Potpourri

by Ruskin Bond

  The family got to Calcutta to find the inhabitants of the capital in a panic; for they too had felt the quake and were expecting it to recur. The damage in Calcutta was slight compared to the devastation elsewhere, but nerves were on the edge, and people slept in the open or in carriages. Cracks and fissures had appeared in a number of old buildings, and Grandfather was among the many who were worried at the proposal to fire a salute of sixty guns on Jubilee Day (the Diamond Jubilee of Queen Victoria). They felt the gunfire would bring down a number of shaky buildings. Obviously Grandfather did not wish to be caught in his bath a second time. However, Queen Victoria was not to be deprived of her salute. The guns were duly fired, and Calcutta remained standing.

  The Demon Driver

  At driving a car I've never been good—

  I batter the bumper and damage the hood—

  'Get off the road!' the traffic cops shout,

  'You're supposed to go round that roundabout!'

  'I thought it was quicker to drive straight through.

  'Give us your license — it's time to renew.'

  I took their advice and handed a fee

  To a Babu who looked on this windfall with glee.

  'No problem,' he said, 'Your license now pukka,

  You may drive all the way from here to Kolkata.'

  So away I drove, at a feverish pitch,

  Advancing someway down an unseen ditch.

  Once back on the highway, I soon joined the fray

  Of hundreds of drivers who wouldn't give way:

  I skimmed past a truck and revolved round a van

  (Good drivers can do anything that they can)

  Then offered a lift to a man with a load—

  'Just a little way down to the end of this road,'

  As I pressed on the pedal, the car gave a shudder:

  He'd got in at one door, got out at the other.

  'God help you!' he said, as he hurried away,

  'I'll come for a drive another fine day!'

  I came to that roundabout, round it I sped

  Eager to get to my dinner and bed.

  Round it I went, and round it once more

  'Get off the road!' That cop was a bore.

  I swung to the left and went clean through a wall,

  My neighbour stood there — he looked menacing, tall—

  'This will cost you three thousand,' he quietly said,

  'And send me your cheque before you're in bed!'

  Alas! my new car was sent for repair,

  But my friends gathered round and said, never despair!

  'We are all going to help you to make a fresh start.'

  And next day they gave me a nice bullock-cart.