh, gawd. Not that smile. That was trouble. That was the same smile he had when he was sending pictures and confusing the hell out of me.
“As long as it takes, sweetheart. In fact, I may move here. It’s a really nice little town. We should pick out a Christmas tree sometime.”
Break (Lakefield Book 3) Page 12