The List

by Patricia Forde

  The climb seemed longer this time, her mind racing with ideas, rehearsing the conversation she would have with Noa when she met him. Hope. Just one word. Then, over time, they could add others. Excitement coursed through her. This is what she was meant to do. All through history, wordsmiths had helped form the world. They were called other things—writers, journalists—but they had all worked with words and knew the power of words.

  At the gate, she stopped to catch her breath. Overhead, a gull screeched as she walked up to the door. She knocked twice and waited. Amelia Deer opened it.

  “Come in,” she said as though Letta’s appearance was the most normal thing in the world. Letta stood and looked up at the tall woman.

  “I want to see John Noa, please,” she said.

  Amelia nodded. “Of course,” she said. “John is in a meeting, but would you like to wait?”

  Letta nodded. “Thank you,” she said.

  Amelia turned and started down the long corridor. Letta followed her. As soon as Amelia started to walk, Letta could hear the wheeze from her lungs, sucking the air in and delivering it back under pressure. Amelia stopped at a door halfway along the passage. She opened it, and Letta stepped into a small room. There was a window at one end and a bench against the wall. Opposite the bench was a chair. The place felt cold and inhospitable. Letta shivered.

  “Sit,” Amelia said, pointing to the bench.

  Letta sat.

  Amelia stood for a second, the husky wheeze getting stronger, and then she started to cough, a terrible hacking noise. Letta looked up, alarmed.

  Letta didn’t know what to do. Should she help her? Gradually, the coughing subsided, but Letta noticed the muscles in the other woman’s neck working hard to draw in air.

  “Are you all right?” Letta said.

  “Yes,” Amelia said, gasping out the word between great sucking breaths. And then she swayed.

  At first, Letta thought she was imagining it. Then Amelia did it again, and this time, Letta noticed how gray and pinched her face was.

  Amelia put her hand on the wall to steady herself. Her breathing was becoming more labored, a wet, tortured sound coming from her lungs. Letta thought she could see fear in her eyes. She jumped up and took her by the arm.

  “Sit down,” she said, pushing her into the chair. Amelia sat, great gasps coming from her mouth as she searched for oxygen, her hand like a claw at her breast. There was a tint of blue around her mouth. Letta’s own heart was beating so fast, she could feel its pulse in her throat.

  “I’ll go get help,” Letta said, looking into Amelia’s eyes and trying to sound composed, though her thoughts were in chaos. “Try to relax,” she said. “I’ll find someone.”

  Amelia managed to nod, and Letta could see that speech was beyond her. She turned and ran from the room. Down the corridor to where it turned right at the first corner. Letta looked down it hopefully. There was no one there.

  “Hello?” she called, her voice echoing in her ears. She opened the first door she saw. A meeting room. Long table. Chairs.

  “Hello?” she called again, and this time, she thought she heard something. There was a door at the far side. She tore across the room and opened it. She found the source of the noise right away. A sparrow was trapped inside the room, battering himself against the closed window. Its little wings were flapping helplessly. As Letta watched, it hit the glass one more time and then collapsed onto the sill. Letta turned to leave just as someone spoke in the adjoining room.

  “I don’t want to hear excuses.” The voice was low and menacing. “I want results!”

  John Noa. Relief flooded through her. She opened her mouth to call him, but just then, Noa spoke again.

  “What about the wordsmith? Have you dealt with him?”

  Letta froze. She closed her mouth. A voice she’d never heard before said, “We dispose of him tomorrow night.”

  “You think that is the solution to everything. I needed him here! Helping me! The people trust him and are used to taking instruction from him. Don’t you think they might wonder where he has gone to? Was he in league with the Desecrators? Did you at least find that out?”

  The other man sighed. “We tried, sir. We took out all his fingernails. We starved him, beat him.”

  No! a voice screamed inside Letta’s head.

  “He insisted he had nothing to do with them, but that he could not, would not, go along with your plan.”

  “Stop!” Noa said. “Enough. I don’t want to hear about your barbarity. Where is he now?”

  “In the holding cell. If he hasn’t died yet.”

  Letta heard Noa sigh.

  “Take him to the forest then and dispose of him.”

  “Maybe it would be safer to kill him, master?”

  “No!” Noa said. “We do not kill. Nature will take care of those we need to eliminate. How long can an injured old man survive in the forest? We need not interfere.”

  “We will do it tomorrow night, master.”

  “Are you sure Fearfall won’t talk and—”

  Before Noa finished his sentence, Letta heard the door to the main room open.

  “Sir!” A woman’s voice. “It’s Amelia. She’s had a bad turn. She can’t breathe.”

  Noa jumped to his feet. “Where is she?” His voice was calm, crisp, but Letta could hear fear in it.

  “This way, sir,” the woman said, and Letta heard feet rushing from the room.

  For a moment, Letta felt as if she had forgotten how to breathe herself. Fragments of the conversation she had just heard raced about her head.

  We took out all his fingernails.

  She tried to banish the images from her head. She had to get out of here. Then she could think about it. But her legs wouldn’t move.

  We took out all his fingernails.

  She had to get her breathing under control or she was going to throw up.

  Three deep breaths, she told herself. One, two, three.

  She felt a bit steadier. She put her ear to the door. There was no sound. Could the man be there still? Sitting quietly? Slowly, she turned the handle. Through the tiny crack in the door, she could see the room was empty, the door open. She crept out, afraid to make any noise. She tiptoed across the room. At the far door, she stopped and looked tentatively out at the corridor.

  Nothing.

  She had to go back to where she had left Amelia. The woman would tell Noa she had been there. Her head started to pound. She ran along the corridor. She came to the corner and looked back toward the room door.

  “Letta!” The word was like a gunshot. “Letta?”

  She turned around to face John Noa. He was frowning at her, a puzzled look in his eyes.

  “What are you doing here?”

  Think! Say something!

  “I…I was looking for you. I was with Amelia and…and…”

  John Noa put his hand on her shoulder, his eyes full of concern.

  “You poor child,” he said. “You have had a terrible shock. I can see that.”

  Did he know what she had overheard?

  “You were with Amelia?”

  “She couldn’t breathe.” Letta could barely get the words out.

  “She has a breathing disease, my poor Amelia,” Noa said. “She has these attacks regularly.”

  Persuade him. Let him think you know nothing.

  “I tried to find someone, to get help, but I got lost.”

  “It’s all right.” Noa’s voice was soothing, talking to her in the way people spoke to frightened horses. “We have sent for the healer. Amelia will be fine. Now, why did you want to see me?”

  Letta shook her head. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t pretend for another second. The man was a monster. He was so concerned about Amelia, but he had allowed Benjamin to be tortured.

  She
had to get out.

  “It was nothing,” she said. “Nothing important. I have to go. I’ll come back another time.”

  Noa looked at her, his sharp eyes boring into her. “You’re sure?” he said.

  “Yes,” Letta said. Convince him! “I hope Amelia is better soon.”

  “Thank you,” Noa said. “You can find your way out?”

  Letta nodded and walked away from him. With every step, she thought he would stop her or call the gavvers. At the door, she risked a glance over her shoulder. He was gone. She grabbed the door handle and pulled. The fresh air hit her in the face, and she breathed it in greedily. She ran toward the gate, opened it, and started down the steps. She had to fight to keep her attention from wandering. She needed to concentrate. She couldn’t fall now. She would think when she got home. For now, there were only the steps. She kept her eyes down, putting one foot in front of the other.

  She almost collided with the healer as she came to the last third of the journey. He stopped when he saw her and stood back to let her pass.

  “Is she still alive?” he said.

  Letta nodded. “I think so,” she said.

  He pushed past her then, his heavy cloak brushing against the bare skin of her legs, leaving the smell of musty herbs in his wake. The wind gusted, and Letta felt rain on her face. Cold, stinging raindrops. She willed herself to walk on. She had to get home.

  Benjamin! Benjamin was alive. His name flew above her like a firefly, circling, circling and then falling into oblivion.

  Chapter 12

  #192

  Forest

  Many trees

  Images of Benjamin flashed before her eyes, and in her mind, his suffering was her own. She could feel his poor hands, dry and cool, and in her head, she could see the nails ripped from their cuticles. She remembered the first day she had visited Noa, when he told her Benjamin was dead. Had they been torturing him then? What did they want from him?

  He could not, would not go along with your plan.

  What plan? What was Noa planning that was so terrible that Benjamin would endure torture rather than agree to it?

  She tried to remember everything she had overheard at John Noa’s house. The main thing was they were going to dump Benjamin in the forest tomorrow—if he survived that long and if he hadn’t already died from his injuries.

  Noa did not actually kill people. Benjamin had explained that to her. Those who would not live in harmony were given up to nature. They were banished from Ark and had to take their chances in the forest. She hadn’t realized then that they were beaten and tortured first. When their broken and bloodied bodies were thrown in the forest, they were nothing but live bait for the wild animals. She couldn’t let that happen to anyone else.

  She had to contact Marlo again. She ran downstairs, already composing the note in her head.

  I need you URGENTLY. Come at once. Letta

  Outside, the day had dawned. Light snuck in through the high windows lighting the hard marble floor. People were moving toward Central Kitchen, going about their daily business. It all felt unreal to Letta. She wanted to open the door and scream at them to open their eyes and see Ark for what it was: a place built on treason and deceit. She swallowed the lump in her throat. She had to control her anger. Noa was a formidable enemy. She wouldn’t beat him by being hysterical.

  She would have to go get food. If she didn’t, Mary Pepper would report her absence, and the gavvers would call to see where she was. She couldn’t afford to have them walk in on her. She couldn’t trust herself to behave normally. She would go now before it got too busy. After that, she would write the note and leave it with the Goddess. She walked to Central Kitchen with her head bowed, eyes cast down. She got in line, thankful she didn’t see anyone she knew. Mary Pepper handed her two hard-boiled eggs and her bread ration, along with a bowl of stewed apples. Letta took them silently and hurried out again, past the waiting people, the gavvers at the door, past the healer’s, across the road, down the lane to her own back door.

  Her hand flew to her mouth when she saw him, stifling the scream that sprang to her throat.

  Marlo.

  “But how—” she began. She hadn’t even written the note yet!

  “Shh!” he said. “Inside.”

  “What are you doing here?” she said.

  “I had a dream last night. In it, you were calling me. So I came.”

  She stared at him. He was like someone from another planet. There was something so unearthly about him, so otherworldly. Who believed so strongly in dreams that they obeyed them?

  “A dream?” she said. “Noa almost caught you yesterday. It isn’t safe for you to be here. It isn’t fair of me to ask you, but—”

  He shrugged, the shadow of a smile playing about his lips. “You saved my life, Letta, and risked your own for me.”

  Marlo put his arm around her, holding her to his chest. She could hear his heart beat, and for a second, it reminded her of the sparrow caught in that room in Noa’s house. She breathed in his sagey smell, feeling its comfort, its reassurance, and something else as well. She felt so close to him, and yet she hardly knew him. Marlo looked down at her.

  “What’s wrong?” he said.

  She pulled away and looked into his eyes.

  “Everything,” she said. “Everything.”

  It took her half an hour to tell him the whole story. Marlo listened without comment for the most part, and she had no idea what he thought or how he was going to help her. She studied his face, trying to read his expression.

  “When people are banished, it can be very difficult to get information,” Marlo said. “We know that the gavvers take them deep into the forest and abandon them. But there is no pattern, no routine to their actions. I need to talk to Finn. You stay here and carry on as though everything is normal.”

  Marlo gripped her shoulders. She could feel his strong fingers through the thin material of her dress.

  “You have to be careful now, Letta. If Noa senses you know something…if he thinks you suspect him…” Marlo took her face in his hands. “Trust me. Finn will know what to do, but for now, you have to carry on. They will be watching. Give no sign that you are upset. Do you understand?”

  He was right. In her heart, she knew that, but it wasn’t what she had hoped for.

  “I’ll be back by noon,” Marlo said.

  She heard the door close as he left, the faint smell of sage the only sign he had been there at all. She sat at her desk, her head in her hands.

  She had to open the shop. Pretend everything was normal. Just for a few hours, she told herself. They would find Benjamin. They had to. She slipped the heavy bolts back and let the door swing open.

  The rest of the morning passed in a blur. People came and went. She wrote out lists of words, prepared boxes for the builder’s apprentices, and tried to pretend that everything was normal. When the bell rang twelve times, she closed the shop and sat at her desk to wait. It was only minutes later when she heard the knock. She had been waiting for it, but she still jumped. Finn and Marlo hurried in.

  They sat in Benjamin’s study, Letta behind his old desk and Marlo on the chair opposite. Finn stood beside the window, keeping one eye on the street.

  “I am sorry to hear about your master,” Finn said.

  “Can you help me find him?” She couldn’t keep the desperation out of her voice.

  “We will try,” Finn said. “We have heard nothing of your master. This is not something Noa wants people to know, so he will have taken precautions to ensure people don’t find out.”

  “He said it will happen tonight,” Letta said.

  “Lately, they have been using the West Gate and driving a few miles south, toward the river. There is no guarantee they will use that route tonight, but it is probably our best chance.”

  “They change the
route all the time,” Marlo joined in. “There are hundreds of miles of forest, but they have been known to use some sites more than others.”

  “Have you managed to rescue many people?”

  There was silence for a second, then Finn spoke. “No,” he said. “Not many.”

  “And if they don’t use the West Gate?”

  Finn shook his head, his eyes never leaving her face.

  “Then we will lose him,” he said.

  At that moment, she felt Marlo lean over and take her hand.

  “Can’t we follow them?” she said, remembering the morning she had seen Daniel taken.

  “Not easily,” Finn said. “They take the prisoners on a horse and cart with a gavver watching for any interference. We will post people near each gate from dusk on. That way, at least we’ll know which gate they used, but even that is dangerous. If they notice men hanging around after dark…”

  Four gates. If only they knew which one! If they knew for certain, all their resources could be placed there.

  “Is there any way we could find out which gate they will use? I mean, for a fact. Who would know?”

  “No one,” Finn said. “Only the gavvers and Noa. We had a source for a while in Noa’s house, a man called Gorr, but he was discovered and banished about six months ago. Since then, we have no one on the inside.”

  Letta’s mind was racing as Finn talked. Could she get inside? If she were in the house could she find out anything?

  “What about me?” she said looking from Marlo’s face to Finn’s. “I could get in there this afternoon. What would I look for?”

  Finn stood up abruptly.

  “Are you mad? If Noa even suspected—”

  “He would kill you,” Marlo finished the sentence for him.

  “He will kill Benjamin if I don’t,” she said. “Please. Help me. If I got in on wordsmith business, how could I find out?”

  Finn sighed.