I opened my mouth to protest but he put his hand over my mouth.
My protest got muffled in his palm which made me extremely angry so I glared at him.
“Kaitlyn I’m not leaving so forget about telling me it’s a bad idea. And if you’re about to start yelling that’s fine, but can we pick that up after I get the groceries? And if you’re thinking about stabbing me in the middle of the night or something, that’s fine too, but remember that I’ve committed to at least one meal with Sam. You can stab me afterward. We need to talk.”
He stepped back and looked at me.
I was boiling mad by the time he finished. Talk? I tried that once. He blew me off.
I pointed my finger at him and started stabbing him with it in his extremely solid chest.
“You can stay one night Logan. Or until this storm passes but not a minute longer. We’re not friends. We’re not fucking anything. I left for a reason and you shouldn’t have come. I already tried talking and you blew me off. If you’re going to start playing your stupid games again, you can sleep in your car!”
He towered over me and came close enough that my chest was now against his. I had to look up at him to see his face. His hands settled on either side of my body on the counter.
He still had that musky smell mixed with his cologne. My nostrils flared and my body shivered on its own. Unfortunately, my attraction to him hadn’t decreased at all.
Stupid pheromones.
“Kaitlyn, I’m not going anywhere. We’re going to talk even if I have to tie you down to your bed and gag you so I can explain some things. Hell, I’ll lock you in the bathroom myself if you want to talk through the door for the next year. We’re going to get some things out in the open. Right now, I’m going to get the groceries. And don’t even bother locking me out because Sam gave me the extra key.”
With that, he turned and walked away.
I stomped my foot. Crap!
Chapter Thirteen
“Where should I put these?” Logan asked, after making his final trip in and out of the house with his items. He had a gigantic black duffel bag, a rolling suitcase, and a laptop case. He had driven a huge black Jeep to the house. It was standard size but it had larger than normal tires, a huge grill guard on the bumper, a rack on the roof, and five lights right above the windshield. It was like a Jeep on steroids.
I was putting away his groceries in the kitchen and eyed all his gear.
“Upstairs, there’s a loft,” I said reluctantly.
He hauled it all to the bottom of the stairs, then went up.
The joke was on him with that one. I smirked.
The room upstairs wasn’t built for someone over four-foot-tall, unless you walked directly down the center of the room. The pitch in the roof made the sides slant off in a fairly steep angle. I heard something bang upstairs and then his muttered cussing.
Served him right.
Bells was on the kitchen table swatting at a candle I had lit while he was unloading his things. For some reason, the scent of cinnamon always relaxed my nerves and I needed them relaxed if I was going to be stuck in the cabin with him for the rest of the day.
Damn. I snapped my fingers. I needed to call Dr. Fuller.
I wondered if he was up at the clinic or not this morning. The answer was probably yes, since he was always there, even in bad weather. With only one doctor in town, people expected him to keep outrageous hours.
Walking over to the dining table I swatted at Bells. “Leave that candle alone. Get down.”
She jumped down and turned her nose up at me. She had a seriously unhealthy fixation on candles and hated it when I disturbed her, but she was going to get burned one of these days.
I grabbed my cell phone and dialed the clinic.
“Dr. Fuller’s office,” Becca answered.
“Hey Becca, it’s Kate.”
“Oh, hello Kate. What’s up?”
“I was wondering if Dr. Fuller was going to be working his normal hours today or if he was going to shut down early.”
“Regular hours, I already asked. I was hoping he would just let me cut out early but he said that he had two appointments lined up. Seriously, you know they’re probably going to cancel with this snow.”
She sounded bored and slightly irritated. No doubt there was a stack of paperwork on the desk waiting for me already.
“Okay, I’ll try to come in a little earlier today so you can go home.”
“That would be fabulous! Not that I’m going home right away. The forest service, state patrol, FBI, and the plow drivers are in and out of the diner by the looks of it. The girls are going to meet me for lunch and watch the eye candy.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay, well I’ll be there hopefully before noon.”
“Sounds good! See ya then!”
I hung up.
If Logan was going to be around, it didn’t mean I had to be. I would just go to work and let him figure out what to do with himself at the house. He could eat marshmallows and enjoy the solitude. With any luck, he would get bored and go home in a few days.
I tapped my fingers on the wooden tabletop and sipped my cup of tea.
Logan came back down the stairs. He had taken off his coat and was wearing a grey, long-sleeve thermal shirt that stretched over his muscles and accentuated each one of them.
My traitorous body was reacting to just looking at him, as he slowly prowled around the living room looking at things.
“Have you brought any of your things up from Lakefield yet?” he asked while picking up a photo frame from the mantle. He gazed over a picture of my grandmother then set it back down carefully.
“No, I haven’t been back to do that yet.”
He nodded absentmindedly and moved on to the book shelf beside the front window. His fingers ran over the spines of the books.
“Hmm, a lot of romances. Did your grandmother read them?”
I sighed. “No, they’re mine. They have a used book store in town. Why are you here?”
He picked up a book randomly and thumbed through it. Then he stopped and seemed to read a page. His eyebrows shot up and he chuckled at the contents.
I got up and stalked over to him, grabbed the book out of his hand, and put it back on the shelf.
He looked at me. “Hey, I was reading that. Something about pulsing members and some Scottish guy.”
“You’re not answering the question Logan.”
He crossed his arms over his huge chest. “I’m here because I want to be with you Kate.”
I threw my hands up in frustration. “Why? You’ve already taken what most men want and I have nothing left to give you anymore!”
His jaw clenched and he looked livid. Both of his hands shot out and curled around my waist. I struggled against him as he drew me forward into his arms.
“Logan—”
“Shut up Kaitlyn. That’s a horrible thing to say about what we did. You have plenty to give and I want it all.”
I struggled some more.
“Logan, let me go,” I whispered. “I don’t have anything left for you.”
His arms completely caged me into his hard body. His head descended toward mine.
“I thought about you,” he whispered near my ear. “That morning you left, it hurt. Then I thought about you for four fucking weeks. And the worst part was I couldn’t see you or talk to you. It tore me up, not knowing where you were. I couldn’t tell you I was sorry.”
I glared at his shoulder. “Well you’re sorry. Good. Apology accepted. Let me go.”
He adjusted his stance and slid one of his arms lower on my back. His large hand circled down even lower, then settled on my hip.
I stiffened.
“No Kaitlyn, I’m not letting you go. Ever. You’re mine in every way. I was a dick, I get that, and I’m sorry but I’m staying.”
I hit his arm with my hand. “Just because you’ve had some sort of change of mind doesn’t mean it’s something you’re remotely going to follow throu
gh with Logan. Maybe I’m with someone. Did you ever consider, before you barged up here, that I might be dating someone or seeing someone?”
He growled. The low rumble started deep in his chest and I could feel it as he tightened his grip.
“You’re mine Kate,” he said between clenched teeth. “There’s no one you’re dating. It angers me to no end just thinking about it. Even if you were, I would beat the living shit out of them and send them away.”
I blinked. This was not what I expected. He seemed a lot more alert and I knew he was sober but wondered if he had fried his brain at some point. Did he understand how deeply possessive he sounded? Was this just the start to some confusing game he was playing again?
Instead of demanding that he ease back I took a different tactic.
“Logan, my stomach is rolling a little. Can you let me go? I’m afraid I might puke on you.”
He buried his face in my neck and gave me a small kiss below my ear before easing back slowly. My knees nearly buckled.
He took me by the hand and I let him lead me to the couch. Settling on the cushions I watched as he got my tea off the table and went into the kitchen. Bells jumped up on the arm of the sofa and watched as well.
The microwave went off, then he came back out bearing crackers and my teacup.
Bells turned to look at me and tilted her head. Her eyes seemed to be telling me to see what a nice gesture it was.
I rolled my eyes at her.
Logan sat down on the couch beside me and handed me the tea, then got out a cracker and held it up. I took it and started nibbling at it.
His blue eyes scanned over my face. “Have you seen a doctor yet?”
I nodded my head.
“Do you have a stomach flu? What’s going on? Sounds like Dr. Fuller was worried enough to send the neighbors over.”
I swallowed my cracker and took a sip of tea. “Just a bug, nothing serious. Dr. Fuller, Sam and Peg are all close. I work for Dr. Fuller part-time. Speaking of which I have to go in here in a bit.”
Logan glanced out the window. “Today?”
“Yeah, Becca needs off by noon and Dr. Fuller never closes early.”
His jaw clenched and set. “There’s no way you’re going into town today Kate.”
I frowned at him. “Well I am. Just because you’re here doesn’t mean my life stops. I have two jobs that rely on me to show up on the days I’m working and people that count on me. Dr. Fuller is the only doctor in town so he works late hours and needs help.”
Logan growled again. “Fine, but I’m taking you in the Jeep.”
“Logan—”
“Don’t argue. It’s the only way I’m letting you out of here today.”
I stuffed the cracker in my mouth to prevent the retort I had on the tip of my tongue.
Did he just say “let” you? My plans to ditch him at the house and let him go stir crazy were now derailed.
I chewed and looked over at the wood near the fireplace. I wasn’t sure what else to say to him. It was awkward.
“So how did you find me?” I asked.
He sighed and his hand reached up to move my hair off my neck. I swatted at his hand.
“Brock. I’ve had him looking for you for the past month. I can’t even describe to you how worried I’ve been.”
I looked over at him. “I’m fine, as you can see.”
His hand was back and brushed over my neck. That small touch sent chills through me. “Yeah sweetheart, I can see. I can also see that you’re still with me as much as you want to deny it.”
I shook my head. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
His face was suddenly inches from mine. His eyes roamed my face and settled on my mouth. “You know.”
I blinked several times and my eyes dropped to his mouth. Oh, he knew alright but I wasn’t going to fall into that trap again.
Turning away from him, too chicken to respond to that, I asked, “What happened in rehab?”
He leaned back and let out a long breath. “A lot of things. Let’s see, I went in with a black eye, thanks to Holden. A bruised rib, thanks to Cade, although he got a black eye for that too. That was fun. Then I talked to some therapists that wanted to get into my head. I sulked, I was pissed. I acted like a moron for the first week. Had to go to group therapy. Then my thoughts became clearer the more I was off the pills. The only thing that helped me focus was thinking of seeing you again.”
“So, group therapy helped?”
“In its own way. I guess it allowed me to see that my problems weren’t as bad as I was making them out to be. There are a lot of people in the world that have had a much harder time with things than I have.”
I chewed on my lip for a second. “So, why did you start taking those pain pills? Was that what you were on?”
He ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah babe. That explosion burned my back pretty badly. I took pills to get over the pain of it at first. Later, when I didn’t even need the pills, I was still taking them because they dulled my thoughts. I didn’t want to think about how bad it looked. I was semi-dating someone when it happened. She hung with me for a little while, but later she said that it was too much.”
I frowned. “Why would she say that?”
“I thought about that afterward. I guess because she was one of those women that liked the way I looked before it happened but couldn’t stomach the way it looked after. Look I’ve dated women, as you’re very well aware, that haven’t been the best people. I’m not lumping her in with them, but needless to say, my injuries horrified her. She said as much when she left.”
“Did you love her?”
He shook his head. “God no. If we had split under any other circumstances it wouldn’t have hurt as much as it did. I think my ego was just really bruised by the rejection. Some people just can’t look past the physical. I’ve done the same thing myself so I can’t really be mad at her about it. Anyway, after that I just couldn’t seem to live without the pills.”
“So, you’re sober now. You didn’t seem like you were that messed up when I was back there.”
He looked back at me again. “Kate, I was though. Otherwise I would have seen what was in front of my face months ago. It dulled my senses and made me not care about a lot of things. You were the only person that made me feel anything.”
“I don’t understand.”
His hand reached out to my neck again and his fingers slid gently down my skin.
“The first time I saw you I wanted you. You were talking to that idiot guy that worked in the admin department. I saw you smile and laugh at him and I wanted to punch his face in. I felt like I had been run over just by looking at you. I wanted to carry you off to a room and claim you in every way possible.”
I shivered.
“Then you bumped into me in the hallway and then again in the elevator. Every time I saw you or touched you it was like getting a jolt of electricity. The pills didn’t make me feel anything and then you came along.”
“I’m sorry. That sounds like a bad thing.”
His other hand came up to cup my jaw. “No, it was good. Otherwise, I may never have sobered up. Not willingly. I’ve had horrendous nightmares about what happened. I’ve never told anyone about them. Not even those people at rehab. I’m supposed to be this tough guy. Shit, Brock and Cade have always considered me as equals. Aiden and Holden as well. If I ran around telling everyone that I had nightmares that woke me up in the middle of the night sweating and crying out, they would all think less of me.”
I shook my head. “I don’t think that’s true at all Logan. You should have trusted one of them enough to talk to about it.”
He ran his thumb over my cheek. “I’m trusting you. I didn’t have as many nightmares once I met you. I did have them, but they weren’t as frequent. They also didn’t last as long. There would be nights when I would wake up thinking about you and I could go back to sleep afterward pretty easily. Then there were nights that I would dial your numb
er and you would answer. You’re voice on the other end of the phone was enough.”
I frowned. “Wait. You were the one that was calling me at night and hanging up?”
“Yeah. Stupid, right? Again, not something a guy like me does. I was afraid of what you might say.”
“I would have talked to you.”
He smiled for the first time this morning. “Yeah, I know that now. You’re genuinely and sincerely the kindest person I’ve ever met. And the sweetest and the most beautiful. Even after I was a jerk to you, you left me a note that said I was beautiful. I can’t even imagine anyone else that would have done such a thing after my behavior the night before. I was rough with you in bed, which made me feel like shit when I was standing in the shower. I didn’t know what to think of myself at that point. I wasn’t thinking clearly and I didn’t want you to see my back either. I was an asshole on purpose to get you to leave.”
My stomach clenched with sadness. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“Kaitlyn, I came up here to tell you all that. I guess Brock could have given me the phone number you’re using now but I wanted to tell you that in person babe.”
I nodded. It was sweet that he had thought of me. My entire view of things had shifted in a way that I could only feel and couldn’t put into words. It wasn’t confusing anymore and made more sense to me now, even though I felt like both of us had missed out on something that could have been real.
I wanted to believe in what he was telling me. Only time would reveal if it was true.
“So, are you feeling better now? Are the nightmares gone?”
“The nightmares are still there. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be rid of them completely but having you around makes them ease. I should tell you, I’m really pretty nervous around fire of any type. I think it’s made me a little phobic in a way.”
My eyes slid to the woodpile again. “But you brought all this wood in here for the fireplace.”
“Yeah, because you’re here and I think I could handle it if you’re beside me.”
I looked back at the candle I had going on the table. “Aww geez, let me put out the candle.”
He chuckled and drew me close to his face for a quick kiss on the mouth. “I missed you. I’m willing to wait on you to see me for who I really can be.”
Break (Lakefield Book 3) Page 13